Depression

I'm Fine...


When, 'I'm fine'

becomes your generic answer,

because you know well,

they don't really care about the truth.

 

When tears just randomly fall,

in a silent, steady succession

and you never knew

...you were even crying.

 

When you actually,

physically ache inside,

from being so bereft

of even simple human touch.

 

When the only times

your cries are even heard

by anyone who'd care,

is within' your own head.

 

When you just want to run-

just start running,

but knowing full well,

you've nowhere, and no one, to run.

 

When your own traitorous voice

calls out inside you, screaming:

'Outcast! Unlovable! Unworthy!

Why don't you fight back!?

What's wrong with you!???'

And you simply whisper back, 'I'm fine.'

Job

 

Lord, I'm on my knees again

Because the worst has happened

The death of a loved one

The loss of a job

I can't pay the bills

My wife no longer loves me

 

So I'm here today

Before the Lord of creation

The First and Last

And perhaps the best I can say

Is a hollow hallelujah

From an empty heart

“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away

Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

 

For who knows

Perhaps by my suffering

Someone else may be blessed

Someone else might have hope

Someone else might see You through me

 

I can't see the future

I don't know the greater plan

But I believe, but I Know

That even in the hardest of times

I can rely on You to carry me

When I fall, let me fall into Your arms

Please take this broken life

This shattered jar of clay

And shape it into the man

That You need me to be

 

I trust You

I love You

And because of these

 

I know that I'll be ok

 

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Steel

Folder: 
Depression

Love me until it hurts,

Youre like poison in my veins,

Youre an addiction,

I fell in love,

I fight for you,

Do I have your word?

Hold me forever,

A sweet and salty smell fills my nose,

Love me through the pain,

Dont ever tell me its over,

I promise to be there for you,

Dont give up on us,

Take my heart and hold it in your hands,

Feel it beating,

Know that this is all true,

I wont ever let you down,

I feel so numb,

Maybe I cut too deep,

It takes a moment to realise youre touching me,

Ive never felt more alone than I do now,

A feeling of freedom washes over me,

Quick sharp gasp,

How do you make me feel this way?

I crave you,

I cant run from the past,

It catches up with me eventually,

Try as I might I cant cut it out,

I feel youre haunting me,

Im addicted to the games,

Youre so beautiful,

Cold and unwavering,

Sharp and precise,

Deeper and deeper you push,

Completely under your spell,

Adrenaline rushes through me,

This thrill is intoxicating,

I never want it to end,

Each time trying to make it better than the last,

Chasing what I can never have,

Forever just out of reach,

You can go on without me,

I mean nothing to you,

All you have ever wanted is to control,

You know you have full control over me.

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Forgive and Forget

Folder: 
Torn Love

You murdered my heart,

Broke the trust I had with you,

Do you really care?

Could you love me to death?

Im empty inside,

Watch me as I walk away,

The emptiness inside of me,

Can I learn to forgive and forget?

 

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RAW

Folder: 
Torn Love

Have you any idea how much it hurts to love you?

Do you even care?

Like a supernova exploding,

Firing off shards in all directions,

Pockmarked and scarred,

I know you dont care,

Within my dreams its never the truth,

Save me from this,

Let me go,

Love me back,

Tears fall and crash around me,

Cheeks stained,

Wake me up,

Under the scars Im raw,

Fire inside burns hot,

Scortching the flesh,

It hurts.

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TWISTED

Folder: 
Dark Love

You stuck a knife in me,

You twisted it and pulled it out,

You watched me bleed,

You enjoyed my suffering,

You couldnt have been more cruel,

You could have tried,

You poked the wound for fun,

You knew when it started healing,

You tore a gaping wound in my heart,

You laughed at my expense,

You liked the attention,

You liked being chased,

You were always going to hurt me,

You just made me blind to it,

You caused enough pain to open my eyes,

You let me slip through your fingers,

You saw my colour fade,

You drained my blood,

You caused scars,

You hurt me,

You never felt anything,

You lead me on,

You discarded me when it wasnt convenient,

You caused excrutiating pain,

You never cared,

You never said sorry and meant it,

You watched the last drop of blood,

You watched me die of a broken heart,

You are twisted,

You are cruel,

You lost me because I walked away.

Ego sum paenitet me dilexit vos

Folder: 
Dark Love

Did you ever care?

Did you ever feel the same way?

How much of it was real?

How much f it was lies?

You must of known I cared,

You must of known how I really felt,

I wanted to make you happy,

I wanted to show you I understood,

How could you be so cruel?

How could you not see it was hurting me?

I took a chance and trusted you,

I took a chance and let you in,

You never let me in,

You never seemed to care,

How much pain does pleasure bring?

How much pleasure does pain bring?

Why didnt you stop it?

Why did you carry on?

You hurt me in ways I never knew,

You hurt me permanently,

I have scars from you,

I have scars because of you,

I gave you a second chance,

I gave you a third chance,

You chose to burn those bridges,

You chose to burn me.

 

I know I need to walk away,

Tell me its over even though it never began,

Remove the spell Im under,

Let me live in peace,

My heart aches at the thought of you,

Why did I fall for you?

I let you in and you shut me out,

Only there when it was convenient for you.

 

I told you I wont chase you forever,

One day I will give up and walk away,

No matter how great the pain,

How much I miss your touch,

The taste of you on my lips,

Your skin against mine,

Intoxicating scent of pheremones,

The adrenaline rush,

Hearts pounding and pulses thumping,

Im going to miss it all,

But most of all,

Im going to miss you.

 

Ego sum paenitet me dilexit vos.

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You Are What You Eat

Make new friends, but keep the old.

One is silver and the other is gold.

These are the words that my guardian angel had taught me.

After I got food poisoning from a blighted potato he enjoys.

 

I never liked potatoes, but I love them warm and crispy.

Goes to show that even recipes that take minuscule effort like chips and fries requires passion.

I cannot possibly give the potato another chance, now knowing that the man is a liar.

It took me a long time to realize that only I can decide the food groups that are right for me.

 

We humans are a complicated lot to read and decipher.

So don’t you dare compare kinships to silver and gold

Because even platonic love is the furthest thing from flawless.

And so are the guardian angel’s mischievous, yet spoiled acquaintances.

 

Friendships are like food from a college dining hall.

What’s on the menu is only delicious if we follow the recipes and turn up the heat.

But we must get to the cafeteria on time and grab them while they’re hot

Because they don’t taste the same if we’re served whatever’s getting cold.

 

Why should I believe my guardian angel’s wisdom nowadays since he has become aloof himself?

Old eating habits apparently die hard, but the same diet he practices for years is still going strong.

I used to believe that he was stuck in the middle because his acquaintances are often at war.

Now I am grateful that some of the pressure has been taken off knowing that I can’t please everyone.

 

I’d be a hypocrite if I said I am immune to this gluttonous misfortune myself,

But it is important to remember that life-changing desserts don’t take one day to bake.

Real gold and glistening silver always takes time and effort for Mother Nature to perfect.

When the sweets come out fresh from the oven, I also shouldn’t bite off more than I can chew.

The Essence of My Thoughts

I don’t know you!

I don’t want to know you!

But I have to if I need to know why you loathe strangers like no tomorrow.

I’m a curious boy so I can’t stop poking my nose into the mess you made.

 

There’s a girl who lives in the British Isles.

She doesn’t know you!

You don’t want to know her!

Yet, you cut her open and call the cops on her so they can cure her wounds.

 

That is no accident. You fractured her soul on purpose and pretend it’s her fault.

Where is your humanity? Are you even human at all?

Who are you to call yourself an advocate for world peace?

So I say fuck your agenda. Your stupidity can't trick me into turning against the girl.

 

Just because the fire you started ain’t my business doesn’t mean I can’t chime in.

When a maiden as kind and sweet as she is in danger, it is everyone’s business.

Why do you claim to be in favor of equal rights when you have blood on your hands?

A good activist must always be a good pacifist. Never are their words used to perpetrate murder.

 

Who’s going to stand by you when the gravity of your actions come crashing down on you?

Who’s going to shelter you when the people you speak up for want nothing to do with you?

Who’s going to survive when your puppet shows concludes?

When you drop the mic that’s rigged with a bomb that blew up the city?

 

Look what you’ve done!! Look what you’ve done!! Look what you’ve done!!

You didn’t wake up to smell the roses that were painted by the blood spilt from your casualties.

The lone survivor is the girl who came close to death and there you are, continuing to break her.

You’d rather be comforted by your ego than brace yourself for the consequences of your miscalculation.

 

You don’t know the people you’re hurting as well as you think you do.

I pray now that the girl who survived the bombing buys an enchanted shield to keep you away from her.

My hypothesis is that nobody important in your life taught you that karma is a vindictive boomerang.

I’m not known for being a social butterfly, but I know an incredibly deadly viper when I see one.