Independence

The Elephant in My Cell

You came at a bad time.

A terribly, terribly bad time.

You showed up the moment I couldn’t stand to touch you.

I was afraid you were never going to come.

I should have been glad you came, but why am I not relieved?

Is it that crippling fear that the moment I touch you, you fade away like a ghost?

Is it that you might be a whistleblower looking for an insecurity to use against me later?

Or is it that you are trying to distract me from tending to my garden before it dies of thirst?

 

I want to shout, “Why didn’t you come sooner?!”

I want to shout, “Where were you when I needed you most?!”

I want to yell at the top of my lungs, “Would it kill you to tell me what’s driving you away from me?!!”

But I am too nice. Too kind and gentle to scream and point to the elephant in the room.

The very elephant that a sorcerer pulled out of his hat and crippled both of my limbs.

 

I never wanted to call for help because it reinforces the notion that I should still be in high school.

I’ve crawled around all year avoiding the other teenage drama queens that worship dragons.

Seems like they forgot that dragons like to steal our fortunes and our hearts. Before they eat them.

 

Spending time with my open-minded little brother has planted a seed of doubt in my head.

A seed that gets me thinking that all love does to me is waste my time experimenting with false hope.

 

My imaginary nights with a fallen angel goes along the lines of;

“Yes, yes, honey, shower me with hugs and kisses. Oh, my love, how I yearn for you.

Pleasure me with your lust until the water in your veins runs out and you become a raisin.

Only then, will I toss you in the sun and wonder why the hell I’ve never gotten lucky.”

When will the water cycle end for the both of us?

What compels Venus to bewitch me to make bad choices?

Why else do you think independent seekers with degrees in hand avoid commitment?

Our grandparents and parents are more patient than our generation is now

Because compared to us, they tended to their gardens and their raisins.

You did a bang-up job tending to me by showering me with promises you can’t keep,

With complex wisdom about human nature, stories of your struggle to get your education over with,

And the snuggles and touches that I wished were real more than the chains I dream of shattering.

 

You’ve made this game look so easy, you know?

All that had impressed me about you lately is how you’ve lured me into your arms,

Only to neglect me without warning when the sun was at its hottest.

Part of me does not wish to see you go because I tolerate the pain that your absence has left behind.

You scarcely have time on your hands, but would you care to join me for a cup of jasmine tea?

It won’t take long. What I want to know next is what else is new that you have yet to tell me?

The Birth and Flight of a Phoenix

The storm has settled after a long summer.

The skies are clear, but the damage has been done.

I am charred, left abandoned in the ashes.

The humiliation during the wildfire led to my death.

The world I knew and loved disowned me.

 

But a baby bird had risen out of the ashes.

Despite its weak body, the newborn helped me onto my feet.

It led me away to start anew in a foreign world.

After all that had happened that led to this fire,

I know now that my old name is nothing but a memory

Left to be scorned by bloodthirsty eels.

 

Be free, young phoenix. Fly away and keep your voice close.

They'll be coming for you when they discover you're still alive.

It is better to let them think that you are dead

than attempt to kill yourself putting up a fruitless fight.

 

They can deceive the world all they like, but karma has its ways.

They will always be overshadowed by a much more unified flock.

But for now, I walk alone with no one but the baby bird perched on my shoulder.

I see a bit of my old life in it, but it possesses the need to change;

A quality that the world I left behind is too blind to see.

 

Be free, young phoenix. Fly away and keep your voice close.

They'll be coming for you when they discover you're still alive.

It is better to let them think that you are dead

than attempt to kill yourself putting up a fruitless fight.

 

By the time the bloodthirsty eels see me again, it will already be too late.

Their lack of intelligence is what I have to thank for getting me to where

I am needed most the whole time I have slaved away.

Too bad that they'll never know that I am not the poor unfortunate soul that I used to be.

 

The winter has arrived and the joys of Christmas Day have given the baby bird strength

To regain the fire that I have long-admired since I was no less than eight years of age.

The new year is around the corner and it is more than ready to spread its wings and fly

Like it did four years ago. It amazes me to see how kids grow up so fast.

 

Be free, young phoenix. Fly away and keep your voice close.

They'll be coming for you when they discover you're still alive.

It is better to let them think that you are dead

than attempt to kill yourself putting up a fruitless fight.

 

It is no longer our battle anyway for our destiny lies far away from this mom-and-pop.

Struggle to Survive

I'm just trying to survive

In this world of prying eyes;

Of hateful lies and hurtful sighs.

 

This world of fear of what you lack;

Of monsters clinging to your back.

I'm just trying to survive.

 

I'm sorry if I stray away

From you and your set way.

I'm just fighting to survive.

 

So please forgive me my transgression,

My sins that lack confession,

And all this pent up aggression.

I'm just struggling to survive.

To Paddle One's Canoe Over Still Waters (A Poem About Fictitious Love Stories)











To Paddle One's Canoe Over Still Waters


 

 



Seeming storylines are child's play

Appearing to you like 'tis

something funny

 

Out of our little trembling political

situation

If only stars are the silent majority

 

They must twinkle—endlessly, without a noise

 

No matter how far we are,

theoretically

The light year spanned space-time

to have brought

me to you

 

—wondering, now, if vice versa is

 

also

true

 

In a sense of delight that had made

young lovers swoon

'Tis a mother's loving caress to a

newborn

 

A perfect love of Astrological

compatibility

And forever they will

choose to share lovingkindness

 

 

—to each other & for others.


As well.





Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a repost from my Twitter platform & which has been edited for a very minor misspelling of "light year".  I have corrected the two-word noun.  For anything else that I might have edited (e.g., I might have also missed), that could only be involving a tweaking of the form (e.g., which might have been changed/affected by my copying & pasting method of the verses; either that or other copyediting stuff like by changing fonts/font sizes).  Thank you for checking it out.

don't make me

Folder: 
2017

when i’m strong and fierce and full of fire,

running wild

he will not slow me down.

 

he can smooth over all the cracks,

he can tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to know

and more you didn’t,

he can learn the ropes with no shame.

 

he holds his opinions close

and his friends closer.

 

but i still hold back from the free fall,

a fingertip away,

it’s like he’s always searing his edges

and i’m afraid he could steal my fire,

eat me up with the ashes,

leave me barren

 

even though i know he won’t-

his hands are too perfect to belong to a thief.

 

i beg without knowing,

kiss without telling,

love without leaving

he plays me for a fool and turns back every time.

 

all i want to say is

 

don’t make me

regret.

 

when i fall

don’t make me

love or hate the zero gravity.

 

when you touch me

don’t make me

snap,

break the glass.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/8/17

Fearless (day 111)

I drop to my knees and start the countdown

Risking the higher law I’ve learned

The fear melts from these open gates

All I want to know has hit the ground

 

You say you still carry everything I’ve done

I can’t help but count your blessings instead of mine

But you dropped the time bomb and hit zero

and with the grand finale I’ve left your head

 

Hands clasped and now the prayers unwind

I know I don’t need them anymore

With a place like this I carry a candle in the dark

And I’m begging on my knees that you’ll see it

 

I’m fearless now, I boast gold on my shoulders

I carry the roses but only drop some at your feet

Knives can’t hurt me, I swing my own sword

And the warriors bend when I turn my head

 

I stand up straight on my own, start the countdown

Love is the higher law I’ve learned

And the fear melts from these silver steel gates

All I need to know I’ve opened with my own keys

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/15/16

Fearless

View tallsquirrelgirl's Full Portfolio

Rootless (day 73)

They call me cursed

They call me part of a misfit crowd

I don’t listen to the best of them

I can’t put down an anchor

I guess that’s what happens

when I blind myself with sound

Let go of the silent screams,

you can find me

 

I’m rootless, caught so they can hold me by a string

and snip it with their pretty little blades

Strangle every angle when I run up the walls

I can’t help but coat you in layers of sarcasm

and hope it runs off you like oil and water

I’m not much better, I’m covered in crazy

I’m rootless

I’m rootless

 

I have to look twice

I can’t keep my promises

I guess that’s what happens

when I walk the world without a home

 

When I caught your eye

it’s like you could see right through me

and my invisible soul,

my lack of everything

 

I’m not much better, I’m covered in crazy

I’m rootless

I’m rootless

I scatter supernovas in your dreams but

I’d rather be alone,

screaming, twisting, without headlights

I can’t live without seeing inside myself

I can’t live with you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/9/16

Silent screams

The Beauty in Love & Art

I doubted I would find real, mutual love for the longest time.

That is only because I've looked in the wrong places and have fallen hard every time I thought

I found a missing part of me.

 

The problem with me is I don't fit in when I'm in any other group.

All around me in my daily life, I end up doing things I didn't want to do.

My life is getting stuck between a rock and a hard place when I choose

To be something I feel is right for me.

 

You're not hard to please for you are a fellow artist who shares my passion and attraction.

We color each other's worlds and we help each other out when we need it the most.

I give you my passion and you give it back in return.

We are not dependent on one another because we can take care of ourselves.

 

The sea leads to many places and although I have not landed where I needed to go,

You found me and led me in the right direction.

With you and me together, "lost" has no meaning.

We are simply taking our time to get to where we need to be.

 

The forsaken world and everything that was wrong with it will be far behind

Once I leave what destroyed me before and look for who I am.

The chains that keep me from breathing no longer exist

When I am somewhere else in the consciousness hidden within.

 

The art I color is vital to me as taking a breath.

Likewise, the more we are next to each other,

The more I see how selfless and warmhearted you are.

 

The way you treat me thaws my own heart until there is a flame that surrounds it.

A flame that only burns when you and I continue to bond.

Only you can see and feel how special it is to me that you make me feel that way.

I dream of us meeting face to face so we can make our artistic worlds come to life.

 

You teach me many things that I hold onto in my life.

Being with you helps me resist temptation that hinders my goals.

Speaking my tongue to you helps me become wiser in knowing the right things to say.

Presenting my own art to you helps me gain the courage to keep blossoming until my colors bloom like summer flowers.

More importantly, revealing my hopes and dreams to you gave me the escape from misery I longed to achieve.

 

In return for your kindness, I give you my passion and complete our missing soul.

To truly build up trust, all we have to do for each other is stay and that's what I will do for you.

What is Okay?

Tell me, is it ever really "Okay?"

At times I wish I could disappear, away from the day.

 

Tell me, was it really all a mystery?

Or was I really something plagued by history?

Judge me, try to reason my scars,

Yet, were you there for  my unreasonable wars?

 

Did you ever set foot in my shoes?

Taken account of what brings the blues?

 

Tell me, does it really matter?

If I was any more the sadder?

Perhaps it's just my business, only my trouble.

Not another place to intrude into my bubble.

I'll solve my self alone, and myself alone only

Not for you to break my silence, maybe tonight, I'd just like to be lonely.

 

Blame my shortcomings for my scars if you dare.

For me, it just occurred, the past isn't something I ever chose to wear.