You poor little porcupine.

It startled me that you jumped in front of a moving car.

I wish I could be there for you and help in any way I can.

But your quills pricked my heart when I gave you a hug.

I cannot pull them out or I would die.

So I had to tolerate this pain and let it suck the life out of me little by little

While I think back to when our affection for each other mended every obstacle we faced.

The future was bright for us.

You couldn’t stand by to let me sink

So you taught me to swim.

I wanted to return the favor badly.

But I didn’t know how I could, sadly.

The possibilities were endless when we spoke of our dreams.

You could picture yourself coming to my rescue and growing old with me.

You couldn’t wait to hear my voice as if your favorite show was about to air on TV.

You made every effort to show that you loved me

Even if I have nothing to give you in return except my own.

A year passed and the storm clouds were brewing.

The weather grew colder and attitudes turned sour.

I was working hard and I felt out of breath.

You were studying hard and you turned inflammable.

“Where was I when you needed me most?” you asked “calmly” one day.

“I’ve been fighting my own battles all this time.” I tell you. “Life hasn’t been kind to me lately.”

Please, please bear with me. I’m tired and I’m scared. I’m going to be left to my own devices.”

“You need to make more time for me.” You scream. “Anyone would have abandoned you ages ago”

“If you’ve been gone for as long as you did. Is several hours with me too much to ask?”

“Answer me, you ignorant, pathetic excuse of a child!!! Grow up!!!”

I couldn’t with you leeching off of my aura.

You made it seem like the world hates me now.

So I packed up my things, spread my wings, and flew off into the rain.

It doesn’t matter how badly you are suffering yourself

If the prospect that I need to take care of myself too slips your mind.

I never asked you to help me.

You did so at your own volition.

If you didn’t want to in the first place,

You could’ve answered, “No thank you.”

We could’ve gone on with our lives either way.

But here you are.

You called me immature.

You called me a teen in an adult’s body.

You said I never bothered to do my share.

But my dear porcupine, have you taken a look at yourself?

Or better yet, look in a mirror?

You don’t see the newfound greed in your heart, but I do.

The scholars in my inner circles do.

Whose leg are you trying to pull?

My loved ones know exactly what you said.

They know how selfish you’ve been acting and what I could’ve done.

If you think no one can love me the way you did, you could not be more wrong.

I can admit when I am anyway.

You went to town on me like I didn’t know how to count.

And my only response to your passionate rave was goodbye.

In the blink of an eye, you disappeared from my mind. Your quills in my heart decomposed.

It was like you were just another customer that treats cashiers like their punching bags.

I wish you the best of luck with your own hardships.

And I hope your own wounds heal entirely.

But I am done with you.

I am done letting your vitriol take up space.

I am done listening to you disguise your resentment as facts.

I am done hating myself for what our love has come to.

My love for you was just practice for the next person.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Demeter was wise to tell me to stop getting involved.

Because I discovered that what you don’t know

Was how amazing it felt to give you up and do her work

Without a care in the world. After all, you don’t know me.

The shadows are calming

The light upon my face

To aide in covering

Impossible struggles

Heaviest fears

The minds desires 

The everlasting tears

Until I cross the line

Into the parallel universe

I will remain in this mad world

embracing the shadows

It's been a while since I've seen you, been a while since I've heard from you.
Your face is the one thing I can still see, and your voice is the one thing I can still hear.
Mentally, I saw you walking, but you passed me, and didn't notice I was there.
I tried to call out to you, but you didn't hear me.

Once, I thought I loved you, everyone else seemed to think I did too.
But all I felt went away very quickly, like I knew it would. 
When I met you, I was happy, we talked almost always, and it was great having someone to talk to.
You were there, when he wasn't. 

I appreciate and love you for that.

I've tried to picture what it would be like if I was with you, what it would be like if I was yours instead of his.
Would I be happier? Would I experience what I'm not right now?
So many questions, and so many answers which I haven't found. 
Everytime I am alone, I feel some sort of sadness, some sort of emptyness.

Not that it completely has to do with you or him, but I think more to do with the loneliness I've been living with.
Making myself believe things could be different every time I find someone new.
But, you know how it goes, and how its gone for me.
How to walk away from something seems easy, but sometimes, people struggle even when they know they have to let go.

Being with someone new is something I almost don't want to do again.
I don't want to tell anyone else stories of my past, and how I once was.
I don't want to do things and not keep it to myself.
I've always been a quiet and reserved girl, I've always been you could say, overly careful about who I allow to touch me.

Doing things with him, I grew comfortable with, and something I became okay with.
Doing things with you, I've questioned, and thought of, something I would've had to grow comfortable and okay with.
Could I ever do things with you, can I see myself doing things with you, and would I ever see and hear you again........but this time, for real?

I look at how other girls live their lives, and sometimes think of how they handle being physical. 
How do they allow themselves to give their all to one guy, and then another after some time has passed?
is there never any regret? Is there never any fear and doubt?
Where does the trust comfort and idea of being okay with it come from?
If things go wrong, how are they able to allow themselves to do it again, and with someone else who isn't meant to be their someone?

And off the topic I wonder, how was someone like you, able to seemingly fall for me?
I am a damaged broken record you see. 
What is there to possibly like about me, how can one like me, and why?
Even after trying to be with someone for 5 years, I still don't know why he chose me........but then there's you. 
Why did you pick me? why havent you given up? Why do you still wish to have me?
What is there, aside from the reason to do with my body, to like about a woman like me?

by Jeph Johnson

communication 

is not

something

one earns

in fact

the more

someone isn't

earning your respect

the more

communitation

needs be applied

by Jeph Johnson

Call it a pet peeve or even a quirky character flaw, but if I am hurt by someone, an apology is NOT the first thing I look for. In fact, sometimes if a good enough explanation is presented to me, no apology is even necessary.

I want a reason.

I want them to defend their action.

I don't see reasons (often referred to as "excuses") in a negative light. I see reasons as necessary components for producing a more heartfelt remorse in those who've hurt me, and in me, a more valid sense of forgiveness.

For me, knowing motives and reasons behind one's actions makes things feel not so hurtful. Reasons become comforting words of reassurance that people are not just being evil assholes or bullies. Understanding a person's reasons behind their actions confirms to me that the hurtful act was not some sort of vengeance or retaliation against a perceived fault of my own.

Unfortunately, this is not the case with most everyone else I have encountered. I have found others feel relief (and presumably forgiveness) immediately after an apology is given.

No excuses.

No explanations.

No alternative stories.

And especially no denials.

Apparently ownership of one's misdeed is what counts and a person's intent behind their actions or mistake is valued only as a nice curiosity or afterthought.

Often I have attempted to convey the rationale behind a questionable action I have done that may have produced unintended results. It has been done with a sincere motive to help ease hurt, only to have the exact opposite thing happen. Instead I am thought of as less sympathetic and less thoughtful and I seem to hurt them more.

For some unknown reason, defending one's questionable actions sounds unapologetic, even when an apology is given!

"I am sorry I splashed water on you."

...apparently holds more clout than:

"I was rushing my wife to the hospital with a brain hemorrhage and hydroplaned across the puddle and must have splashed you. I am so sorry. Are you okay?"

When someone hurts another, I realize, regardless of what one person felt really happened, the hurt person making the claim (hereby referred to as the "victim") believes their version of an event is true for them. Each person's reality is formed for each individual participant in any activity or event.

But shouldn't the victim have their mind open to healing just as much as the alleged perpetrator has their mind open to understanding the victim's feelings? This sort of understanding can only come about through communication. And communication is displayed by conveying reasons as well as understanding feelings.

I absolutely hate when someone feels you have hurt them, that the "proper" course of action is to offer up an apology and refrain from explaining yourself, providing excuses or giving justification.

I often hear people say in a condescending tone:

"You're just trying to justify it!"

Well yeah, of course I am. If it wasn't justifiable I would do what everybody else does and offer up my apologies without an excuse!

I guess what I don't understand is why providing justification for your actions somehow discredits your apology?

Is it "only when asked" that our excuses are valid?

I must keep reminding myself that a blanket apology without giving a reason is not an admission of guilt, even if, to me, it sounds just like that.

Words Are Shadows

- ThemanwithNoHead

*

*

"Impolite"

Is something that can be

Considered as rude,

Or others can simply

Adhere to a given status quo.

*

Whatever route chosen,

The result is 

Usually positive when

There is intelligence

Capabilities on both sides of the fence and 

Mature communication.

**

What to say everyday to the ones you love, co-workers and just people you greet on the street. Sometimes people start their days and it just comes natural, and more often then you think others have no clue how to even say "Good morning". Can you imagine being a child at a breakfast table and no one around you even speaks to each other? Mom and dad are at each others throats and brother and sister are arguing? Communicating is not some new age art form, this is historical. We see the President, current and many in our past doing it although most of the time we want them to stop because they make no sense or are only speaking of nonsense, they are communicating to us. Teachers do it when teaching lessons, news reporters who bring you the five o'clock news are communicating mostly bad news to the world but heck it's communication.

If we all see it daily all around us from billboards and highway signs why is it one of the most complicated things for us all to do in our everyday lives.

 Just for one moment think of this senerio " You wake up in the morning you get out of bed, shower and head to work, you pass a co-worker at the door and you say "Nothing". That coworker just said to him/her self "wow what a snob"! You had no bad intentions or even a thought about that person you passed you were just consumed with thoughts of the busy day you had ahead of you. You communicated to the person you passed using your body language and your ignorance to their exsistance.

Now imagine what you communicate with just a simple "Hello" and throw in a smile you really communicate something to the person you just walked by. Communication isn't just words, it's body language, tone of our voices, expressions on our faces.

Think of what you want to communicate to someone as you pass them by tomorrow. What do you want to show people of yourself?

Trisha LoGrasso

Communication should be easier,

yet is seems so much more difficult. I know

what I want to say…I think.

I talk to everyone else about what I think I desire for our future.

When I see you, I don’t speak my mind at all. It seems

like things change. Prehaps

I don’t know what I want, or is what I want constantly changing?

I presume I should be more self-aware.

How are you supposed to know what I want? I don’t think I know

what it is that I want.

You leave soon…maybe…

Leaving would make things easier. It would no longer matter

what I wanted if you had to leave. Is that what I am

waiting for? I know you are going to leave.

Could I handle your departure?

It seems like I see you all the time now.

But I noticed the puny five days that you had vanished. Not really

vanished I guess. I saw you -ish, I talked to you -ish,

and I was hurt –ish.

I don’t think you knew you were gone.

I am constantly realizing how much weaker I am

than I had originally thought. It becomes

so much more obvious to me when you are around; I cower down.

Even if I don’t know what I want, doesn’t it help

to talk? Hash it out.

I think I’m afraid of what you might say…terrified

of what you won’t say.

You know what I’m talking about. I can see,

you just as scared as me.

wondering what we might be… or not.

You apologize like you know there needs to be a change. It seems to help

mask whatever problems we have.

Will this bandage last? Probably not.

I don’t think we can’t expect gauze to heal a wound

that needs stitches.

It seems so obvious that we need to converse

about something other than TV shows and poker.

But we don’t really talk. We don’t know

one another. We got naked often,

for a few minutes, then no more. Why do I seem so

hell bent on sewing this up? It wasn’t a masterpiece

at any point. But it was something different

for me. I think like the feeling

of being wanted, but is it more than that?

I am beginning to realize

that what I want matters. I still

don’t know what I want. But we do need to talk. For sure

you see this. Your actions show that to me.

But we don’t talk. Probably won’t talk. Unless

one of us starts the conversation. I don’t

know how to start. You

ask me questions, but never seem to have a reply

for my answers…when I answer.

I don’t think this will work, because it makes no sense.

But knowing you are escaping soon

might be what is holding my knowledge back.

I don’t think this will go anywhere.

But, “we need to talk.”