I can’t… But, Why?
By jfarrell
I can’t…
I haven’t prepared…
What if….
I could give a million reasons.
I can’t bare the humiliation.
A broken leg may hurt,
But… SNAP!
It’s over
Humiliation is barbed wire through the heart
Relived everytime you sleep
Re-experienced everytime you close your eyes
Always there
I can’t ask out a woman because the ‘No’
Is like using a boxcutter on my heart
For everyone to see
For everyone to laugh…. forever
Over and over I would relive that humiliation
I couldn’t help myself
And, that’s why
I can’t
She's in her lonesome unity,
Then the feeling looms just like a tree.
Look in her mind; it says "listen to me"
"They're so much better than I'll ever be
They're so much better than I'll ever be
They're five times better than I'll ever be."
The two of you, you look so free.
You're everything that I wanna be.
Look in her eyes and then you'll see;
"You're so much better than I'll ever be
You're so much better than I'll ever be
You're five times better than I'll ever be."
She wants your love, not your pity.
She'd balance her laptop on her knee.
She's sure she's thinking foolishly;
"You're five times better than I'll ever be
You're five times better than I'll ever be
You're so much better than I'll ever be."
She uses up her mind and draws it.
She thinks it is her only asset.
Her value is what she'll produce;
Without her skills, she is no use,
And lacking words, she is no use.
She's suffered but her mind's abuse.
She wants to see the light,
But she gives up before the fight.
Collapsed within its irony,
(Her states swim alternatingly)
So that she really does believe
You're so much better than she'll ever be
You're so much better than she'll ever be
You're so much better than she'll ever be.
Shame
By JFarrell
My shame stops.
Now!
Yes, I took the sweets
I was six years old
And I didn’t know what he wanted.
The scumbag raped me
But I am finished being ashamed for that.
I did not ruin my uncle’s wedding
Destroy his marriage
His scumbag friend
Was the rapist
I did not live up to my father’s expectations;
A cowardly drunk
Who beat his wife and kids
To feel like a man.
I took a lot of blame for my family
Sorry
No more
Find a new scapegoat.
The only thing I have to be ashamed of
Is that I let you hand me the blame;
And I am so through with that.
TIME
Time slowly arises as my heart stops and just for a second
I am hole as if I arose in time were I run free,
waking up to the realty were life consumes me by the hurt
and pain I see, people fear death as if the after life has nothing but sorrow,
how did we get here when did we shut down and live as slaves once again,
has evil taking over or have we lost the meaning of the word humanity,
You'd choose greed
I feel like every single thing is like a mind game, played and laid out for me
I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see
What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?
Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?
I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon
What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong
and now there is blood all over my hand
But I have no idea why, I just don't understand
This is a complication called the human mind
Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind
To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame
For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame
Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose
It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.
So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor
I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door
And you can echo your goodbyes
as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..
It's a shame that you dont love her better.
Teardrop stains find refuge on her sweater.
And your moves are-
Off in the distance.
Tries with her might-
Cannnot break your resistance.
It's a shame that you don't find her sweeter.
Your standards-
So high.
They will never meet her.
And your smile is-
All she's needing.
But she knows your greetings-
Lack the meaning.
It's a shame that you won't hold her closer.
But her peers around-
Always seem to toast her.
And her moves are-
Becoming distant,
You might realize-
Slowly start to miss it.
It's a shame that you assumed you didnt need her.
For it seems your superiors start to seek her.
And your prescence is less than a memory.
As you become your worst enemy.
A friend of fear is doubt.
A friend of fear is shame.
A friend of fear is that darned dark feeling
that you are not worth anything.
A friend of fear is a trixter.
He'll make you feel that he is right.
Consuming your thoughts with his false confidence,
he'll scare you away from your own heart's light.
[Edited to remove:
So don't make friends with fear.
Instead make friends with love.
For love is fear's opposite.
And Love deserves your precious time.]
The Fairytale
She waits for her Prince Charming,
And she knows that he will come,
Because she is a good girl,
She wasn't one of the dumb,
Her other friends bore children
Before marriage,as she waited,
She dare not admit to their happiness,
To her specialness she was fated,
The clock struck twelve, at forty four,
Her hair now getting grey,
Claiming not a man had truly loved her,
Because there had been no wedding day,
And all the men who sought to woo her,
And take her by the hand,
Were happily wed, with children and wives
Who before marrying took them to bed,
The years grew cold and dark,
She even learned some masturbation,
But she could not bear to see just how
She led herself to this desperation,
At eighty five, her Prince arrived,
They married in a church,
They're both too worthy for this world,
To live it for all of it's worth,
No children birthed, they live their lives,
Content to think that love,
Is isolating from the world,
That's all they're worthy of.
12:49 PM 6/22/2013
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