Happiness

I Am Never Alone

You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again, mate.

You went back on your word when you promised you’d stick with me in the long run.


Even if our passion moved far too quickly at first.

Before it simmered down to give us time to intercept our demons.

 

It should’ve been the other way around.

In an age where I can’t see your face nor can I hold your hand,

 

It’s become a force of habit that I wish I could stop partaking in.

I love too quickly because I am a freak scared of being molded into something I’m not.

 

Regardless of my desire, I still have to know what goes on in your own life.

That either excites you, scares you, angers you, saddens you, and soothes you.

 

I’d have to appreciate you before my infatuation gets the better of me and it evolves into love.

I never planned to stop caring even after finding out your weight was dangerously high.

 

I was reassured that you planned to take care of yourself, but you never knew that.

You didn’t know what to do nor what to say when I didn’t find out about your size sooner.

 

You didn’t want to shove me away, but you did.

You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did.

 

You said you were interested in me, but you weren’t.

You said you weren’t in it for short-term happiness, but you were.

 

All because you turned your back on me when I was willing to keep you tight regardless.

You are such a damn fraud that vies for a sugar bowl that I am fighting tirelessly to keep.

 

How many sorries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I could let you know when you get it to turn on.

But how can I notify you if you severed ties with me?

Since you ran away, an apology is as empty as your soul.

 

You turned out to be just like your exes and here I am, telling you, “Fuck your love quest.”

It’s not like you’re going to take it again anytime soon nevertheless.

 

Lonely pieces of crap only want to love when they wish for an early death.

Were you trying to gasp for air when the ocean took away your breath?

 

If you’re still wondering why you’ll never find love, I’ve got bad news for you.

The way you made my heart beat for you until you made a crack in it is the answer to your question.

 

You may never know this about me because I don’t always realize it myself.

But when I embrace a soul whose loyalty and compassion is unbreakable,

 

I realize that I am never alone.

They may face obstacles and heartaches of their own, but they never let them tear them apart.

 

One day, I’ll find love of my own and I continue to pray that it will be as true as my friendships.

What a shame that you’ll never see that I am never alone.

Measuring Hours

Folder: 
2019

It’s funny how

this same sound can make

us feel the same things

in different ways

on different sides of the world

 

The moments where time stopped

but no

I shouldn’t say

stopped

I should say

I held it in my hand

afraid what it could do on its own

those hours when

the sky felt like a beast I could tame

those hours I would pin down

if you asked me to tell you my story

 

An hour of laughter,

dawn breaking,

breaking like a voice

when I once had you.

 

Once.

 

Once I wore my heart

on my sleeve

and I thought

I would never be able

to share my clothes with you

hang myself from your windows

 

But really

we are just

different versions

of the same thing

 

and today old truths

often spill from long limbs

as I climb to your welcome again

and you say hello like

I have never heard it before

and you want it to be the sweetest word

so sweet I might not think it’s my language

 

I can’t help but think

dragging my happiness around

that if I let it

off its leash

it would only follow me here

like someone else’s secret.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 6/28/19

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tags:

Caught in the Headlights

The sheer speed slices through the ensemble of snow and rain. Though, speed kills. Trucking along a highway, alone and abandoned. No other car on the road to make a makeshift companion. The sun is down, depressed, and distraught. The clouds cloud the sun like hands covering a crying face, the sun whimpers and the car slightly swerves out of place. The earth darkens as you squint out of a box. The headlights at maximum light, like speed in the snow, they cut through the night. Boredom and isolation reach you, like a rush of blood to the head. Stuck in your thoughts, as you barely look ahead. The roads are sheeted in ice, yet you truck on. The road narrows, becomes one lane. You peer through your rearview, out of instinct, hoping to busy your mind. Though, the car is silent, and your head is live. You think to yourself, what a terrible time to drive. You think to yourself, why am I alive? Wherever you are going, you ponder if you should arrive. You could just offroad into a snowbank, little chance you would survive. Speed kills. Yet, your hands stay at ten and two, and that little windshield you continue to peer through. The questions linger in the eerie silence. A cellular ring surprises you, though not enough to throw you off. You pick up the phone, and answer with ennui. The other side delivers noise to your ear, you listen and the sounds of the car on the road disappear. Your lethargic attitude soon fades away, as a radiant smile extends from ear to ear. As boredom washes away, so do the thoughts. Why even question your existence or possibly intervene, because a smile erases everything. The voice on the other line utters verbal caress, and the more they talk, they more you think less. You realize the desolate drive had you questioning away. In reality, you desire to live another day. The smile still radiates through sleet and snow, the sun still whimpers, but you feel warm. Happiness invades your personal space, and the drive you so detested, soon doesn't feel that way. The phone shuts, but the smile rests in place. So you hold steady, hand on ten, other hand moving back to two. Back in control of the wheel. Back in control of your thoughts. You truck along, the speed of your car still unchanged, and the lights on the car still beam through the lifeless night. But, before you know it, your caught in the headlights. The smile unchanging until your last breath departs, you would feel surprised but you just give it no mind. You think of the call, and the voice that made you smile so. If only you could've made it home through the storm, through the sun's melancholy. If only you could've seen the sun happy again. If only you could've reached that voice. Though, speed kills. The car up in flames, your body an icy red heap. Your soul exits, yet the smile stays, as your body lay caught in the headlights, that have now succumbed to the darkness of the night.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is more like an elongated poem, but tried to capture the moment the best I could.

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God Is Greater!

God is Greater!

So, don’t fear bad weather, news, and the taunts of your haters

You show God’s love by forgiving and unfailingly loving all your neighbors

Do!

And it shall be given upon to you

For you are blessed and highly favored by God

All these things shall be giving a billion-fold of what was robbed

For, Great is God than he or it of this world

Use your talents to uplift all man, woman, boy, and girl

For the time has come

My Dear Chosen One

To spread your wings and fly

Flying high amongst the sky

For your dreams are big bigger than you can do yourself

So, learn to depend and to submit to someone else

For, the greatest good

Use your gifts to uplift and pull others out of the ghetto and hood

I wish I could touch you and hold you tight

For, this is a fight for your soul’s life

Get Right

And get dress for church to go hear the Word

Trust, eventually you live out what is heard

For no man can stop what God has already ordained as His own

I pray, let His Holy Spirit live in your body your temple your home

I promise with God you’re never alone

I speak victory

I hope you hear me

Greatness, Purity, Holiness, and Wholeness

For you are greater than this!

I speak rise up him and her!

Pick up your bed, walk into your true worth, and sin no more for  

God is Greater!

By Katrina T. Smith Copyrighted

 

I have your Word, visit the website below 

 

http://www.itjusthadtobeheard.com/

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Let Your Light So Shine!!!

Happiness [Fiverse: Poem of Five Lines]

Happiness


Brings prettiness


Happiness comes not


Every now and then


Heart does seem restless again

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Jumping Out Windows

Folder: 
2018

Did I tell you something too freeing

Did I sing you a soundtrack

before you heard it

Because I think I saw you in the distance

and I’m dreaming like

I will never run out of time.

 

I have words I use too much

and ones I’ll never say

but I would sooner explode with empty

than take it all in

and never exhale.

 

Did you touch me somehow

before I thought you did

because I never liked

holding this space

so I was looking for

hands that fit mine

and I have stopped

looking.

 

Have you read everything in me

Because I’m dreaming like my heart’s

jumping out windows

It’s like you told me recently

to cross the ocean for you

and I know as soon as I did

I would not fall in love with the airplane

but with what surrounds it

this blue I can almost touch.

 

Did I tell you I need you

Did I say something wrong

or something right

Did I sing some kind of truth

Because I’m dreaming like

forever is tomorrow

and even if I’m shattering

I still might see the stars

 

isn’t that how they say

this wonderful world began?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/6/18

Thanks for reading :)

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Cry In My Sleep

 

 I Lost My Ability To Cry
I'm Hurting So Much
I Feel Hurt
I Feel Pain
I Want To Cry
But Theres Not Tears
Theres No Emotions
Hold Me Please


Because I Can't Feel My Arms
I Can't Feel My Legs Anymore
I Feel Like Crying
But I'm Dying In My Sleep
Waking Up With Dried Up Eyes
I Don't Remember Crying
I Don't Remember Sleeping
Chill Runs Through On My Skin


Crying Out In Pain
I Wish I Could Cry
For My Body Can't Take It Anymore
Is This What It Feels Like
Why Must I Feel So Cold
Why Must I Feel So Emotionless
Pieces Of My Heart
Tears In Pieces


I Wish Again
I Could Cry
Just Once More
If I Could Hold You
If I Could Hug You
And Tell You One More Thing
I Just Want To Cry
I Want To Cry On Your Shoulder

 

 

Let me see you again

Pretty face

Affable and sweet

Accept my invitation

Take the adjacent seat

 

Talk to me about your art and studies 

The music you love 

All that you find funny

 

And in our limited time together, consider my regret

I never told you about your eyes

Your beautiful hair

Or your apparent intellect

 

That when you left me that day, you never left my memory

That I dreamed about you since the day that you met me

 

That I suppressed my feelings, for fear of rejection

And I pushed them so far down, I forgot where I had left them

 

I will remain fond of you, far from when I leave

And in my absence I hope that you still think about me

I hope that you think about the laughs we shared and the connection I seeked

 

I hope that you turn my way, when you're looking for a friend

I hope that you still trust me

And let me see you again

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brief glance

He is Walking the street

London before but nowhere to go

A city to hide in but nowhere to be

A quick glance to change my world

Standing in summer the shade

Shadows covering her angelic face

His smile spreads at her elegant grace

She smiles in return it halts his pace

He stumble’s he stops he stammers

His heart sure to burst in fear and desire

His mind screams to walk, No run away

But wait!

His feet reject his minds command,

Carrying him through his fear to her

His brain is frozen, thoughts a jumble

His lips move, asking her name

He is stunned as she replies

Her accent thick and sultry

He speaks a reply words unbidden

She blushes prettily, and apologises

He stop’s stunned why are you sorry? Asks he

heart slows expecting the inevitable rejection,

Can you speak more slowly comes her sultry reply

She haltingly says, My English is not so good

His heart leaps and again his mouth moves

Words spilling out in a yammering mess

He is jabber at her happily, but not realising

Her English is better than his Russian

He is a fool talking to fast brain to slow to realise it

But wait she isn’t walking away, she is smiling

She looks up at him hair resting lightly upon her shoulders

A face Beautiful and luscious

Her face slightly lowered her eyes raised

Slightly obscured but all the more stunning for it

It happens so fast, He forgets to blink

He asks  if she has a number, she does! (yippee).

His hands are shaking, blood pumping

It must be obvious how nervous I he is

Incredibly she doesn’t seem to notice or care

He loves her all the more for it

He steps away promising to call,

She remains with angelic grace

His steps now as light as air,

 

A moment eyes connected

A heartbeat to fall in love

A life time to regret

A wasted opportunity of eternal love

A friendship that will last an age if nothing less

He remembers, she remembers

Irina my little pigeon in denim

Always missed, always wanted

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