dreams

How, And Why?

Folder: 
Outlook

It's been a while since I've seen you, been a while since I've heard from you.
Your face is the one thing I can still see, and your voice is the one thing I can still hear.
Mentally, I saw you walking, but you passed me, and didn't notice I was there.
I tried to call out to you, but you didn't hear me.

Once, I thought I loved you, everyone else seemed to think I did too.
But all I felt went away very quickly, like I knew it would. 
When I met you, I was happy, we talked almost always, and it was great having someone to talk to.
You were there, when he wasn't. 

I appreciate and love you for that.

I've tried to picture what it would be like if I was with you, what it would be like if I was yours instead of his.
Would I be happier? Would I experience what I'm not right now?
So many questions, and so many answers which I haven't found. 
Everytime I am alone, I feel some sort of sadness, some sort of emptyness.

Not that it completely has to do with you or him, but I think more to do with the loneliness I've been living with.
Making myself believe things could be different every time I find someone new.
But, you know how it goes, and how its gone for me.
How to walk away from something seems easy, but sometimes, people struggle even when they know they have to let go.

Being with someone new is something I almost don't want to do again.
I don't want to tell anyone else stories of my past, and how I once was.
I don't want to do things and not keep it to myself.
I've always been a quiet and reserved girl, I've always been you could say, overly careful about who I allow to touch me.

Doing things with him, I grew comfortable with, and something I became okay with.
Doing things with you, I've questioned, and thought of, something I would've had to grow comfortable and okay with.
Could I ever do things with you, can I see myself doing things with you, and would I ever see and hear you again........but this time, for real?

 

 

I look at how other girls live their lives, and sometimes think of how they handle being physical. 
How do they allow themselves to give their all to one guy, and then another after some time has passed?
is there never any regret? Is there never any fear and doubt?
Where does the trust comfort and idea of being okay with it come from?
If things go wrong, how are they able to allow themselves to do it again, and with someone else who isn't meant to be their someone?

And off the topic I wonder, how was someone like you, able to seemingly fall for me?
I am a damaged broken record you see. 
What is there to possibly like about me, how can one like me, and why?
Even after trying to be with someone for 5 years, I still don't know why he chose me........but then there's you. 
Why did you pick me? why havent you given up? Why do you still wish to have me?
What is there, aside from the reason to do with my body, to like about a woman like me?

 

Armaggedon Flight

Folder: 
Poetry

Armageddon; the Old Ones came

And Cthulhu roamed free

Nyarlathotep came to me

And gave me clothing in Zodiac-style

Then I went with Him.

 

On a bat, flying in mid-air;

Beasts were coming: huge bears

But out of reach, not out of sight

And there were enemies behind us

Who tried to pull us down.

 

I told this to Nyarlathotep;

And he said: “Wait one moment”

Then in hyperdrive we went faster

And flew out of sight…

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

Anubis the Forecast

Folder: 
Poetry

The sand ascended,

A whirlwind closeby.

In the tomb,

Where the dead were lain to rest.


From this storm raised,

The aspect of Anubis.

The god that attends the dead,

To the hereafter...


With robust voice raised,

He let me know:

"Dead you go!"

My destiny written down.


A day hereafter,

In normal life;

I almost drowned in the lake,

Death had grabbed me tight.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A Vision I had.

A Hole: Pain Through the Brain

Folder: 
Poetry

I woke up,

in the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

fastly I slipped into my coat.

 

I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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Existence

I lay in dark and dreaming sleep
While countless wars and ages passed
While lovers lost and children died
The cycle ran until, aghast 
I opened my eyes, so I should see 
And learn from this unending past
That life is short, though days are long
And that we were never meant to last.
 
I woke to noise and screaming life
But death was ever found to be
Within the dissonance of voice
Born in children, grown in me
I ran until I fell alone
But decease, like a fey banshee
Moved silently in my shadowed steps
With no intent to set me free
 
I dozed through my own middle life
I couldn't care to breathe or die
To see my friends or family
Would just admit that I'm alive
I felt like life would canter on
Meaningless, though I'd strive
To fight the caress of lover-death
To hope my wonder would revive
 
I slept tonight a wondrous sleep
Of moon and star and sunlit eyes
From my bed, I heard her creep
And then I found to my surprise
An angel of unending rest
With promises to mesmerize 
I gave her my own soul to reap
No more left to agonize 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I liked the first two lines enough to compose another poem

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All For a Dream

How far would you go?

To reach your dreams.

How much of yourself would you forgo?

Split yourself at the seams.

And the family you would forget

Your face they won't recognize

Even yourself, you couldn't see with your own two eyes

Success begets success

At what cost would it take?

You have the work ethic

But love you forsake.

 

To attain a dream,

sometimes bridges must be burned

let go of everything

to show in life what can be earned.

How many hearts must you break?

To feel so bittersweet.

How much love would you forsake?

To make yourself feel complete.

Perfectionist in mind, worker at heart

Life is always moving

So some place you must start

Resistance will occur

Your loved ones you will defer

Because of a dream of life you prefer

All the poems that you write

All the sleepless nights

The guitar you learn to play

Hours spent each and every day

Yourself might slip away

But this dream you must achieve.

 

When one becomes so engrossed

In something they desire

To get the most,

You must add kindling to the fire.

All those that dreamt

Put forth work towards those dreams

Even if that meant,

Losing everything.

They knew at one point

If you put your all in, it'd pan out

And even if it didn't, you lived a life without doubt

Whether done out of spite, or because it felt right, or to prove to oneself

Even going as far as putting aside your own mental health.

Those dreams you feel the urge to pursue

So that one day you may feel at home with Big Blue.

No matter the pain or love you've undone

It's all part of this road that you run

If you truly want it, then you mustn't give up the gun.

 

Years to come, no matter the difficulty or how you feel

Wouldn't you give everything?

To make your dreams become real.

 

 

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Lost In An Anxiety Dream

The dream, an early morning awakening.

 

Past and present merge.

 

I’m in an unfamiliar place,

 

Staring at a concrete intersection,

 

Searching for known landmarks,

 

Trying to establish which way to go.

 

Each road leads to confusion.

 

Isolation.

 

Echoes of childhood have vanished for ever,

 

The familiar buildings replaced by office blocks,

 

And I stand alone by the crossroads, lost and without purpose.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have always had a keen interest in dreams and what they tell us. 

View lozzamus's Full Portfolio

Wanderer

I can imagine the life of a wanderer

Traveling the world with no care

I dream about this lifestyle

But meeting someone like me is rare

I can imagine us fixing up a camper

That we can take cross the land

I dream of the beautiful sunsets

But it seems no one else understands

I can imagine giving everything up

All my material things

I really don’t need anything

I’ll even pass on the ring

I just want adventure

I just want to roam

And I want to find a partner

So I don’t have to do it alone

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(Ain’t It Sad) How Things Turn Out to Be

When I was young,

I was so carefree,

At least that’s how

It seems to me,

Ain’t it sad

How things turn out to be?

 

Full of hope,

Full of passionate dreams,

A thrilling new world

Lay right before me,

Ain’t it sad

How things turn out to be?

 

Glass half full,

Then it’s half empty,

My mood can change

So very unpredictably,

Ain’t it sad

 How things turn out to be?


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57MUtZbXChM

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 (Ain’t It Sad) How Things Turn Out to Be began life as a song, written and recorded in 2016, although, as the lyrics make manifestly clear, it stems from one of my episodic ‘glass half empty’ periods.

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