love

Something Wonderful

Folder: 
2017

Have you ever looked at some one

and known that this person would change your life?

I don’t know what it was about her

but I knew she was something special.

 

Maybe it was the way her face lit up

when she smiled.

 

Maybe it was the way she looked at me

that completely melted my heart.

 

Maybe it was the way she said my name

like no one else had before her.

 

Maybe it was the way she was so carefree

so unapologetically herself.

 

When I looked into her eyes for the first time

I saw what we could be

and in that instant I knew it was something wonderful.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/2/10

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Moments of Us

Folder: 
2018

I try to recreate the moments of us.

There is something about spring

and terrifying new starts.

 

I drive to look down the hill,

at the lights,

sleepless,

distracted.

 

I go back to the fifth floor,

something has changed.

 

We are in the same seats but we breathe together,

I don’t pull away,

you don’t second-guess.

 

We are in the same skin but

we have been where we can’t tell which is which.

 

This is like trying to find the dry ground

once the skies have opened.

We will not go back.

But I can look to tomorrow

for all the moments of us.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/3/18

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tags:

Heartbreak

Folder: 
2017

I know I am going to fuck this up.

It’s only a matter of time.

And I wish you would let me

hurt you now to save you from the pain later.

 

I don’t want to put a time limit on us

but I know the longer it goes

the hurt will get worse.

And I hate to see you cry.

 

I’m too selfish to leave

because that’s the last thing I want to do

but the rational part of me

knows it’s what I should do.

 

I would much rather be broken again

than break you.

Even though I’ve just started to put the pieces back together.

I’ll let you scatter them again

Just to save yourself from another heartbreak.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/30/17

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Band Competitions

Folder: 
2017

I always fall in love at band competitions.

Maybe it’s the fall weather,

or being surrounded by like-minded people

or maybe it’s just the magic of marching band.

 

Maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through your veins

just before you walk out onto the field.

Maybe it’s knowing that you’ve spent hundreds of minutes

for the fifteen-minute performance of your life.

 

Marching band is practicing for hours on end

through blood, sweat, and tears.

It’s hearing that one section of music

that makes you picture you’re in a stadium.

 

Maybe it’s seeing all the time and energy

come together and finally be worth it.

Maybe it’s realizing that you’re part of something bigger

and that by playing music you can change the world

one note at a time.

 

Something about being at band competitions

makes me fall in love

but I think I am more in love with the music

than with the people.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/30/17

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Bleed

Folder: 
2017

This ink is my blood

and I am still bleeding onto this page.

The blood flows more

when you love me the way you do.

 

I keep writing you poems

it seems like I’ve been bleeding more lately.

I can’t help myself

when there’s so much of me to put on a page.

 

I let you flood my thoughts

and the blood goes from a trickle

to a stream.

 

Words gush onto the page

at just the thought of your name

and I finally realize

that without you the ink would dry up.

 

I hadn’t felt anything in so long.

Thank you for making me bleed.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/22/17

I do

I do

 

 

Do you know what it feels like to have never been loved?

Do you know what it feels like to have never been liked?

Do you know what it feels like to hear the words, believing it, only to be bluffed?

Do you know what it feels like to feel liked, told you are liked, only to be able to get ‘’their’’ true intentions right?

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to have your heart broken for 42 years?

The hurt never ever goes away, or fades, it stays

Do you know what it feels like to realize each and every time you’ve just been fooled, and tears…

Well the tears never dry up, it lasts for decades

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to be used your entire life?

Do you know what it feels like to be the one who always has to heal, and help?

At your own emotional and financial loss, just to serve your purpose in life?

Do you know what it feels like to know, that you will never have anyone when you need help?

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to only be viewed and desired as sexual object?

Do you know what it feels like to only be used and viewed as emotional help?

Do you know what it feels like to fall in love with the only outcome being: reject?

Do you know what it feels like to carry your Mother from birth knowing she didn’t want you, she wished you could just melt

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to work your entire life only to survive?

Do you know what it feels like to be hated by most females, due to jealousy?

Do you know what it feels like to live with so much hatred from strangers just because you are alive?

Do you know what it feels like to try live your life in secrecy?

 

I do

Do you know what it’s like to know you will never be loved?

Do you know what it’s like to only attract lust?

Do you know what it’s like to know you will never be liked?

Do you know that my entire life, people lied, just to be able to satisfy their lust?

 

I do

 

Do you know what it’s like to know you were never wanted from birth, yet ‘’loved’’ because you are her slave, and your Mom can life a happy life and relive her youth through you and all boyfriends and dates who claims to love me even though it is just lust

 

Do you know what it’s like to know you are only ‘’liked’’ for the financial and emotional help you can be?

Only be liked because they lust after you?

Do you know what it’s like to be me?

 

I do

 

 Do you know what it is like to have your heart broken endlessly?

 

I do

 

Do you know what’s it’s like to think of a perfect way to commit suicide daily knowing what the rest of your life will be

 

I do

 

Marriage, engagement, true love, true friendships based on like –I will never experience

Death is imminent, and I pray that the day comes soonest, before I find my own way

 

Do you know how much pain my heart and soul can handle?

 

I do

 

It has reached the limit


Written by

Dlr

Bad for me

Folder: 
2017

I knew the minute I kissed you

that you were going to be bad for me.

You’re my addiction

and I just can’t get enough of you.

 

I won’t make it to Heaven

but I don’t need to

because with your lips on mine

I’m already there.

 

When you touch me like that

I understand why lust is a sin.

When you touch me like that

I’m in a world of bliss.

 

There’s no stopping this addiction

your lips on mine,

your hands in my hair

I will always crave more.

 

Kiss me like you need me to breathe.

Touch me in ways I have only dreamt of.

Love me like it’s the last thing you’ll do.

Give me a release.

 

I knew you were going to be bad for me

but it feels

so

fucking

good.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/22/17

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I am trying

Folder: 
2017

I am trying to tell you what I feel

but the thread of my thoughts

is being pushed through the eye of a needle

and some of the strands don’t fit through the hole.

 

I am trying to tell you what I feel

but some things get lost in translation

from my brain to the page.

 

I am trying to tell you what I feel

by only saying things that sound beautiful

but sometimes the truth is ugly.

 

I am trying not to hurt you

but I know what I am capable of

and I have seen how easily people break.

 

I am trying not to fuck this up

but I know how quickly tides can change

and I know how simple it would be to shatter you.

 

I could so easily break your heart

I've got it in the palm of my hand

and all it would take is one squeeze.

 

But I'll treat it like an egg

and do everything in my power to protect it

because that's the heart that loves me

 

I am trying to love you

but the only way I know how to love

will break you beyond repair.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/21/17

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Unknown

Folder: 
2017

You say that you’re scared of the unknown

Nobody can say what the future will hold

It’s terrifying going in blind

But I want you to know that you’re not alone.

 

I’ll be by your side

For as long as you’ll let me

And I’ll help clear the path

That you’re going to follow.

 

I’ll hold your hand

As we explore together

And when you’re ready

I’ll let someone else take the lead.

 

Nobody knows what will happen

Or who we will become

But I wouldn’t want to go through

The unknown with anyone else.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/21/17

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