Heartache

Shattered Heart

We thought it was LOVE

When we busted the facade

I learn it was lusted affair

I only wanted to win your affection

Yet you pin me as imperfection

I rush the the threshold, pausing at the gate

Heart rate pounding, your hate rising

This angry tide consuming, pushing me further

I want off this insane ride of yours

 

Our luck is fucked

I look down at my phone, silent now

The shattered screen, like my busted heart

All bucked up, cracked

You did a number on me

Your mean love made my spirit lean

 

Cleaning you out of me

Rattle my beans

As I battle the poison

You breed in me

The greed of your kisses

I piss myself when you hit me

Now I hiss your name in vain

I wouldn't play your game

So now I drop my cape

Tape my busted heart

 

Heal best as I can

Peel off the exhaustion

I cannot rest

My chest constricting

Anxiety at head lights behind me

I asked for kindness, not blindness

Rightfully, that would be love

 

What was our marriage

What was our dream

I scream at the greyness

Smashing the madness

The badness, ripping your hooks out

Now I look at my cracked screen

Reminding myself what is left of my heart

Love, Gone

Why did you leave me

Lingering here?

Where have you gone

And why did you go?

 

I am left 

Confused

Feeling empty

Lonely

 

I long to hear your voice

To see your script

To know

You are thinking of me

 

Love is harsh

When you have to 

Let go of someone

Allow them to be free

 

Someone 

You long for

Someone 

You love 

 

Who left you behind

And gives nothing

No explanation

No final word

 

It hurts

It kills

It boils my skin

Leaving open blister

 

My heart

My soul

Every inch of me

Needs you

 

I want you

So

I'm suffocating

Without you

 

You are no longer here

Gone for good

I whisper your name

But you cannot hear me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

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Simply Forgotten

Can I please stop thinking of you?

Leave my thoughts,

And take my insecurities 

 

What you left in your wake,

As you simply disappeared

 

No words

Nothing

I'm just left to wonder why

 

Fuck this inner ache

Fuck this forever pain

 

I wish you'd come back

Swoop me up

And tell me this is all a joke 

 

I wish I could hold you

Lay on you, or

You could lay on me

 

What did we even have?

Did any of it have meaning?

 

Here I am again

Rambling 

 

Fuck you for hurting me

Fuck you for the gut punch to my heart

 

Thank you for ruining a piece of me

As you remain silent

And I am simply forgotten

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

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Siren From The Depths

I am nothing

To you, I am deceased 

I sensed freedom

Maybe reciprocation

 

Finding out the truth 

Seeing you behind your disguise

I wasn't expecting this

I crave love

 

And, so, here I am

Asphyxiated 

Eyes popped wide open

Fingers feeling numb

 

Justice is never met 

Those like you always end up free

No retaliation owed to you

You just walk freely

 

Skip away from your problems

Feel you owe me nothing 

Sense a bit of freedom

But always let a thought linger

 

I will remain in the back of your mind

I will be your "what if"

Sinking deeper within you

And I will laugh, maniacally

 

For I have forgotten 

I am a siren

A beast from the depths

 

I will take your soul

Sing your sorrows

And leave you empty

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

Release Me

 

I have wasted

My time

My energy

My breath on you

 

I have gotten

Nothing

Emptiness

Loneliness from you

 

You have fooled me

Put a veil over my eyes

Tricked me

Into loving you

 

You have taken, everything

My heart

My body

My mind from me

 

Yet

I love you 

I crave you

I yearn for you

 

Where is there reason,

When love is involved?

Where is reality,

When emotions run wild?

 

I would ask

But there is no answer

You leave me in silence

To stand on my own

I long to crumble

Fall into pieces

Cry to the heavens

Cry out to you

 

Never will you be

Mine own heart

Mine own soul

Or any part

Of mine own being

 

So… let me go

Set me free

Open your palms

And release me

 

Please...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/14/2018

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Dangling

I will dangle from a thread,

Before I let go of you;

You will have to pick me off,

Say, "fuck off",

And flick me away.

 

Make sure I'm long in the distance;

See that it's dark,

Cold,

Dank.

Do not care.

Just walk away;

Leave me to stumble 

Crawl,

Fight,

My way to the light.

 

When I call your name,

Please be silent.

Do not call out to me,

Even if it's kind of you to guide me.

Maybe I'll get lost,

Or someone will find me along the way,

And take a left,

When I ask to go right;

 

So, when I get to where I need to be,

Maybe you will be nothing to me.

That is the only way to get rid of me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2/28/2018

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~ SLEEP ~

             ~ Sleep ~                         

 

Sleep continues eluding me
while thoughts of you keep pursuing,
stopping my dreams from unfolding 
& knowing dawn comes early,
it wakes me to reality 
knowing there will never be
what could've been, what might've been, 
& so I'm waiting, while pursuing
a kind of on-hold aching peace
filled with lingering remembering
wondering if you, too
are ever sleepless
thinking about me................................

 

 

Sleep calls to me, 
but my heart is just not listening,
as the overflow
keeps gently falling
like autumn rain 
on gardens still growing
though summer's come & gone already, 
with winter's soon arrival coming,
when the seed will finally fall & die
when you're no longer in my life
but in the one to come, & finally
home will be reality
as it always felt yet never could be
between us, as it was meant to be.....................

 

 

I love you more than I've let free,
it remains hidden within the depths of me,
as I let you go you're still in all I see,
but I know I must just let you be
while reaching yet withdrawing, all in disguise, 
it's expressing from my eyes & with my sighs,
yet words are never spoken freely,
truths are hidden, although I see
this love will never go away
until we do, & that's ok, 
love never ends, 
til we go home...
...I'll endure loving while alone...................

 

 

Sleep's the escape 
I need to find,
I cannot get you off my mind, 
but I know I must crucify
what's refusing to depart or die, 
so exhausted though I am right now
I will lay all this down somehow
& let His Spirit minister to my heart
that {even with His peace} is still torn apart,
only He knows the secrets within,
only He understands my secret sin,
only He can help me understand
what is & isn't in His plan,
so sleep, come find me, bring release
from words that circle, searching for peace.
              *~*~*~*~*

~ Anastazia Rowe ~    
Oct. 30th, 4 am, 2017.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Take it all, Lord....cleanse & restore ONLY what is YOUR perfect will...
...mine is blind to how You see things tonight, 
so I let the rest fall into the ground & die like a grain of wheat,
fruitless 'til death comes & heals & transforms me ~

 

{G'nite, hopfully, at 4:30 am, almost...}

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CAN YOU HEAR MY HEART BREAKING?

you said you loved me, was that a lie
if it was'nt then tell me why
why you did what you did to me
I still love you cant you see
am I a fool, , for loving you
 what now my love, will I do
turn my heart cold as stone
face this life on my own
should I curse the day we met
should I give up and just forget
forget the fun we shared together
face the fact it wasn't forever
face the truth , that all this time
you didnt love me, you were never mine!
 If this is the fate thats meant for me
what will I do, what will I be?
I wish you all the joy I can
I hope you find happines, with the other man.
please forgive me, for any wrongs I've done
Please forgive me, for not being the one
the one you could love, forever and a day
for thats how I will love you, in every way...
So my love I guess this is fairwell
I'll remember you fondly, in the stories I tell.

   

© Paul (ChryWizard). Posney 12/08/2016

Author's Notes/Comments: 

life is saddest when the one thing you desire, cant be reached!!!

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Nois Sesbo

Folder: 
Voodoo

The cup was half empty
before we were born
The taste mirrored sour fruit
I collected drops of uncertainty to fill it up
And yet full it never did run
I found you in a sea of faceless books
Drops of laughter filled page after page
of self-loathing
The drug you chose was the remedy
I was deprived
Deep, deep down parts of me
unwound
My darkness, dank and distorted
reached for your elusive light
My madness is infectious
you never stood a chance
We tiptoed silently, searching
for a way around the Burden Tree

A path never travelled would have

been better suited

But now I watch and I wait

you moved on with grace

The staccato rhythm of my thoughts

echo across empty walls

I wish I could split in two

But I was a plague and you were a Pachelbel fugue

Together,

rhyme with no reason

the devil's interval

a space with no shape

...love in an augmented form

But,

the cup was full

the fruit was sweet

And as always...

My madness stained the blue to red

I only know how to create destruction in my Path

I thank the darkness for the distance

and only hope that you find happiness

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

In the event it's not obvious- the title is a play on the word, "obsession."