lying

I'm Not Crying

Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.

It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.

Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.

Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.

It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.

Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.

 

One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.

I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.

But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.

You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.

I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.

I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.

 

So why were you angry?

Why were you cranky?

I thought you were dandy

When you abstained from hanky panky.

 

All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.

And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.

If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.

If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out

By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.

You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.

 

The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.

You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.

I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.

It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.

It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.

 

I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up

And brightening up the night when it goes down.

Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.

Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?

Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.

Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.

If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,

Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.

It Does Not Matter Now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It Does Not Matter Now

 

 

A way to frame minds

So powerful lies can be

Let's keep doing it—








Author's Notes/Comments: 

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:  This poem is an abstract idea and does not pertain to any particular person (i.e., like most art, they are subject to interpretation, as well).






Reupdated/reedited/emended on 01.17.2020:


1.)  I supplanted..

 

"Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error to conform to the that specific English grammar rule) or *I simply supplanted it for the correct word/term" 

 

for

 

"Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error (to conform to that specific English grammar rule) or I simply supplanted it for the correct word/term" (a previous cut/copy-and-paste method but that which I possibly forgot to edit on the fly when I pasted it...)

 

 

..from the Author's Notes/Comments section itself for emending the published note/commentary accurately or for clarifying that I do not wish to put an asterisk to mark the error in this field where I do specific notes or comments (because I do those only to my own notes, rather than on "notes" that are published here.. And I believe that it was included when I did the cutting & pasting from my own notes to this one).

 

 

 

2.)  I also supplanted "(to conform to the that specific English grammar rule)" for "(to conform to that specific English grammar rule)" (it was possibly from mistyping that for the somewhat homophonous nature of "th" in "the" and "that" whenever I'm in the process of typing and while verbalizing it, thus, in my head.



Previous unedited version of that part:


"1.)  I supplanted Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error to conform to the that specific English grammar rule) or *I simply supplanted it for the correct word/term' for 'Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error (to conform to the that specific English grammar rule) or..."


3.)  I also have noticed the error "as I double-checked my poem (when I get the chance)", therefore, I have supplanted that for "as I double-checked my poem (when I got the chance).."



Thank you for reading on!






Reupdated/reedited/emended on 01.09.2020:


1.)  I supplanted "Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error to conform to that specific English grammar rule) or I simply supplanted it for the correct word/term" for "Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error (to conform to that specific English grammar rule) or I simply supplanted it for correct word/term"; I have rechecked or reviewed the Author's Notes/Comments section as I double-checked my poem (when I got the chance) & noticed that I missed an open parenthesis plus the inclusion of the pronoun "I".  Thank you for your consideration ( I apologize as I also have mostly done this, & have probably committed those mistakes, while I'm on the go.


2.)  I also supplanted "Retained, unedited version (due to an hmgrammatical error which can found exactly on number one, from the reedition, dated 12.25.2019):" for "Retained, unedited version (due to an ungrammatical error which can found exactly on number one, from the reedition, dated 12.25.2019):"; I have noticed the mistyped/misspelled word "hmgrammatical" & have corrected it, thus.






Reupdated/reedited/emended on 01.01.2020:  


1.)  I have corrected the misspelled word "Botes" & have simply supplanted that for "Notes".  Please kindly refer to the unedited version below.


2.)  I have also basically supplanted the misconceived and misspelled/mistyped word "parenthesis" for the right one.  I have noticed that its a singular form of the word that did not correspond to the subject-verb agreement, in my sentence.  Thus, I reedited/retyped that subconscious mistake/error to conform to the that specific English grammar rule) or simply supplanted it for the correct word/term "parentheses" (its plural form) to make it easier for me to learn the difference (in its correct usage).


 

Retained, unedited version:  


"Reupdated on 12.25.2019:  I have reviewed this Author's Botes/Comments once more & have reedited the following for being hasty the last time that I have done some edits to it."


 

Retained, unedited version (due to an hmgrammatical error which can found exactly on number one, from the reedition, dated 12.25.2019):  



Reupdated on 12.25.2019:  I have reviewed this Author's Notes/Comments once more & have reedited the following for being hasty the last time that I have done some edits to it.


 

1.)  I have omitted the "(" from a paragraph that was already enclosed in a parenthesis.  Therefore, there are two open parenthesis previously which was a mistake.  [Here is the previous unedited version of the paragraph:  "(or that we are particularly sensitive to the repercussions of talking about politics (and or being politically correct otherwise)"






Reupdated on 12.25.2019:  I have reviewed this Author's Notes/Comments once more & have reedited the following for being hasty the last time that I have done some edits to it.


1.)  I have omitted the "(" from a paragraph that was already enclosed in a parenthesis.  Therefore, there are two open parentheses previously which was a mistake.  [Here is the previous unedited version of the paragraph:  "(or that we are particularly sensitive to the repercussions of talking about politics (and or being politically correct otherwise)"






Reupdated on 12.23.2019:  I have reviewed what I have commented on this section & have reedited the following:  


1.)  "the repercussions of talking about it while working together" (by supplanting it for "the repercussions of talking about politics (and or being politically correct otherwise)".


2.)  "discretions" was supplanted for "discretion".


3.)  I have reedited the format of the numbered list to better enumerate the changes made unto this Author's Notes/Comments.


4.)  Upon second look, or upon reviewing this incidentally, I also could not help and had to reedit the former reedition because of an "asterisk" that was previously left in the text after it was published.  It was simply used to serve as a mark, for me, while I edit my "texts" earlier on.

 

 

(Previous Unedited Version:  "...we are particularly sensitive to the repercussions of talking about *politics".)

 





Reupdated on 12.22.2019:  1.)  I have reedited one of the hashtags because of an incorrect input "& New Criticism" & instead omitted the "&" (this was due to cutting & pasting the input from this Author's Notes/Comments that have included every bit of the listed terms).  2.)  I also have changed the word "authorships" to "their authorship" to properly distinguish between a 'mass noun' versus a 'count noun', as I later have learned along the way while double-checking my English grammar, incidentally.)






Reupdated 12.21.2019:  I simply have added unto the hashtags, the following words/phrases:  Neil Postman, Postman, Media theory, Herbert Marshall McLuhan, McLuhan,Marshall McLuhan, media, mass media, sensorium, & New Criticism.  I learned of Neil Postman first (forgetting his full name that time), then about Marshall McLuhan from my co-worker (once again), for whenever we have talked at the workplace (not while social loafing this time), we have also tried to share their authorship.  We could not help exchanging notes about various subjects, especially our views regarding our contemporary, & or our modern/postmodern world, & in reaction to it (at least, as we speak—so to speak).  It's just that our area/line of work was designed to deal with a social aspect where the social structure depends on (i.e. or the way in which we are involved in it) which is also deemed under an overarching category, which included topics/thematic relations that are believed to be having a direct relationship to an industry thought to be constructed by social norms & fueled by certain expectations.  Our discussions were not limited to Western Civilization, to Political Theory, or to Art (just recently), or to the wide gamut of the books which we actually own & that which we would later give our own feedbacks/criticisms on, but also on religion and the corporate world (plus many others..).  It also have entailed some talks about Politics itself, but we never really had gotten ourselves involved in such discussions (blithely or jokingly).  We talked about certain things, but not so much about that—not in the workplace.  That's what I liked about our work ethic.  In our midst, we discourage it (tacitly); &, perhaps, that's because of our own discretion (or that we are particularly sensitive to the repercussions of talking about politics and or being politically correct otherwise).  Thank you for reading on!

My Five Day Hallucination

It was Day 1 when it was scorching hot and we crossed paths.

I was looking for an oasis to drink from,

Though a hug from you was a thousand times better

Because afterwards, we went swimming in the lake and laughed at the gold diggers passing by.

Poor men were oblivious that they mined their last nugget in this desert.

 

It was Day 2 when we continued our journey.

You introduced me to your bitches when you brought me home.

One licked me silly while the second took a while to come around.

It was only trying to judge me to see if I would be a menace to your family.

I’ve always liked the playful, funny, and carefree breeds.

 

It was Day 3 when you showed me your larger-than-life garden.

You spoke of how your brother and mother had toiled day and night tending to it.

The garden was shaped like the number 5 and I couldn’t be happier.

You regaled me with stories of an ancient civilization that once existed in this land of the dead.

Every word from your tongue between breaths was like a missing page in a book lost in time.

 

It was Day 4 when I crawled on my knees after a beating from a two-faced sergeant

Looking for you so you could lift me back on my two feet and hold me close

But to add insult to injury, you held your scorn like you should’ve held my hands.

So I passed out on the floor and was left for dead out in the open.

How do indecisive weeds like you sleep at night?

 

It was Day 5 when I woke up expecting you’d be there, but your home was empty.

Your garden was withered and the magic was gone so it turns out that it was all a mirage.

You can rationalize your actions and demonize me any way you like,

But when you save your second thoughts for one minute before midnight,

It’s goodbye and good riddance to you weeds.

 

So I left. It was better for me to abandon you before you inevitably did the same.

The world is full of snakes and trojans as it is.

It’s best for me to give them a dose of their own venom as soon as I see right through them.

 

You should’ve told me earlier rather than at the last minute.

Or when I have fallen and can’t get up.

Then maybe we could’ve still been friends.

But now you’re just another silhouette that shears hearts like hedges.

 

If you’re looking to post an ad requesting company in a moment of loneliness,

Think again before you shatter another heart or wager your sanity.

A weed ain’t cut out for love, let alone a friendship

If it can’t make up its mind and let its loneliness fog its judgment.

Poor guy should’ve inspected the thorns before he picked the rose.

 

Now it’s my turn to wager a few things,

I bet you don’t even miss me.

I bet you feigned regret that you added salt in the wound.

I bet that you’ll forget all about me after the weekend I disappeared.

I bet you’ll cower in the arms of the two bitches you value most in life.

I bet you’ll start looking for another soul that you’ll pray to Aphrodite you won’t screw over.

Whatever happens to you, I am grateful that I have kin to keep tight

And an adventure I continue to embark on in the desert with or without you there for me.

You’re just another silhouette that shears hearts like hedges.

Lion

Coward I am

For being unable to lie

Coward I am

For being unable to say no

Although this I accept,

I cannot make a change

Something holds me back

I don't want control

Of the person I am.

I need direction

A path to walk through

I want to speak my mind

And deny myself

Of things I do not need

I need to cease

Being a coward

City of Dreams

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Welcome to the City of Dreams

All full of nightmares, daydreams, and schemes

Whatever you dream; it’s a wonderful theme

Whenever you want; you’re always the king

 

Lie down and sleep your pain away

Forget your past, forget the day

Here the only toil is play

It’s easy to come here, there’s many a way

 

Become the hero you wanted to be

Without actually being what you see

In this world only, can you be free

Stay with us, is our only plea

 

Be rich, be naughty

Be powerful, be haughty

Live in this dream, decaying body

No one will care if you’re a bit dotty

 

It’ll be too late, when you finally know

You’re not in control; was only a show

So just sit back, and go with the flow

While we take you to an all-time low

 

Down the rabbit hole

                Into the earth

                       Shadows will blind you

                                Now what was this worth?

                                                           Life is so fleeting

                                                                  Death is now eating

                                                                                    Living and dying

                                                                                             Laughing while crying

 

 

Fall into madness

    Can’t tell the difference

Between night and day

               Between real and fake

Between right and wrong

                       Between sky and cake

There is no difference

                                       Only existence

Nothing to do

 

 

But dream

 

 

 

The City of Dreams…

 

Welcome to The City of Dreams…”

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Gollumette

she talks about passwords
she loves to discuss dog turds
how she gets all perturbed
with how she used words
honestly she could care less
her close relationships are a mess
lies with no distress

claims to be a healer
master bullshit dealer
sits high upon her pillar
sold her dad for a dollar
on her mom puts a collar
the truth is never hollered
she knows she is a coward

hurting men is her game
she knows who to blame
to her it's all the same
could be next on her list
or a just a finger on her fist
words and mind she will twist
happiness will be missed

"I'll take that and that too."
like it's all that she can do
I am the latest prisoner
so I better listen to her
do what I am told
or I will be scold
but I am too old
how much longer can I hold?

she chases down
and finds the clown
and makes him frown
her mind is broken
a crack token
don't buy what she's smokin
she's knows and is lookin
for her next victim
to blame
for the pain

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just musing off of another poet in here... Should I write more?

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