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Too too much to say

Words can’t express the feeling 

Beating Heart & Throbbing Pain

Can’t sleep

To afraid...

To Wake up & feel this pain 

 I Lost My Ability To Cry
I'm Hurting So Much
I Feel Hurt
I Feel Pain
I Want To Cry
But Theres Not Tears
Theres No Emotions
Hold Me Please

Because I Can't Feel My Arms
I Can't Feel My Legs Anymore
I Feel Like Crying
But I'm Dying In My Sleep
Waking Up With Dried Up Eyes
I Don't Remember Crying
I Don't Remember Sleeping
Chill Runs Through On My Skin

Crying Out In Pain
I Wish I Could Cry
For My Body Can't Take It Anymore
Is This What It Feels Like
Why Must I Feel So Cold
Why Must I Feel So Emotionless
Pieces Of My Heart
Tears In Pieces

I Wish Again
I Could Cry
Just Once More
If I Could Hold You
If I Could Hug You
And Tell You One More Thing
I Just Want To Cry
I Want To Cry On Your Shoulder

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you my all

And you all left me wanting

I've never seen an angel bleed

Till I stood with knife in hand

I've never seen a devil cry

Till I looked once through it's eyes

You were my drug

Long before I acclimated

Long before withdrawal

I needed you to survive

I can feel your eyes on my back

Can't you hear me?

I'm silent on the outside

But screaming on the inside

I'm soul-lost

I can't find who I am anymore

Maybe I'll be fine

Perhaps I will survive

But I just don't know if

I can outlast your memory

If I lose myself in drugs and dreams

Or fly away to places and things

To fill the gap you left behind

Consuming body, soul, and mind

But there is no need

To conjure dreams

When life comes

In such radiant colors

They say Pandora is to blame

Her curiosity brought us pain

And fear of darkness in the night

But there was hope in candle-light

From the dark, a light will shine

Before the day, the night has gone

And now we know it burns so fine

That is why it's called, breaking dawn.

And maybe, just maybe

That which dies gives birth to something new

Verse 1:

Always on the outside, looking in.

I never knew love found me here.

Until you take me on,

Babe, I cannot do it without you.

For, you are my heaven.

Eternally your’s to keep,

You have my spirit.

Lead and guide me.

Chorus:

I am just an outsider looking in.

Do not judge me if you do not know me.

I have had my shares of issues and trauma.

Don’t break my trust

Once it is earned.

I can see no one but you.

Only you will do.

It’s you I see in my dreams

And in my future.

‘Cause I know, we’re better together.

‘Cause we’re better than ever.

Verse 2:

Since you were away,

Everything has changed.

Only the distance between you and I has increased.

Yet, it’s never enough.

I keep on wanting and needing you in my life.

But, now, it’s time to say our goodbyes.

For, this relationship of ours could have been something more

If only you’d given us a chance.

If only you’d make the first move.

If only you’d let me in.

If only you’d told me how you really felt for me.

You know me well

But, what is it that you feel?

Bridge:

If I already knew that 

You were mine to keep,

I wouldn’t have wasted time.

Now, it’s time for me to put myself into your hands.

Don’t let me go.

For, the grass is not greener on the other side.

I’ve been there without you

But without you, is something I cannot be or do.

‘Cause I know, we’re better together.

‘Cause we’re better than ever.

Always on the outside, looking in.

                           Circus  

Siting in a glass box for all to see 

Laughter as they walk pass 

Calling her names pointing there fingers  

Tears fall down her face 

Monsters dose not belong in this world 

Peace by peace she takes herself apart and 

Just like that the monster is no more 

The coating underneath

Eats away at surface cracks

You peel layers of me

As if I'm scabby flesh 

We work on me

Like we're dissecting the abnormal

Pushing and pulling 

Vulnerability grows

Haunting trails of voices

Linger in the open world

Soon growing hands

Upon my neck to grasp

Eyes too tired to be vibrant 

You've given me a sorrowful glow

Dark truths, a halo for my head

Misery flaunts an awful tone

I Know How You Feel With Tears
But I Can't Understand Your Past
For Shoes Can Walk So Far
I Dont Think I Can Walk This Far
These Bones Ache
This Flesh Is Killing Me
Please Save Me Again
Im Losing It
How Long
Must I Wait
How Long
Must I Feel This Pain

I've Been Waiting A Long Time
I Can't Get Over The Fact
That I'm Still Weak
I'm Broken
And That I Can't Pick Up The Pieces
Especially Not By Myself
I Know I Need Someone To Lean On
I Can't Really Reach Out
And I Don't Feel Like
I Have A Voice In This World
But Honestly
I Don't Really Speak Out
Because I Have
No One To Speak To

I Really Need Someone
Somebody To Talk To
Someone To Lean On
Someon I Can Cry To
Someone I Can Laugh With
Someone I Can Be In Love With
Someone I Can Be Myself With
But In All Of These Times
I Just Feel Too Alone
I'm Just Too Sad

If I could write a letter to my past,
There are so many things I would say

If I could write a letter to my future,
There are so many things I would ask

I would say “it'll get better, stay strong!”

And that would be a lie

I would ask, “does it ever get better?”
And I would hope that it does

I would say “you're strong, you can hold the world on your shoulders!”
And that would be a lie

I would ask, “did you make it through this?”
And I would hope the answer's yes

If I could write a letter to my past,
I would only be able to lie

If I could write a letter to my future,
I don't think I'd want a reply

We endured so much in the past,
Scraping by, clawing through the dust and into what we thought was sunlight

We'll have endured so much in the future,
And hopefully we'll have emerged in the moonlight

We suffered so much pain in the past,
But it feels like nothing but a sliver under our skin compared to now

We'll have suffered so much in the future,
That if we're still around I will truly be shocked

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't warn them

If I could write a letter to my future,
I wouldn't ask for help

Because this pain is what makes us who we are,
This pain defines us,
It binds us and shackles us to our broken version of reality.

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't give help
I wouldn't warn them of the dangers to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very reality
Is all I have left.

And if I could write a letter to my future, I wouldn't ask for help,
I wouldn't ask for a heads-up or a warning of everything to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very life,
Will continue to antagonize my every breath,

Leading me to become someone beyond our imaginations.

If I could write a letter across time,
There wouldn't be much in it,
Because if there was,

Those letters wouldn't be addressed to me,
They'd be addressed to someone completely different,
Someone who hasn't suffered the pain that defines me.

I need that pain.
Without that pain, me wouldn't be me.