ex

TELL ME HOW

Who am I kidding,

I knew who you were from the beginning,

Tell me how to feel about you now,

Now, that you're not with him,

Now, that you're still where I left you,

Back at home base,

Back where you told me you needed space,

Back where you told me to moan your name while I looked you in the face,

Tell me how you feel without me now,

Now, that you realize Im no longer around,

Now, tell me, tell me,

How do I think about you without suffocating,

Tell me how do I think about you without masturbating,

Tell me how do I talk to you and still relate,

Tell me how do I give you space,

I told you I hated you,

But all I wanted was your arms around me,

And now that im skating backwards,

Its getting slippery,

Im falling, wishing you'd come and get me...

Tell me how to feel you about you NOW!

Do I suffocate and let go?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Thanks Paramore

Memories of You

Verse 1:
The light flickers on and on.

Memories of you are still

Here with me.

Where are you now?

 

Chorus:

I trusted you.

I loved you.

I gave you all of me

Yet you threw it all away.

 

Verse 2:

Are you doing what makes you happy?

Who are you with?

What dreams are you dreaming

Even now, I am still here.

 

Bridge:

I still believe that we will see each other again.

I should have held your hand when you were still mine.

I'll stand by you

Until the day I die.

 

Last-Chorus:

'Cause I still love you,

I can't help missing you.

Now that you're gone,

It's you I want, all of you.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This song is dedicated to my ex/first love. I may never truly and fully get over him. A part of me will always love him no matter what.

 

Songs that inspired me to write this song:
1) "Can't Help Missing You" - Hwan Hee

2) "Stand by U" - Tohoshinki

3) "I Love You" - Joanna Wang

4) "Fiction" - Beast 

A Perfect Pair, A perfect fate

I'm being dragged bare against the road with no set destination

I didn't know love would feel like a morbid amputation

Running through my mind and yet no set estimation

Looking for salvation, but forever ending with sensation

 

I held my world up like you lit up the sky, you were my sun

To make me feel alive for once? You were the only one

Now the sun sets again, but the fright has just begun

I wait the day you rise again, I can't think it's said and done

 

One day, I know, you will not come back

For good, they say, I'd think I'd have a heart attack

With you I feel alive, but without the visions pitch black

You make me who I am, but you make me what I lack

 

But they say I think I feel isn't true

But when I saw you, I knew

You held me up like glue

and I knew right there,  that I couldn't live without you

 

I'll give you all the time you need and wait

To years to decades, for me its never too late

Even if I'm old, and almost by life's gate

To die together is my wish, to be a perfect fate

 

And so I love you with my being, and all my heart

Despite any other who can set us apart

I know from the end, and to the start

For this love is more than that, a beautiful beautiful art.








Still Broken

 

 

I took one last trip down memory lane

I revisited a folder I still had of you, brought me so much pain

All the pictures I had saved

And all those beautiful messages I didn't wanna erase 

 

As I was reading every letter, every fucking word

I realized only then, how much I got hurt

I felt a tear fall from my eyes

Boiling with hatred from reading your lies

 

Reminiscing of all the promises you had made

All those memories we had built just to break

Every single moment 

With a few words, stolen

 

I felt like crying so fucking hard tonight

As I read along like a spiders venom, it hit me hard, I wanted to die

I regret not saying a few things to you

I regret doing things I should've never done

All those nerdy voices I promised I would never do

I regret most of it, but mostly letting my heart be strung

 

You were so young and so hopeless

I was older, I knew how to cope with this

I wrote so many songs for you, and you didn't appreciate 

Now you'll never know I still write you songs, but songs of hate

 

If I ever see you again, I can't say what I'll do

But it can't be anything nice or evil, but I will go talk to you

I will let you see me smile and even though deep down I'll be still broken

And maybe for a second you'll want me back, just for a moment 

 

But I won't be foolish this time around

For a while I was lost, but tonight I've been found

And I will never be sure of where I belong

But the next time I say those three words, I won't be wrong

 

Undeserving

 

 

(Intro)

 

(Verse 1)

We had so much promise

But your pretty mouth could not be honest 

And every word that you said

Was tainted with regret

 

I could feel the distance grow 

I could feel your hands let go

While I was still trying to hang on

You made me feel so right when i was so fucking wrong...

(End verse 1)

 

(Chorus)

You gave up on all our dreams

You told me secrets, you told me things

You destroyed the house we took so long to make

It's all your fault, you let it fade 

(End chorus) x2

 

 

(Verse 2)

You had, a tremble in your voice 

I could hear the silence in your noise 

I could feel your fear with just your looks

Your eyes were empty, but I wish this would worked 

 

 

Honestly, I could write infinitely about you and me, but with no sincerity 

Our past, didn't last cause of your lies

We're no longer together, so I won't waste my time

(End verse 2)

 

(Outro)

 
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X's and O's

When you were here, I felt distant 

And now that you're far away, I feel closer, it's different 

Many opportunities wasted by my past

I shot you down every time, for sex, you asked

 

I wanted to come over, be there all damn night 

But I couldn't give you my heart, my ex consumed my time

But now that I've burned away everything that belonged to her

I am feeling free, ready, willing, and my past is just a blur

 

I still can't say whether we would've worked out 

But I can say I would've tried my best, no doubt!

I would've spend these dark ages building, making you a fire

And if I couldn't make flames, I would use my body to keep you warm, fulfilling your every desire 

 

Maybe every word I'm saying now is hurting you 

Maybe every thing I'm saying is destroying you

But I can't help it, my pen keeps writing on these pages

And my heart keeps wanting to know about you, keep me updated 

 

I'm sorry I couldn't love you when you were here

But it wasn't entirely my fault, my mind was filled with fear

I had just been broken by a girl who said "all the right words"

And me, a gullible fuck, believed every syllable and was left hurt 

 

So understand me when I say that you are not to blame

People fear, laugh, cry but only a few change

And that's me, This is a new beginning 

I wish you all the best and I hope you start off better than it ended with me 

 

:)

 

 

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Who Am I?

I am a shadow, long gone
I am forgotten, disappointments spawn
I am the weeping, in nights silent hour
From society, who savors the sour
I am the dark, stuck within my fears
I am denied, to them and all who hears
I was a dreamer, now hiding within my sleep
From the all of the promises that I can not keep
I am a shadow, long gone

I loved, and I loved you well.
Even after you challenge me hell
I remember, she parted us, you and I
She kissed your cracks, promising you lies
She left you broken, by the dead
But me, I wanted you by my side, to cherish instead




Author's Notes/Comments: 

An old class assignment I digged up.

It was supposed to be more simple and straightforward.

But I remember, I couldn't help myself from twisting it up

 

Which results with this

 

What It Is

I feel like every single thing is like a mind game,  played and laid out for me

I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see

 

What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?

Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?

 

I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon

What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong

 

and now there is blood all over my hand

But I have no idea why, I just don't understand

 

This is a complication called the human mind

Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind

 

To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame

For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame

 

Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose

It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.

 

So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor

I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door

 

And you can echo your goodbyes

as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..

I want to be your Ex-Man

Folder: 
Love

I want to be your ex-man because he had an opportunity to be with you. 

To spend time with you.  

To kiss you. 

To hug you. 

To look into those beautiful brown eyes to tell you he loves you. 

I want to be your ex-man because there was lonely nights you were home waiting for him and when he walked through that door your eyes lit up so bright. 

I want to be your ex-man because those times I wish were mine. 

I want to be your ex-man because he had an opportunity. 

Something you’re not willing to give me. 

Something you did not see in front of you as I stand. 

I want to be your ex-man because he was able to express his love to you.  

To hold you tight. 

To call you his forever in life. 

I want to be your ex-man because I want to know what it feels like to wake up and have you by my side. 

I want to be your ex-man because I know all the things he has done wrong.

I could do perfectly right. 

I want to be your ex-man because I want to hear you say “I love you. Baby without you I’m nothing. Baby together we can make it through.” 

I want to be your ex-man because for all the things you have gone through 

I know there was times you wished he would have hugged you and kissed you and said the right words. 

I wish I were your ex-man because if I was I would say the words you should hear. 

I would kiss you when the time is right. 

I would look at you and tell you I love you baby and that everything is going to be alright. 

I want to be your ex-man because you said yes to him the first time he asked you out. 

First time I asked you out I never was given a chance. 

So, baby let me be your man. 

Let me be your ex-man. 

Let me have just one dance.