Disappointment

I Am Never Alone

You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again, mate.

You went back on your word when you promised you’d stick with me in the long run.


Even if our passion moved far too quickly at first.

Before it simmered down to give us time to intercept our demons.

 

It should’ve been the other way around.

In an age where I can’t see your face nor can I hold your hand,

 

It’s become a force of habit that I wish I could stop partaking in.

I love too quickly because I am a freak scared of being molded into something I’m not.

 

Regardless of my desire, I still have to know what goes on in your own life.

That either excites you, scares you, angers you, saddens you, and soothes you.

 

I’d have to appreciate you before my infatuation gets the better of me and it evolves into love.

I never planned to stop caring even after finding out your weight was dangerously high.

 

I was reassured that you planned to take care of yourself, but you never knew that.

You didn’t know what to do nor what to say when I didn’t find out about your size sooner.

 

You didn’t want to shove me away, but you did.

You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did.

 

You said you were interested in me, but you weren’t.

You said you weren’t in it for short-term happiness, but you were.

 

All because you turned your back on me when I was willing to keep you tight regardless.

You are such a damn fraud that vies for a sugar bowl that I am fighting tirelessly to keep.

 

How many sorries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I could let you know when you get it to turn on.

But how can I notify you if you severed ties with me?

Since you ran away, an apology is as empty as your soul.

 

You turned out to be just like your exes and here I am, telling you, “Fuck your love quest.”

It’s not like you’re going to take it again anytime soon nevertheless.

 

Lonely pieces of crap only want to love when they wish for an early death.

Were you trying to gasp for air when the ocean took away your breath?

 

If you’re still wondering why you’ll never find love, I’ve got bad news for you.

The way you made my heart beat for you until you made a crack in it is the answer to your question.

 

You may never know this about me because I don’t always realize it myself.

But when I embrace a soul whose loyalty and compassion is unbreakable,

 

I realize that I am never alone.

They may face obstacles and heartaches of their own, but they never let them tear them apart.

 

One day, I’ll find love of my own and I continue to pray that it will be as true as my friendships.

What a shame that you’ll never see that I am never alone.

Cold

I was quite a fool,

And I regret it everyday,

My lack of fortitude,

My lack of industry,

It pains me to think of it

It's true,

This isn't something,

That has much use.

But I must let it out

 

Each day passes with a certain coldness,

Not a chill,

But an iceberg,

Along my spine,

Splintering out into each and every muscle,

And a heat,

Inside my chest,

Confusion in the mind,

Chaos in the body,

The worries, oh the worries.

They fill up my mind,

Taking with it all the oxygen,

It feels as though I'm going to faint,

But I somehow arrive momentarily,

At a calm,

A melancholy calm,

Somewhere,

Resting in the darkness,

There is some warmth,

Some hope,

Some Forgiveness,

It isn't strong enough to fend of the pain,

But just strong enough,

To be noticed,

And oh what a joy it is,

To feel something in me,

Somehow,

Has not given up on me,

It still cares,

Its love is unconditional,

It is beautiful,

I feel blood rush to my cheeks,

A soothing release up the back of my neck,

Thank you.

Whatever you are, holding me together,

Loving me when no one else will,

Thank you.

I will wait out this terribleness,

Until I can feel your embrace once again.

 

 

 

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More Than We Expected

Folder: 
Gavin

It was just like any other day, 

Air wasted out of our breath,

Like the chimney smoke, 

Smoking the soul of our home, 

I took that hands of yours and rested to mine, 

Before the wind blew the windows wide open, 

Awaken right before we scattered with of storm,

Before we lost the wings of understanding, 

Covered our words with of our own farewell,

As then we float towards our death.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 06/06/2017

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You were nothing but lies.

Baby you helped me up when

I fell down

You held my head up when 

I was drowning

But now your gone

And guess what baby?

I'm falling

And I can't stop

I'm drowning

My head is not coming back up

Baby you made the darkness go away

You were my light

But 

Baby the darkness is coming back

And 

The light is going out

Baby you said you loved me

And

You kept me going

But

Baby you were nothing but lies.

 

repetitive.

the words were the same

but each memory was different

yet all of them fufilled one thing:

a false sense of hope.

 

hopefully one day, 

someone will break of that tradition

and actually hold true to their words.

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think it over.

once again, the same

mistake all over again

think it over, please...

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Warped Existence

Folder: 
Self Loathing

 

 

Never been the one

To stand and fight

For the dreams

That sore so high

 

I’m the one that hides

With fear inside

Living on burnt memories

 

Can’t seem to find

A fresh start

A new beginning

Without hindering hands

 

That grasp my sanity                      

Preventing me

To take a stand

 

I’m hurting and bleeding

From self-inflicted moods

When will I learn to love?

And heal these open wounds

 

How can I stop dying on the inside?

Rotting and withering away

Picking up my shattered pieces

In hope, that they’d stay

 

 

Breaking free from this hold

No longer listening to what I’m told

I’m sold on this future, meant to be

 

All these thoughts

Crashing down

The storm’s coming

And I’m here waiting

 

Can’t be hell bound

Chains wrapped around me

Screams with no sound

 

Sold on stories told

Silver linings and sun shine

Coming after the rain

Please erase this pain, warring

 

Ripping off this sorrow

Like clothes off my back

There can only be a better tomorrow

 

So let the rain come

Wash me clean

Swipe the things off my plate

That keep me, from me

 

 

A lonely second chance


Walking in the footsteps of the shadows before him

Many years a plenty so deep dark and empty

Never ever too few to hate him very coarsely

 

They preach to him of god’s love

While at the cliff giving him a shove

It saddens him when he thinks about how they should love him

When any perfect stranger easily can trim or replace him

 

Finally realizing he needs a second chance as he stares at the walls

Putting him in a trance

Knowing he has to try and make this last stance

 Lonely living out this life sentence, but I bet they won’t miss his invalid absence.


Written by, 

Rob Casteel

Watching the Clock

Happiness flying so high I cannot reach, If only I could find them that would teach.  Sitting so dim living through others, wondering why them and not the other. Lights down low, time so slow, watching the clock one day and then two. The days march by with many a glitch, wondering why I still live in this son of a bitch.

 By Rob Casteel  

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