Hate

You Don't Know Me

You poor little porcupine.

It startled me that you jumped in front of a moving car.

I wish I could be there for you and help in any way I can.

But your quills pricked my heart when I gave you a hug.

 

I cannot pull them out or I would die.

So I had to tolerate this pain and let it suck the life out of me little by little

While I think back to when our affection for each other mended every obstacle we faced.

 

The future was bright for us.

You couldn’t stand by to let me sink

So you taught me to swim.

I wanted to return the favor badly.

But I didn’t know how I could, sadly.

 

The possibilities were endless when we spoke of our dreams.

You could picture yourself coming to my rescue and growing old with me.

You couldn’t wait to hear my voice as if your favorite show was about to air on TV.

You made every effort to show that you loved me

Even if I have nothing to give you in return except my own.

 

A year passed and the storm clouds were brewing.

The weather grew colder and attitudes turned sour.

I was working hard and I felt out of breath.

You were studying hard and you turned inflammable.

 

“Where was I when you needed me most?” you asked “calmly” one day.

“I’ve been fighting my own battles all this time.” I tell you. “Life hasn’t been kind to me lately.”

Please, please bear with me. I’m tired and I’m scared. I’m going to be left to my own devices.”

“You need to make more time for me.” You scream. “Anyone would have abandoned you ages ago”

“If you’ve been gone for as long as you did. Is several hours with me too much to ask?”

“Answer me, you ignorant, pathetic excuse of a child!!! Grow up!!!”

I couldn’t with you leeching off of my aura.

You made it seem like the world hates me now.

So I packed up my things, spread my wings, and flew off into the rain.

It doesn’t matter how badly you are suffering yourself

If the prospect that I need to take care of myself too slips your mind.

 

I never asked you to help me.

You did so at your own volition.

If you didn’t want to in the first place,

You could’ve answered, “No thank you.”

We could’ve gone on with our lives either way.

 

But here you are.

You called me immature.

You called me a teen in an adult’s body.

You said I never bothered to do my share.

 

But my dear porcupine, have you taken a look at yourself?

Or better yet, look in a mirror?

You don’t see the newfound greed in your heart, but I do.

The scholars in my inner circles do.

 

Whose leg are you trying to pull?

My loved ones know exactly what you said.

They know how selfish you’ve been acting and what I could’ve done.

If you think no one can love me the way you did, you could not be more wrong.

 

I can admit when I am anyway.

You went to town on me like I didn’t know how to count.

And my only response to your passionate rave was goodbye.

In the blink of an eye, you disappeared from my mind. Your quills in my heart decomposed.

It was like you were just another customer that treats cashiers like their punching bags.

 

I wish you the best of luck with your own hardships.

And I hope your own wounds heal entirely.

But I am done with you.

I am done letting your vitriol take up space.

I am done listening to you disguise your resentment as facts.

I am done hating myself for what our love has come to.

My love for you was just practice for the next person.

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Demeter was wise to tell me to stop getting involved.

Because I discovered that what you don’t know

Was how amazing it felt to give you up and do her work

Without a care in the world. After all, you don’t know me.

Kiss me

You dug your understanding into me in the effort to bridge a gap

waited too long to explain my journey so I took a nap

Let you watch it all happen only no one could see

Slavery and death every day they kill me

What they don’t tell you is I’ve always been free

Fireflies in a jar for the world to see

 

The only ones who don’t notice are the powers that be

Yet my path doesn’t stifle me

This changes our playing field

From imaginary mine pit to a dream that’s real

Just want you to know how I feel

There are no words

We shall overcome

Let my people go

But where will we go?

Just let us LIVE 

We’re forced to love you

And it’s starting to work

After all these centuries of destruction and hurt

Who i am is difficult to describe with the origins burnt

You think you know based on what you learned?

Lies are what keeps our faces turnt

Only I KNOW MY TRUTH. 

 

Yes there’s History but it’s a lie and the mystery is how i made it sooo high

You should care to know all about that but why?

More convenient to to try and sigh with my disregard for the history

I don’t think of it because it angers me

To go forward now feels like I’m starting the fight

Because they forgot no one was right

I got my own lane out of the deal

And i take it when i create something real

It’s all my own so no one can take it

I thank my ancestors for helping to make it

When the time is right they won’t see me coming

But will wonder who that is with all the soulful whimsical humming

I need not quote when few will listen 

fresh words are required that the people can get with

I’ll leave the excavations to the fall out kings 

In the center of this fight I’ve learned some things

I’ll not be lecturing on this war on me

But if you open your eye’s you too will see

The constant threat of enemies

Only engage the direct approach

Change hate to love and squash the roach

But honestly i seldom encounter 

Those types of problems

Yet they still exist

So i still resist

Until the day there is bliss

You put war on my lips, do you still want a kiss?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

since 8/13/1619, I've had time to ponder how i feel and why.... I have many faces and they are all black. You don't really want me to think of who i am and what happened... I have done you this favor... all I've ever asked is that it end and this truce you proposed to accept be real... 

why do i have to die because you're feeling powerful hateful and in charge?

RIP George Floyd 

In Love and I Hate It

Folder: 
Love

Im in love and I hate it,

It hurts so much,

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

You are like poison in my veins,

Im totally addicted to your games,

You are beautiful,

That beauty is tained,

I cant take it any more,

What am I supposed to do?

I want to be with you,

I want to run away from you,

I feel like Im spiralling down a hole,

I make the same mistakes,

Over and over again,

I cant walk away,

Like a moth drawn to a flame,

My heart overrules my head,

Its agony,

Its ecstasy,

I cant decide what I want more,

The pleasure or the pain,

Its magic the way you hypnotise,

I dont know what to believe any more,

My head is so messed up,

I love you,

I hate you,

I hate myself,

I look up to the stars and the planets for guidance,

I feel like Im falling through space,

I dont have the strength inside,

My head hangs low,

My heart pulled in different directions,

The tears flow freely,

I need to be strong,

I need to move on,

You make me feel bad and its not fair,

I feel so lost.

 

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You don't

Folder: 
Silent Hate.

I have a marriage where I have always been loyal, honest and respectful.

You don’t.

I have class.

You don’t.

I have dignity.

You don’t.

I have integrity.

You don’t.

I have beauty, both inside and out.

You don’t.

I have self respect and self worth.

You don’t.

I have strength.

You don’t.

I have loyalty.

You don’t.

I have good character.

You don’t.

I have respect for other humans, as much as i have for myself.

You don’t.

I have street smart and common sense.

You don’t.

I have parents/grandparents who are proud of my choices. The ones they know and the ones they don’t. I know this.

You don’t

One day I hope to have children and when I do,  I will have children who have a good hearted, moral mother. One who leads by example and shows them the right paths in life. Always.

 

You don’t.

I know why he chose you

Folder: 
Silent Hate.

He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner.

 

Someone with tattoos

Someone with children

Someone easy

A whore

 

He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner

 

Someone who would cheat on their husband

Someone who would cheat on their children

Someone easy

A whore

 

He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner

 

Someone weak

Someone with low self respect

Someone easy

A whore

 

He chose you because you are everything he never wanted in a partner

 

Someone with no class

Someone with low self esteem

Someone easy

A whore

 

 

He chose you because he knew he would never want you. He wanted me but he needed a whore. 

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Unrequited Love

Folder: 
Silent Hate.

You told him you loved him.

He told me "I was doing it for us"

You told him you loved him.

He told me “She was just a hole to stick it in”

You told him you loved him

He told me “She was easy”

You told him you loved him.

He told me “I did what I had to”

You told him you loved him.

He told me “She meant nothing”

You told him you loved him.

He told me “She could have been anyone”

You told him you loved him.

He told me "The sex wasn't good"

You told him you loved him.

He told me “I had to think of you when I was with her”

You told him you loved him

 

He told me “I love you”

The Essence of My Thoughts

I don’t know you!

I don’t want to know you!

But I have to if I need to know why you loathe strangers like no tomorrow.

I’m a curious boy so I can’t stop poking my nose into the mess you made.

 

There’s a girl who lives in the British Isles.

She doesn’t know you!

You don’t want to know her!

Yet, you cut her open and call the cops on her so they can cure her wounds.

 

That is no accident. You fractured her soul on purpose and pretend it’s her fault.

Where is your humanity? Are you even human at all?

Who are you to call yourself an advocate for world peace?

So I say fuck your agenda. Your stupidity can't trick me into turning against the girl.

 

Just because the fire you started ain’t my business doesn’t mean I can’t chime in.

When a maiden as kind and sweet as she is in danger, it is everyone’s business.

Why do you claim to be in favor of equal rights when you have blood on your hands?

A good activist must always be a good pacifist. Never are their words used to perpetrate murder.

 

Who’s going to stand by you when the gravity of your actions come crashing down on you?

Who’s going to shelter you when the people you speak up for want nothing to do with you?

Who’s going to survive when your puppet shows concludes?

When you drop the mic that’s rigged with a bomb that blew up the city?

 

Look what you’ve done!! Look what you’ve done!! Look what you’ve done!!

You didn’t wake up to smell the roses that were painted by the blood spilt from your casualties.

The lone survivor is the girl who came close to death and there you are, continuing to break her.

You’d rather be comforted by your ego than brace yourself for the consequences of your miscalculation.

 

You don’t know the people you’re hurting as well as you think you do.

I pray now that the girl who survived the bombing buys an enchanted shield to keep you away from her.

My hypothesis is that nobody important in your life taught you that karma is a vindictive boomerang.

I’m not known for being a social butterfly, but I know an incredibly deadly viper when I see one.

For a Moment, Remember Me Again

 

I wish I knew what I want to say 

I wish I knew what to do

The truth is I've been at a loss

Since I lost you 

 

It's the gap, the absence, the lack 

The introspectively shaped hole 

On the right side of the bed 

That I realize tonight 

 

The truth is

I can't move on 

I don't even want to 

Each moment that goes by 

I'm starting to miss the days of my life

That I thought I was sad 

 

I don't just love you, I need you 

And I hate the fact that I want you 

When you've moved on

I don't want to haunt you 

But I miss your smile and your laugh

 

So for a moment

Please remember me again

 

 

Only

It only takes a whisper

To break an eternity of silence

It only takes hope

To dispel a world of fear

It only takes love

To erase a history of hatred

It only takes a touch

To wipe away a tear