Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.
It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.
Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.
Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.
It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.
Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.
One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.
I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.
But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.
You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.
I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.
I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.
So why were you angry?
Why were you cranky?
I thought you were dandy
When you abstained from hanky panky.
All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.
And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.
If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.
If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out
By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.
You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.
The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.
You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.
I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.
It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.
It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.
I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up
And brightening up the night when it goes down.
Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.
Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?
Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.
Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.
If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,
Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.
He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner.
Someone with tattoos
Someone with children
Someone easy
A whore
He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner
Someone who would cheat on their husband
Someone who would cheat on their children
Someone easy
A whore
He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner
Someone weak
Someone with low self respect
Someone easy
A whore
He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner
Someone with no class
Someone with low self esteem
Someone easy
A whore
He chose you because he knew he would never want you. He wanted me but he needed a whore.
To me and everyone else you were always Alex C.
I fell in love with Alex C.
I married Alex C.
I travelled with Alex C.
I wanted children with Alex C.
Alex C. Told me I was his everything
Alex C. Told me he could never hurt me
Alex C. Told me I was the only one for him
Alex C. Vowed to be loyal to me forever
My Husband Alex C.
Then one day you were Alexander.
I cried because of Alexander
I broke because of Alexander
I lost my love because of Alexander
I have a hole in my heart because of Alexander.
Alexander knowingly hurt me, more than anyone has hurt me in my life.
Alexander did unspeakable things to me
Alexander broke his vows
Alexander gave himself to someone else.
A whore’s lover, Alexander.
You told everyone you wanted to be Alexander but no one listened. Is that still what you want Alexander?
Liar, cheater, whore, bitch
You call me a cheater but you can never see
The hurt and pain you caused me
I was silently pleading for your attention
A little more of embrace, warm affection
But you blatantly ignored me
As if I was a ghost; I didn't exist
Is it my fault, though?
The truth is plain to see: You forgot to love me
I couldn't take it anymore seemingly trapped in a web
The endless karmic cycle of unhappiness and misery which I weaved
Until I saw a shimmering light
A flicker of happiness which blinded my sight
I saw hope and brightness in the arms of another
A love that was much more pure and real than you've ever shown me
I then knew what was missed in my life
I've found new love and they treat me better and gave me more love than you ever would or even could
Yes, I lied....
Yes, I cheated....
But in the end, I'm not the one to blame
With you in this car full of smoke...
What am I doing? Why!
This is crazy
You have her
I have him.... Him
What Am I Doing??
I choose him 100x
Only him...He loves me...I love him
Him...
I’ll let you plagiarize my love
as long as we don’t tell
I’ll hold hands with both of you
but you’ll feel our sparks every time
I can’t keep unwritten promises,
to you or to her
I watch you smiling together,
I almost laugh out loud
I have you on a tight enough leash
that even though you sit so close
you could whisper in her ear,
her back’s still turned
and if you’re close to forming a coherent thought
I can so easily silence you
by dropping you on the corner
Don’t worry, we won’t get caught
As long as you’ll wait for me to come home
no one ever sees the other girl’s silhouette,
don’t worry, you’re safe and beautiful, we won’t get caught
I’ll let you plagiarize my love
as long as we don’t tell
That’s fucked up Liam.
Really England?
You dropped me to go see him?
Now you’re saying I didn’t give you any freedom?
Get the fuck up.
I don’t care if you’re strapped down.
I am tired of fucking around.
You wanted to cheat on me right?
You fucking whore
What’s real anymore?
Was that picture real?
Do you still want to Netflix and chill?
Fuck it. Im putting this entire situation on the grill
Open up this burger and drop a pill in it
Serve it to your ass. Call it nightlock
and shove you in the back of my truck
Cause you’re never going to wake up. Tough luck
Now sit back and don’t make a cluck
You’re like a chicken. You can’t fly but you can pluck
Chuck out your feathers and shit but you tuck it. Kinda like Liam. You fucked it.
I don’t care about your feelings. I don’t give a fuck
Girl. Want to know the price of that flower bill?
Three hundred but it felt like a couple mil.
Hell. We were kids back then
Or we were until you climbed that hill
All the way up to lick Liams rich dick.
My dads name was Rick.
He doesn’t care about a fuckin chick
Should have taken a guitar pick and flicked
Guess I should have learned from my brother Nick
Smoke weed til I got sick
Flip out. Don’t even try to pout
I think we are on the same route
No one can hear you
Go ahead and shout.
I don’t doubt that you suck
If I was you I'd close my snout
Everything in my life was so
secure and now you went
and fucked that all up for me.
I was sober and doing fine
Now you drive me to spark up,
To drink up,
Drowwwwwn my sorrows.
You surfaced all of the evil in the world
To my attention.
You made me see the worst in everyone
And I hate you for it.
You say I'm the best thing that's ever happened you
And that I lifted you up
When you needed it most
And what did you do for me?
Try to drag me down to your level.
I can't even comprehend
Your close-mindedness,
Your ignorance
It's all beyond belief for me
I cant understand how someone like you
That I fell for
Could turn out so stupid
But I knew it from the start
And I ignored it
Because everyone said we were cute together
But they were wrong
Because our personalities clashed like no others.
You're terrible you're awful
And I could never tell this to your face because
I can't hurt you like that,
I can't stoop down to that level
But I've never felt more of a need to Drag you back down
After all I did to bring you up.
You wasted it you wasted me
I'm never coming back.
That's the worst mistake you've made,
You swapped a dime for two pennies
Maybe more than two pennies
Maybe a handful for poor girls
Didn't even know.
They didn't even know
Because you're evil you didn't tell the poor girls.
Oh fuck you
I wish all the harm in the world
Upon you how could you
How dare you
Oh fuck you.
Now it's midnight and I still can't sleep
It's lunchtime and I still can't eat
Skipped breakfast, left my lunch in the brown paper bag
Never touched, never craved
Because you've still got me
Feeling nauseas
Feeling sickened
Sick slimy grime
You're pollution, you're cancer
You're cigarettes to my lungs
In the moment I didn't care much
I thought I could brush it off
I didn't even like you much
Why is this feeling so fucking intoxicating
Save me from this
This carcinogenic darkness
That you've inflicted upon me
How can you not be capable
Of thinking
Deeply
Thinking of life with meaning
You are so shallow
So shallow
I'll never understand