Memories

Memories of Love Lost

When I was older, I buried my friend.

When I was older, I had to pretend.

When I was older, I thought about the end.

 

When we were young, songs were sung!

When we were young, we ran from bees that stung!

When we were young, we played on swings and swung!

 

When I was older, I had to change. 

When I was older, life became strange.

When I was older, love was unrequited.


When we were young, was when love was first invited

 

Now I’m old, and wishing I were young. But you’re gone, my soul is sold, and my heart is now wrung.

 

 

 

 

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Cry In My Sleep

 

 I Lost My Ability To Cry
I'm Hurting So Much
I Feel Hurt
I Feel Pain
I Want To Cry
But Theres Not Tears
Theres No Emotions
Hold Me Please


Because I Can't Feel My Arms
I Can't Feel My Legs Anymore
I Feel Like Crying
But I'm Dying In My Sleep
Waking Up With Dried Up Eyes
I Don't Remember Crying
I Don't Remember Sleeping
Chill Runs Through On My Skin


Crying Out In Pain
I Wish I Could Cry
For My Body Can't Take It Anymore
Is This What It Feels Like
Why Must I Feel So Cold
Why Must I Feel So Emotionless
Pieces Of My Heart
Tears In Pieces


I Wish Again
I Could Cry
Just Once More
If I Could Hold You
If I Could Hug You
And Tell You One More Thing
I Just Want To Cry
I Want To Cry On Your Shoulder

 

 

Buzzcut Boy

Folder: 
Confessions

It's not you,

It's not me,

It's not him

It's the world that has been

sucking us back in

to the dark void it's yet to fill

devouring our rainbows and

any shade and trace of light

and everything we hold dear

 

It's not you

It's not me

It might be

the words of a madman that

have devoured me piece by piece

ever since

until I suffocate and dissolve

into the nothingness I feel

at 3 a.m.

 

And I'm sorry if you knew this only now.

 

It's not you

It's not him

It's the constant fear

that has built a home

out of the shanties of my heart

Pulling the strings,

the triggers

on its whim

 

And I'm sorry but it's already won the war, I believe

 

It's not you

It's not me

It's not him

It's the inevitability I cannot escape

And so in silence, I shall

roam this world and carry

the memories of us,

your buzzcut and my smile,

and the glow I basked on with

in that April afternoon.

 

Forget about me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about how depression affects love.

Trying to put the past behind

Trying to put the past behind!!!   

My past has always been here in the front of me

Always first never last ever vigil never free

It stays within my sights taunting me always unkind

With every breath I take im trying to put the past behind

Some days are easier and some are impossible to do

But I keep going one step maybe two I haven’t a clue

Maybe I will reach the other side of my past in my mind

With every beat of my heart im trying to put the past behind

I plead to God to take the painful memories far far away

But I think Im cursed because here they are and here they stay

But maybe there just a reminder of who I was back then

Maybe they remain to remind me to never go back there again

Going back would mean ive failed to have my past confined

So with every part of me im trying to put the past behind

 

                 Zoeycup 16

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is one I wrote because im trying to do just that put my past behind me...very hard thou

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Not let it win!

                  Not let it win!  

 The memories roll in like a wave that hits the shore

Going back and forth filling your head till it’s sore

Why can’t I let go of the memories that are under my skin

Family tells me to let it go, to forget and not let it win

Life was supposed to be fun when I was a small girl of ten

But it was a nightmare to which happened over and over again

In school I was bullied i said not a word and kept my sorrow within

I prayed for it to stop and leave me alone and not let it win

Then all grown up and married to a monster who didn’t even care

He hit me for years and wouldn’t never stop till It was too much to bare

To have the will to keep moving forward and not just give up and give in

It will be my dream come true for a happy tomorrow to not let it win    

                         zoeycup16

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i'm always saying to myself don't give up keep on going, there are days where i just want to give in but by doing that i fear i will let IT win and im to stubborn to do that lol

zoeycup16

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Solitary night

 
 
Solitary night
 
tears of dissatisfaction
 
choking on memories
 
a torrent as the dark presses in
 
Searching, seeking
 
the long-awaited slumber
 
of each miserable, useless regret of yesterday
 
Yet, afraid to face the uncertainty of tomorrow
 
 
 

Release Me

 

I have wasted

My time

My energy

My breath on you

 

I have gotten

Nothing

Emptiness

Loneliness from you

 

You have fooled me

Put a veil over my eyes

Tricked me

Into loving you

 

You have taken, everything

My heart

My body

My mind from me

 

Yet

I love you 

I crave you

I yearn for you

 

Where is there reason,

When love is involved?

Where is reality,

When emotions run wild?

 

I would ask

But there is no answer

You leave me in silence

To stand on my own

I long to crumble

Fall into pieces

Cry to the heavens

Cry out to you

 

Never will you be

Mine own heart

Mine own soul

Or any part

Of mine own being

 

So… let me go

Set me free

Open your palms

And release me

 

Please...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/14/2018

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Dog-ends

Dog-ends

By jfarrell

 

Stained coffee mugs and frayed shirts;

Dusty unread books on an undusted shelf;

Wallpaper peeling where the rain comes through;

These are the dog-ends of my life.

 

Detritus, clutter builds up around me, unseen;

A forgotten CD here, a photo I forgot to burn there;

A lifetime of junk builds up;

And I live amongst these dog-ends.

 

And now, like the most desperate of smokers,

I must break these dog-ends and build a new one to smoke;

A new life to live;

From the ashes of my dog-ends a dragon will arise.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

my life is an ashtray

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Home

 

Back to back the night replays, 

Sitting here with a bottle called decay

 

And we’ve got the depression scented incense 

Sitting in a circle, wondering why it makes no kind of sense

Why I'm dwindling to live or live and suffer on the fence

 

I got fed up and left the room 

Went outside, tried to escape all that gloom

But what I found next was even worse, just rumors of doom

 

I visited this house I called home, but I’m not on the lease,

It all sounds so familiar, got the corpse of me laying there on center of the floor while you feast 

Got it displayed over there like an art piece 

Act like it was the true me, as if I was already deceased

 

But I’m still here, on the same broken couch, still sitting here 

You ignore me, go on, take another beer

Am I invisible? Do I not exist to you!?

Every part of me, debatable, divisible, that’s what you called only true.

I just want to find a breakthrough

And just like you, it never mattered, no matter what I do.

Just like you, 

 

It feels like an eternity since I left, I never cared to say goodbye 

All these broken objects still here, and I never understood why

But as I grew up, I know now, I know, it’s how you expressed to cry
The broken objects are a physical mental wall you built to hide
Broken and unwanted, justlike you,now I know, throwing it out was hard to decide

          

But you didn’t wanna outright say

You felt your own blood was a source of your betray

Leave the family, it’s better, leave them astray

Let her stay there, let her lay 

With all her demons she keeps at bay

 

I know now, your mind

Deteriorated

Dementia kissed you on the cheek and made us her kind

And like you I met her too, I became contaminated 

We are only moved by the broken blinds

Forever Unanimated 

 

You worship this building and every hole in the wall

Hide insecurity, and all that was spoken, ignore another call.

Put duct tape over the mess, and defend it all 

I wanted to ask, when did you begin this journey just to fall? 

 

 

I should leave before the sickness drives me mad

And just like you I close the door 

Until next time, dad

I close the door, and leave the past on the broken, dirty floor.

But unlike you, I must defeat what you couldn’t

The thing like me that you always avoid, the tainted inner core

 

 

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