When, 'I'm fine'
becomes your generic answer,
because you know well,
they don't really care about the truth.
When tears just randomly fall,
in a silent, steady succession
and you never knew
...you were even crying.
When you actually,
physically ache inside,
from being so bereft
of even simple human touch.
When the only times
your cries are even heard
by anyone who'd care,
is within' your own head.
When you just want to run-
just start running,
but knowing full well,
you've nowhere, and no one, to run.
When your own traitorous voice
calls out inside you, screaming:
'Outcast! Unlovable! Unworthy!
Why don't you fight back!?
What's wrong with you!???'
And you simply whisper back, 'I'm fine.'
Wandering into the unknown
Traveling alone, on the lonely road
Emptiness swelling inside my mind
Constant suicidal thoughts pass me by
Coaxing me to fall behind
Convincingly, temptingly, opening my eyes
To see there is nothing left of me
Nothing stored for my future ahead
Pictures of my past on this screen
A private slideshow of what used to be
My life is playing over, in front of me
Hypnotized, mesmerized, by what lies ahead
End things
Please
Tell me
You never meant any of it
Break my heart
And leave it in a million pieces
I will lay amongst them
Wallow in my pity
Make me hate you
Destroy every ounce of my being
Leave my soul raw
Leave me even more broken
Please, end me
End this
Make it so painful
That I never long to see your face again
Tear out my very being
Set it free with the other broken souls
Forget me
So I can forget you
Make me feel like you aren't special
Make me feel like I never mattered
Tell me you used me
That you just didn't want to be alone
Rip me apart
Tell me I'm nothing
Tear me so far down
That I can not rise again
I cannot take this pain
Please, just destroy me
Wanting time to go slowly, But it always flies by.
Now it trudgingly drags on without you by my side.
What is this?
This day
Nothing happy
Nothing sad
Not evil
Nor good
The sun won't rise
And the sky won't fall
Stars are steady
So is the dark
What is this?
This day
Nothingness
So empty
Without meaning
It just is
And with no fire
My bones are dried up
And i'm drowning in it
Nothingness
What is this?
Drained
By JFarrell
I am drained, I am empty,
I am so tired.
See how dry, how cracked,
How thin my skin is.
Do my eyes reveal any energy?
Any life?
I try; I am trying,
But, I feel
So, so weary.
But,
It’s 6 am,
And time to get up,
And face the world.
SHE STAND'S ALONE
She stands alone with nothing around her, just her fears and tears. She stands alone with tormenting thoughts, she stands alone with no love, just this empty feeling and a hole in her heart, is she at the end of her road. She can't see beyond this wall that surrounds her heart, spoken words but it has no meaning, still in one place feet has not moved chasing hollowed dreams, will she ever have a brake through, searching for reasons to keep moving, nothing comes forth so consumed with emotions that has no reason or meaning to it.
She stands alone.
She stands alone
You know this story is far from over
It's not finished.. By long shot, my love
Don't tell me you can't do this anymore
I hope your happy.. And so much lovely
Your still apart of me.. And still I'm
nothing but a memory
You know I want you to hold this cold hand
I know that you can't,Because you have someone else to come and hold you..
So I'll keep sleeping sideways in my bed so I, can fill this open space..
Because I can't, go on without you..
I know that I'm by myself I can make it and don't need you for something that couldn't be.. And fade away in the sun light..
There's nothing special.. About the way you did things..
Never coming back..
You can't come back..
You know I want you to hold this hand..
I know that you can't Because you have someone else to come and hold you..
So I'll keep sleeping sideways in my bed so I, can fill this lonely space..
Because I can't, go on without you..
"Almost tiring,
the bump of the shoulders passing by,
the hallways so full of students, mean,
their intentions unknown to what they vie.
But the Janitor,
mop handle twisting in wrists,
cleans the bustling halls, murder
of the sparkling floors committed with fervor.
Moreover, the students don't care!
But no matter, the Janitor smiles as he cleans,
leaning on his swab bucket, no flair
for how unfair redoing the swab job is.
But now it is after five,
the older gentleman is working his way up and down,
the passageways now empty,
all the students long gone home.
Quite the opposite scene,
from when the school was full,
a loud and swarming event, specifcally
during the lunch periods.
And during those times? While constantly
going back and forth, picking up spills
and keeping the floor clean,
he even feels grumpy.
But only now at this momement,
a longing, a forlorn feeling wraps itself
over the un-bumped shoulders of the man,
alone, doing his job.
The sudden wish the students were there,
to fill the empty space he cleans,
the abandoned place to fill up soon,
but not a moment too late, he steams.
All the moments that he's spent,
breaking up a fight between two boys,
frankly taking both collars in each hand
and talking to them sharply, they listened.
The time he talked to the crying girl,
leaning on the mop handle, wise counsel
spewed at a comforting rate to the young one
who had her first broken heart.
Or the time he tutored the troubled youth,
not in math or english but in life,
the boy sticking around while he cleaned.
alone, his only brother having been knifed.
Every smile he evoked,
with silly, word-play jokes,
every time he snapped at young students passing by,
keeping the rowdy in line.
The old man now smiled himself,
finishing up the entire school,
looking forward to the bustle to come,
the lockers that will slam, voices, loud.
The end of this feeling, eerie,
sudden, and no more farther then
when he will grumble, with a slight smile,
of the busy hallways where he will be bumped again."