Memories

Life's Mosaic

Our life is a mosaic of shattered glass
Of shattered lives and memories of days gone
And those gone that we have loved too
The memory remains
An etched memory so deep it never disappears
Each finding their own way to cope
While we are broken and
Trying not to break exposing our tears
Sometimes there are no words left to say
Because the wounds cut so deep
And we refuse to let the memories fade
As it may betray who we once would keep
So close to our hearts, and
We thought they would never go away
Maybe we would be the one to go first
So we would never have to live the day
That we realize that they are gone
And with them part of ourselves too
All we have left
Is piecing together this mosaic with glue
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this in contemplation as to how my life is now compared to "the good ole' days" of my life. We all suffer setbacks, loss, and have to cope with the current condition of our lives.

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WAYS I MADE MONEY AS A KID AND OTHER CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

HOW DID WE MAKE  MONEY WHEN WE WERE KIDS...I REMEMBER RIDING OUR BIKES AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD LOOKING FOR  GLASS BOTTLES FROM SODA OR POP WHATEVER YOU CALL IT...WE WOULD COLLECT THE BOTTLES IN  A BAG ON OUR HANDLEBARS AND WHEN THEY GOT TOO HEAVY OR THE BAG WAS PRETTY FULL WE USED TO TURN THEM IN FOR A  BAGFUL OF PENNY CANDY AT A LITTLE CANDY STORE KIDDIE CORNER FROM THE PARK ACROSS THE STREET FROM US. sOME BOTTLES WERE WORTH A PENNY  OR TWO OR THREE CENTS MAYBE THE MOST WAS A NICKEL...I THINK SHE USED TO RIP US OFF CUZ WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW MUCH THEY WERE WORTH AND WHY SOME WERE ONE OR TWO OR THREE CENTS....ANYWAY WE NEVER TOOK THE CASH ALWAYS THE CANDY...WE GOT TO PICK OUT THE CANDY WE WANTED FOR HER TO PUT IN THE BAG...FLYING SAUCERS, MARY JANES, BIT O  HONEY, RED LICORICE,THERE WERE MORE BUT THOSE COME TO MIND... SO THAT WAS ONE WAY  OF MAKING SOME MONEY WELL CANDY REALLY...I GOT A PAPER ROUTE WHEN I WAS NINE FOR A NEIGHBORHOOD PAPER  THE BELMONT CRAGIN...ONCE A WEEK I WOULD GET A BIG STACK OF PAPERS DELIVERED TO  MY DOOR WITH A BAG OF TINY RED RUBBERBANDS...HAD TO FOLD THEM AND RUBBER BAND THEM AND THEN DELIVER THEM. MY LITTLE BROTHER USED TO LIKE TO HELP ME FOLD AND RUBBER BAND AND DELIVER THEM...HE WAS FIVE....I THINK WE PUT  THE PAPERS IN A CART AND ONE OF US  PROBABLY ME WOULD WAK WITH THE CART AND THROW THE PAPERS UP ON THE FRONT PORCHES AND  I THINK MY BROTHER RODE HIS BIKE AND THREW THE PAPERS UP ON PORCHES. I THINK WE HAD TWO OR THREE BLOCKS BOTH SIDES OF THE STREET AND INTO THE NEXT BLOCK OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I USED TO GET PAID A DOLLAR A DELIVERY MEANING  ONE DOLLAR FOR DELIVERING ALL OF THE PAPERS WEEKLY...LATER  I WAS TOLD YOU COULD MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY IF YOU WENT DOOR TO DOOR COLLECTING FOR THE PAPERS. I THINK IT WAS A QUARTER FOR A MONTH WORTH OF PAPERS YOU HAD TO CHARGE. I DIDN'T LIKE THE COLLECTION PART. MOSTLY BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE SAID NO CUZ THEY NEVER ORDERED THE PAPER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND DIDN'T CARE IF THEY GOT IT OR NOT....I REMEMBER AN OLDER GIRL SCOUT LIVED IN ONE OF THE HOUSES AND COULD BE COUNTED ON TO GET THE MONEY FROM HER PARENTS BUT OTHER THAN THAT...WE DIDN'T MAKE MUCH DOING COLLECTIONS AND IT WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE TO GO AROUND ASKING FOR MONEY. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER GETTING PAID ANYMORE FROM DOING IT SINCE WE COLLECTED VERY LITTLE TO BEGIN WITH. I REMEMBER GETTING SOME KINDA COUPONS TO SPEND AT A STORE CALLED BLACKSTONE THE NEWSPAPER WAS SOMEHOW CONNECTED WITH...MAYBE THEY ADVERTISED IN THE PAPER OR SOMETHING...ANYWAY THE COLLECTION PART DIDN'T LAST VERY LONG...QUIT DOING THAT  AFTER A FEW UNCOMFORTABLE WEEKS IF THAT...I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ELEVEN OR TWELVE BABYSITTING ONCE IN  AWHILE ON A WEEKEND NIGHT FOR SOME KIDS I KNEW A FEW BLOCKS AWAY...I THINK I BABYSAT FOR A COUPLE OF FAMILIES AT DIFFERENT TIMES JUST EVERY SO OFTEN ON A WEEKEND NIGHT. I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I GOT PAID FOR BABYSITTING....NOT MUCH BUT USED TO BE ABLE TO ORDER A PIZXZA WHICH WAS NICE...WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN OR FIFTEEN I WAS A SHAMPOO GIRL IN A BEAUTY SHOP ON THE CORNER LA COIFFURE. I USED TO WASH THE LADIES HAIR AND DRY IT WITH A TOWEL AND SWEEP UP THE CUT HAIR OFF THE FLOOR FROM THE BEAUTICIANS...THAT WAS A DOLLAR FIFTY AN HOUR PLUS TIPS....MOST LADIES TIPPED A QUARTER...I REMEMBER MY HANDS USED TO PEEL FROM SOAKING IN THAT SHAMPOO ALL DAY SOME PINK STUFF...THEY WERE ALLOWED TO SMOKE IN THERE SO I WOULD COME HOME SMELLING LIKE SHAMPOO AND CIGARETTES...NOT VERY PLEASANT...SOMETIMES THEY HAD ME COME IN ON A WEEKNIGHT FOR A FEW HOURS AFTER SCHOOL...I REMEMBER A LADY WHO CAME THERE TO GET HER HAIR DONE ALL THE TIME WAS IN SOME KIND OF CLUB AND TRIED TO TALK ME INTO DOING AN INTERNSHIP IN WASHINGTON D.C. HER GROUP USED TO SPONSOR A KID TO BE AN INTERN AND LEARN  ABOUT HELPING OUT IN  GOVERNMENT.  IT SOUNDED INTERESTING AND I TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT IT. THEY LIKE PAID ROOM AND BOARD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THEY AGREED TO  LET ME GO BUT AS IT GOT CLOSER TO TIME FOR IT TO HAPPEN I CHICKENED OUT. I WASN'T READY TO BE SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ALL ALONE SO I PASSED ON IT. OH YA, WHEN WE WERE IN GRAMMAR SCHOOL WE USED TO DRAW PICTURES AND DISPLAY THEM ON THE COUCH ON THE FRONT PORCH FOR MY MOM TO LOOK AT AND WE CHARGED LIKE A PENNY A PIECE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT...SHE WOULD BUY SOME OF THEM FROM US...HA HA... OH YA, WHEN I HAD THE PAPER ROUTE I GOT A BANK ACCOUNT. I THINK IT WAS A SAVINGS AND LOAN...REMEMBER THOSE...NOT SURE IF THEY EVEN HAVE THEM ANYMORE...I THINK IT WAS A SAVINGS AND LOAN NOT FOR SURE...ANYWAY I REMEMBER AT ONE TIME HAVING A GRAND TOTAL OF TEN DOLLARS IN THE BANK AND I USED TO GET TEN PERCENT INTEREST ON THAT...THOSE WERE THE DAYS....NOWADAYS SOME BANKS CHARGE YOU IF YOUR BALANCE IS LOWER THAN A CERTAIN AMOUNT AND SOME DON'T GIVE ANY INTEREST AT ALL...GREEDY BASTARDS...ANYWAY...THAT IS ALL FOR THE WORKING MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD....OH YA, I REMEMBER THIS GAME MY MOM USED TO PLAY WITH US WITH COINS...SHE WOULD TRADE US COINS FOR OTHER COINS TO TRY TO TEACH US HOW MUCH THEY WERE WORTH LIKE I WILL TRADE YOU TWO DIMES AND A NICKEL FOR A QUARTER BUT SOMETIMES SHE WOULD TRADE LESS OR MORE TO KEEP YOU THINKING  IF YOU WERE GETTING A FAIR DEAL OR NOT...I REMEMBER FOR SOME REASON I LIKED QUARTERS BEST SO EVEN IF SHE SAID  YOU GIVE ME THREE DIMES AND I WILL GIVE YOU ONE QUARTER I WOULD DO IT CUZ I LIKED QUARTERS EVEN THO I KNEW THREE DIMES WAS WORTH MORE...OK...THAT IS ALL FOR NOW.... OH YA, DON'T REMEMBER AT WHAT AGE WE STARTED TO GET AN ALLOWANCE. WE USED TO HAVE CHORES TO DO LIKE TAKING TURNS WASHING AND DRYING DISHES AND PUTTING THEM AWAY AND THEN ONCE A WEEK WE WOULD GET A ROOM TO CLEAN LIKE THE BATHROOM OR FRONT ROOM OR LIVING ROOM OR KITCHEN LIKE SWEEPING FLOORS,, VACUUMING RUGS, DUSTING,STUFF LIKE THAT...I THINK OUR FIRST ALLOWANCE WAS A NICKEL A WEEK THAT WENT UP TO A DIME THEN A QUARTER OVER YEARS...DON'T REMEMBER IT EVER GETTING HIGHER THAN A QUARTER A WEEK...OK THAT IS REALLY ALL FOR THE OLD MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD I THINK....OK ONE MORE THING...IN GIRL SCOUTS WE WERE ALWAYS RAISING MONEY FOR TRIPS AND CAMPING AND STUFF LIKE THAT...YES WE SOLD GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ONCE A YEAR...BUT WE ALSO DID PAPER DRIVES AND CAR WASHES TO EARN MONEY TOWARD GETTING TO GO ON THOSE CAMPING TRIPS AND OTHER TRIPS....LIKE ONE YEAR WE DID A BUS TRIP TO NIAGARA FALLS, CANADA...WE DIDN'T NEED A PASSPORT BACK THEN. A BUS LOAD OF GIRL SCOUTS WAS NO PROBLEM GETTING THROUGH TO CANADA...I REMEMBER HOW CLEAN IT WAS THERE. IT WAS MUCH CLEANER THAN OUR SIDE OF THE BORDER THAT WAS FILTHY FULL OF GARBAGE FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE...THAT WAS WHAT I REMEMBERD ABOUT CANADA THE MOST...HOW CLEAN IT WAS. NIAGARA FALLS WAS BEAUTIFUL EVEN WHEN IT WAS MISTY AND THE WIND WAS BLOWING TOWARD YOU SO YOU GOT  WET FROM THE MIST...IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I ALSO REMEMBER THE CANADIAN SIDE OF THE FALLS BEING REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND THE AMERICAN SIDE LOOKED LIKE A LITTLE TRICKLE COMPARED TO THE HORSESHOE FALLS...I REMEMBER GOING TO BATTLECREEK MICHIGAN AND VISITING THE KELLOGGS FACTORY AND THEY GAVE YOU A FREE SAMPLE PACK OF BREAKFAST CEREALS....HOLLAND MICHIGAN THE TULIPS AND WOODEN SHOES.... ST LOUIS MISSOURI THE ARCH....KINGS ISLAND OHIO AMUSEMENT PARK...MILWAUKEE BREWERY WHERE THEY MADE BEER... WE WENT ON A BUNCH OF TRIPS TO NEIGHBORING STATES OVER THE YEARS... OUR FAMILY VACATION WAS ALMOST ALWAYS TO WISCONSIN DELLS JUST ABOUT EVERY YEAR...FORT DELLS, PAUL BUNYAN RESTAURANT, TOMMY BARTLETT WATER SHOW, THE AQUA DUCKS THAT DROVE ON LAND AND THEN WENT INTO THE WATER LIKE A BOAT...SOMEWHERE A DOG JUMPED FROM ONE CLIFF TO ANOTHER...THERE WERE SOME INDIAN PLACES. I WAS NEVER MUCH INTO JEWELRY OR STUFF LIKE THAT BUT I REMEMBER I GOT AN INDIAN NECKLACE BEADED THAT WAS LONG LIKE IT HUNG PRETTY LOW A BLUE BEADED NECKLACE WITH A BIG BIRD ON IT I USED TO WEAR ALL THE TIME RUNNING AROUND PLAYING AND ONE DAY IT BROKE AND THE BEADS WENT FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE. I REMEMBER BEING UPSET THAT IT BROKE AND COULDN'T BE FIXED. I NEVER GOT ANOTHER ONE BUT I WORE IT A LONG TIME BEFORE IT BROKE....GI ALWAYS LIKED MOCASSINS TOO... I WAS ALWAYS VERY SURE FOOTED AND USED TO THINK I MAY HAVE BEEN AN INDIAN IN A PAST LIFE. I HAD DREAMS ABOUT BEING WITH INDIANS AND I REMEMBER IN SCHOOL IT REALLY HIT ME HARD ABOUT THE PILGRIMS STEALING THE INDIANS LAND. I REMEMBER HAVING A NIGHTMARE THAT INDIANS CAME TO OUR HOUSE AND KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND SAID WE HAD TO LEAVE CUZ THEY WERE TAKING IT OVER. THAT WAS HOW STRONGLY I EMPATHISED WITH HOW THEY WERE TREATED BY WHITE MEN....IT IS REALLY SAD THEIR LAND WAS STOLEN FROM THEM. THEY MAKE MUCH BETTER EARTH KEEPERS THAN MOST  PEOPLE IN THIS THROWAWAY SOCIETY FILLING OUR AIR AND WATER AND LAND WITH TOXIC STUFF...IT WOULD BE MUCH BETTER OFF IN THE HANDS OF THE INDIANS THAT RESPECT THE LAND AND ANIMALS AND CARE FOR THE EARTH AND HAVE NATURAL REMEDIES AND STUFF. IT IS SAD WHEN INDIANS ARE DEPICTED AS SAVAGES IN WESTERNS AND STUFF WHEN THE PILGRIMS WERE THE REAL SAVAGES BRUTALLY STEALING THE INDIANS LAND...GOTTA WONDER ABOUT THE ONE SIDEDNESS OF HISTORY...WHO IS TELLING THE STORY AND WHOSE POINT OF VIEW IS IT FROM...NOT THEIRS...OK USUALLY MEMORIES LEAD TO OTHER MEMORIES AND ON AND ON WITH THE NEVER ENDING STORY SO I BETTER REALLY STOP HERE NOW...THIS IS UNEDITED AND UNABRIDGED JUST MEMORIES AS THEY HAPPEN TO POP INTO MY MIND AS I WRITE...IN CASE YOU CAN'T TELL...HA HA

Author's Notes/Comments: 

JUST SHARING SOME TRUE LIFE CHILDHOOD MEMORIES JUST WRITTEN AS THEY CAME TO MIND IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ...UNEDITED...UNABRIDGED...REMINISCING....

ANOTHER FILM EXTRA MEMORY...DOGWATER

USUALLY WHEN YOU DO FILM EXTRA WORK YOU ONLY WORK A DAY OR TWO ON A FILM.. THERE WAS ONE FILM CALLED DOGWATER AT THE TIME THAT WAS THE WORKING TITLE LATER CHANGED TO SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE  AND WHEN I WENT TO WORK ON THAT ONE AN OLD THEATER PAL OF MINE WAS THERE AND HE ASKED ME IF I WAS COMING BACK THE NEXT DAY. I WAS LIKE NO...TOMORROW I'M DOING MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING...AND HE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS A H.S. REUNION MOVIE THAT ALL TOOK PLACE IN ONE NIGHT  SO THEY COULD REPEAT YOU. I SAID I WOULD ASK THE EXTRAS AGENCY IF THEY COULD REPEAT ME ON IT AND THANKED HIM FOR LETTING ME KNOW. .I ENDED UP GETTING THREE WEEKS OF WORK ON IT...THEY GAVE ME A DRESS AND NECKLACE TO WEAR FROM WARDROBE AND PROBABLY SHOES CUZ I USUALLY JUST WORE GYM SHOES ON MOVIES CUZ THEY DON'T USUALLY SHOW YOUR FEET AND THEY LIKED RUBBER BOTTOMED SHOES THAT DIDN'T MAKE NOISE AND THEY DID HAIR AND MAKEUP EVERY MORNING AND HAD A PICTURE TO MAKE SURE THEY MATCHED THAT. THAT WAS UNUSUAL FOR EXTRA WORK. I FOUND OUT FROM OTHER EXTRAS THEY HAD AUDITIONS FOR THE REUNION MEMBERS AND A LOT OF THEM GOT  A LINE IN THE MOVIE. I  DIDN'T CALL THE EXTRAS HOTLINE EVERY SINGLE DAY SO I HAD NOT HEARD ABOUT THAT. I GUESS A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO WERE DOING  EXTRA WORK WERE THEATER ACTORS AND  HAD NEVER DONE IT BEFORE SO THEY WEREN'T USED TO BEING IN EXTRAS  HOLDING MOST OF THE DAY AND JUST BEING CALLED TO SET WHEN NEEDED FOR A SCENE SO THEY WERE DROPPING OUT WHICH IS WHY IT WAS EASY FOR ME TO GET MORE DAYS CUZ I WAS USED TO EXTRA WORK SO I HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. AS A MATTER OF FACT SINCE WE WERE WORKING ON IT LONGER THAN USUAL WE KINDA WERE IN CLIQUES LIKE YOU WOULD BE IN H.S. JUST HAPPENED NATURALLY...I WAS AT THE GAMES TABLE. PEOPLE BROUGHT  BOARD GAMES AND I LEARNED LOTS OF NEW CARD GAMES. WE WERE HAVING SO MUCH FUN AT THE GAMES TABLE THAT WHEN AN A.D. WOULD COME IN LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM TO PICK  A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE TO CALL TO SET I WOULD SLUMP DOWN IN MY CHAIR AND HIDE BEHIND MY CARDS...HA HA...I WAS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN...USUALLY I WOULD BE  LOOKING EAGER TO GO TO SET...I REMEMBER BEING CALLED FOR A NIGHT SCENE WHERE THEY SAID THERE WAS GONNA BE A PUDDLE AND PEOPLE WOULD GET WET AND THEY WERE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE THAT HAD WARDROBE SO THEY WOULDN'T GET THEIR OWN CLOTHES WET. WELL, WHEN I GOT THERE AND SAW THE PUDDLE AND WHAT HAPPENED WHEN PEOPLE GOT WET IT WAS A LOT WORSE THAN I EXPECTED...IT WAS A HUGE PUDDLE THAT A CAR DROVE THROUGH  PRETTY FAST AND THE WATER CAME UP LIKE A WAVE AND GOT THE GROUP COMPLETELY SOAKEN WET AND IT WAS CHILLY OUTSIDE AND I HAD A SHORT SLEEVED DRESS ON...SO I WAS KINDA HANGING BACK HOPING I WOULDN'T GET PICKED AND LUCKILY I MANAGED TO MISS GETTING SOAKED. THEY FILMED IT A FEW TIMES SO YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY WOULD USE YOUR GROUP SHOT OR NOT.  IT WAS A ONE SHOT DEAL CUZ ONCE YOU GOT SOAKED THEY COULDN'T  SHOOT IT AGAIN...THEY ENDED UP USING  THE ONE WITH THE CHEERLEADER IN IT....ANYWAY THAT IS THE ONLY TIME I WORKED ON SOMETHING AND DIDN'T REALLY CARE IF THEY USED ME OR NOT...I STILL GOT PAID TO BE THERE...OH YA...THEY HAD A LOT OF ACTORS DOING CAMEOS IN IT AS REUNION MEMBERS AND I HEARD BRAD PITT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE OF THEM BUT HE WAS DOING DEVIL'S OWN AND FILMING TOOK LONGER ON THAT MOVIE THAN EXPECTED SO HE COULDN'T MAKE IT AND WAS REPLACED WITH LIEV SCHREIBER. NOT SURE IF I SPELLED HIS LAST NAME RIGHT...THERE WAS ONE SCENE WHERE THEY HAD A FEW OF US AT A SMALL BAR SO WE WERE FACING THE BAR AND THEY PUT LIEV FACING THE OTHER DIRECTION NEXT TO ME AND WE WERE LITERALLY SHOULDER TO SHOULDER AND I WAS LIKE...OH MAN...THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BRAD PITT....DARN DARN DARN...HA HA...I HEARD JENNIFER GREY WAS GONNA BE THERE ONE DAY BUT I WASN'T ON SET FOR HER SCENE. I WAS HOPING TO SEE HER AND SAY HI. I USED TO USHER AT THE APOLLO A LOT FOR A PLAY SHE WAS IN THERE CALLED ALBUM. I USED TO SEE ADS IN THE READER ALL THE TIME LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEER USHERS AND SAW THAT ADAM BALDWIN WAS IN IT AND HE HAD BEEN IN A MOVIE CALLED MY BODYGUARD I HAD SEEN  AT  WATER TOWER MOVIE THEATER WHERE I WORKED AT THE TIME EARLY EIGHTIES....HE WAS THE ONLY ONE FROM THE CAST I HAD EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE...JENNIFER GREY AND ALAN RUCK  HAD NOT DONE FERRIS BUELLER YET AND  IT WAS WAY BEFORE WILL AND GRACE THAT MEGAN MULALLY DID LATER ON...I LOVED THAT PLAY. THE SOUNDTRACK WAS A LOT OF MUSIC I LOVED...I REMEMBER BEACH BOYS AND BOB DYLAN  MUSIC IN IT. I DIDN'T REALIZE JENNIFER GREY WAS  JOEL GREY'S DAUGHTER TIL HE  CAME TO SEE THE PLAY ONE NIGHT AND SNUCK IN THROUGH  THE TOP OF THE HOUSE FROM THE BOX OFFICE. HE DIDN'T WANT JENNIFER TO KNOW HE WAS THERE AND HE WAS TAKING NOTES THE WHOLE TIME ON HER PERFORMANCE...I FOUND THAT STRANGE BUT I GUESS HE WAS HELPING HER. I THOUGHT IF A PARENT CAME TO SEE THEIR KID IN A PLAY THEY WOULD JUST WATCH AND ENJOY IT NOT TAKE NOTES ON WHAT SHE COULD IMPROVE BUT WHAT DID I KNOW...ANYWAY SHE WAS NICE AND FRIENDLY AND I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO SEE HER ON SET AND SAY HI IF I HAD A CHANCE ...OH WELL...DAVID SCHWIMMER FROM FRIENDS  DIRECTED IT AND WAS IN IT...HE WAS NICE. I  HAD DONE EXTRA WORK ON ANOTHER MOVIE HE WAS IN CALLED KISSING A FOOL TOO...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

NOT SURE WHAT MADE ME THINK OF DOGWATER...MAYBE FROM WRITING THAT OTHER MEMORY ABOUT FILM EXTRA WORK... 

http://resumes.actorsaccess.com/pamschwetz

 

A COUPLE OF CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

 I GUESS I WAS ABOUT SIX YEARS OLD...I HAD ASKED MY MOM ABOUT STOP SIGNS. I DIDN'T  UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WORKED.. I WAS LIKE THE SIGN SAYS STOP BUT YOU CAN'T STOP THERE FOREVER SO HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU CAN GO. MY MOM SAID SOMETIMES A POLICEMAN TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN GO. I ASKED IF ANYONE ELSE COULD TELL YOU IT WAS OK TO GO AND SHE SAID YES....SO....ONE DAY ON OUR WAY TO THE LAUNDROMAT I WAS LAGGING BEHIND A BIT AND NOTICED ONE OF THOSE STOP SIGNS RIGHT OUTSIDE THE LAUNDROMAT. A CAR PULLED UP AND STOPPED THERE. I DIDN'T SEE ANYONE ELSE AROUND SO I THOUGHT I WOULD BE NICE AND TELL HIM HE COULD GO SO....I STUCK OUT MY THUMB AND POINTED WITH IT LIKE HE COULD GO...HE SMILED AND REACHED OVER TO UNLOCK THE PASDSENGER SIDE DOOR. I GOT SCARED AND YELLED STRANGER DANGER AND RAN INTO THE LAUNDROMAT RUNNING LOOKING FOR MY MOM. WE HAD A VISIT IN SCHOOL WITH OFFICER FRIENDLY WHO TOLD US NOT TO GET INTO STRANGERS CARS AND TO WATCH OUT FOR STRANGER DANGER...HA HA...I HAD NO IDEA STICKING MY THUMB OUT LIKE THAT WAS SOMETHING PEOPLE DID TO HITCH HIKE...I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT WAS  AT THE TIME...AN INNOCENT MISTAKE...

 

ANOTHER TIME I STAYED OVERNIGHT BY MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE AND SHE TOLD ME TO CALL MY MOM TO SEE WHEN SHE WAS COMING TO GET ME...I DIALED THE PHONE AND A MAN ANSWERED AND I ASKED IF I COULD TALK TO MY MOM AND HE SAID SHE WASN'T THERE AND HE WAS MY GRANDPA...SO I WAS TALKING TO HIM FOR AWHLE AND MY GRANDMA SAID WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO...I SAID IT'S GRANDPA...SHE SAID NO IT CAN'T BE GRANDPA YOU MUST HAVE DIALED THE WRONG NUMBER AND SHE TOOK THE PHONE AWAY AND HUNG IT UP. SHE SAID TRY AGAIN AND DIAL CAREFULLY...SO I TRIED AGAIN...A MAN ANSWERED...I SAID IS MOMMY THERE AND HE SAID THIS IS DADDY....SO I GOT SCARED AND HUNG UP THE PHONE CUZ LAST TIME I CALLED A MAN ANSWERED AND SAID HE WAS GRANDPA AND THIS TIME A MAN ANSWERED AND SAID HE WAS DADDY. I THOUGHT IF I CALLED TO TALK TO MY MOM SHE HAD TO ANSWER THE PHONE CUZ I GOT CONFUSED BY THE LAST PHONE CALL I DIALED WRONG...SO MY GRANDMA DIALED THE PHONE THIS TIME AND HANDED ME THE RECEIVER AND I SAID HI IS MOMMY THERE AND MY DAD SAID ARE YOU THE LITTLE GIRL WHO JUST CALLED HERE...AND I SAID NO...I THOUGHT I WOULD GET IN TROUBLE FOR HANGING UP ON HIM BEFORE...IT WAS CONFUSING AT THE TIME BUT KINDA FUNNY NOW...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I HOPE YOU FIND THESE MEMORIES AMUSING. I AM HAVING A LAUGH ATTACK AT THE MOMENT. I FIND THEM VERY FUNNY...ALTHOUGH THEY WERE NOT FUNNY TO ME AT THE TIME...THEY WERE KINDA SCARY.

The memories from with-in!

 The memories from with-in         

somedays the memories surface and i cant get them out of my head
and when i lay down at night to sleep its the morning that i dread
because when i wake up in the morning i think that i can not win
those memories i hold inside  me are my memories from with-in
one day is good the other is not and it sometimes gets me down
sometimes it feels like a losing battle and it feels like i will drown
but i think of where i was back then and i break out in a grin
i think of all the blessings ive had from the memories from with-in
like the day my kids were born will live on in me never to depart
but sometimes those nasty memories surface and are tearing me apart
when that occur's think of all the good things there has ever been
only then will you have peace of mind with the memories from with-in

 

                                           Zoeycup

Author's Notes/Comments: 

wrote this one i think because i needed to hear it hope you all like it

                                               zoeycup

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Conversations and research on the Indian Summer

Folder: 
Poetry Discourse

Whilst suffering and discussing the Indian Summer with other online poets, I unearthed or rediscovered and old schoolboy favourite of mine by Sir Thomas Moore:

 

 

Large

 

What was your favourite summer poem or childhood poem/s that influenced you in some way?

 

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Out with the Loathing, In with the Benevolence

 

The pain of being left behind has lingered inside you for years, years, years.

 

So you thought the patrons berating me weren’t bad enough, nuff, nuff.

 

I had open wounds all over my body.

 

And you dumped a bucket of salt on them.

 

You knew perfectly well how hurt I was before that.

 

Yet you tie a leash on my neck and commanded me to listen

 

Like the dog I was when I barked back at you.

 

 

 

No matter what my decision was, I was going to lose to you.

 

My attachment to you was the perfect gun for you to fire

 

Because it was loaded with the tablets that nearly did you in.

 

On that fateful day, you survived and I thought that true love was out of my reach.

 

You would have had the last laugh, but several days later, the joke’s on you.

 

I’m someone else’s now so tough luck and good riddance to bad rubbish.

 


 

You say you’re free of me,

 

Yet your memories of me have locked you up

 

and thrown away the key.

 

 

I know that because you have loads of trouble letting go of the past.

 


 

You can vent ‘til the cows come home that I never
made time for you, you, you!

 

Everything has to be about me, me, me!

 

But that was only the surface you scratched.

 

That’s the furthest you ever went.

 

It says more about you than me.

 

Hell, a beefcake could clear his schedule for you better than I can.

 

 

But his chivalry might be aggressive mimicry.

 

 

 

If he breaks your heart, it ain’t my problem.

 

Now that I’m out of your reach, you can’t touch me.

 

I’m mingling with the losers like I’m dancing in a nightclub in Italy.

 

It was a wakeup call to screw your shade

 

Because one of them loves everything about me.

 

 

It’s not looking the other way. It’s enjoying the person I was born to be.

 

 

 

 

Every day I don’t look you up online

Nor read your old messages, my memories of you hurt less and less.

While I can visualize you a decade from now

Still being stroppy about the delusion that I never cared for you.

Who knows? You could call me a cunt and still claim part of you loves me.

And you’re sorry it had to be this way.

 

But… fuck no! Let’s be real. You’re not sorry. No aspect of you loves me.

 

 

You played the sarcasm card on me. So how about a taste of your own medicine for a change?

Good luck becoming a psychologist with the attitude of a wack job.

Good luck getting that degree while you throw a fit on every single assignment you get.

Good luck handing that very same garbage you threw at me to a couple getting a divorce.

I can’t wait to see a patient badmouth you on Reddit and turn you into a court jester.

Maybe I did learn a lesson from you after all;

Knowing when it is time to let go and never come back.

Evergreen in Her Purse

 

 

She had pine

needles in her purse to take the edge off

Christmas. She held them for the memories

she didn’t own, but could pluck out of movies

like pine cones out of the snow to make ornaments —

decorated with bits of glitter, a bow

to represent a touch of hope. I would pull her close

and tell her she didn’t need the needles to feel something

as tangible as the snow on the ground. Fleeting

cold was meant to leave us

for the warmth of memories we could make on our own.

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Dad...

 

Dad…

 

All memories thundered on me.

 

Breathless to  bear the pain

 

How you showered the love and joy

 

As father and friend.

 

 

 

Tit-bit talks of hot and cold

 

Will remain as eternal joy

 

How crazy you were at times

 

Merciless for poor grades

 

And Santa Claus for other tears.

 

 

 

Too many hardships

 

As no one ever seen

 

But you held your pride

 

By touching the crown of town

 

You were minimal on talk

 

But your actions had spoken louder.

 

 

 

Still people talk your bravery

 

A man of great conviction

 

A soul of angel and so on

 

What not all, fall short of words

 

But for me....I miss you Dad.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Remembering Dad

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