lover

The Elephant in My Cell

You came at a bad time.

A terribly, terribly bad time.

You showed up the moment I couldn’t stand to touch you.

I was afraid you were never going to come.

I should have been glad you came, but why am I not relieved?

Is it that crippling fear that the moment I touch you, you fade away like a ghost?

Is it that you might be a whistleblower looking for an insecurity to use against me later?

Or is it that you are trying to distract me from tending to my garden before it dies of thirst?

 

I want to shout, “Why didn’t you come sooner?!”

I want to shout, “Where were you when I needed you most?!”

I want to yell at the top of my lungs, “Would it kill you to tell me what’s driving you away from me?!!”

But I am too nice. Too kind and gentle to scream and point to the elephant in the room.

The very elephant that a sorcerer pulled out of his hat and crippled both of my limbs.

 

I never wanted to call for help because it reinforces the notion that I should still be in high school.

I’ve crawled around all year avoiding the other teenage drama queens that worship dragons.

Seems like they forgot that dragons like to steal our fortunes and our hearts. Before they eat them.

 

Spending time with my open-minded little brother has planted a seed of doubt in my head.

A seed that gets me thinking that all love does to me is waste my time experimenting with false hope.

 

My imaginary nights with a fallen angel goes along the lines of;

“Yes, yes, honey, shower me with hugs and kisses. Oh, my love, how I yearn for you.

Pleasure me with your lust until the water in your veins runs out and you become a raisin.

Only then, will I toss you in the sun and wonder why the hell I’ve never gotten lucky.”

When will the water cycle end for the both of us?

What compels Venus to bewitch me to make bad choices?

Why else do you think independent seekers with degrees in hand avoid commitment?

Our grandparents and parents are more patient than our generation is now

Because compared to us, they tended to their gardens and their raisins.

You did a bang-up job tending to me by showering me with promises you can’t keep,

With complex wisdom about human nature, stories of your struggle to get your education over with,

And the snuggles and touches that I wished were real more than the chains I dream of shattering.

 

You’ve made this game look so easy, you know?

All that had impressed me about you lately is how you’ve lured me into your arms,

Only to neglect me without warning when the sun was at its hottest.

Part of me does not wish to see you go because I tolerate the pain that your absence has left behind.

You scarcely have time on your hands, but would you care to join me for a cup of jasmine tea?

It won’t take long. What I want to know next is what else is new that you have yet to tell me?

Existence

I lay in dark and dreaming sleep
While countless wars and ages passed
While lovers lost and children died
The cycle ran until, aghast 
I opened my eyes, so I should see 
And learn from this unending past
That life is short, though days are long
And that we were never meant to last.
 
I woke to noise and screaming life
But death was ever found to be
Within the dissonance of voice
Born in children, grown in me
I ran until I fell alone
But decease, like a fey banshee
Moved silently in my shadowed steps
With no intent to set me free
 
I dozed through my own middle life
I couldn't care to breathe or die
To see my friends or family
Would just admit that I'm alive
I felt like life would canter on
Meaningless, though I'd strive
To fight the caress of lover-death
To hope my wonder would revive
 
I slept tonight a wondrous sleep
Of moon and star and sunlit eyes
From my bed, I heard her creep
And then I found to my surprise
An angel of unending rest
With promises to mesmerize 
I gave her my own soul to reap
No more left to agonize 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I liked the first two lines enough to compose another poem

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Take Your Time

Folder: 
Band Lyrics
Verse 1:
Take time ‘cause time ticks
It still goes on long after we’re gone.
I cannot wait on you forever.
Take on me.
Take a chance on us.
Take your time ‘
Cause I’ll be waiting
With open arms and eyes.
Chorus:
You’re tugging at my heartstrings.
They’re coming all undone.
I can wait if you take your time.
Take me away from here.
All I want is a place
Where we can be together.
This love found me here.
Verse 2:
Take your time to figure it out
What it is that you feel.
I’ll be here waiting.
Sooner or later,
You’ll realize it should have been me.
Bridge:
Love found me here.
Until you take me on,
I don’t want to do this alone.
Take your time on us.
It’s a beautiful life
That we’ve got.
Smiling and speaking,
I thank God for you.
Author's Notes/Comments: 

It is a response song to Buddy Holly's "Take Your Time". Enjoy?!

60 Seconds Part 1

Folder: 
Band Lyrics
Verse 1: 60 seconds is all I have/to see this through/60 seconds is a story/that is enough with you and me/Don’t you let me go
Chorus: Even if you’re hurting/know that I’ve got your back/60 seconds is all I have for our story/Help me carry on/Lead me out of darkness
Verse 2: Out into the light/I walk towards/the hesitant you/your memories of me/have become cold/I can see it in your eyes/that I am not the one for your anymore
Bridge: Give me 60 seconds of your time/It is all I need to write this story/In it, are our hot and cold moments/Both of which, you gave me
Last-Chorus: Our last goodbye was bittersweet/It tasted like the tobacco on your lips/’Cause you got me falling for you/Over and Over again/Give me 60 seconds/to write a new ending
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Song response to Kim Sung Gyu's song: "60 Seconds" (A Korean pop song with rock elements). Look up the English subtitles on YouTube.

Rebirth

Folder: 
Confessions

“Who is he?”

I whisper to myself

as your eyes gaze off to the distance

and treat me with the unbearable silence

I’m a little too late, I guess,

I hear your eyes scream, they confess

It is him who holds your heart

The one you’d rather hold your hand

Under the city lights

In a cold November night

 

But my love for you is greater than his.

 

So do the honor and list down the things

you so liked about him

Watch me burn myself with a pile of leaves

and reborn as him

Just let me be your light, your candle tonight

I can be him, your lover, if you like

I’ll cut my wrist, drain the blood my ancestors

passed on to me

Replace it with the words he whispers

when I’m not around

Let his words flow down my veins so you may speak

and tell me all the things you never say to me

Slit my throat with the screen of the phone you use

To capture his face, his smile, the perfection, your muse

Because you never even once

took a picture of me

— or maybe my image is just

too hideous for you to keep?

What strength of lens does he use, you say?

I can smash mine down if it’s not the same

Use the shards to peel off my skin I so badly hate

Blessed is he to have the kind that keeps you sane

I’ll unclench my claws I’ve spent years to build

Pull them out and mold me his hands and feet

Let the blood spritz all over the room

Let them spell: HERE LIES A HOLY FOOL,

WHO SURRENDERED HIMSELF FOR LOVE —

BECAUSE HIS LOVE WAS NEVER ENOUGH.

Tell my mother I died a sweetest death

And I’ll be waiting in line in the Day of Resurrect

Pour out the gasoline all over my corpse for the final touch

Say a short Ignatian prayer before you strike the match

Watch my skin; watch my veins turn to ash, turn to dust,

as I’m enveloped and swallowed by flames

‘Cause I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of asking,

“Who is Carl, baby? I’m James.”

 

From now on, call me Carl.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about wanting and loving someone so much you are willing to turn yourself into someone else.

Right or Wrong?

 

Liar, cheater, whore, bitch

 

You call me a cheater but you can never see

 

The hurt and pain you caused me

 

I was silently pleading for your attention

 

A little more of embrace, warm affection

 

But you blatantly ignored me

 

As if I was a ghost; I didn't exist

 

Is it my fault, though?

 

The truth is plain to see: You forgot to love me

 

I couldn't take it anymore seemingly trapped in a web

 

The endless karmic cycle of unhappiness and misery which I weaved

 

Until I saw a shimmering light

 

A flicker of happiness which blinded my sight

 

I saw hope and brightness in the arms of another

 

A love that was much more pure and real than you've ever shown me

 

I then knew what was missed in my life

 

I've found new love and they treat me better and gave me more love than you ever would or even could

 

Yes, I lied....

 

Yes, I cheated....

 

But in the end, I'm not the one to blame

 

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Night

Silent now at night

Watching the stars shine so bright

In my lover's arms

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Self explanatory!

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Another Night Alone

Verse 1:
I won't spend another night alone.

If it's not you no one else can do.

'Cause we belong together,

You're my shooting star.

 

Chorus:

 All this time, I spent with you:
These memories will never die out.

'Cause I know you by heart,

Wherever you will go, I'll follow you.

 

 Verse 2:

Now, the time has come for me

To put myself into your hands.

'Cause you gotta know: We belong to each other.

Our hearts are continuously set in the afterglow.

 

Bridge:

If you and me, if there's a possibility

Of beconing one with you,

Let loose and come unto me tonight.

Fall apart or hold on tight.

 

Last-Chorus:

Every time the phone rings,

I expect it to be you.

I spend each daily liviing like this.

Won't you take me home tonight?

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Songs that inspired me to write this song:
1) "Stand by U" - Tohoshinki

2) "The Best Mistake I've Ever Made" - Joanna Wang

3) "Take Me Home" - Oceanlane

4) "I Won't Spend Another Night Alone" - The Ataris 

Memories of You

Verse 1:
The light flickers on and on.

Memories of you are still

Here with me.

Where are you now?

 

Chorus:

I trusted you.

I loved you.

I gave you all of me

Yet you threw it all away.

 

Verse 2:

Are you doing what makes you happy?

Who are you with?

What dreams are you dreaming

Even now, I am still here.

 

Bridge:

I still believe that we will see each other again.

I should have held your hand when you were still mine.

I'll stand by you

Until the day I die.

 

Last-Chorus:

'Cause I still love you,

I can't help missing you.

Now that you're gone,

It's you I want, all of you.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This song is dedicated to my ex/first love. I may never truly and fully get over him. A part of me will always love him no matter what.

 

Songs that inspired me to write this song:
1) "Can't Help Missing You" - Hwan Hee

2) "Stand by U" - Tohoshinki

3) "I Love You" - Joanna Wang

4) "Fiction" - Beast