sorrow

7. Caesura of the Self

Close-up photograph of deep red unwravelled thread emphasising themes of writing and finality in the poem Caesura of the Self.

 The doors of hope swing shut with hollow clang. The safety net unravels, a taunting haunt. Photo by Nastia Petruk on Unsplash

 

Caesura of the self


"Aut Caesar aut nihil."
– Cesare Borgia


Fractal Identity

 

I am - and yet - I am not what I was,

A fractal, fragmented, a shattered self.
The mirror mocks, the mind's a broken glass,
A labyrinth where clarity's exiled to stealth.
Adrift on shifting tides, I try to steer-
The needle spins, true north is nowhere near.

 

 

 

Vertigo of Existence

 

The vertigo of being - vicious, vast,

A vortex, violent, void of clemency.
I reel, unmoored from meaning, from the mast
Of sanity, cast into a caustic sea.
No harbour here, no beacon in the gale,
Just fog and fathoms, far from firm avail.


 

Echoes of Abandonment

 

The ears of power are deaf to my desire,

My words dissolve like whispers in the wind.
Indifference is an ice that does not tire,
Dismissal is a dagger in the mind.
I rail against the silence, but in vain-
The walls absorb my voice like thirsty rain.


 

The Weight of Documentation

 

A mountain built of papers, proofs and pleas,

Looms monumental, yet unread, unseen.
Like autumn leaves, they drift on careless breeze,
A rustling testament to might-have-beens.
The truth lies buried deep within the stack,
A muted cry, a fading almanac.

 

 

 

Economic Asphyxiation

 

The coffers clang with coin, a mocking choir,

While hunger prowls, a panther in the night.
The price of survival climbs forever higher,
A Sisyphean summit, out of sight.
The ledgers bleed with black and bitter ink,
As bank accounts subside, as spirits sink.


 

The Narrowing of Options


The avenues of aid grow lean and gaunt,

The doors of hope swing shut with hollow clang.
The safety net unravels, a taunting haunt,
A promise proved as empty as a pang.
Each path leads to a precipice, a brink,
Where angels fear the tread, and devils slink.



 

The Final Calculation

 

And so - the scales are balanced - tipped by dread,
The equation solved - by subtraction's art.
If life's a ledger - filled with entries red,
Then death's a bottom line - a fitting chart.
A final sum - a terminal transaction,
A period placed - by gravity's exaction.

 

 

 

Mercy in the Maelstrom


Release becomes the ray amidst the storm,

A beacon in the bleakness, blazing bright.
In abnegation's arms, a strange new form
Of clemency uncloaks its contours slight.
To cease upon the midnight, with no pain-
Seems softer than the unforgiving rain.

 

Quietus and Quittance

 

So let this be the denouement, the bow,

The velvet veil that shrouds the weary brow.
A quietus from the quest, the ceaseless how,
An absolution from the binding vow.
In silence, there's a song of soothing stealth-
The lullaby of nothingness and self

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

With an epigraph invoking an all-or-nothing resolve, this poem delves into the intellectual and emotional calculus of a mind under siege. It’s an intense, unflinching look at the narrowing of options when existence itself feels like a “terminal transaction.”

View cynosure's Full Portfolio

4. Absolution in Ink -rewrite

Empty hallway with shadows representing themes of absence and haunting in Absolution in Ink poem.

In the empty spaces between footfalls, we find the echoes of our departing selves.

Placeholder image made in Midjourney v5.2

 

 

 

 

Absolution in Ink -rewrite

 

 

I haunt these halls-

a shadow stitched to linoleum,

a footfall in the hush

before the bell.

Each step is a gauntlet,

each breath a blade

against the throat of morning.

 

 

 

I write in the dark,

a final flare,

a phosphor script

on the bones of night.

To you-

students, seekers,

I leave a map:

let knowledge

be your lantern,

let truth be your teeth.

 

 

 

To you-

creatures curled

in the crook of my arm,

I leave the rhythm

of my hands,

the scent of my sleeve,

the promise of a bowl,

a window cracked for sun.

 

 

 

I have walked

the splintered roads,

worn my shoes

to the quick.

The streets wait-

mouths open,

hungry for the softest thing.

I cannot feed you

to that hunger.

 

 

 

So I script my exit,

one last rebellion

against the cold machinery

of indifference.

If death is mercy,

let it be a rest.

 

 

 

Yet even as I fade,

I see you-

in rooms of laughter,

in arms that do not tremble.

Let this vision

be the balm

that steadies my hand.

 

 

 

Let these words

be my last decree:

in every line,

a piece of me breaks free,

to hover, to guide,

to light your way

when all else fails.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

Continuing the journey into a more fragmented style, this poem paints a stark picture of a spirit haunting the remnants of a life. It scripts a final, defiant act against indifference while seeking to protect the vulnerable souls left in its care.

View cynosure's Full Portfolio

3. Tender Echoes in Ink - revised

Atmospheric image of scattered letters, pens, and abandoned writing materials on a cold floor in a decaying room evokes themes of despair, loss, final goodbyes, poverty, and desolation.

The remnants of a life: scattered papers and the last letter written in a dim, cold room where 

hope has faded. The final echo in an empty space. Image by Midjourney v6.



3. Tender Echoes in Ink - revised


 

“Non omnis moriar.”

– Horace

 

 

I am-

but who deciphers

the static in my marrow,

the flicker of a filament

spitting sparks

in the socket of my skull?

I am the vessel,

cracked and brimming,

where anguish sloshes,

tide against glass.

 

 

This world-

a crooked scale,

its fulcrum rusted,

its verdicts cold as coins

dropped in a well.

I tumble through

the hush of halls,

my pleas ricocheting

off marble, off memory,

off the backs of those

who never turn.

 

 

All I cherished-

ghosts in the fog,

fur and feather,

warmth and weight.

I write goodbyes

with knuckles white,

each syllable a shackle,

each phrase a pebble

dropped in the well of my chest.

 

 

For those I taught-

let your questions

crack the shell

of every easy answer.

Let hope be a howl,

let your laughter

shield you from the wolves.

 

 

For those I fed-

I’ve left the list,

the blanket,

the sunlit window.

Forgive me-

I have run out of doors.

 

 

I have begged,

bartered sleep,

mapped alleys,

counted sheep.

But the night keeps gnashing,

the dawn never breaks.

I am the last note

the violin makes

before the string snaps-

snap-

a hush,

a hush.

 

 

But I dream-

you, curled in a shaft of light,

you, safe in the hush of a home.

Let my leaving be a door,

not a wall.

Let my words be a bridge,

not a stone.

In the hush,

may you hear my hope.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

Here, the core anguish of the initial “Tender Echoes” is reimagined. Stripped to its imagistic essence and rendered in a fragmented style, this revised version offers a more raw and visceral encounter with the speaker’s despair and their final, trembling acts of love. Note the shift in form and its profound impact on the emotional delivery.

 

View cynosure's Full Portfolio

1. Tender Echoes in Ink

Atmospheric image for the poem 'Tender Echoes in Ink': A hand carefully writes with a quill and ink, capturing a moment of poignant reflection

 

"I pen farewells with hands that tremble, ache, / Each word a weight, each phrase a shackled sigh." Image by Midjourney v7



 

I am! Yet who discerns the self I bear?

My essence flickers, dimming like a star.

I am the vessel where my anguish dwells,

A mind in constant spin, both near and far.

 

 

 

This unjust world, its balance torn and lost—

Yet still I am—I live—though tempest-tossed.

Into the storm of cold, dismissive eyes,

Into the swirling sea of disbelief,

Where years of earnest, documented cries

Find no safe harbour, no shore, no relief.

 

 

 

All that I cherished fades into the mist,

My faithful friends, my comfort near-dismissed.

I pen farewells with hands that tremble, ache,

Each word a weight, each phrase a shackled sigh.

For those I've guided, nurtured, strived to wake,

Instructions flow like tears that never dry.

 

 

 

The care, the love, the dreams we've woven here—

Unravelled by the threads of fate, severe.

And for the gentle beasts who've shared my heart,

Whose fur and feathers soothed my weary soul,

I trace provisions for when I depart,

Each line an arrow through my being's whole.

 

 

 

The thought of parting rends with searing pain,

Yet homelessness would be a crueller bane.

I've fought, I've pleaded, scraped for any aid,

Exhausted every path, each avenue.

But now the hour comes, the choice is made,

To end this dance, to bid this life adieu.
The shame, the guilt, they claw with vicious talons,

Yet suffering's spectre looms in stark equivalence.

 

 

 

There's solace in imagining their joy,

In homes where love will be their steadfast guide.

Though I'll be gone, my spirit will deploy,

To guard and bless them, ever by their side.

And in that thought, a fragile peace unfurls,

To ease the ache within my shattered world.

 

 

 

So ink becomes my voice, my legacy,

The tether that connects me to their light.

Each caring phrase, a token of what's lost,

Each fond remembrance, armour for their fight.

I'll slip away, a whisper on the breeze,

But in these letters, part of me still breathes.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 


In its original form, this opening piece lays bare the speaker’s profound anguish and sense of fading in an unjust world. It establishes the core themes of farewell and the desperate search for solace for loved ones amidst personal crisis. 

 

View cynosure's Full Portfolio

Hexagon's Lament

In silent screams, six sides shatter;

Unheard anguish, a voiceless cry;

Broken bonds, trust torn asunder;

Shadows creep where hope runs dry.

Unheard anguish, a voiceless cry;

An unbreakable shape, now unmade;

Shadows creep where hope runs dry;

In darkness, a tortured soul betrayed.

An unbreakable shape, now unmade;

Scars unseen, a secret hell within;

In darkness, a tortured soul betrayed;

Wounded healer, touched by sin.

Scars unseen, a secret hell within;

In silent screams, six sides shatter;

Wounded healer, touched by sin;

Broken bonds, trust torn asunder.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Hexagon's Lament" - A 16-line pantoum using the six-sided hexagon as a metaphor for emotional pain and broken trust. The poem employs the pantoum's repetitive structure to reinforce themes of suffering and internal anguish.

View cynosure's Full Portfolio

Silent Night, Shattered Sight (Neurodivergent Nightmare)

 

 

Amidst the onslaught of festive frenzy,
Neurodivergent minds reel a tempest here to sear.
Senses assaulted, relentlessly vexed,
Christmas chaos leaves us perplexed.


Masking's breaking, taking weight, a suffocating shroud,
Authenticity lost in the neurotypical crowd.
ADHD autism's ache, an adult's disgrace,
So, invisible struggles are present in this merry place.


Pain's persistent, pounding refrain, an endless score,
Fibromyalgia's claws, forever tore.
Spine curved like a question mark,
Vertigo's dance, a dizzying arc.


Poverty's clutch cuts deep, leave plans in disarray,
Opportunities vanish, like mist in the day.
Isolation, depression, chronic cursed alone,
In a world where bonds stretch, then are gone.


Trauma mars, leaves scars, rape's brutal seal,
cPTSD's tortures - terrors forever real.
Triggers flashbacks, a minefield within,
Clock tick-tocks, the night's wearing thin.


Passivity creeps in just like a mischievous elf,
A sinister spirit keeps us captive, steals our self.
Painfully forcing out a cry, on deaf ears they fall,
"You knew they wouldn't", it sneers, "more unanswered calls".


In despair's abyss, hope's flicker dies,
As the world rejoices, behind a joyful disguise.
Countless unseen battles and unheard cries,
Anguish, desperation, pain, do naked eyes lie?


To those who feign concern, a warning rings clear,
Your platitudes and neglect, a deafening sneer.
For in the depths of despair, a reckoning brews,
When the desperate depart, with nothing to lose.


In the sombre, silent night, when alienation reigns,
The psyche buckles, under the weight of its chains.
Remember, you who turned a blind eye,
The blood on your hands as the outcast dies.


So let the silence shatter, let the truth be known,
For the neglected and broken, forever alone.
May their memory haunt, may their absence resound,
A damning indictment, of the help never found.


Silently in the night, isolation's doom looms,
For those left to rot, in desolation's tombs.
A scourge on false kindness, on empathy's dearth,
As the forgotten depart, from this merciless Earth.


A warning to those who still pretend to care,
Of the anguish hidden, behind festive despair's lair.
Family friends forsaken in desolation's night,
Cast aside, ignored as time ticks on, year's plight.


In the silent night, a dirge ascends,
For those struggling, lost at the year's end.
Society's apathy, an unpalatable bitter pill,
Washed down with tears, we fade away against our will.


Let the silence break; let the truth be told,
Of the torment endured, the agony untold.
In summer's sweat, a reckoning should rise,
Power imbalances now, no escape our fate's demise.


May our ghosts haunt the whole season bright,
Reminding us of those for whom this time's a blight.
In the season's glare, coalescing shadows reign,
Numerous reasons, curses feeding this pain.


A moment of stillness, amidst the hurricane,
A flicker of self, in the endless pain.
Battered and bruised, yet still we stand,
In defiance of a world, that refuses to understand.


Whilst it is true, many times I have tried,
But for my animals, it is on me that they rely.
As night follows day and day follows night,
Dark forces frantically fighting, stealing my fight.


Hope's a medicine, both a curse and a sure cure,
Healing if repeatedly given - the source pure.
Decidedly dangerous, deadly, dangled as a prize,
Breaking faith's wraith, soon you and society they'll despise.


A pox on ableism, on empathy's lack,
As we vanish slowly, our lives off-track.
In the silent night, our requiem it plays,
The forgotten ones, left on birthdays and holidays.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Like all entries in this anthology - this is raw, unflinching (oddly still with residual masking) and has the potential to offend or upset - this is my truth. So take this as another CW. 

Winter poem

View poet610's Full Portfolio

The Notes We Leave Behind

View rays_no_poet's Full Portfolio
tags:

My Precious Momma

Folder: 
Grief & Grieving
Author's Notes/Comments: 

In loving memory of My Precious Momma, Jane Catherine Cavalcante, born December 19, 1944...who went to be with Jesus on July 20, 2020

I miss you so very, very much, Mom!!! I am broken and lost without you. Cry

https://www.bakerpostfh.com/memorials/Cavalcante-Jane/4272389/obituary.php

View cathycavalcante's Full Portfolio