I'm Not Crying

Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.

It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.

Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.

Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.

It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.

Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.


One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.

I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.

But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.

You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.

I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.

I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.


So why were you angry?

Why were you cranky?

I thought you were dandy

When you abstained from hanky panky.


All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.

And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.

If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.

If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out

By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.

You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.


The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.

You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.

I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.

It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.

It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.


I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up

And brightening up the night when it goes down.

Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.

Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?

Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.

Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.

If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,

Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.

I know why he chose you

Silent Hate.

He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner.


Someone with tattoos

Someone with children

Someone easy

A whore


He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner


Someone who would cheat on their husband

Someone who would cheat on their children

Someone easy

A whore


He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner


Someone weak

Someone with low self respect

Someone easy

A whore


He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner


Someone with no class

Someone with low self esteem

Someone easy

A whore



He chose you because he knew he would never want you. He wanted me but he needed a whore. 

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What is Love?

To me and everyone else you were always Alex C.


I fell in love with Alex C.

I married Alex C.

I travelled with Alex C.

I wanted children with Alex C.

Alex C. Told me I was his everything

Alex C. Told me he could never hurt me

Alex C. Told me I was the only one for him

Alex C. Vowed to be loyal to me forever


My Husband Alex C.


Then one day you were Alexander.


I cried because of Alexander

I broke because of Alexander

I lost my love because of Alexander

I have a hole in my heart because of Alexander.

Alexander knowingly hurt me, more than anyone has hurt me in my life.

Alexander did unspeakable things to me

Alexander broke his vows

Alexander gave himself to someone else.


A whore’s lover, Alexander. 



You told everyone you wanted to be Alexander but no one listened. Is that still what you want Alexander?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My Husband always told people he preferred Alexander, yet Alex C. was what he used on everything, he would introduce himself as Alex and everyone always called him Alex...until her. She called him "Alexander". 

Right or Wrong?


Liar, cheater, whore, bitch


You call me a cheater but you can never see


The hurt and pain you caused me


I was silently pleading for your attention


A little more of embrace, warm affection


But you blatantly ignored me


As if I was a ghost; I didn't exist


Is it my fault, though?


The truth is plain to see: You forgot to love me


I couldn't take it anymore seemingly trapped in a web


The endless karmic cycle of unhappiness and misery which I weaved


Until I saw a shimmering light


A flicker of happiness which blinded my sight


I saw hope and brightness in the arms of another


A love that was much more pure and real than you've ever shown me


I then knew what was missed in my life


I've found new love and they treat me better and gave me more love than you ever would or even could


Yes, I lied....


Yes, I cheated....


But in the end, I'm not the one to blame


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This car

my fucked up head

With you in this car full of smoke...
What am I doing? Why!
This is crazy
You have her
I have him.... Him
What Am I Doing??
I choose him 100x
Only him...He loves me...I love him

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Plagiarize My Love (day 15)

I’ll let you plagiarize my love

as long as we don’t tell

I’ll hold hands with both of you

but you’ll feel our sparks every time

I can’t keep unwritten promises,

to you or to her


I watch you smiling together,

I almost laugh out loud

I have you on a tight enough leash

that even though you sit so close

you could whisper in her ear,

her back’s still turned


and if you’re close to forming a coherent thought

I can so easily silence you

by dropping you on the corner


Don’t worry, we won’t get caught

As long as you’ll wait for me to come home

no one ever sees the other girl’s silhouette,

don’t worry, you’re safe and beautiful, we won’t get caught


I’ll let you plagiarize my love

as long as we don’t tell

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/16/16

Plagiarize, whisper

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That’s fucked up Liam.
Really England?
You dropped me to go see him?
Now you’re saying I didn’t give you any freedom?

Get the fuck up.
I don’t care if you’re strapped down.
I am tired of fucking around.
You wanted to cheat on me right?

You fucking whore
What’s real anymore?
Was that picture real?
Do you still want to Netflix and chill?

Fuck it. Im putting this entire situation on the grill
Open up this burger and drop a pill in it
Serve it to your ass. Call it nightlock
and shove you in the back of my truck

Cause you’re never going to wake up.  Tough luck
Now sit back and don’t make a cluck
You’re like a chicken. You can’t fly but you can pluck
Chuck out your feathers and shit but you tuck it. Kinda like Liam. You fucked it.

I don’t care about your feelings. I don’t give a fuck
Girl. Want to know the price of that flower bill?
Three hundred but it felt like a couple mil.
Hell. We were kids back then

Or we were until you climbed that hill
All the way up to lick Liams rich dick.
My dads name was Rick.
He doesn’t care about a fuckin chick

Should have taken a guitar pick and flicked
Guess I should have learned from my brother Nick
Smoke weed til I got sick
Flip out. Don’t even try to pout

I think we are on the same route
No one can hear you
Go ahead and shout.
I don’t doubt that you suck

If I was you I'd close my snout

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for the cheater

Everything in my life was so 

secure and now you went 

and fucked that all up for me. 


I was sober and doing fine 

Now you drive me to spark up, 

To drink up, 

Drowwwwwn my sorrows. 

You surfaced all of the evil in the world 

To my attention. 

You made me see the worst in everyone 

And I hate you for it. 

You say I'm the best thing that's ever happened you 

And that I lifted you up 

When you needed it most 

And what did you do for me? 

Try to drag me down to your level. 

I can't even comprehend 

Your close-mindedness, 

Your ignorance 

It's all beyond belief for me 

I cant understand how someone like you 

That I fell for 

Could turn out so stupid 

But I knew it from the start 

And I ignored it 

Because everyone said we were cute together 

But they were wrong 

Because our personalities clashed like no others. 

You're terrible you're awful 

And I could never tell this to your face because 

I can't hurt you like that, 

I can't stoop down to that level 

But I've never felt more of a need to Drag you back down 

After all I did to bring you up. 

You wasted it you wasted me 

I'm never coming back. 


That's the worst mistake you've made, 

You swapped a dime for two pennies 

Maybe more than two pennies

Maybe a handful for poor girls 

Didn't even know. 

They didn't even know 

Because you're evil you didn't tell the poor girls. 

Oh fuck you 

I wish all the harm in the world 

Upon you how could you 

How dare you 

Oh fuck you.


Now it's midnight and I still can't sleep

It's lunchtime and I still can't eat

Skipped breakfast, left my lunch in the brown paper bag

Never touched, never craved

Because you've still got me

Feeling nauseas 

Feeling sickened

Sick slimy grime

You're pollution, you're cancer

You're cigarettes to my lungs 


In the moment I didn't care much 

I thought I could brush it off

I didn't even like you much

Why is this feeling so fucking intoxicating

Save me from this 

This carcinogenic darkness

That you've inflicted upon me

How can you not be capable

Of thinking 


Thinking of life with meaning

You are so shallow

So shallow

I'll never understand

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I made this right after the guy I was with cheated on me with 2 drunk hoes at a party and told them that I was totally okay with it (obviously not true)

In My Mouth

We should be more than this.
Every time I close my eyes we kiss.
Just want your snake bitten lip, in my mouth,
with my hands moving South.
It's about time we found an end,
to this game we call pretend.
We both know this is more,
and it's time we explore.
I won't runway if you give in,
it's about time to sin.
See I've been waiting for you,
I know you love how we do.
And I got all the time in the world for this....
just to feel your snake bitten lip,
in my mouth.....
-Jay Pierce
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written about one night 2 years ago that has never let me go!