Pain

The Seed

in what dark recesses of torture remain

exists a dreaded seed for us to obtain

to keep us sane and deliver us from evil

so goes the creed of an everlasting people

 

unending doubt resonates to be

impermanance rooted in an everlasting dream

scarcity of hope glimmering in dusk

prevention of fortune in a world of luck

 

forever told from stories past

eerily reminiscent of perpetual task

systems of new destroyed wisdom once known

for all apart of a world unsown

 

grimmace and malice plagued once more

in dire times that conjured vile scorn

but it was hope that was given once last chance

now grows a tree from the seed of our past

And If My Soul Is Crying

It’s happening again,

Such unbearable pain,

And if my soul is crying

As my heart is breaking, then that’s fine…

 

I’ve let so many people down,

Lost so many beautiful opportunities,

I feel so failed and forlorn,

But is that really such a tragedy?

 

Perhaps, rather,

It’s a positive thing,

Shouldn’t a true artist be suffering?

At least I’m feeling something…

 

It’s happening again,

Such unbearable pain,

And if my soul is crying

As my heart is breaking, then that’s fine…


 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

'And If My Soul is Crying' was penned during an episode of almost unbearable abyssal sadness, although precisely when it occurred I cannot say other than it was in 2015.

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To My Own End

I remember the time,
When the world was much simpler,
As little kids we had it all setup for us,
Now see see the world in its true face now,
How it all changed with a few years going by,
I wish I still had the chances I had 5 years ago,
But now I take the chances today give,
Hoping I make the right call,
That I don't regret in 5 year,
Choices I can sit my kids down too,
Say this is what I've done,
Worring will I get disowned by my son,
Or hear Dad, that's so cool,
I want to be just like you,
But life is so fast how can I keep up,
It feels like I'm drowning someone,
I need help someone save me,
By the time I know my fate,
I will already know,
If I made it or if I'm a failure,
Did I let the river run,
Or did I take control,
And stear my own destiny,
To my own goals,
To my own end,

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Shattered Heart

We thought it was LOVE

When we busted the facade

I learn it was lusted affair

I only wanted to win your affection

Yet you pin me as imperfection

I rush the the threshold, pausing at the gate

Heart rate pounding, your hate rising

This angry tide consuming, pushing me further

I want off this insane ride of yours

 

Our luck is fucked

I look down at my phone, silent now

The shattered screen, like my busted heart

All bucked up, cracked

You did a number on me

Your mean love made my spirit lean

 

Cleaning you out of me

Rattle my beans

As I battle the poison

You breed in me

The greed of your kisses

I piss myself when you hit me

Now I hiss your name in vain

I wouldn't play your game

So now I drop my cape

Tape my busted heart

 

Heal best as I can

Peel off the exhaustion

I cannot rest

My chest constricting

Anxiety at head lights behind me

I asked for kindness, not blindness

Rightfully, that would be love

 

What was our marriage

What was our dream

I scream at the greyness

Smashing the madness

The badness, ripping your hooks out

Now I look at my cracked screen

Reminding myself what is left of my heart

Emotional Ocean

Folder: 
Poems.

There in front of me

Standing

With no way around

It hits me

Waves of pain and devotion

It's an emotional ocean.

 

There's a sanctuary outside of my mind

But my mind had me confined

Inside of this rhyme

Running out of time

To find

This peace that I must've left behind.

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Cry In My Sleep

 

 I Lost My Ability To Cry
I'm Hurting So Much
I Feel Hurt
I Feel Pain
I Want To Cry
But Theres Not Tears
Theres No Emotions
Hold Me Please


Because I Can't Feel My Arms
I Can't Feel My Legs Anymore
I Feel Like Crying
But I'm Dying In My Sleep
Waking Up With Dried Up Eyes
I Don't Remember Crying
I Don't Remember Sleeping
Chill Runs Through On My Skin


Crying Out In Pain
I Wish I Could Cry
For My Body Can't Take It Anymore
Is This What It Feels Like
Why Must I Feel So Cold
Why Must I Feel So Emotionless
Pieces Of My Heart
Tears In Pieces


I Wish Again
I Could Cry
Just Once More
If I Could Hold You
If I Could Hug You
And Tell You One More Thing
I Just Want To Cry
I Want To Cry On Your Shoulder

 

 

The Odyssey

Folder: 
Love

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

 

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

 

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

 

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

 

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

 

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you my all

And you all left me wanting

I Should Know Better

Experienced well in pain,

of every known form,

For me this is nothing,

but my seemingly, 'norm'.

 

My heart is a punching bag,

battered and bruised.

Neglected, discarded,

tossed aside...and used.

 

Why am I an easy target,

of other people's abuse?

Am I marked for my life,

Is my hoping, of no use?

 

I open myself up and take,

these constant, hurtful attacks.

But then they are always shocked,

when finally, I fight back.

 

Why am I so vulnerable,

and not worthy of affection?

Why am I the hapless victim, 

of this hurt and rejection?

 

I should know so much better,

been through it, many times before.

I'm my own worst, foolish enemy,

sticking around life, for yet more.

 

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Beating Heart Part 2

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

Beating Heart Part 2

Verse 1:

I can feel your heartbeat

Whenever you are with me.

Little did I know

That this would be

My first and last love.

You’re everything I need and want.

 

Chorus:
Even if I fall in love

With somebody else,

You’re my everything.

No one else compares.

It just won’t work out

As much as we love each other.

‘Cause this beating heart

Is your’s to keep.

 

Verse 2:

I get tired of waiting.

We both met when

We were young.

It felt right.

Everything fell into place.

‘Cause this is our love story.

 

Bridge:
When I first met you,

I felt like I knew you.

It was so natural

For both of us

To be together.

Don’t let me go

‘Cause this beating heart

Belongs to only you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Forgot who I wrote this for. Written a few months back.