Out with the Loathing, In with the Benevolence


The pain of being left behind has lingered inside you for years, years, years.


So you thought the patrons berating me weren’t bad enough, nuff, nuff.


I had open wounds all over my body.


And you dumped a bucket of salt on them.


You knew perfectly well how hurt I was before that.


Yet you tie a leash on my neck and commanded me to listen


Like the dog I was when I barked back at you.




No matter what my decision was, I was going to lose to you.


My attachment to you was the perfect gun for you to fire


Because it was loaded with the tablets that nearly did you in.


On that fateful day, you survived and I thought that true love was out of my reach.


You would have had the last laugh, but several days later, the joke’s on you.


I’m someone else’s now so tough luck and good riddance to bad rubbish.



You say you’re free of me,


Yet your memories of me have locked you up


and thrown away the key.



I know that because you have loads of trouble letting go of the past.



You can vent ‘til the cows come home that I never
made time for you, you, you!


Everything has to be about me, me, me!


But that was only the surface you scratched.


That’s the furthest you ever went.


It says more about you than me.


Hell, a beefcake could clear his schedule for you better than I can.



But his chivalry might be aggressive mimicry.




If he breaks your heart, it ain’t my problem.


Now that I’m out of your reach, you can’t touch me.


I’m mingling with the losers like I’m dancing in a nightclub in Italy.


It was a wakeup call to screw your shade


Because one of them loves everything about me.



It’s not looking the other way. It’s enjoying the person I was born to be.





Every day I don’t look you up online

Nor read your old messages, my memories of you hurt less and less.

While I can visualize you a decade from now

Still being stroppy about the delusion that I never cared for you.

Who knows? You could call me a cunt and still claim part of you loves me.

And you’re sorry it had to be this way.


But… fuck no! Let’s be real. You’re not sorry. No aspect of you loves me.



You played the sarcasm card on me. So how about a taste of your own medicine for a change?

Good luck becoming a psychologist with the attitude of a wack job.

Good luck getting that degree while you throw a fit on every single assignment you get.

Good luck handing that very same garbage you threw at me to a couple getting a divorce.

I can’t wait to see a patient badmouth you on Reddit and turn you into a court jester.

Maybe I did learn a lesson from you after all;

Knowing when it is time to let go and never come back.

the run away

Sometimes I feel I need to leave
To run far away without reprieve
Bombardments, far too much pressure
Without relief nor break nor leisure
My brawny system starts to measure

They razz, they criticize, take away earned prize
Exaggerate, sometimes even tell lies
All to demean, while rising up themselves
While I, downtrodden, melt into helpless elves
To their satisfaction but my lousy reaction

Dare leave my love and cozy habitat
Scurry and hide like an emaciated rat
Yet as I travel, I eagerly escape
Avoid procedures and red tape
With free spirit address my next adventure

Of course, I’d take money and credit card
Avoid new conflicts from the start
And live most primitive like a homeless guy
For a change let the world pass me by
Just contemplate the meaning of it all

Instead, vicariously, I’ll dream away
In simply a tent, in total silence stay
Half-empty stomach, yet rich in vision
Have ample time, no forced decision
Frivolous, carefree, without derision

Even love and beauty in my mind will come alive
In this new world and space, creative thoughts soon will arrive
Since I’ll be one at one with nature and the elements
Experience the hot and cold with no pretense
And all the while, I’ll absorb and simply smile

No, no I simply haven’t got the guts
Plain run away? Just provoking thoughts
I must be nuts!
Yet, I could revise my life in simpler ways
And be reborn in a new and budding happy blaze

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Carefree Pleasantries...(Fun)



Breathing easy.

My back to the wind,

It blows me forward gently,

easing my worries of tomorrow.

Wanting me to just let go and be so young.

So I frolic through fields of flowers and sunshine.

Giggling like the school girl I so wish that I was again.

Jumping rope with cousins in the park and discussing boys.

Playing basketball with my brothers and their hormonal friends.

Oh,  It feels good to laugh and not have to worry about the future.

Not to worry about others or where the next paycheck is coming from.

So today I shall laugh and engage in pleasantries, just letting go of all else.
Wait until tomorrow to embrace my responsibilities I'm young and happy again.

The one who once laughed so freely at jokes and who wasn't afraid to once act her age.

Oh it feels good to have fun and stretch my arms above my head, feel the sun reaching back..

Its as if the whole world is stretching forth its hands towards me begging me once again to just let go.

I do not feel guilty because I have cast away my resposiblities, ignoring my inhibitions, and I just want to have fun.

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Like A Seed

Poems 2007-2008


Love is like a seed to me

If carefree it will die

Though, if I watch over it

It will blossom into a tree

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of the very few poems I wrote during 2008 that wasn't about pain, depression, etc.

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