sadness

Tears

Folder: 
Torn Love

Im hoping the pain will heal in time,

How is it only now I can tell you,

I love you,

Please dont say a word,

I know youre in love,

I know its not with me,

The truth haunts my memories,

I know its too late,

The love we had was torn in two,

I have nothing left but tears,

Those are mine you cant take them away,

Like a comet passing by,

A shooting star in the sky,

The trail of dust left behind as it flies past,

Caught in the atmosphere of a planet,

It starts to heat up and burn,

Hotter and hotter it burns,

Plummeting towards the surface,

A giant crater left from impact,

It feels like a joke,

You never seemed like you cared at all,

You let me burn,

You encouraged the heat,

I fell in love with a fantasy,

A reality that never was to be,

Broken inside and out,

I wanted to take your pain away,

But now all I want is to be gone,

Youve gone away,

Left me here i n this crater,

Broken, burnt and alone,

The worst is over now I can breathe again,

I can think of you and not hurt any more,

Everybody hurts sometimes,

Everybody screams,

Eventually everybody walks away,

You take the memories we had together,

I will take the tears froom the years.

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I'm Fine...


When, 'I'm fine'

becomes your generic answer,

because you know well,

they don't really care about the truth.

 

When tears just randomly fall,

in a silent, steady succession

and you never knew

...you were even crying.

 

When you actually,

physically ache inside,

from being so bereft

of even simple human touch.

 

When the only times

your cries are even heard

by anyone who'd care,

is within' your own head.

 

When you just want to run-

just start running,

but knowing full well,

you've nowhere, and no one, to run.

 

When your own traitorous voice

calls out inside you, screaming:

'Outcast! Unlovable! Unworthy!

Why don't you fight back!?

What's wrong with you!???'

And you simply whisper back, 'I'm fine.'

In Love and I Hate It

Folder: 
Love

Im in love and I hate it,

It hurts so much,

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

You are like poison in my veins,

Im totally addicted to your games,

You are beautiful,

That beauty is tained,

I cant take it any more,

What am I supposed to do?

I want to be with you,

I want to run away from you,

I feel like Im spiralling down a hole,

I make the same mistakes,

Over and over again,

I cant walk away,

Like a moth drawn to a flame,

My heart overrules my head,

Its agony,

Its ecstasy,

I cant decide what I want more,

The pleasure or the pain,

Its magic the way you hypnotise,

I dont know what to believe any more,

My head is so messed up,

I love you,

I hate you,

I hate myself,

I look up to the stars and the planets for guidance,

I feel like Im falling through space,

I dont have the strength inside,

My head hangs low,

My heart pulled in different directions,

The tears flow freely,

I need to be strong,

I need to move on,

You make me feel bad and its not fair,

I feel so lost.

 

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Job

 

Lord, I'm on my knees again

Because the worst has happened

The death of a loved one

The loss of a job

I can't pay the bills

My wife no longer loves me

 

So I'm here today

Before the Lord of creation

The First and Last

And perhaps the best I can say

Is a hollow hallelujah

From an empty heart

“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away

Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

 

For who knows

Perhaps by my suffering

Someone else may be blessed

Someone else might have hope

Someone else might see You through me

 

I can't see the future

I don't know the greater plan

But I believe, but I Know

That even in the hardest of times

I can rely on You to carry me

When I fall, let me fall into Your arms

Please take this broken life

This shattered jar of clay

And shape it into the man

That You need me to be

 

I trust You

I love You

And because of these

 

I know that I'll be ok

 

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Forgive and Forget

Folder: 
Torn Love

You murdered my heart,

Broke the trust I had with you,

Do you really care?

Could you love me to death?

Im empty inside,

Watch me as I walk away,

The emptiness inside of me,

Can I learn to forgive and forget?

 

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Ego sum paenitet me dilexit vos

Folder: 
Dark Love

Did you ever care?

Did you ever feel the same way?

How much of it was real?

How much f it was lies?

You must of known I cared,

You must of known how I really felt,

I wanted to make you happy,

I wanted to show you I understood,

How could you be so cruel?

How could you not see it was hurting me?

I took a chance and trusted you,

I took a chance and let you in,

You never let me in,

You never seemed to care,

How much pain does pleasure bring?

How much pleasure does pain bring?

Why didnt you stop it?

Why did you carry on?

You hurt me in ways I never knew,

You hurt me permanently,

I have scars from you,

I have scars because of you,

I gave you a second chance,

I gave you a third chance,

You chose to burn those bridges,

You chose to burn me.

 

I know I need to walk away,

Tell me its over even though it never began,

Remove the spell Im under,

Let me live in peace,

My heart aches at the thought of you,

Why did I fall for you?

I let you in and you shut me out,

Only there when it was convenient for you.

 

I told you I wont chase you forever,

One day I will give up and walk away,

No matter how great the pain,

How much I miss your touch,

The taste of you on my lips,

Your skin against mine,

Intoxicating scent of pheremones,

The adrenaline rush,

Hearts pounding and pulses thumping,

Im going to miss it all,

But most of all,

Im going to miss you.

 

Ego sum paenitet me dilexit vos.

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The Face

Folder: 
Tales and Fables

The saddest eyes in a world of gray

Full of hurt, and the weakest strength

Windows to a tortured brain

Courting madness to look sane

 

I see the darkness around your face

That you try to hide away

You've lost the will to live again

Subject to recurring pain

 

The wrinkles flow around your features

Like roiled and cracked imprints of creatures

Growing old while in your prime

Extenuate the charm of time

 

The mouth is small and bares it's teeth

Silent when it ought to speak

Chewing when it ought to stay

Cursing the good days away

 

Stepping back

Now I see

It's simply a mirror

Reflecting me...

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Unrequited Love

Folder: 
Silent Hate.

You told him you loved him.

He told me "I was doing it for us"

You told him you loved him.

He told me “She was just a hole to stick it in”

You told him you loved him

He told me “She was easy”

You told him you loved him.

He told me “I did what I had to”

You told him you loved him.

He told me “She meant nothing”

You told him you loved him.

He told me “She could have been anyone”

You told him you loved him.

He told me "The sex wasn't good"

You told him you loved him.

He told me “I had to think of you when I was with her”

You told him you loved him

 

He told me “I love you”

A Lost Star

Folder: 
Torn Love

All I ever wanted was to talk to you,

Make you laugh and smile,

I never thought I would feel this way,

Your smile is brighter than the sun,

Your hugs are warm and comforting,

Your body temperature is like magma,

I longed to make you happy,

Promised each other we would always be there,

Something stirred deep inside,

Like waking a long sleeping dragon,

Feelings started to surface,

I wouldnt let you go,

I couldnt let you go,

You felt like the night sky,

Held my heart when it was breaking,

I tried to hold yours,

Keep you happy,

You helped me heal when times were hard,

I trusted you implicitly,

I gave you all I had,

Just to make you smile,

Just to make you happy,

Just to be your friend,

Im sorry that I wasnt good enough,

Im sorry that I cared,

I hate what has become of us,

The rift in between,

I feel as far away form you as Pluto,

At the furthest orbital point,

You took my heart and broke it,

You did the one thing I asked you not to,

You burnt bridges we had built,

You destroyed my happiness,

Hurt me in ways I never thought possible,

I want to forgive you,

Because I care,

Im just not sure I can,

I let you in,

Deep inside me,

I miss your touch,

I miss the sparkle in your eyes,

I miss your smile,

I miss you,

I feel like a dying star,

Energy that has been expended too quickly,

Rapidly cooling and diminishing,

Solidifying from the outside in,

Fading from something bright,

Becoming part of the darkness,

A solid lump of nothingness.

 

Te Amo in Aeternum,

Because I have no choice,

Because I cant help it,

Because Im human and I hurt.

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