relationships
The Night Before Vacation
(A Letter I’ll Never Send)
You asked for a break the night before I left for vacation with my daughter.
We were packing our bags — laughing, folding clothes, talking about mountains and trains — and then your text came in.
Just words on a screen, but they split something open in me.
It’s strange how heartbreak has no respect for timing.
How it doesn’t wait until you’re alone, or steady, or ready.
You knew this trip was her first — her big adventure — and that I wouldn’t get a moment to myself to breathe it out.
No quiet space to cry, no chance to crumble.
So I didn’t.
I smiled while she danced in the hotel room.
I took pictures of mountains and waterfalls while my chest burned.
I made train snacks and bedtime stories and hid my grief behind laughter.
And when the nights got too heavy, I cried quietly in the bathroom at 3 a.m., letting the sound of the vent swallow my sobs.
Then I’d wash my face, breathe deep, and start again.
That’s the thing about single mothers —
we break in silence so our children don’t have to.
We learn to hold both joy and heartbreak in the same breath.
And somehow, we keep choosing the light —
not because it’s easy,
but because they’re watching.
You might never know what it cost me to hold it together that week.
But I do.
And that’s enough.
Because someday, when the pain fades and the story softens,
I’ll remember that trip not for the text that broke me —
but for the way I refused to let it steal my daughter’s joy.
That’s the moment I realized —
the strength I was searching for in you
was always inside me.
Need You
When you touch my body, it's electric,
I'm falling down, I'm feeling sea sick.
The light of my days has become you,
While the blood under my skin bleeds through.
Without your touch the world feels cold,
Inside my mind, the thoughts will fold,
Into each other until they transform to dust,
I wait for you to awake at dusk,
And return to me with all your love,
For without it I waste away to the above.
Let it go
I don't know if I can do it all over again
I don't think I can take all the damage from within
If I let you back in, will it be different this time?
Or will this dance keep on going until we die?
Round and round we go
Who will get the final blow?
Do I want to know?
Why can't I just let you go?
Holding onto hope
Why can't I just let it go?
(Chorus)
You don't think that you have ever done anything wrong
You don't know when to shut your mouth, you sing the same song
If you're wanting back in, it will be different this time
For this dance can't keep going on until we die
Round and round we go
Who will get the final blow?
Do I want to know?
Why can't I just let you go?
Holding onto hope
Why can't I just let it go?
I lack the courage, I need the strength
To let you go
I seek assurance, but rely on faith
To let this go
Round and round we go
Who will get the final blow?
Do I want to know?
Why can't I just let you go?
Holding onto hope
Why can't I just let it go?
Why won't I just let you go?
Why won't you just let me go?
3/18/25
tHe CoInCiDeNcE oF oPpOsItEs
simple truths preclude
their opposites they
say deep truths include
their opposites
c'est la vie in
a hope(ful)ly relative
uni-verse
male and
female black and
white wave
and particle the
relations proceed the
relata the whole
cannot be reduced to
the sum of its parts
i say this and you
disagree
appropriately
how else could it
BE literally
the entire universe
trying to per-
ceive itself
through this one
eye
Silence
I lay in bed trying to calm my mind.
But my panic rises and roams free in my head,
All I can think of is the silence.
It's funny how silence affects us.
In it we can find solace and peace,
Or in it we can find anxiety and worry.
Did I do something wrong?
Am I not interesting enough?
Am I not good enough?
Did I cause this silence?
I know the world doesn't revolve around me.
But just once maybe I want to be someone else's world.
It's the silence that destroys my peace.
I withdrawal into myself,
The past has taught me well.
Silence is a weapon.
It gets into my head and destroys any peace I've found,
In silence my insecurities scream.
Don't be too much....
Another sleepless silent night alone.
I resolve to take a step back.
Don't give so much of me.
Trying to find my peace in the cloak of night. As the sun peaks over the morning horizon,
I finally fade to sleep,
In silences cold embrace.
Break Me Down
You don’t need to be blamed for anything
Your mother needs to be the one failing
I’ve come here to meet you across the line
It’s up to you to leave the rest behind.
-And when you get close enough to see me
your back starts sweating ever so sweetly
The brightness of your smile lights up my face
You always save me from that lonely place. -(Pre-chorus)
-Don’t shake me cause I’m thinking of you.
Don’t wake me up, I'm dreaming of you.
Don’t take my eyes, I’m seeing in you.
Don’t break me down, I'll hold onto you. -(Chorus)
You don’t need to be thrown in the spotlight
Your father shouldn't tell you to act right
I’ve come here just to whisper in your ear
You shouldn’t fear because you know I’m near
-Pre-chorus-
-Chorus-
-Now they’re shaking me, waking me, taking me, and breaking me down
But I’m still thinking and dreaming and seeing and holding you down- (2x)
So don’t shake me, I'm thinking of you
don’t wake me up, I'm dreaming of you
don’t take me now , I'm seeing in you
don’t break me down, I'm holding you down
For I’m still thinking and dreaming and seeing and holding you down
I’m still thinking and dreaming and seeing and I’m still holding you down