sorrow

My Precious Momma

Folder: 
Grief & Grieving

Jane Catherine  Cavalcante

My Precious Momma...

I hugged you, talked to you, kissed you.

I spent Blessed, special time with you,

on your that, last day here

...and now,

I'm supposed to go on living without you,

My Precious Momma.

~

How is that even possible,

when you were the first person I ever loved

and the first person,

who ever loved me,

My Precious Momma?

When you were my best friend,

my confidant, my advice 'go-to' and giver?

My hand-holder, my cheering squad,

my example of strength, of grace, of dignity,

of a deep and steadfast Faith.

Just like that...54 years

and 20 days, all the days I ever knew,

of living in this world with you in it~

and then, suddenly...no more.

~

My Precious Momma,

When you left this earth,

Heaven surely got even more beautiful,

as you arrived

and your smiling Irish eyes,

just went wide-open in utter awe,

as you touched the glorious face of Jesus, at last.

Then, as you turned all around,

dancing in delightful glory,

restored, renewed,

with no pain, no struggle, no worry, no fear...

and not ever again.

~

Oh My Precious Momma,

you certainly more than earned your reward,

for your trials you had, here on this earth.

For that I am so grateful, to our Lord,

that you suffer no more,

and while I long to have you back,

I would never wish you away from Paradise

and back to pain and struggles and strife.

~

No My Precious Momma...

For I would rather continue

the time I have left here, on earth,

with my own pain and struggles and strife

and live as Faithful a life as you did,

being as strong a woman as you were,

My Precious Momma,

knowing that someday soon,

it will be my time to go to be with you,

there, Home in Heaven.

~

But until then...

until Father God calls me Home too,

I will still, forever and ever, be loving you,

be missing you, be aching inside

and be so very lost without you...

My Precious Momma.

Cry


 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

In loving memory of My Precious Momma, Jane Catherine Cavalcante, born December 19, 1944...who went to be with Jesus on July 20, 2020

I miss you so very, very much, Mom!!! I am broken and lost without you. Cry

https://www.bakerpostfh.com/memorials/Cavalcante-Jane/4272389/obituary.php

The Skies Have Never Been Greyer

The skies have never been greyer.

I don’t heal from mental scars overnight.

Neither do you.

I overthink small problems and I wither when I make mistakes.

So do you.

It made me smile that we have our own inner demons.

It gave me the realization that I would not be alone.

 

When two broken hearts get together,

I often dream that they are matches made in heaven.

Because we understand where we’ve been

And why these circumstances made us the way we are.

But in every relationship, it is the furthest thing from paradise.

It won’t be the last time that we’d be walking on thin ice.

 

You are a sweetheart to me and I won’t forget the way you changed my life.

You’ve inspired me to meet icons whose wealth exceeds my wildest dreams.

You’ve helped me see that they’re human beings just like you and me.

You’ve given me pieces of you to keep me on my feet and explore uncharted territory in Wonderland.

You’ve compelled me to think that you wouldn’t ask for much as long as I said,

“I love you. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.” every night.

You constantly worry you lose me and that nothing in life goes right for you.

I keep trying to do my own thing while battling the sergeants that disagree with my decisions.

Don’t let our fickle position be added to my list of never-ending burdens.

 

Sometimes I stay the best of friends with people I was fond of before.

I’m never the “love them and leave them” type as long as I’m still on good terms with them

And remind myself that the past is in the past and no one is taking me anywhere.

Not that anyone could anyway as long as I make a living trying to tell nectarines and peaches apart.

Tonight when I talked about it with you, the way I opened up to you was like stepping in a land mine.

I don’t want to keep secrets from you so you wouldn’t fear I’d leave you to drown in a vale of tears.

But I’ll lock them up and throw away the key if I’m put on the spot like this.

Then I wouldn’t let you touch me the way you do now.

 

I’ve learned many hard lessons from falling in love and interpreting one’s intentions.

One taught me that it’s pointless to disguise odium as empathy.

One taught me that I can never choose what the love of my life gets offended by.

One taught me not to rely too heavily on my other half lest I lose my ability to solve problems.

One taught me not to sacrifice too much when making a commitment.

One taught me that there’s more to life than shotgun weddings and procreation.

One taught me to love who I am before I can give my light to others.

A lost boy who’s a year away from adulthood has given me his by sharing his own disappointments

Yet he still has the heart to resurrect the brotherly side that I had previously lost to a poisonous fable.

 

I know I want to love

And I want to be loved in return

But I am a free spirit and close friends mean the world to me.

I never see myself as a “give and take” kind of bloke

All because the little things in life are what matters more to me.

Who would want a lover like that?

 

I am sorry that you feel the way you do, but no matter what the future brings,

I’ll always love you and be indebted to your compassion.

I swear on the grave of my jewel and cousin, I wish you the best in life

Whether I spend mine with you or not.

The skies have never been greyer.

Midwinter poem

Why are you so forlorn my love
In this midwinter storm
Old man winter's half spent
His strength still formidable but diminished
And the days have started their slow climb towards the height of summers long day
 
The rains have come again though
They've not yet washed the earth
Of the ice and dirty snow
But the ground beneath is softened now
And its only a matter of time 
Til the birch-sap begins to flow
 
Keep laying out seeds of faith my love
For the sparrow and the chickadee
And let their chattering warm your heart
And do not begrudge the deer the cedar in the backyard
While all nature awaits in reverent silence
For the warmth and grace of spring
 
Last summer the gods blessed your garden
The tiny apple-tree nearly broke beneath the weight
A harvest to remember and apple pie for Christmas
The dahlias looked radiant in the midnight sun
And even still the parsley in your greenhouse hangs on
You must have known even then, the winter would be long
 
It's the way of the world my love
This sacred circle of life and death 
Like the dry bulbs you have stored
Silent on a cold and dark cellar shelf
Carefully wrapped and stored in hope
Of the warmth and new life of spring
 
You and I have grown old my love
Our love like the gnarled old pine
Where your father's swing still hangs
There is yet strength enough in our limbs
To bear our children's children's weight
And the snows of winters yet to come
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I Am Never Alone

You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again, mate.

You went back on your word when you promised you’d stick with me in the long run.


Even if our passion moved far too quickly at first.

Before it simmered down to give us time to intercept our demons.

 

It should’ve been the other way around.

In an age where I can’t see your face nor can I hold your hand,

 

It’s become a force of habit that I wish I could stop partaking in.

I love too quickly because I am a freak scared of being molded into something I’m not.

 

Regardless of my desire, I still have to know what goes on in your own life.

That either excites you, scares you, angers you, saddens you, and soothes you.

 

I’d have to appreciate you before my infatuation gets the better of me and it evolves into love.

I never planned to stop caring even after finding out your weight was dangerously high.

 

I was reassured that you planned to take care of yourself, but you never knew that.

You didn’t know what to do nor what to say when I didn’t find out about your size sooner.

 

You didn’t want to shove me away, but you did.

You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did.

 

You said you were interested in me, but you weren’t.

You said you weren’t in it for short-term happiness, but you were.

 

All because you turned your back on me when I was willing to keep you tight regardless.

You are such a damn fraud that vies for a sugar bowl that I am fighting tirelessly to keep.

 

How many sorries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I could let you know when you get it to turn on.

But how can I notify you if you severed ties with me?

Since you ran away, an apology is as empty as your soul.

 

You turned out to be just like your exes and here I am, telling you, “Fuck your love quest.”

It’s not like you’re going to take it again anytime soon nevertheless.

 

Lonely pieces of crap only want to love when they wish for an early death.

Were you trying to gasp for air when the ocean took away your breath?

 

If you’re still wondering why you’ll never find love, I’ve got bad news for you.

The way you made my heart beat for you until you made a crack in it is the answer to your question.

 

You may never know this about me because I don’t always realize it myself.

But when I embrace a soul whose loyalty and compassion is unbreakable,

 

I realize that I am never alone.

They may face obstacles and heartaches of their own, but they never let them tear them apart.

 

One day, I’ll find love of my own and I continue to pray that it will be as true as my friendships.

What a shame that you’ll never see that I am never alone.

Sorrow

 

 

 

Too too much to say

Words can’t express the feeling 

Beating Heart & Throbbing Pain

 

Can’t sleep

To afraid...

To Wake up & feel this pain 

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tags:

The Odyssey

Folder: 
Love

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

 

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

 

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

 

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

 

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

 

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you all my everything

And you each of you left me wanting

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Death of Infatuation

Folder: 
Light and Dark

I've never seen an angel bleed

Till I stood with knife in hand

I've never seen a devil cry

Till I looked once through it's eyes

 

You were my drug

Long before I acclimated

Long before withdrawal

I needed you to survive

 

I can feel your eyes on my back

Can't you hear me?

I'm silent on the outside

But screaming on the inside

I'm soul-lost

I can't find who I am anymore

 

Maybe I'll be fine

Perhaps I will survive

But I just don't know if

I can outlast your memory

 

If I lose myself in drugs and dreams

Or fly away to places and things

To fill the gap you left behind

Consuming body, soul, and mind

 

But there is no need

To conjure dreams

When life comes

In such radiant colors

 

They say Pandora is to blame

Her curiosity brought us pain

And fear of darkness in the night

But there was hope in candle-light

 

From the dark, a light will shine

Before the day, the night has gone

And now we know it burns so fine

That is why it's called, breaking dawn.

 

And maybe, just maybe

That which dies gives birth to something new

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Needs a better title

Outsider

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

 

Verse 1:

Always on the outside, looking in.

I never knew love found me here.

Until you take me on,

Babe, I cannot do it without you.

For, you are my heaven.

Eternally your’s to keep,

You have my spirit.

Lead and guide me.

 

Chorus:

I am just an outsider looking in.

Do not judge me if you do not know me.

I have had my shares of issues and trauma.

Don’t break my trust

Once it is earned.

I can see no one but you.

Only you will do.

It’s you I see in my dreams

And in my future.

‘Cause I know, we’re better together.

‘Cause we’re better than ever.

 

Verse 2:

Since you were away,

Everything has changed.

Only the distance between you and I has increased.

Yet, it’s never enough.

I keep on wanting and needing you in my life.

But, now, it’s time to say our goodbyes.

For, this relationship of ours could have been something more

If only you’d given us a chance.

If only you’d make the first move.

If only you’d let me in.

If only you’d told me how you really felt for me.

You know me well

But, what is it that you feel?

 

Bridge:

If I already knew that 

You were mine to keep,

I wouldn’t have wasted time.

Now, it’s time for me to put myself into your hands.

Don’t let me go.

For, the grass is not greener on the other side.

I’ve been there without you

But without you, is something I cannot be or do.

‘Cause I know, we’re better together.

‘Cause we’re better than ever.

Always on the outside, looking in.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

New song 2018. 

Circus

Folder: 
open door's

                           Circus  

 

Siting in a glass box for all to see 

Laughter as they walk pass 

Calling her names pointing there fingers  

Tears fall down her face 

 

Monsters dose not belong in this world 

Peace by peace she takes herself apart and 

Just like that the monster is no more 

 

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