sadness

Angelus Canticum

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Every single note was a song in itself

And every little breath was a melody

And I, a painful ripping squeal

That bellowed from inside of me

 

Her crimson lips had softly smiled

As she sang angelically 

But no more than a dissonant chord

Was the best that I could be

 

Oh, angel of the nightly song!

How wrapped in you I have become!

How can I go, and sing alone

Shouting like a falling drum

 

I can't forget your heavenly voice

That pierced the ever-present noise

Through sky and the pervasive smog

To me, whom naught but death employs. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost the will to keep working on it. It's sat on my desktop for weeks now and it's just time to post what there is.

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Do not weep for me now

Do not weep for me now

For I am back in my mother’s arms

 

Do not morn another day

For I walk in peace

With those who have been waiting in the light

To share their everlasting love

 

Do not be saddened

For I have been blessed with your love

And carry it in my heart

To my new plain of existence

 

Do not be afraid

For I am a part of the light that shines down upon you

And brightens your way towards your future

 

Do not feel lonely

For I am the one who will watch over and protect you

Until we again walk hand in hand

To our eternal place of peace

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. God bless

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How Sad True Sadness

There was a sadness I revered,

But never possessed,

Because there was youth

And opportunity to spare,

 

But as life ebbs,

And opportunities recede,

I know that sadness for real,

And how sad true sadness feels.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

How Sad True Sadness possibly from 2015, although it has been subject to some editing since then, including a final edit, or so it is to be hoped, which took place on the 18th of January 2019.

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cancer kills

All alone with the voices inside of my head. ill put my pride to the side and write it out the rest. 

I hate how cancer kills the one you love and not the one you hate instead. 

it puts you through so much pain, id rather see hell, face my demons and be better off dead then to see another loved one go through that again. 

Your body is eating you from the inside out and theres nothing you can do cry and take pain meds. 

losing hair and weight at a fast scaling rate. worry and confusion, i swear this all feels like an illuision. 

sitting alone in my room every night thinking why didnt they take you. (maryanne)

they didnt take the right one, and now its fucking me up in the head.

trying to sort this shit out like why god?

why take not her instead.. 

take the crackhead.

not someones mother, a family friend.

but you cant pick and choose

so let me cry and lay in my bed. Wishing i can see you again and tell you all the things i never said. 

see your face and tell you that i love you, and thank you again.

youre in a better place, with danny. so atleast youre happy. 

im sorry for the pain this shit has put you thru. its a cold world, but atleast i got to know you.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

for Elaine Mousie 

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Nowhere2go

Full speed, fantasy about being under my own tires, expressing myself getting even harder, Nowhere2go, not enough prayer for you, your mind is tainted and no one will ever love you, Dancing in holy white, hoping I get her attention, driving fast, gma come get me, fantasy about being under your tires, expressing myself getting impossible, the army saving my life, there are times where I breathe and I feel like im losing my life, my lungs are expiring and I'm gasping for air, and niggas around me can't even tell, Danielle, I hate that I still love her, fuck it, I'll see her in hell, I'm falling for a girl, who is the same, Jesus take the wheel, nowhere2go, there is, not enough prayer for you, I've spent my whole life depressed, I wanna end myself, my silence is golden as fuck, when I seem happy, people don't have to look, the shadows where they dwell, in the light wishing me well, I can't see and I'm paranoid, drowning myself in addiction hoping I blend in, I've been home for only a few days, and it sinks in, and it sinks in, no one loves you, nowhere2go.. I've spent all my life depressed.. thinking about death.. hoping my time is next.

The Odyssey

Folder: 
Love

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

 

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

 

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

 

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

 

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

 

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you all my everything

And you each of you left me wanting

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On Tour

Touring empty halls,

Thirst for the darkness.

The deadness staling my heart;

I have no tears to weep.

My gutted head is putting me so far away.

To keep safe from your toxins.

The poison deep, the medicine awakening.

 

On the hours, I need you; I was left with sour sorrow.

Borrowing from the night, I begged you for light.

Now, I am in flight.

I seen righteous, to find it within the self.

From you, I escape your tightening grip.

 

I tour these blank spaces,

I thirst for my Earthly medicines 

My fight mode easing to allow me to rest.

I have bleed the best for you.

I have no tears left to cry.

 

I place all my might,

To keep us at a distance.

I burn the warm, all the pain.

I burn as my spirit rises from the cold ashes.

 

My eyes are dry from sorrow.

With boldness, I stand from our fall.

 

Broken wings like a fragmented plate.

Shattered heart, banding rings to contain the chaos.

In the gathering flames,  I rise with no tears to cry.

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Tears Always Dries

Folder: 
Poor Me

Bitter words are so many
They've never grew fond of ones emotions
Their roots grows stronger every time they bloom
Such they became one of the famous theme in the society
Sadness crawls to every corner of my bed as i try to deny my feelings
Tears withdrawn from my eyes all lost to my pillow
Gone are the one i failed to love
And here lies the pain I can't defeat.

13 October 2018

Author's Notes/Comments: 

If the clouds cannot hold the rain, how you suppose an eye can hold all such tears.

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tags:

I Should Know Better

Experienced well in pain,

of every known form,

For me this is nothing,

but my seemingly, 'norm'.

 

My heart is a punching bag,

battered and bruised.

Neglected, discarded,

tossed aside...and used.

 

Why am I an easy target,

of other people's abuse?

Am I marked for my life,

Is my hoping, of no use?

 

I open myself up and take,

these constant, hurtful attacks.

But then they are always shocked,

when finally, I fight back.

 

Why am I so vulnerable,

and not worthy of affection?

Why am I the hapless victim, 

of this hurt and rejection?

 

I should know so much better,

been through it, many times before.

I'm my own worst, foolish enemy,

sticking around life, for yet more.

 

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