sadness

It's not beautiful.

 

 

 

Sadness isn’t pretty
Tears aren’t like rain.
They’re horrible and ugly,
harsh and full of pain.
Don’t glorify feeling empty
don’t romanticize feeling alone
because I’m not feeling beautiful
I’m sorry when I have to moan.
Don’t you realize my chest is tight?
Don’t you realize I’m crying inside?
Don’t you realize that while I laugh and joke
really I’m terrified?

Don’t you realize it’s not all an act?
No
 because you don’t take note of the fact
that sadness isn’t pretty like we portray it to be.
It hurts, and I think it’s killing me.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

:( Can people stop this please? It's not helpful, and means people get the wrong idea about mental health problems. They think it's beautiful. Well, it's not beautiful. 

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Lying Shadow

Fall into my arms 

My deepest love 

I will tell you soft lies 

You will me in disguise 

 

I am in your head

You will believe me instead 

I will tell you your lies 

You will see me only in diguise

 

I am in your soul 

No part of you 

is in control

I will tell you lies 

You will see me only ever in disguise 

 

You are lost in confusion

You can't handle emotion

I will tell you lies 

You will never believe otherwise 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Comments and helpful critques are welcome. Laughing

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Solitary night

 
 
Solitary night
 
tears of dissatisfaction
 
choking on memories
 
a torrent as the dark presses in
 
Searching, seeking
 
the long-awaited slumber
 
of each miserable, useless regret of yesterday
 
Yet, afraid to face the uncertainty of tomorrow
 
 
 

Simply Forgotten

Can I please stop thinking of you?

Leave my thoughts,

And take my insecurities 

 

What you left in your wake,

As you simply disappeared

 

No words

Nothing

I'm just left to wonder why

 

Fuck this inner ache

Fuck this forever pain

 

I wish you'd come back

Swoop me up

And tell me this is all a joke 

 

I wish I could hold you

Lay on you, or

You could lay on me

 

What did we even have?

Did any of it have meaning?

 

Here I am again

Rambling 

 

Fuck you for hurting me

Fuck you for the gut punch to my heart

 

Thank you for ruining a piece of me

As you remain silent

And I am simply forgotten

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

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Baseball Everywhere

Elvin and Leroy were baseball players
From the time they were six years old
And best friends since the early days
A million baseball stories to be told

Their entire lives had been consumed
By the game of baseball which they
Played together all through school
Then pro-Negro league as Blue Jays

Even in retirement baseball was key
Games at the ball park and on the t.v.
Indeed – it was a sad day when Elvin
Passed away from a cardio infraction

Poor Leroy was hurt and felt so alone
He had always had Elvin by his side
And now without – was totally thrown
Unable to handle that Elvin had died

Leroy missed Elvin so much that he
Kept talking to him – always his plea
“Please let me know how you’re doing
So I can quit all my silly brooding”

But nothing – no answer from Elvin
Until late one night – in the kitchen
Leroy was talking - asking his friend
For a message – some sign to be sent

Leroy was sitting at the table and
Heard Elvin so asked – “that you man”
Without hesitation the voice of Elvin
Clear as day – “It’s me – good friend”

Leroy was both shocked and ecstatic
He started talking and then did ask
About baseball in heaven – and Elvin
Said – “Leroy – it really is heaven”

“They got baseball everywhere and
You should see the fields and parks
Just like we used to dream and plan
And got beautiful lights after dark”

“That is wonderful news” – said Leroy
“Wonderful – is there any bad news”
Elvin began tentatively – “well old boy
There is some bad news I brought you”

“What bad news - Elvin ” – Leroy asked
“Tell me – whatever - be what it might “
So Leroy started slow then said it fast
“Elvin - you’re pitchin’ tomorrow night”

Heaven or Hell

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

Heaven or Hell

Verse 1:

Through hell and back,
I’d spill out my heart to you.

Here, in our hearts

Are fragments of a heaven.

 

Chorus:

I spent my days fading away

Like your memories

Memories of us resurfaces.

The way I fell in love with you

Is all coming back to me now.

 

Verse 2:
Our safe haven: where has it gone?

With my eyes open,

I’ve been bruised, numbed, bent, and broken.

Can you help me carry on again?

 

Bridge:

Bury me.

Carry me.

Away, away, away.

Lead me to heaven.

 

Last-Chorus:

Anything but ordinary.

I followed you into the dark

Where the pain dissipates

 Into our bones.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Song written in 2014. One of many. Band lyrics.

Last Climb One Last Time

Folder: 
Struggles

Each moment, struggling to swim,

The sun is over; the light dims,

My hands grasp the jagged rocks,

Familiar feeling of faint fury--

 

stuck in a loop

 

stuck in a loop.

 

Rest as the waves lap,

look up and see 

the climb ahead 

again

Memory serves anguish

knowing each climb has been

slow and when it seems over

 

the tide comes roaring in

 

to claim its victim back

to its dark blue depths

 

the cold is setting in 

and I'll climb again

 

The climb, easy now,

The top, close,

Fingertips reaching and 

desperation, sets in 

 

Navy blue screaming to

Bring back its body

 

a smile sweeps across

as salty water erupts

 

At least I know this is 

 

the last climb. 

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LOST

My mind is gone

My brain is lapsing,

My body is weak

My spirit collapsing.

 

I am here in flesh

but absent in mind,

My inner self is crying

but what you see, is fine.

 

Lost in this puzzling world

and I lost all the pieces,

I'm scattered brain

walking in shame,

as my overloading thoughts increases.

 

What do I do

Where do I go

How do I see

How do I know

What should I say

Who should I ask...

 

One day, in time

I won't have to wear this Mask.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

January 30, 2018.

I look forward to the day, my mind sets me free of this darkness

Time Hurts

Folder: 
Heart Break

Wanting time to go slowly, But it always flies by.
Now it trudgingly drags on without you by my side.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Learn to cherish

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