apology

I Am Never Alone

You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again, mate.

You went back on your word when you promised you’d stick with me in the long run.


Even if our passion moved far too quickly at first.

Before it simmered down to give us time to intercept our demons.

 

It should’ve been the other way around.

In an age where I can’t see your face nor can I hold your hand,

 

It’s become a force of habit that I wish I could stop partaking in.

I love too quickly because I am a freak scared of being molded into something I’m not.

 

Regardless of my desire, I still have to know what goes on in your own life.

That either excites you, scares you, angers you, saddens you, and soothes you.

 

I’d have to appreciate you before my infatuation gets the better of me and it evolves into love.

I never planned to stop caring even after finding out your weight was dangerously high.

 

I was reassured that you planned to take care of yourself, but you never knew that.

You didn’t know what to do nor what to say when I didn’t find out about your size sooner.

 

You didn’t want to shove me away, but you did.

You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did.

 

You said you were interested in me, but you weren’t.

You said you weren’t in it for short-term happiness, but you were.

 

All because you turned your back on me when I was willing to keep you tight regardless.

You are such a damn fraud that vies for a sugar bowl that I am fighting tirelessly to keep.

 

How many sorries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I could let you know when you get it to turn on.

But how can I notify you if you severed ties with me?

Since you ran away, an apology is as empty as your soul.

 

You turned out to be just like your exes and here I am, telling you, “Fuck your love quest.”

It’s not like you’re going to take it again anytime soon nevertheless.

 

Lonely pieces of crap only want to love when they wish for an early death.

Were you trying to gasp for air when the ocean took away your breath?

 

If you’re still wondering why you’ll never find love, I’ve got bad news for you.

The way you made my heart beat for you until you made a crack in it is the answer to your question.

 

You may never know this about me because I don’t always realize it myself.

But when I embrace a soul whose loyalty and compassion is unbreakable,

 

I realize that I am never alone.

They may face obstacles and heartaches of their own, but they never let them tear them apart.

 

One day, I’ll find love of my own and I continue to pray that it will be as true as my friendships.

What a shame that you’ll never see that I am never alone.

Repetition

I did it again

It's a sin

Father forgive me

For I know what I do

I know what I choose

Time and time again

I choose Me over You

 

The first man condemned me

The last Man redeemed me

The inner man damns me

The new man reviles “Me”

 

I give up again

It's all I can do

 

So take “me” away

And fill me with You

For I know once I am more like You

I'll be the best Me I can be

Edges

Folder: 
2017

I am sorry

you get

caught

on my

corners

escape

on my

edges

 

I am sorry

you have

nothing

to be jealous about

everything

to lose

 

The blades

on my

shoulders

will not

take sandpaper

 

The sounds

in my

head

will not

take no

for an answer

 

All the truth

I could tell

spells out for you

I can’t stand anything

I can’t change

 

so quiet is

the only place

I know how

to be sorry

I will try to

shout it to the sky

for you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 9/8/17

View tallsquirrelgirl's Full Portfolio

How to apologize without saying "I'm" or "sorry" (day 157)

Lying
for me
is like a second skin.
 
All those times I talk
all those times you believe me
it’s like a battle
but I always hide your weapons
 
and when I could hear the song of ashes in your eyes
life caught up to me.
 
This is the best I can do to atone
I wish I could paint you in something real,
I wish I could paint you on every wall,
I wish I could pull you up every mountain you ever find.
This is how I will forgive myself.
This is how I will forgive knowing
you will never forgive me.
 
So I will stand here,
put my fear on wings
just to see the reflection of my apology
on your skin.
 
These are the only words I’ll use
I have burned so many days
with the aftermath of my own insanity
I look down at this body like half a piece of driftwood
trying to find my way to the river
but every time I turn around there’s another pair of jaws.
 
These are the only words I’ll use to say
I don’t want to live any more days
knowing I lit the fire in your head
knowing I’ve sworn a blood oath to the reason you can’t sleep
 
There is blood in this river,
we have swallowed it down
but it is no longer a scar
it is a blood promise
and I need to let it make us whole
 
So I’ve collected some
little pebbles
they’re not much
but I’ll stay here till dawn scratches open the sky
throwing them at your window
so I can learn how to unsleep like you
so I can learn how to bleed like you
so I can learn how I made you choke
so maybe
you might open the window again.
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/1/17

Atone

View tallsquirrelgirl's Full Portfolio
tags:

Apology

Even if I was not guilty,


I did beg apology,


Only since I loved you much so,


That you did know!

 

 

My love for you,


Was not an emblem of flaw,


It was rather a might,


As the sun’s light!


 

Indeed I did not become worthless,

 

By apologising before you, the faithless!

View kingofwords's Full Portfolio
tags:

Glitch

I'm sorry,

If sometimes I sound

And act like
I'm pushing you away.

 

I'm not scared

Of losing anything...

I didn't need

Anyone...

My life has no

Greater meaning

Until I met you.

 

It's just that I'm beginning

To love you beyond

I've ever felt before,

Beyond I ever thought

I could,

And it scares the hell

Out of me.

 

It scares me

Because I have a glitch-

The one you know of.

Some time in the past,

I've allowed myself

To love -

Unconditionally...

 

And though I know

You are different

And THIS is incomparable,

Loving too much

Triggers the me that was

Hurt too much

 

And when it happens,

Something inside of me

Shuts off.

And I get scared,

And I try to fight it off,

Pretending I'm okay

When I'm not.

 

Worse, in defense,

I foolishly build

This stupid wall,

Made of silly words-

Between us.

 

Wall of words

To gather courage

That I'm ready for 

Anything

Because you and

Your happiness,

Mean everything

To me.

 

A wall I built,

As if I didn't know

That the warmth

Of your love and

The gentleness

Of your heart

Can see and pierce

Through it.

 

You know me better.

That I was dying

To be rescued.

You're still there

Unmoved, unshaken.

Hurt...

But waiting, patiently

With open arms-

For me.

 

I'm so, so, soooooooo very sorry.

If I sound 

And act like

I'm pushing you away.

More than anything,

Despite my glitch,

Please...stay.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

-(c) angeljerlin 09Dec14

View angeljerlin's Full Portfolio

By Way Of An Apology.

Folder: 
Time

 

 

Do I have writers block?

Lost in a sea of thought!

Which idea to bring to dock.

So many subjects; but which I ought?

 

For many weeks now I have painted:

Enthralled by technique and result.

Then I remembered and almost fainted!!

I had neglected to write and had come to a halt.

 

Fellow poets and writers forgive my neglect.

I ponder still: and write this as an apology.

The seeds of thought process I must protect.

Until they are nutured; like my prodigy.

 

When my ideas and sensations have bloomed.

I shall write and the poetry will flow.

I will not think of my words as doomed.

But as a flowering bouquet full of life's glow.

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

Pause for thought or lost for words, which I ponder?

View a.griffiths57's Full Portfolio

Be Little, Be Nice

It’s not you, it’s me;

an apology doused in insincerity.

5 words,

hold up your hand,

It’s the same shape I use to slap and brand.

To block out the sun, to not go blind.

To smile and wave, staying clandestine.  

To wear a suit to get a job,

three fingers gone

 part of a mob.

To cover my mouth

 loose woman, loose tongue;

you give me safety scissors and a water gun.

A tailcoat, feather boa plea.

Wailing jesters joke on one knee,

on a piss covered floor, the show goes on.

 Don’t tell anyone, slut, it was just for fun. 

View kiddo's Full Portfolio

Synchronicity

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qbpaz-u5WIE

 

"oh, it was a horrible wrongdoing!

you should have been there,

the way he spoke to her, 

after all she had gone through,

it made everyone want to 

hang him...see him suffer good!

and what about the mother?

she was just as bad...

whacked out crack whore

too busy to even feed her own baby!

what should we do?

i say DEMAND an apology!

HANG the son-of-a-bitches,

but first make them suffer good!

why should we tolerate this crudity?

we ALL deserve an apology

at the very least! 

who do they think they are?

don't they realize we are human beings?

we are deserving of RESPECT!!

the way they spoke to us is just plain wrong!!

we can't let them think they can get away with this!"

 

****************************

 

i listen to the words 

of a small group of people

outside in the hallway

of the municipal court building 

whilst waiting patiently 

to pay my traffic ticket.

i am eavesdropping, yes,

one of the habits i have, 

mostly due to my joy for people-watching.

but in this case, 

also due to the fact that

i am upset with myself at the moment,

because one ticket in 12 years

has spurred me into a multi-faceted

voyage of self-introspection

that has now lasted for the past 3 weeks,

as getting tickets 

has always been my 

'personal summons' as well as 

the financial penalty it so kindly

lavishes on my ever-dwindling checking account.

 

as a means to briefly escape 

beating myself up for the past 3 weeks,

i take a short glimpse 

into a different outlook

on the moment,

as i indulge in my own 

little secret self-righteousness,

playing both judge and jury

on the indignant ones next to me in the hallway,

and reach an opinion of their complaints.

 

it goes like this:

first of all,lady, i don't know 

what happened here,

but have you read the sign on the building

that says 'municipal court'? 

that sort of means this is not a huge deal,

and the reason it isn't is because 

this town is full of people just like you,

who think we have nothing better to do here

except have 'group therapy' all freaking day long.

 

second of all, you with the demand sign 

and noose in your back pocket--

get a dam* grip on yourself,

before you die from your own mortification,

because it might come to your surprise,

that you aren't the first person in the world

to have someone call you out--

happens every day, you're just too self absorbed 

to notice when it happens around you to others,

and furthurmore, the entire thing about 

being a human being means that

nobody's flawless, so get over it, pal.

 

thirdly, not to make this a family gathering,

but all of your mothers must have 

had one too many, the night before she 

packed your 'social skills survival kit',

because she obviously forgot to tell you

that respect is a two way street,

and it doesn't happen just because 

somebody did something wrong to you,

it's something you create with others,

and most times you create more of it for yourself

through your example of being it, 

than you ever could with demands--

that's just the way it works.

so if you're saying you need an apology to 

act like a decent respectful human being,

shame on you, i am embarrassed to 

share the species with you, little miss perfect---

 

---and now I have to take a recess 

because they just called my name!!

 

as i walk towards the door, 

one of the women in the group

taps me on the arm. she holds in her hand two 

shiny pennies, and looks up at me

saying, 'did you drop this'?

i look at her and can't help smiling a little,

'no, honey, i gave my two cents, that's for you'. 

with a puzzled look on her face, i make 

my way past and into the courtroom.

 

never did have to pay for that ticket.

turns out, the first ticket is considered 

a second chance here... love it!

 

Court Is Adjourned!!

 

 

12:43 AM 7/2/2013 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Little short story.