Empty

I'm Fine...


When, 'I'm fine'

becomes your generic answer,

because you know well,

they don't really care about the truth.

 

When tears just randomly fall,

in a silent, steady succession

and you never knew

...you were even crying.

 

When you actually,

physically ache inside,

from being so bereft

of even simple human touch.

 

When the only times

your cries are even heard

by anyone who'd care,

is within' your own head.

 

When you just want to run-

just start running,

but knowing full well,

you've nowhere, and no one, to run.

 

When your own traitorous voice

calls out inside you, screaming:

'Outcast! Unlovable! Unworthy!

Why don't you fight back!?

What's wrong with you!???'

And you simply whisper back, 'I'm fine.'

Wandering

Wandering into the unknown 

Traveling alone, on the lonely road

Emptiness swelling inside my mind

Constant suicidal thoughts pass me by

Coaxing me to fall behind

Convincingly, temptingly, opening my eyes

To see there is nothing left of me

Nothing stored for my future ahead

Pictures of my past on this screen

A private slideshow of what used to be

My life is playing over, in front of me

Hypnotized, mesmerized, by what lies ahead

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another poem with no date. My mother printed a lot of poems that I had up on a website for years, so this is all much older.

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Please, End This

End things

Please

Tell me

You never meant any of it

Break my heart

And leave it in a million pieces

I will lay amongst them 

Wallow in my pity

Make me hate you

Destroy every ounce of my being

Leave my soul raw

Leave me even more broken

Please, end me

 

End this 

Make it so painful

That I never long to see your face again

Tear out my very being

Set it free with the other broken souls

 

Forget me

So I can forget you

Make me feel like you aren't special

Make me feel like I never mattered

Tell me you used me

That you just didn't want to be alone

 

Rip me apart

Tell me I'm nothing

Tear me so far down

That I can not rise again

I cannot take this pain

 

Please, just destroy me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written: 2/21/2018

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Time Hurts

Folder: 
Heart Break

Wanting time to go slowly, But it always flies by.
Now it trudgingly drags on without you by my side.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Learn to cherish

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I'm Drowning In It

What is this?

 

This day 

 

Nothing happy

 

Nothing sad

 

Not evil

 

Nor good

 

The sun won't rise

 

And the sky won't fall

 

Stars are steady

 

So is the dark

 

What is this?

 

This day

 

Nothingness

 

So empty

 

Without meaning

 

It just is

 

And with no fire

 

My bones are dried up

 

And i'm drowning in it

 

Nothingness

 

What is this?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It just is, and it burns

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drained

Drained

By JFarrell

 

I am drained, I am empty,

I am so tired.

See how dry, how cracked,

How thin my skin is.

Do my eyes reveal any energy?

Any life?

I try; I am trying,

But, I feel

So, so weary.

But,

 

It’s 6 am,

And time to get up,

And face the world.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

oh, what a fun companion depression is

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SHE STAND'S ALONE

Folder: 
open door's

SHE STAND'S ALONE

 

She stands alone with nothing around her, just her fears and tears. She stands alone with tormenting thoughts, she stands alone with no love, just this empty feeling and a hole in her heart, is she at the end of her road. She can't see beyond this wall that surrounds her heart, spoken words but it has no meaning, still in one place feet has not moved chasing hollowed dreams, will she ever have a brake through, searching for reasons to keep moving, nothing comes forth so consumed with emotions that has no reason or meaning to it. 

 

                    She stands alone. 

                             She stands alone

 

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tags:

Holding My Pillows Close.

 

You know this story is far from over

It's not finished.. By long shot, my love 

Don't tell me you can't do this anymore 

I hope your happy.. And so much lovely 

Your still apart of me.. And still I'm 

nothing but a memory 

                                                         

You know I want you to hold this cold hand

I know that you can't,Because you have someone else to come and hold you.. 

So I'll keep sleeping sideways in my bed so I, can fill this open space.. 

Because I can't, go on without you..       

 

I know that I'm by myself I can make it  and don't need you for something that couldn't be.. And fade away in the sun light..                                           

There's nothing special.. About the way you did things.. 

 

Never coming back.. 

You can't come back..

 

You know I want you to hold this hand..

I know that you can't Because you have someone else to come and hold you.. 

So I'll keep sleeping sideways in my bed so I, can fill this lonely space.. 

Because I can't, go on without you..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm quite obvious it's more of a song then a poem so.. This is it I'll be posting more but was made me Gabriel Treadwell and all copyrighted. Thank you

Kenopsia

Folder: 
To Be Illustrated

"Almost tiring,

the bump of the shoulders passing by,

the hallways so full of students, mean, 

their intentions unknown to what they vie. 

 

But the Janitor, 

mop handle twisting in wrists, 

cleans the bustling halls, murder

of the sparkling floors committed with fervor.

 

Moreover, the students don't care!

But no matter, the Janitor smiles as he cleans,

leaning on his swab bucket, no flair

for how unfair redoing the swab job is.

 

But now it is after five,

the older gentleman is working his way up and down,

the passageways now empty, 

all the students long gone home. 

 

Quite the opposite scene,

from when the school was full,

a loud and swarming event, specifcally

during the lunch periods. 

 

And during those times? While constantly 

going back and forth, picking up spills

and keeping the floor clean,

he even feels grumpy.

 

But only now at this momement,

a longing, a forlorn feeling wraps itself

over the un-bumped shoulders of the man,

alone, doing his job.

 

The sudden wish the students were there,

to fill the empty space he cleans, 

the abandoned place to fill up soon,

but not a moment too late, he steams.

 

All the moments that he's spent,

breaking up a fight between two boys,

frankly taking both collars in each hand

and talking to them sharply, they listened.

 

The time he talked to the crying girl,

leaning on the mop handle, wise counsel

spewed at a comforting rate to the young one

who had her first broken heart. 

 

Or the time he tutored the troubled youth,

not in math or english but in life,

the boy sticking around while he cleaned. 

alone, his only brother having been knifed. 

 

Every smile he evoked,

with silly, word-play jokes,

every time he snapped at young students passing by, 

keeping the rowdy in line. 

 

The old man now smiled himself,

finishing up the entire school,

looking forward to the bustle to come,

the lockers that will slam, voices, loud.

 

The end of this feeling, eerie,

sudden, and no more farther then

when he will grumble, with a slight smile,

of the busy hallways where he will be bumped again."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A imagined scene of an old man janitor that we may or may not all remember or think back to.