relationship

Your Word for Goodbye

Folder: 
2019

I don’t want to learn

your word for goodbye.

For endings, for after, for

buried beneath.

I want to keep on writing

the good, the things that

don’t mean you will leave me.

 

I don’t want to learn

your word for again.

I want every moment to just

hang like this,

a cocoon,

its own being,

no front or back

just stay here and stare,

not pretending to be

anything but now.

 

I don’t want to learn

your word for undo.

No regretting the things that

brought me here.

I will remember

every fight

every whisper

every kiss

no matter which clocks are ticking

no mater how tall we stand

 

I will sit here,

I will sing,

I will write your name in the water

when it hurts to learn any new languages.

There are too many words for goodbye.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/29/19

My Five Day Hallucination

It was Day 1 when it was scorching hot and we crossed paths.

I was looking for an oasis to drink from,

Though a hug from you was a thousand times better

Because afterwards, we went swimming in the lake and laughed at the gold diggers passing by.

Poor men were oblivious that they mined their last nugget in this desert.

 

It was Day 2 when we continued our journey.

You introduced me to your bitches when you brought me home.

One licked me silly while the second took a while to come around.

It was only trying to judge me to see if I would be a menace to your family.

I’ve always liked the playful, funny, and carefree breeds.

 

It was Day 3 when you showed me your larger-than-life garden.

You spoke of how your brother and mother had toiled day and night tending to it.

The garden was shaped like the number 5 and I couldn’t be happier.

You regaled me with stories of an ancient civilization that once existed in this land of the dead.

Every word from your tongue between breaths was like a missing page in a book lost in time.

 

It was Day 4 when I crawled on my knees after a beating from a two-faced sergeant

Looking for you so you could lift me back on my two feet and hold me close

But to add insult to injury, you held your scorn like you should’ve held my hands.

So I passed out on the floor and was left for dead out in the open.

How do indecisive weeds like you sleep at night?

 

It was Day 5 when I woke up expecting you’d be there, but your home was empty.

Your garden was withered and the magic was gone so it turns out that it was all a mirage.

You can rationalize your actions and demonize me any way you like,

But when you save your second thoughts for one minute before midnight,

It’s goodbye and good riddance to you weeds.

 

So I left. It was better for me to abandon you before you inevitably did the same.

The world is full of snakes and trojans as it is.

It’s best for me to give them a dose of their own venom as soon as I see right through them.

 

You should’ve told me earlier rather than at the last minute.

Or when I have fallen and can’t get up.

Then maybe we could’ve still been friends.

But now you’re just another silhouette that shears hearts like hedges.

 

If you’re looking to post an ad requesting company in a moment of loneliness,

Think again before you shatter another heart or wager your sanity.

A weed ain’t cut out for love, let alone a friendship

If it can’t make up its mind and let its loneliness fog its judgment.

Poor guy should’ve inspected the thorns before he picked the rose.

 

Now it’s my turn to wager a few things,

I bet you don’t even miss me.

I bet you feigned regret that you added salt in the wound.

I bet that you’ll forget all about me after the weekend I disappeared.

I bet you’ll cower in the arms of the two bitches you value most in life.

I bet you’ll start looking for another soul that you’ll pray to Aphrodite you won’t screw over.

Whatever happens to you, I am grateful that I have kin to keep tight

And an adventure I continue to embark on in the desert with or without you there for me.

You’re just another silhouette that shears hearts like hedges.

Mark On My Heart

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

Verse 1:
I cannot get you off my mind.

Those words you said:
Were they just beautiful lies?

Did you sell me an illusion

To believe in the dream of our future?

All I know is that

You left a mark on my heart.

Our spirits and souls are caged in together.

 

Chorus:
You tell me you trust me

Yet, your actions speak otherwise.

Why are you hiding behind your lies?

You are selling yourself short.

You’re not living until you are

Sure of what you want from me.

Tell me: What do you want from me?

You built up these false hopes

Yet, I keep coming back for more.

 

Verse 2:

All I know is that

You left a mark on my heart.

I cannot just let this go so easily.

Out of all my exes:
You are surely worth it.
You are worth the storms that follow.

Wherever you are, I will be too.

You taught me to love

In this harsh world.

 

Bridge:

Tell me: where do we go from here?

I know how deep and true your love is.

Though, this is accepted,

I know we are inertia.

Someone has to force us to be together.

Right here, right now,

We are the only ones that matter.

Right here, right now,

We can break free from what we except

Author's Notes/Comments: 

About a love that you cannot get out of your mind, heart, and soul.

Only

It only takes a whisper

To break an eternity of silence

It only takes hope

To dispel a world of fear

It only takes love

To erase a history of hatred

It only takes a touch

To wipe away a tear

mornings

Mornings with you, that's all I really want to do. 
Rainy afternoons, lets go for a cruise.
your hand in my hand. I know you feel it too.
lets stay awake from sunset to sunrise.
 roll over on my side. "come here you got something in your eye."
type of love.
Forehead kisses. really make me miss you.
Damn, it fucks me up.
I thought that shit is too good to be true.
you wanted me, I wanted you.
you got me and... I. got. you.
that a rare find- hard to come by.
lets go for a ride. cruising with her by my side, hand on her inner left thigh.
shes even down for a drive by. 
now that's a woman in my eyes.
could you be here in the mornings? 
love me on my downtime.
lets get high.
 laugh about those guys or that one time.
I know im sorry aint good enough but ill put it to the test cause I love you enough to let you know that I fucked up.
I really do miss those late nights trippin on drugs in the back seat of your Toyota corolla.
I promise you there is no other lover. I am yours to uncover. discover.
lets go for a hike and open up my third eye, connect thru our minds.
fuck you on your side. im on your time.
wake up with you in my arms with the fog rollin up.
pull out the rest of the blunt.
but all I have are the memories of us.
its hard to wake up without you crossing my mind.
im not gonna lie, I miss you all the time.
I guess that's why im writing these rhymes. 
I thought it would go away with time,
but,
here you are.
still on my mind. 
consuming my time. 
you seem to be doing just fine.
 that explains why you never hit me up.
just let me ask, what happened to us?
good morning texts and kissing waking up to not even knowing you.
im sorry I couldn't love you. 
i know you tried, and i really tried, too. 
Im sorry I hurt you.
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Her Ripped Blue Jeans

You’re screaming at me through the kitchen door
I’m not quite as pretty as the one before
Her ripped blue jeans keep staring at me
In trouble again for the way I clean 

The neighbors complain every time we fight 
And I’m not quite sure if I ever was right
He won’t throw away her damn blue jeans 
Got the ghost of his ex in the house with me 

You beg every time for another chance 
Say you will change and be a better man 
Can’t count the times that I’ve forgiven
Your endless lies and promises broken

Finally lit a match to those jeans of hers
Cracked a smile as I watched them burn
The flames turned a pretty shade of red
Almost the color of my favorite lipstick

Gathered my things and heard you shout
Mean angry words that I tuned out 
Caught the first ride and waved goodbye
To those damn blue jeans and my old life


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Waiting Part 2

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

Verse 1:
How long have I waited for you?
All my life, I've never thought
Of a love like this.
The first day we met,
You came into my life so suddenly
That this love crept up on me.


Chorus:
Little did I know
That this love has me thinking:
"Love is worth living for now
'Cause I have someone to share it with.
Also, someone that understands me
Better than anyone else in the world"
No one but you will do.

 

Verse 2:
How long have you waited for me
As I quietly wait for you
To make a move and
Just take a chance on us?
Believe on what is real.
Skip the dramatics.
Let's leave the dramatics behind.

 

Bridge:
I hate to break hearts,
But, I know that
Your eyes speak of our love.
They won't ever lie.
Am I that blind for
Just realizing how
You felt for me all along?

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Run to You

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

 

 

Verse 1:

Right now, I want to

Run to you.

Press your lips against mine's

While holding you

In a powerful embrace.

So, won't you run to me?

 

Chorus:

Everything has changed.

I want to run to you.

If only you'd feel the same.

I want to run to you

If you know that

We are better together.

 

Verse 2:

I could not say that

We were better apart.

Right now, I want to

Run to you

And hold you in my arms.

Won't you take me home?

 

Bridge:

I am always here, waiting.

Even now, I am waiting...

Like a fool that 

Wants to run to you.

Won't you think of me

As I run to you?

Right now, is the right time.

I will run to you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Hopeless romantic...

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Building Splinters

Folder: 
2018

I would like to tell you

how glad I am that we are not stable

we are building splinters

do you know

how many things were built that no one thought would break?

Thank you

for being my unknown

my steady unstable.

I lean and the rock gives way

and you are there to catch me.

 

I make a boat out of my love lies

I still hold them but I have met them in hallways

and really they’re less terrifying than I thought they would be.

I name it and throw it and call it freedom

flying with the running water.

 

I would like to call myself a writer but I have nothing to give you.

Nothing but this.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/23/18

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