Solitary night

Solitary night
tears of dissatisfaction
choking on memories
a torrent as the dark presses in
Searching, seeking
the long-awaited slumber
of each miserable, useless regret of yesterday
Yet, afraid to face the uncertainty of tomorrow

Not Soon Forget


She is

for better or worse

someone you will not soon forget.

She is trying to make me

someone like that too.


I stand in all her ways

I straighten my shoulders I cover my arms

I make my lips a muscle I know I can control

not like the mess the weeks after when I could still hear his footsteps under mine.

She makes me think in the good ways,

she keeps me from thinking the bad ways

it’s like I suddenly notice I have not thought about how much sleep I’m losing

any night I lie with her whispering.


When she asks a question I want to be able to answer without thinking

but thinking is not something I can leave by the roadside

especially when it comes to her

and as I walk by

she says

you thought I wouldn't notice that slaughterhouse inside your window.

You thought I wouldn’t notice how you were standing here with too many words

waiting to be pried open.


Oh, how I wish you wouldn’t notice.


How I wish I could make these memories only the past and not the present

but it is hard to pick up the pieces of yourself

and build them into something you never were.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/13/18

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The silence strains and bends and breaks

the distance more than a lifeline…

you are

someone I knew once.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/12/18

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Finding myself longing for the past,

That fleeting moment I was with you,

The scent of your cologne,

And your sheltered embrace.

Finding myself desiring contact,

To reach out and call you mine,

Not knowing what happened,

Finding myself far away.

The words you spoke,

The manner in which you made me feel,

I yearn for your presence,

Just once more.

Dreaming about us,

Never wishing to wake up,

It's the only place we can meet,

Anticipating our next encounter.

Discouraged is how I feel,

Upon waking up,

Finding I hadn't dreamt of you,

Taking a moment to remember our last.

Coping without you,

Something I didn't imagine I'd have to do,

Our meeting was brief,

But there's an imprint left from you.

Milking the past,

To nurture the present,

It's how I get by,

Without your essence.


Tales and Fables

The heart within me turned to stone

Like a wolf pack's lonesome cries

Darkness woven in my bones

But starlight fading in my eyes

I hear the whispers in the trees

A wisp's song fluttering on the breeze

But ne'er will I go home again

Ne'er will I go


I heard the call of maiden fair

But swore again I'd go not there

My lonesome crying in the night

Has formed me as a sullen wight

Oh cursed fairy! How could you lead

A child to such an awful deed

For ne'er can I return again

Ne'er to return


Alone at last, my will is done

Now, forever this must be

Before my mind be overrun

To hurt no more, my final plea

My past is lost, the future nigh

My story dead on sands of time

To home I must return again

Again I must turn home

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A Year Or So Ago


"It's been over a year. 

I realize, 

eyes playing about on dates

of the calender.


Suddenly thinking

back to a year before, 

days exactly 364.

So, less than a year, 


by hours. When the

lips that pressed were ours.

When our fingers intertwined, 

when we felt each others' bodies, 


souls, mind. 

So wrong, so forbidden, 

it felt right.

Written into passing,


the scripts and screenplay

of night-time stays, 

never staying until morning. 



door left unlocked, 

just in case.

Offered, often heard, 

only once utilized. 


She always said she would. 



She did, 

softly cooing my name, 

pulling me out of my slumber, 


and instantly hopping into my bed, 

my arms, pulling her close. 

My warm bare skin


juxtaposed to her cold clothing. 

We soon matched. 

There was no lack

of mutual attraction, 


no shortage of constant communication, 

trips, adventures, 

ridiculous confessions 

and straight-forward denial. 


I denied I did wrong, 

to myself. 

Who knows how she felt.

All I know 


is that she felt good, 

she felt like home, 

like I belonged. 

Longing for her scent, 


I still remember

how it drove me wild.


as she liked to point out.


It's a lie, 

there is nothing passed. 

Though, once she asked

if she was hurting me.


I, misunderstanding, 

replied, 'why, no, 

it's my other shoulder 

that's broken.'


She grinned, 

leaning into my arms, 

'no,' she said, 

'this. Us.'


It hurt, 

seeing her dog I grew to adore

slowly separate us on the couch 

a year or so ago. 


It hurts still

thinking of some details. 

Fond memories, 

so vivid, full of her laughter. 


Haunted by scorn, 

the scorn of several people, 

over all that transpired. 

You'd think a year


would wash it all away, 

but nothing is past-tense. 



the dreams. 

Thoughts I can't deny, 

lying that they're gone.

They aren't.  


I was told it was trouble,  

I was warned. 

But still I got in her car, 

she got in mine. 


She's a phone call away;

I don't have the heart

to dial, 

knowing damn well


I'd immediately answer if she called. 

Does she read my poetry? 

Does she think of me?

Love me like I love her still? 


I should have not turned my cheek.

I should have came to her rescue 

against canine off-leash. 

But I didn't. 


And I wish I had.

Instead, all I have

is a book with edits, 

another that's a gift


belonging to her, 

one of her favorites. 

We even shared a quote, 

'Never lend a book.'


An act of affection instead, 

one of several.

She never said the words, 

but she gave me many gifts. 


It started with a cold can.

That's how she loved me.

I wish I had realized it

a year or so ago."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I was too scared to post for a long time. Funny how time heals. 

You're a new one (day 179)

From a distance I could see you

as any of the faces I’ve tried to lock in the back of my mind,

anyone I’ve tried to let go of with the palms

that have held tears as well as they hold people.


But you’re a new one-

up close I can’t see you

as any laugh except for

the teasing one that makes you look like we could lasso the sun.


Up close I can’t see you

as any hands except for

the ones that look so different so much the same as mine

and maybe they hold tears too.


Up close, even when you’re tired

I can still see the life that wears you like a second skin

You can make yawning attractive.

Tell me that’s not hard to do. 


I want to buy something with you

even if it’s just a desk lamp,

I know we can make enough light in this room

without even touching it.


I want to leave something behind with you,

maybe a gravel road in flames at dusk,

maybe the words you’ve regretted regretting,

maybe fearing broken glass,

if we’re cut open bleeding it’s just ecstasy in a warning sign.


I want to save something with you

even if it’s just a dream,

even if it’s just reality.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/22/17


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Fact in Fiction

Verse 1:
If we all believe in an utopia

That lasts forever,

We wouldn't try so hard to die,

Satisfation: so lose, yet so far


Erase and rewrite these stories of mine:
I"ll change the ending 'cause you're my soulmate

I cannot bear to watch you walk away.
Walk away with my love, hope, and dreams.


Verse 2:
Fact in fiction: There is no ending to our story

Until the day I die, I'll die with honor.

Whenever we're together, babe
You make the seasons start to change.


Whenever w're lost in paradise together,

I would ask you for a chance to make our love better

If only you could see how much I love you.

Things wouldn't have ended the way it did.


All the songs I've written seemed like my story.

So, I sang them to death.]

Someday, you'll calll and congratulate me.

I'll prepare a good thank you and Good Bye message

For you: In time, I'll promise you that much. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on the song: "Singing Got Better" by Ailee. English Subtitles up on YouTube.



I’m easy to forget.
I try hard,
To be remembered…
But I don’t mind.


You are not the first,
And not the last,
To sleep in the bed of amnesia,
And forget.


Forget the days,
Of love and laughter,
Of hopelessness and despair,
When we tore each other apart,
But held each other together.


But do remember,
The forgotten never forget.
So when you wish to recall,
Just ask,
And I’ll be happy to remind.


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