anger

Dangerous Territory

I’ve been swimming in the deep end lately.

My head is spinning in circles.

My heart had never been so hollow on the inside.

I need to catch my breath before I do anything else stupid.

 

My work of art is an escape from uniformity.

I felt safe with you for the time being.

At the end of the week, you cuddled me

When the sergeant had an off day at work and took it out on me.

 

I let you in like I did when I meet new people.

You were happy for me when I told you I finally found love.

I wanted nothing more than a friend’s reassurance that everything will be okay.

But you in particular were a land mine waiting to explode.

 

It’s dangerous territory where you’re from as a queer.

It’s dangerous territory where I lurk on the web.

It’s dangerous territory to build a world without receiving adequate training.

It’s dangerous territory to make friends with volatile people like you.

 

I can barely read script in Delphi without misinterpreting some if not most of its passages.

My art isn’t like what you’d expect to see in other do-it-yourself or high-profile projects.

The way I write, the way I archive, and the way I distribute information is my strongest suit.

There is no way I can fulfill my goal in life alone without the help of a team that knows its stuff.

 

You didn’t have to sugarcoat your advice to fix my problems

But you didn’t have to pull more than my teeth either.

You spoke to me as if I had to know every damn trick in the book.

You pointed out where I went wrong as if I didn’t already understand it.

 

I would have welcomed your advice if you watched your language.

I would have been more considerate if we joined forces as planned.

But being friendly with you in light of this is just out of question.

You can say that I’m high all you want, but it goes to show that you’re smaller than you think.

 

It’s dangerous territory where you’re from as a queer.

It’s dangerous territory where I lurk on the web.

It’s dangerous territory to build a world without receiving adequate training.

It’s dangerous territory to make friends with volatile people like you.

 

A vagabond told me this morning that I don’t learn much from success

And boy, I sure did learn a lot about your character more than what it takes to be top dog.

I might also let it slip that you exploded in my face because your little rant was all over the place.

In that case, riddle me this, who among the two of us really needs room for improvement?

Nothing but a Fable

Happily ever after doesn’t exist.

Not when people like you also exist.

I bought myself a new suit of armor so you don’t drive another knife in my back.

I told the vendor to hold the stallion because human legs were never for aesthetic purposes.

 

I wanted to walk the face of the Earth with you using my own.

We would’ve walked more than a thousand miles together to chase the sun and avoid the night.

And I never needed to worry about my tired legs.

They built up a tolerance from walking in the coastal sand and helping me keep up with dirty dishes.

 

I told you about my demons and how quickly I am to care when I’m shown an act of kindness.

Mother always lectured me that no matter how small they may be, they are never in vain.

But there is such a thing as being too kind. There is such a thing as temptation.

The best of us cave in once, twice, or maybe more than that when we write in our diaries.

 

You were like such a book to me and I trusted you, but never did I expect that you’d defile my soul

By persuading me to partake in activities that I would never in my right mind do.

I should have recalled the fable of a girl who trusted a poltergeist that haunted a similar diary.

Had I not flee the moment I saw your true character, I would have joined her in death.

 

Looking back, I understand that diaries are the keys to starting fires and turning innocents into fugitives.

You can try with all your might to pry my mouth open to get me to spill any more beans

But my lips are staying sealed because I know who you really are and I finally learned my lesson.

You never exposed me. You only leaked a chapter that was part of a book you never read.

 

So why bother showing it to you knowing that my real friends and family will be endangered as well?

I know that a deluded man gambled away so much ammo to the vipers that he became a trainwreck.

I swear on my recurring nightmares that any answers to your questions will be used against me.

Truth and justice is a concept invented by people and after all, people do make mistakes.

 

God bless the right to remain silent.

Because even the condemned understand that its value supersedes a vault of gold

That the draconian blackjack dealers steal from the poor that desire to play with them.

Where was Robin Hood when I needed him most?

 

Flash forward to a single year and I’m now twenty-five with an art degree in hand.

I’ve spent all that time studying my ass off and avoiding the vipers that plague my past.

I was with my true friends who never give a shit about your deceit when I realized I never needed you.

Preparing for financial exams under the tutelage of a bright mathematician was like you never existed.

 

So the next time you see me, I won’t grovel on the pavement begging you to take me back.

Instead, I’ll look the other way and French kiss my new admirer in front of you.

Just to let you know that I changed for the better and you missed out on the life we could’ve had.

I am fortunate to understand that your absence last summer turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

 

I dare you to call me an idiot again!

I dare you to call me a chicken!

I dare you to say that I’m going down

While you hide behind the blackjack dealers that love you for show!

 

There’s always someone out there willing to give you a taste of your own medicine anyway.

How did it feel when even Discordia didn’t want anything to do with you?

Was it salty and sour like your attitude and your deceit?

Cavities caused by the consumption of these candies are a pain for dentists to fill.

 

And just like that, you disappeared from the face of the Earth again. Hopefully, for good this time.

You can erase your identity from the world, but you cannot erase the marks your venom left behind.

You may still be on my mind from time to time, but I don’t see you in a virtuous light anymore.

You are nothing but a fable.

Rouge rubis

C'est une petite forêt tranquille

Epargnée par l'hiver, baignant dans l'été

Le soleil inonde une clairière, petite île

Ou s'achève sombrement une épopée

 

A l'endroit ou se croisent les chemins

Les regards haineux se croisent

Et pour un joyau rouge, l'un y perdit sa main

Ainsi que la source de son extase.

 

C'est une petite clairière silencieuse

Où l'on pu ce jour la apercevoir,

Scintillant sur des cailloux d'ivoir

 

Des milliers de petits rubis

Tombés de celui, qui, tantôt

Perdit l'un de ceux-ci, ainsi que sa vie.

Bleu saphir

Loin sous l'herbe, coup de pioche

Des jeunes hommes soufflent. Combien souffrent encore demain ?

Puis, dans un sursaut, l'un d'eux de sa main 

Dévoile une étoile bleue dans la roche

 

La Terre fut amputée, l'étincelle se meurt

Pas plus grosse qu'un sou, couleur d'océan

Le mineur, dans sa prison de souffre ardent

Ne verra plus qu'en rêve sa couleur

 

Sur le doigt de fer d'un monstre d'acier

La goutte étoilée ne luit plus 

Même pas de quoi éclaire

 

Les sinistres sourires des mangeur de Terre

Qui, en tout point semblables aux vers

Moisissent la pomme et Pourrissent l'espoir.

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Nowhere2go

Full speed, fantasy about being under my own tires, expressing myself getting even harder, Nowhere2go, not enough prayer for you, your mind is tainted and no one will ever love you, Dancing in holy white, hoping I get her attention, driving fast, gma come get me, fantasy about being under your tires, expressing myself getting impossible, the army saving my life, there are times where I breathe and I feel like im losing my life, my lungs are expiring and I'm gasping for air, and niggas around me can't even tell, Danielle, I hate that I still love her, fuck it, I'll see her in hell, I'm falling for a girl, who is the same, Jesus take the wheel, nowhere2go, there is, not enough prayer for you, I've spent my whole life depressed, I wanna end myself, my silence is golden as fuck, when I seem happy, people don't have to look, the shadows where they dwell, in the light wishing me well, I can't see and I'm paranoid, drowning myself in addiction hoping I blend in, I've been home for only a few days, and it sinks in, and it sinks in, no one loves you, nowhere2go.. I've spent all my life depressed.. thinking about death.. hoping my time is next.

Humanity's Fire

Long ago man started a fire,

it was small, tiny, on the brink,

but it kept burning, smoldering,

until it found new sources to grow.

 

It grew slowly, consuming more,

exponentially larger, grander,

man marveled at its creation,

that could destroy so much. 

 

It begins to consume man,

and man begins to fight it,

Frantically, full of panic, 

piling water onto it.

 

But so many men love the fire,

they deny its hand in consuming others,

that it is a myth so others will smother out

their greatest invention that gives them so much

 

power.

 

For those who can direct the fire care not,

whether it consumes an ant or an aunt,

because it gives them control over all,

those who fight it are condemned.

 

The condemned have outgrown the not,

but fire is a mighty foe that has grown vast,

it unlocks now for itself more raw material,

the extinction of many species trivialized. 

 

Mass extinction by fire. 

 

Will the new stewards halt the progress?

Or is too much consumed that now

the smoke and soot will bury them?

Slowly, the condemned become the saviors. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A quick write. It's a bit on the nose but whatever. 

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Personality Theft

The day shall be imperfect until I find myself
It's pretty hard, I keep trying, I got no inner health

 

 

The cracked mirror
I impatiently wait for the day to be fixed
Hidden fear or
darkness, I couldn't say, the feeling's mixed


Trying to find light within the cracks
Breaking out of night as I listen to the heart attacks
Of the people of broken health I called me, once worn
In the city of myself, not meant to be, a battle born


Cracked skin!
Poison within,
a smile locked in, but inside a fight you couldn't win

Could I stand here and speak lies that this was really me?
Not really, I don't have much of eyes left to see.
as I just kill another one impatiently
so violently.


Until there's a void with complete darkness and nothing left
Just another alleyway destroyed, another empty something, just another personality theft,

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Loneliness

Loneliness is being in the room with your love,

And realizing that there is no love in the room.

 

Loneliness is having a nightmare in bed,

And rolling over to realize that the dream was warmer than real life.

 

When I needed you

You weren't there

When I had to trust you

You broke my trust

When I held you up

You knocked me down

When I gave you everything

You took it all away

 

Loneliness is wanting to be understood,

But realizing that no-one else

Has the time or patience to discover

Who you really are

Oh, Holy Sausage Roll

Oh, Holy Sausage Roll

By jfarrell

 

(“who should be more offended; Christians, Muslims or vegetarians?” James O’Brien, LBC presenter)

 

I can imagine Jesus, Mohammed and Jaweh

All wetting themselves laughing to this;

Passing round a cheese pasty;

Jesus laughing so much, he snorts his coffee up his nose.

 

“It’s blasphemy, I’m boycotting Gregg’s”;

And the ones who say….

“they wouldn’t take the mick out of Islam, like they do Christianity”;

You really want Christians beheading sausage rolls?

 

Forgiveness is what is supposed to make your beliefs different;

Turning the other cheek, joining in and having a laugh;

Please guys, it’s not the messiah, it’s a sausage roll;

Get upset about something important.

 

All that good energy, gone to waste,

Complaining about a pasty;

It’s madness.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

blessed sausage roll, forgive us our sins; like too much cake and sherry this xams :-)

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