Suffering

A Lost Star

Folder: 
Torn Love

All I ever wanted was to talk to you,

Make you laugh and smile,

I never thought I would feel this way,

Your smile is brighter than the sun,

Your hugs are warm and comforting,

Your body temperature is like magma,

I longed to make you happy,

Promised each other we would always be there,

Something stirred deep inside,

Like waking a long sleeping dragon,

Feeliongs started to surface,

I wouldnt let you go,

I couldnt let you go,

You felt like the night sky,

Held my heart when it was breaking,

I tried to hold yours,

Keep you happy,

You helped me heal when times were hard,

I trusted you implicitly,

I gave you all I had,

Just to make you smile,

Just to make you happy,

Just to be your friend,

Im sorry that I wasnt good enough,

Im sorry that I cared,

I hate what has become of us,

The rift in between,

I feel as far away form you as Pluto,

At the furthest orbital point,

You took my heart and broke it,

You did the one thing I asked you not to,

You burnt bridges we had built,

You destroyed my happiness,

Hurt me in ways I never thought possible,

I want to forgive you,

Because I care,

Im jsut not sure I can,

I let you in,

Deep inside me,

I miss your touch,

I miss the sparkle in your eyes,

I miss your smile,

I miss you,

I feel like a dying Star,

Energy that has been expended too quickly,

Rapidly cooling and diminishing,

Solidifying from the outside in,

Fading from something bright,

Becoming part of the darkness,

A solid lump of nothingness.

 

Te Amo in Aeternum,

Because I have no choice,

Because I cant help it,

Because Im human and I hurt.

A Fallen Star

Folder: 
Torn Love

I only wish you know,

How much I loved you,

Right from the beginning,

The impact you made when you landed,

From high above,

You fell so far,

Never losing your shine,

The first time I laid eyes on you,

The darkness staring back at me,

We danced and danced,

Orbited each other,

Complementary and clashing,

A comet passed by,

Obscuring the vision,

Leaving a trail of dust and debris,

You fell to earth,

I held you in my arms,

Breathed life into your fading embers,

I gave you my trust,

I thought I had yours,

You exploded in my hands,

Tore me to shreds,

Ripped my heart out,

Left me bleeding and alone,

If you only knew,

How much I had loved you.

Folie

Je vois le ciel noir, je vois Neptune.

Les planètes dansent, tourbillonnent !

Je vois les étoiles, je vois la lune.

La lumière du soleil qui résonne !

 

J'entends la mélodie des comètes ! 

Et le silence des trous noirs. 

J'entends le vide, sachansonnette ! 

L'univers danse au rythme des cauchemars.

 

Je suis dans ma chambre. J'ai froid. L'univers chante.

 

J'entends le requiem des étoiles mourantes !

Reliquat de somptueuses géantes

Je vois l'éternité dans ma voie lactée.

Je sens l'hypnose de sa spirale me gagner.

 

Je vois le vide. J'entends le noir

Je suis dans ma chambre, j'ai froid

L'univers chante pour moi.

I Am Never Alone

You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again, mate.

You went back on your word when you promised you’d stick with me in the long run.


Even if our passion moved far too quickly at first.

Before it simmered down to give us time to intercept our demons.

 

It should’ve been the other way around.

In an age where I can’t see your face nor can I hold your hand,

 

It’s become a force of habit that I wish I could stop partaking in.

I love too quickly because I am a freak scared of being molded into something I’m not.

 

Regardless of my desire, I still have to know what goes on in your own life.

That either excites you, scares you, angers you, saddens you, and soothes you.

 

I’d have to appreciate you before my infatuation gets the better of me and it evolves into love.

I never planned to stop caring even after finding out your weight was dangerously high.

 

I was reassured that you planned to take care of yourself, but you never knew that.

You didn’t know what to do nor what to say when I didn’t find out about your size sooner.

 

You didn’t want to shove me away, but you did.

You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did.

 

You said you were interested in me, but you weren’t.

You said you weren’t in it for short-term happiness, but you were.

 

All because you turned your back on me when I was willing to keep you tight regardless.

You are such a damn fraud that vies for a sugar bowl that I am fighting tirelessly to keep.

 

How many sorries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I could let you know when you get it to turn on.

But how can I notify you if you severed ties with me?

Since you ran away, an apology is as empty as your soul.

 

You turned out to be just like your exes and here I am, telling you, “Fuck your love quest.”

It’s not like you’re going to take it again anytime soon nevertheless.

 

Lonely pieces of crap only want to love when they wish for an early death.

Were you trying to gasp for air when the ocean took away your breath?

 

If you’re still wondering why you’ll never find love, I’ve got bad news for you.

The way you made my heart beat for you until you made a crack in it is the answer to your question.

 

You may never know this about me because I don’t always realize it myself.

But when I embrace a soul whose loyalty and compassion is unbreakable,

 

I realize that I am never alone.

They may face obstacles and heartaches of their own, but they never let them tear them apart.

 

One day, I’ll find love of my own and I continue to pray that it will be as true as my friendships.

What a shame that you’ll never see that I am never alone.

And If My Soul Is Crying

It’s happening again,

Such unbearable pain,

And if my soul is crying

As my heart is breaking, then that’s fine…

 

I’ve let so many people down,

Lost so many beautiful opportunities,

I feel so failed and forlorn,

But is that really such a tragedy?

 

Perhaps, rather,

It’s a positive thing,

Shouldn’t a true artist be suffering?

At least I’m feeling something…

 

It’s happening again,

Such unbearable pain,

And if my soul is crying

As my heart is breaking, then that’s fine…


 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

'And If My Soul is Crying' was penned during an episode of almost unbearable abyssal sadness, although precisely when it occurred I cannot say other than it was in 2015.

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The Odyssey

Folder: 
Love

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

 

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

 

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

 

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

 

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

 

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you all my everything

And you each of you left me wanting

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Written In Your Scars

Folder: 
Withered Roses

Each drop removes your kisses,
Such your tears drowns in vain,
From my lips tastes are even bitter,
Like a thunder you struck my breath,
With your eyes you've led me in your traps,
Like a shadow swallowed by daylight.

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A Humming Voice Of Death

Folder: 
Withered Roses

She was hurt from her past,
Broken from down below
Such her strength was lost,
Pulling those strings in her chest,
She gave away all her joy,
Tears escaped her eyes,
Her smiles dusted away,
Her hair rose sharply,
She sighs and a shadow took over,
From a high hill she jumped,
The valley of death escorted her,
From such horror she witnessed A humming voice from death himself,
Such her beauty decolorised,
Her breath faded and,
A humming voice ulcerated.

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Twisted Hearts

Folder: 
Withered Roses

A memory cast in pieces of hatred,
A heart indwells in mud of sins,
The twisted covers the truth with their smiles,
Slaughtering hearts of beloveds,
Shedding blood sinking right in their wickedness,
Their hatred eyes craving for downfalls,
To swallow our precious hearts,
From depths of their hearts,
Our bloodstream was never forgotten,
But the He sustains the
Righteousness.

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