Wandering into the unknown 

Traveling alone, on the lonely road

Emptiness swelling inside my mind

Constant suicidal thoughts pass me by

Coaxing me to fall behind

Convincingly, temptingly, opening my eyes

To see there is nothing left of me

Nothing stored for my future ahead

Pictures of my past on this screen

A private slideshow of what used to be

My life is playing over, in front of me

Hypnotized, mesmerized, by what lies ahead

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another poem with no date. My mother printed a lot of poems that I had up on a website for years, so this is all much older.

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Please, End This

End things


Tell me

You never meant any of it

Break my heart

And leave it in a million pieces

I will lay amongst them 

Wallow in my pity

Make me hate you

Destroy every ounce of my being

Leave my soul raw

Leave me even more broken

Please, end me


End this 

Make it so painful

That I never long to see your face again

Tear out my very being

Set it free with the other broken souls


Forget me

So I can forget you

Make me feel like you aren't special

Make me feel like I never mattered

Tell me you used me

That you just didn't want to be alone


Rip me apart

Tell me I'm nothing

Tear me so far down

That I can not rise again

I cannot take this pain


Please, just destroy me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written: 2/21/2018

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Time Hurts

Heart Break

Wanting time to go slowly, But it always flies by.
Now it trudgingly drags on without you by my side.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Learn to cherish

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I'm Drowning In It

What is this?


This day 


Nothing happy


Nothing sad


Not evil


Nor good


The sun won't rise


And the sky won't fall


Stars are steady


So is the dark


What is this?


This day




So empty


Without meaning


It just is


And with no fire


My bones are dried up


And i'm drowning in it




What is this?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It just is, and it burns

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By JFarrell


I am drained, I am empty,

I am so tired.

See how dry, how cracked,

How thin my skin is.

Do my eyes reveal any energy?

Any life?

I try; I am trying,

But, I feel

So, so weary.



It’s 6 am,

And time to get up,

And face the world.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

oh, what a fun companion depression is

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open door's



She stands alone with nothing around her, just her fears and tears. She stands alone with tormenting thoughts, she stands alone with no love, just this empty feeling and a hole in her heart, is she at the end of her road. She can't see beyond this wall that surrounds her heart, spoken words but it has no meaning, still in one place feet has not moved chasing hollowed dreams, will she ever have a brake through, searching for reasons to keep moving, nothing comes forth so consumed with emotions that has no reason or meaning to it. 


                    She stands alone. 

                             She stands alone


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Holding My Pillows Close.


You know this story is far from over

It's not finished.. By long shot, my love 

Don't tell me you can't do this anymore 

I hope your happy.. And so much lovely 

Your still apart of me.. And still I'm 

nothing but a memory 


You know I want you to hold this cold hand

I know that you can't,Because you have someone else to come and hold you.. 

So I'll keep sleeping sideways in my bed so I, can fill this open space.. 

Because I can't, go on without you..       


I know that I'm by myself I can make it  and don't need you for something that couldn't be.. And fade away in the sun light..                                           

There's nothing special.. About the way you did things.. 


Never coming back.. 

You can't come back..


You know I want you to hold this hand..

I know that you can't Because you have someone else to come and hold you.. 

So I'll keep sleeping sideways in my bed so I, can fill this lonely space.. 

Because I can't, go on without you..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm quite obvious it's more of a song then a poem so.. This is it I'll be posting more but was made me Gabriel Treadwell and all copyrighted. Thank you


To Be Illustrated

"Almost tiring,

the bump of the shoulders passing by,

the hallways so full of students, mean, 

their intentions unknown to what they vie. 


But the Janitor, 

mop handle twisting in wrists, 

cleans the bustling halls, murder

of the sparkling floors committed with fervor.


Moreover, the students don't care!

But no matter, the Janitor smiles as he cleans,

leaning on his swab bucket, no flair

for how unfair redoing the swab job is.


But now it is after five,

the older gentleman is working his way up and down,

the passageways now empty, 

all the students long gone home. 


Quite the opposite scene,

from when the school was full,

a loud and swarming event, specifcally

during the lunch periods. 


And during those times? While constantly 

going back and forth, picking up spills

and keeping the floor clean,

he even feels grumpy.


But only now at this momement,

a longing, a forlorn feeling wraps itself

over the un-bumped shoulders of the man,

alone, doing his job.


The sudden wish the students were there,

to fill the empty space he cleans, 

the abandoned place to fill up soon,

but not a moment too late, he steams.


All the moments that he's spent,

breaking up a fight between two boys,

frankly taking both collars in each hand

and talking to them sharply, they listened.


The time he talked to the crying girl,

leaning on the mop handle, wise counsel

spewed at a comforting rate to the young one

who had her first broken heart. 


Or the time he tutored the troubled youth,

not in math or english but in life,

the boy sticking around while he cleaned. 

alone, his only brother having been knifed. 


Every smile he evoked,

with silly, word-play jokes,

every time he snapped at young students passing by, 

keeping the rowdy in line. 


The old man now smiled himself,

finishing up the entire school,

looking forward to the bustle to come,

the lockers that will slam, voices, loud.


The end of this feeling, eerie,

sudden, and no more farther then

when he will grumble, with a slight smile,

of the busy hallways where he will be bumped again."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A imagined scene of an old man janitor that we may or may not all remember or think back to.

Hey you

hey you..
I've thought about you for days, especially
when the rain is
falling...like now and damn how I would love for you to be
here next to
me. your hug will be the cure for my trembling winter nights.
thought about the way you look and the way you stare at me... that stare

was 1 of the things that made me fall in love. I've thought about how

everytime I blink I'll just see ur smile. o man how I love your smile.
about our future enter my mind constantly and I can't stop
thinking about the
lonely life I've been living without you. I see every
else happy but me, I
have so much negativity surrounding me and I can't
wait for the days when you
jus say 'baby it will all be ok' and just knowing you'll say that, will make everything
better. hey you have I ever told u you
take my breath away when you call me
baby..well you do. all the guys I
have thought I loved are nothing compared to
you. breakups and pain were
all I felt before you, but now all of that is long
gone. no more tears
for me and I thank u for that.  just knowing your perfect
for me in each
and every way, drives me crazy. your height your lips the way I
after every kiss. your just so right, I love everything about u, ur just

my type. I want u 2 be my man so badly, I need to be your lady. I need
here now, I can't take this pain daily. just shadows of ur figure is
all I
see. I can't pinpoint who u are but I know for sure you are the one. I
can't wait
till the day you meet my parents and you are the only guy they
actually will ever
like, your mom will see her little boy is in love, and
she'll hug me thankin gme
for making you happy. hey you, my hands awaits
yours..come fill the empty spaces
that are calling your name.. I can't
wait for our endless text messages of just
smiley faces, jus reassuring
each other that we miss each other so much. I
want to go 2 sleep with u
on the phone, I kno it'll make me giggle when I hear the
little noises you
make as your slowly falling asleep. I kno I'll love them so
much. the
aches in my heart when u won't b near me will kill me, but I know wen
look at our pictures together I know that everything will be ok. hey u
u know you are always on my mind. I am cry knowing ur far away from me.
I hate
the songs they play on the radio becuz I can't relate to them
without u. you'll
make my life so much better. I love how u understand me and
you know jus wat to
say. I can fuss like I always do, but I kno you'll always
shut me up wit your
kisses. it is amazing how much I need u so, and u just
don't know.  hey you, love
of my life, wen will I ever meet you. it's been
19 years and I can't take it
anymore. I need you to ease my pain and to
call me your girl. I kno we are
perfect for each other and we belong
together, do you? my heart skips a beat
jus thinking of the day we will
finally meet... I see you.. layin down in bed
right now jus watching tv,
going on with ur life, but did u know that I need you
noww, badly.. in the
future you won't understand what the slightest sight of
your shadow will
do to me .....but if you be with me jus know you'll live a love
that others
can only dream of.. hey you, u are the love of my life... and I
wait till the day we finally meet

Author's Notes/Comments: 

today is 9-29-2015 funny thing is that I am 23 years old now and have been with the love of my life for 4 years and 4 months. (4-2-11) I look back on this poem and I wrote it in december 2010 (so sorry for the way I wrote the words even some might be mispelled but it is original which is what I love.) I actually found him, true love exists! go find your other half. We met on BBM (blackberry) after I was trying to delete my 800+ i saw his picture and wrote "you are handsome" after that destiny did it's thing! we live together , love each other more and more everyday. I look back and i get goosebumps because this poem is exactly for him. life is crazy

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