relationship

The Prince of Darkness Faces His Executioner

Are you ready for it?

I shouldn’t have to ask you that question after all that you have done.

It would’ve been rude of me not to give you a heads-up like this.

Your reign of terror is steps closer to its endgame.

If I do not draw my sword and face the ghosts of my past, checkmate is guaranteed.


I did something bad long ago, but can you blame me?

I’m just a human being that made a mistake because I was not in the right mind.

Anguish and love do not mix because both made my life worse before.

If you respect that my situation is delicate, why do you keep poking the hornet nest?

If you crack it open and the wasps sting you so much their poison burns,

don’t be surprised if I say, “Look what you made me do.”

Your empathy is lacking so why should I care if you are put to rest the next day?

Princes don’t negotiate with paupers like me.

So it goes because fame and violence are always placed above justice and peace.


Isn’t it gorgeous to be the one in control? To run a country or a sect without a care in the world?

Doesn’t it feel amazing when your subjects obey you unconditionally as if you are an almighty god?

These questions reveal to me that aristocrats and celebrities use their authority

for insolence and seduction. No wonder we can’t have nice things.

You are not entitled to my throne even though a liar was the king of my heart before.

What was “yes” today could be “no” tomorrow so I keep fewer promises.

I’ve heard enough empty platitudes from your devotees to realize that an oath is not to be made lightly.


Anything else you want to preach about before I take the getaway car to escape additional agony?

Go ahead and dress your possessive wiles by telling me you love me

And shower me with material goods to let my guard down against my better judgment.

But when you try to use your tenderness as leverage, it is all the more reason for me to leave.

The longer I stay here, the more certain it is that my life is in danger.

My hands are tied keeping the darkness around me at bay for as long as I can.

Fortune is never on my side when I dance, but my sword will always be my partner.

Call it what you want, but the battlefield is my ballroom.

If dancing alone is the only way I can retain my individuality, so be it.


Happy Raʼs as-Sanah al-Hijrīyah, Vlad Dracula.

I’ll see you in Hell.

DNA

Folder: 
2020

sometimes I think

the necklaces inside me

have written my story.

 

every word I will ever say

every handshake

every stranger.

 

in a snapshot of memories

he laughs at my lines.

my soul, written down in strands, screams

take me when you go.

I know somehow he will be a stranger again.

 

when I can’t sleep

the strands will blink a million eyes

 

a mental breakdown

(like all of them)

that can only be seen physically

on the inside.

 

when I am breathless

they can breathe for me

 

purer oxygen than I would

be able to ever flirt into my veins…

they have so much to say.

 

maybe that’s why I just watch.

 

when I can’t scream

the necklaces will come apart.

 

what a way to come undone.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 6/5/2020

cause I don't wanna be your friend

Folder: 
2020

touch my heart when you miss me.

give me one more word.

one word that can compete with every letter

I’ve ever thought about writing to you.

 

what is sleep anyway?

besides time passing in a place we can’t be seen

balconies, fingertips,

things we shouldn’t be doing.

 

what is sleep anyway?

cause I don’t wanna be your friend

 

you can tell me something’s wrong

but I don’t know wrong from right

 

just that the timing of my heartbeat

gave me away

 

and now I can’t tell time

without your hand on my wrist

your taste in my mouth

 

let me love you like I have always wanted to love the world

let me write for you like I can’t think about anything else

let me be here and not have to keep wondering what it’s like

 

what is sleep anyway?

besides time passing in a place we can’t be seen

long drives, longer sunsets,

forevers we can’t define.

 

what is sleep anyway?

just the cover of darkness for

things we shouldn’t be doing.

 

what is sleep anyway?

cause I don’t wanna be your friend

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/14/2020

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I Fell

Folder: 
2020

I fell in love with couplets and started to wonder when

My blood is sweating sonnets- can I ever sleep again

 

Love in rhymes is seasick, I can’t tell up from down

I can’t find any of my pens and toss this heart around

 

Love in rhymes is chaos, I can’t tell down from up

I crumple an empty notebook and hope it is enough

 

I hate my fingertips they keep writing you down all wrong

I hate my tears my sweat and I can’t find you in a song

 

Love in rhymes is tired, I can’t tell you what I feel

I can speak in sunshine droplets but it’s not a way to heal

 

So I fell in love with learning, I keep learning you new

Write down my happy ending and hope it fits with you

 

The years run past me smiling I don’t say the right words

How you came and how you kept me close and loved me first

 

I fell in love with you and my heart knew it was the end

I memorize your patterns, we fall together again

 

If you wonder why this ending is the same thing as our start

I want the symmetry to find us when we’re far apart

 

I fell in love with couplets and started to wonder when

My blood is sweating sonnets- can I ever sleep again

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/6/20

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Obsessed with Control

When the man of the house threatens to put a leash on you,

The best step now is to see yourself out to force him to rue.

The Greatest Adventure

Folder: 
Love

A thousand miles away

And once upon a time

I'd run the whole wide world

To put your hand in mine

 

I've waited for my whole life

And can wait a little more

For you to come along,

Someone I can adore

 

I've crossed the strangest countries

And weathered the wildest seas

Just to see your wondrous face

And fall upon my knees

 

I've ventured across the planet

It's tundras, deserts, and trees

But the greatest adventure of my life

Is: would you marry me?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just something light and fun

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Why We Hold Hands (after Dr. James Coan)

Folder: 
2019

There is so much

I can do

with these hands.

 

Make you

something you’ve wanted.

 

Build a tower,

knock it down.

 

Make this voice a scream.

 

Write the world a story.

 

I want to scratch

the ghosts from your walls

as they left and keep leaving.

 

Erase the things you used to say

in your sleep

so they can’t hurt you anymore.

 

All I want is to keep you safe.

 

There is so much

I can do

with these hands.

 

So much more

I can do with yours.

 

Make you one of mine.

 

Let me hold

some of your life.

 

And so they burn and burn and

touch.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/16/19

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Your Word for Goodbye

Folder: 
2019

I don’t want to learn

your word for goodbye.

For endings, for after, for

buried beneath.

I want to keep on writing

the good, the things that

don’t mean you will leave me.

 

I don’t want to learn

your word for again.

I want every moment to just

hang like this,

a cocoon,

its own being,

no front or back

just stay here and stare,

not pretending to be

anything but now.

 

I don’t want to learn

your word for undo.

No regretting the things that

brought me here.

I will remember

every fight

every whisper

every kiss

no matter which clocks are ticking

no mater how tall we stand

 

I will sit here,

I will sing,

I will write your name in the water

when it hurts to learn any new languages.

There are too many words for goodbye.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/29/19

My Five Day Hallucination

It was Day 1 when it was scorching hot and we crossed paths.

I was looking for an oasis to drink from,

Though a hug from you was a thousand times better

Because afterwards, we went swimming in the lake and laughed at the gold diggers passing by.

Poor men were oblivious that they mined their last nugget in this desert.

 

It was Day 2 when we continued our journey.

You introduced me to your bitches when you brought me home.

One licked me silly while the second took a while to come around.

It was only trying to judge me to see if I would be a menace to your family.

I’ve always liked the playful, funny, and carefree breeds.

 

It was Day 3 when you showed me your larger-than-life garden.

You spoke of how your brother and mother had toiled day and night tending to it.

The garden was shaped like the number 5 and I couldn’t be happier.

You regaled me with stories of an ancient civilization that once existed in this land of the dead.

Every word from your tongue between breaths was like a missing page in a book lost in time.

 

It was Day 4 when I crawled on my knees after a beating from a two-faced sergeant

Looking for you so you could lift me back on my two feet and hold me close

But to add insult to injury, you held your scorn like you should’ve held my hands.

So I passed out on the floor and was left for dead out in the open.

How do indecisive weeds like you sleep at night?

 

It was Day 5 when I woke up expecting you’d be there, but your home was empty.

Your garden was withered and the magic was gone so it turns out that it was all a mirage.

You can rationalize your actions and demonize me any way you like,

But when you save your second thoughts for one minute before midnight,

It’s goodbye and good riddance to you weeds.

 

So I left. It was better for me to abandon you before you inevitably did the same.

The world is full of snakes and trojans as it is.

It’s best for me to give them a dose of their own venom as soon as I see right through them.

 

You should’ve told me earlier rather than at the last minute.

Or when I have fallen and can’t get up.

Then maybe we could’ve still been friends.

But now you’re just another silhouette that shears hearts like hedges.

 

If you’re looking to post an ad requesting company in a moment of loneliness,

Think again before you shatter another heart or wager your sanity.

A weed ain’t cut out for love, let alone a friendship

If it can’t make up its mind and let its loneliness fog its judgment.

Poor guy should’ve inspected the thorns before he picked the rose.

 

Now it’s my turn to wager a few things,

I bet you don’t even miss me.

I bet you feigned regret that you added salt in the wound.

I bet that you’ll forget all about me after the weekend I disappeared.

I bet you’ll cower in the arms of the two bitches you value most in life.

I bet you’ll start looking for another soul that you’ll pray to Aphrodite you won’t screw over.

Whatever happens to you, I am grateful that I have kin to keep tight

And an adventure I continue to embark on in the desert with or without you there for me.

You’re just another silhouette that shears hearts like hedges.