Depression

the blanket

Darkness called her away from her dreams

A familiar blanket of anguish it seemed

Out of nowhere and meaning naught

She took a breath and had a thought


Why have i been given this pain?

No rhyme or reason, nothing to gain

She can't just make it go away

From childhood memory to today


It means to drag her over coals

Despite efforts to be in control

It sweeps away all that is good

Leaving behind only falsehood


Phantom feelings that can't be denied

Fighting it hard even whilst she cried

Loud enough that everyone knows 

She's in a pit of emotional foes

 

Just time and the right medication

To bring her round to a better situation

There are no issues to be resolved

The illness is what has to be solved


Honesty is what it takes to stay well

Open discourse clear as a bell

That the struggle is beyond her ability

She's stuck with a feeling of futility 


So once again she has to admit

To her wellbeing she must committ

On her own she only suffers

Making an impact on all her others


She knows now to do the right thing

That in no time she'll be able to sing

Shredding the blanket of anguish

she will no longer languish


 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hmmm

i have wrangled this a few times.  

Can't quite get the flow right.

 

View wrennie's Full Portfolio

Nowhere2go

Full speed, fantasy about being under my own tires, expressing myself getting even harder, Nowhere2go, not enough prayer for you, your mind is tainted and no one will ever love you, Dancing in holy white, hoping I get her attention, driving fast, gma come get me, fantasy about being under your tires, expressing myself getting impossible, the army saving my life, there are times where I breathe and I feel like im losing my life, my lungs are expiring and I'm gasping for air, and niggas around me can't even tell, Danielle, I hate that I still love her, fuck it, I'll see her in hell, I'm falling for a girl, who is the same, Jesus take the wheel, nowhere2go, there is, not enough prayer for you, I've spent my whole life depressed, I wanna end myself, my silence is golden as fuck, when I seem happy, people don't have to look, the shadows where they dwell, in the light wishing me well, I can't see and I'm paranoid, drowning myself in addiction hoping I blend in, I've been home for only a few days, and it sinks in, and it sinks in, no one loves you, nowhere2go.. I've spent all my life depressed.. thinking about death.. hoping my time is next.

Challenging Times

We live in challenging times but I've learned to not take it personally. We owe it to ourselves to cut us a break once in a while. We may not always live up to our ideals and we might not be where we want to be in life but that's no reason to feel bad about oneself. We live in challenging times and we should allow ourselves to struggle without letting guilt or shame take the wheel. I can make mistakes and not be defined by them. I can have shortcomings but not let them drown out my strengths. I think a lot of us are looking around and feeling scared and confused and that's okay. With all that is happening in the world perhaps that is how we should feel. I just think that we have to make a real effort to feel some of those good things too. 

I used to have a fear that I would grow up to be old and bitter. I felt this way because I wasn't successful at a lot of things and worried that I would be loser. But that guy you know who's bitter he has people who loves him. He may not always be able to express it but there is love and acceptance in his life. I'm thankful to have a family that would still love me no matter how bitter or resentful I may or may not become. A family that supports me and cares for me.

And I've made mistakes. I've made enough mistakes to be that bitter resentful guy. But I choose not to because I could've made more mistakes. It could've gone worse for me certainly. I have to take stock of what I do have and appreciate it. I have to let myself appreciate all the good that is right there in my life already.

The outside world is harsh and only getting harder. But please, do all you can to let your mind be a nice place to be. No pressure if it's not right now there's time. You deserve to have some inner peace and clarity. You deserve to know that your worth it.

 

Shattered Heart

We thought it was LOVE

When we busted the facade

I learn it was lusted affair

I only wanted to win your affection

Yet you pin me as imperfection

I rush the the threshold, pausing at the gate

Heart rate pounding, your hate rising

This angry tide consuming, pushing me further

I want off this insane ride of yours

 

Our luck is fucked

I look down at my phone, silent now

The shattered screen, like my busted heart

All bucked up, cracked

You did a number on me

Your mean love made my spirit lean

 

Cleaning you out of me

Rattle my beans

As I battle the poison

You breed in me

The greed of your kisses

I piss myself when you hit me

Now I hiss your name in vain

I wouldn't play your game

So now I drop my cape

Tape my busted heart

 

Heal best as I can

Peel off the exhaustion

I cannot rest

My chest constricting

Anxiety at head lights behind me

I asked for kindness, not blindness

Rightfully, that would be love

 

What was our marriage

What was our dream

I scream at the greyness

Smashing the madness

The badness, ripping your hooks out

Now I look at my cracked screen

Reminding myself what is left of my heart

Processing the Affects of Taking Out the Trash

Folder: 
Poems.

Unsure how to process,

I am living on the edge of forgotteness,

While today, taking out the trash,

Nearly gave me whiplash,

To the past I found myself agazed,

Upon the rough, unforgettable haze,

Containing the choices you have made,

And how I just try my best to wade,

Through the pain,

That left a permanent stain,

And through the disappointment,

That took my enjoyment,

The person that lived in that room,

The one that lacked a broom,

That person was not you,

At least not the one I ever knew,

Having kept that aspect of you separate from my mind,

It was easier to have your role clearly be defined,

But now there's another person that's been along for the ride,

And it takes strength to learn to coincide.

Cry In My Sleep

 

 I Lost My Ability To Cry
I'm Hurting So Much
I Feel Hurt
I Feel Pain
I Want To Cry
But Theres Not Tears
Theres No Emotions
Hold Me Please


Because I Can't Feel My Arms
I Can't Feel My Legs Anymore
I Feel Like Crying
But I'm Dying In My Sleep
Waking Up With Dried Up Eyes
I Don't Remember Crying
I Don't Remember Sleeping
Chill Runs Through On My Skin


Crying Out In Pain
I Wish I Could Cry
For My Body Can't Take It Anymore
Is This What It Feels Like
Why Must I Feel So Cold
Why Must I Feel So Emotionless
Pieces Of My Heart
Tears In Pieces


I Wish Again
I Could Cry
Just Once More
If I Could Hold You
If I Could Hug You
And Tell You One More Thing
I Just Want To Cry
I Want To Cry On Your Shoulder

 

 

Heartache

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

Verse 1: My heart aches in pain To be healed of these timeless scars. Maybe, if I keep faking it, Things will illuminate. Light the way.


Chorus: Show me what it means to live Show me the meaning of love. Show me what I cannot see 'Cause I am alone in this world. I am a lonely self in the darkness... Waiting aimlessly to be free Of pain, suffering, and worries.


Verse 2: My voice and story will be heard. Now, is the time for me to Rise from the ashes. Like a moth drawn to the flames, I will be heard. The heart blooming yet shattered, Yearns to be heard.


Bridge: This tattered heart, Torn into pieces, Aches to belong In this world... I am nothing on my own. But, I also know that I am nothing without you.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

Reality of living with C-PTSD and Depression atop anxiety and being bullied for Autism...

View 1rockerchic89's Full Portfolio

I'm afraid

I'm afraid
Of losing
Of being a disappointment
So I never try
I'm afraid
Of being a nuisance
Of being betrayed
So I never get close
I'm afraid
Of being alone
Of my emotions
So I close myself off
I'm afraid
Of myself
I'm so very afraid

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's not good but I just need to write something before I explode, might delete it later

Buzzcut Boy

Folder: 
Confessions

It's not you,

It's not me,

It's not him

It's the world that has been

sucking us back in

to the dark void it's yet to fill

devouring our rainbows and

any shade and trace of light

and everything we hold dear

 

It's not you

It's not me

It might be

the words of a madman that

have devoured me piece by piece

ever since

until I suffocate and dissolve

into the nothingness I feel

at 3 a.m.

 

And I'm sorry if you knew this only now.

 

It's not you

It's not him

It's the constant fear

that has built a home

out of the shanties of my heart

Pulling the strings,

the triggers

on its whim

 

And I'm sorry but it's already won the war, I believe

 

It's not you

It's not me

It's not him

It's the inevitability I cannot escape

And so in silence, I shall

roam this world and carry

the memories of us,

your buzzcut and my smile,

and the glow I basked on with

in that April afternoon.

 

Forget about me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about how depression affects love.