Missing You




Perhaps it’s because I miss you, the real you

or the thought of you.

It’s not like I know the difference.




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Torn Love

What has happened to us?

You feel like a ghost to me,

Tell me what it is I have done,

Did you ever stop and notice all the hurt this causes?

Its as if youre not even there anymore,

Im like a ghost to you,

Its haunting me,

Its hurting me,

My heart is restless,

Who gave you right to make it break?

I dont understand it,

You mean so much to me,

Ive cried thousands of tears over you,

Ive bled because of you,

Dont put a knife in my back,

Stab me in the heart,

So I know its you who did it,

Look me in the eye and tell me,

Do you even care?

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Mornings with you, that's all I really want to do. 
Rainy afternoons, lets go for a cruise.
your hand in my hand. I know you feel it too.
lets stay awake from sunset to sunrise.
 roll over on my side. "come here you got something in your eye."
type of love.
Forehead kisses. really make me miss you.
Damn, it fucks me up.
I thought that shit is too good to be true.
you wanted me, I wanted you.
you got me and... I. got. you.
that a rare find- hard to come by.
lets go for a ride. cruising with her by my side, hand on her inner left thigh.
shes even down for a drive by. 
now that's a woman in my eyes.
could you be here in the mornings? 
love me on my downtime.
lets get high.
 laugh about those guys or that one time.
I know im sorry aint good enough but ill put it to the test cause I love you enough to let you know that I fucked up.
I really do miss those late nights trippin on drugs in the back seat of your Toyota corolla.
I promise you there is no other lover. I am yours to uncover. discover.
lets go for a hike and open up my third eye, connect thru our minds.
fuck you on your side. im on your time.
wake up with you in my arms with the fog rollin up.
pull out the rest of the blunt.
but all I have are the memories of us.
its hard to wake up without you crossing my mind.
im not gonna lie, I miss you all the time.
I guess that's why im writing these rhymes. 
I thought it would go away with time,
here you are.
still on my mind. 
consuming my time. 
you seem to be doing just fine.
 that explains why you never hit me up.
just let me ask, what happened to us?
good morning texts and kissing waking up to not even knowing you.
im sorry I couldn't love you. 
i know you tried, and i really tried, too. 
Im sorry I hurt you.
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             ~ Sleep ~                         


Sleep continues eluding me
while thoughts of you keep pursuing,
stopping my dreams from unfolding 
& knowing dawn comes early,
it wakes me to reality 
knowing there will never be
what could've been, what might've been, 
& so I'm waiting, while pursuing
a kind of on-hold aching peace
filled with lingering remembering
wondering if you, too
are ever sleepless
thinking about me................................



Sleep calls to me, 
but my heart is just not listening,
as the overflow
keeps gently falling
like autumn rain 
on gardens still growing
though summer's come & gone already, 
with winter's soon arrival coming,
when the seed will finally fall & die
when you're no longer in my life
but in the one to come, & finally
home will be reality
as it always felt yet never could be
between us, as it was meant to be.....................



I love you more than I've let free,
it remains hidden within the depths of me,
as I let you go you're still in all I see,
but I know I must just let you be
while reaching yet withdrawing, all in disguise, 
it's expressing from my eyes & with my sighs,
yet words are never spoken freely,
truths are hidden, although I see
this love will never go away
until we do, & that's ok, 
love never ends, 
til we go home...
...I'll endure loving while alone...................



Sleep's the escape 
I need to find,
I cannot get you off my mind, 
but I know I must crucify
what's refusing to depart or die, 
so exhausted though I am right now
I will lay all this down somehow
& let His Spirit minister to my heart
that {even with His peace} is still torn apart,
only He knows the secrets within,
only He understands my secret sin,
only He can help me understand
what is & isn't in His plan,
so sleep, come find me, bring release
from words that circle, searching for peace.

~ Anastazia Rowe ~    
Oct. 30th, 4 am, 2017.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Take it all, Lord....cleanse & restore ONLY what is YOUR perfect will...
...mine is blind to how You see things tonight, 
so I let the rest fall into the ground & die like a grain of wheat,
fruitless 'til death comes & heals & transforms me ~


{G'nite, hopfully, at 4:30 am, almost...}

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Unsent Letter (day 71)

I wish I could stop caring.


I don’t know how you can’t need me

but every door I knock on looks like yours so how can I enter them


I tiptoe through the streets wishing

sewers were trapdoors

and I could jump and fall for years before landing in an alternate universe


where every stoplight doesn’t blink a glare and a lecture from my future self,

where every piano I come to doesn’t stretch like elastic

reaching for my fingertips and begging for another song about you


But we still drag our sticky boots through the mud,

maybe in a mile it’ll turn into dirt,

maybe maybe maybe


and the bullets sing in an ancient tongue,

the one that was made for us,

the one I can pull out of a hat without warning

I wish I could stop caring.


I would say I wish I could stop living but that would piss people off.


You have too much, they’d say

too much in front of you

too much behind you

too many acquaintances who have it worse off.


Maybe it would sadden them if I said it

but I doubt it

People are angry.


People are just like I feel like I should be when I say

I wish I could stop caring.


But I’m not angry…

I can’t be

when the last word I said to you was maybe.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/8/16

The unsent letter

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From Space (day 60)



Darkness is a shadow

plays the keys of his face




I crack with distance

can he see my sorrow from space

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 9/29/16

Darkness is a shadow

Without You amid Such Coldness

Amid such coldness,

I wish you were here!

Lying by my side,

Oh my dear!


I feel like being in Niflheim,

The land of ice and snow,

Missing the heat of your body,

As always you know!


It is so tough in winter to be lonely,

Without you near my sweetie!

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730 days for you

has felt like 730 years for me

and the moment id been waiting for;

wasnt something youd been waiting for.

it also wasn't how i expected it to be,

although it only wouldve been if you were expecting it 

and im so afraid that itll happen again; 

those 730 years that you thought were okay,

because for you they were just days

and thats why i should be afraid.

but every hour of those 730 days,

every day of those 730 years, 

i missed you;

and each and every one of those 




there were over 730 million thoughts in my head

all about you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

PLEASE tell me how it is!

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my one and only

I feel like without you my world will be grey,
I'll work on myself and do my own thing but it'll never be the same.
Without you here a piece of me will be gone
I hope that when you leave it won't be for to long. 
I know that this is a great opportunity
But I can't help fear what will become of you and me.
It's difficult for me to say all that I truly feel
I just want you to know that my love for you is real.
I'll do my best and try to be strong
Remember the words of our old love song
L is for the looks ill always miss
O is for that one sweet kiss
V is for the very moment you come back
And E is for everything this poem lacks...
It's like these feelings are to much for me to explain
But I know you and I, we feel the very same.
So This is to us and what may come
Just know that your my only one 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Wrote this in 2012 for my bf who was in the military