Disappointment

Cold

I was quite a fool,

And I regret it everyday,

My lack of fortitude,

My lack of industry,

It pains me to think of it

It's true,

This isn't something,

That has much use.

But I must let it out

 

Each day passes with a certain coldness,

Not a chill,

But an iceberg,

Along my spine,

Splintering out into each and every muscle,

And a heat,

Inside my chest,

Confusion in the mind,

Chaos in the body,

The worries, oh the worries.

They fill up my mind,

Taking with it all the oxygen,

It feels as though I'm going to faint,

But I somehow arrive momentarily,

At a calm,

A melancholy calm,

Somewhere,

Resting in the darkness,

There is some warmth,

Some hope,

Some Forgiveness,

It isn't strong enough to fend of the pain,

But just strong enough,

To be noticed,

And oh what a joy it is,

To feel something in me,

Somehow,

Has not given up on me,

It still cares,

Its love is unconditional,

It is beautiful,

I feel blood rush to my cheeks,

A soothing release up the back of my neck,

Thank you.

Whatever you are, holding me together,

Loving me when no one else will,

Thank you.

I will wait out this terribleness,

Until I can feel your embrace once again.

 

 

 

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More Than We Expected

Folder: 
Gavin

It was just like any other day, 

Air wasted out of our breath,

Like the chimney smoke, 

Smoking the soul of our home, 

I took that hands of yours and rested to mine, 

Before the wind blew the windows wide open, 

Awaken right before we scattered with of storm,

Before we lost the wings of understanding, 

Covered our words with of our own farewell,

As then we float towards our death.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 06/06/2017

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You were nothing but lies.

Baby you helped me up when

I fell down

You held my head up when 

I was drowning

But now your gone

And guess what baby?

I'm falling

And I can't stop

I'm drowning

My head is not coming back up

Baby you made the darkness go away

You were my light

But 

Baby the darkness is coming back

And 

The light is going out

Baby you said you loved me

And

You kept me going

But

Baby you were nothing but lies.

 

repetitive.

the words were the same

but each memory was different

yet all of them fufilled one thing:

a false sense of hope.

 

hopefully one day, 

someone will break of that tradition

and actually hold true to their words.

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think it over.

once again, the same

mistake all over again

think it over, please...

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Warped Existence

Folder: 
Self Loathing

 

 

Never been the one

To stand and fight

For the dreams

That sore so high

 

I’m the one that hides

With fear inside

Living on burnt memories

 

Can’t seem to find

A fresh start

A new beginning

Without hindering hands

 

That grasp my sanity                      

Preventing me

To take a stand

 

I’m hurting and bleeding

From self-inflicted moods

When will I learn to love?

And heal these open wounds

 

How can I stop dying on the inside?

Rotting and withering away

Picking up my shattered pieces

In hope, that they’d stay

 

 

Breaking free from this hold

No longer listening to what I’m told

I’m sold on this future, meant to be

 

All these thoughts

Crashing down

The storm’s coming

And I’m here waiting

 

Can’t be hell bound

Chains wrapped around me

Screams with no sound

 

Sold on stories told

Silver linings and sun shine

Coming after the rain

Please erase this pain, warring

 

Ripping off this sorrow

Like clothes off my back

There can only be a better tomorrow

 

So let the rain come

Wash me clean

Swipe the things off my plate

That keep me, from me

 

 

A lonely second chance


Walking in the footsteps of the shadows before him

Many years a plenty so deep dark and empty

Never ever too few to hate him very coarsely

 

They preach to him of god’s love

While at the cliff giving him a shove

It saddens him when he thinks about how they should love him

When any perfect stranger easily can trim or replace him

 

Finally realizing he needs a second chance as he stares at the walls

Putting him in a trance

Knowing he has to try and make this last stance

 Lonely living out this life sentence, but I bet they won’t miss his invalid absence.


Written by, 

Rob Casteel

Watching the Clock

Happiness flying so high I cannot reach, If only I could find them that would teach.  Sitting so dim living through others, wondering why them and not the other. Lights down low, time so slow, watching the clock one day and then two. The days march by with many a glitch, wondering why I still live in this son of a bitch.

 By Rob Casteel  

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Reality

It's a hard lesson to learn, 

That what you think,
Everything thing you feel.
Doesn't matter one bit.
To someone who says,
You mean the world to them. 
When you'd move mountains for them, 
If you could.
Everything you do,
Everything you say,
Every move you make,
Is made with them
And their feelings in mind.
Then their words sting like whips, 
The intent is hard to miss.
Cutting like knives across your heart.
Carving the pain into your soul.
Leaving you scarred.
Believing you're not good enough,
It's too much to hope for to be happy.
It's too much to wish that you'd be loved. 
Fully and unconditionally accepted.
Wishing to be treasured.
That your heart would be held With care.
That you'd find a love,
Whose words are chosen wisely. 
Makes promises they keep. 
And whose love would soothe your wounded soul.
 
 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Version 1... it's not really done....

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