what if

Still Broken



I took one last trip down memory lane

I revisited a folder I still had of you, brought me so much pain

All the pictures I had saved

And all those beautiful messages I didn't wanna erase 


As I was reading every letter, every fucking word

I realized only then, how much I got hurt

I felt a tear fall from my eyes

Boiling with hatred from reading your lies


Reminiscing of all the promises you had made

All those memories we had built just to break

Every single moment 

With a few words, stolen


I felt like crying so fucking hard tonight

As I read along like a spiders venom, it hit me hard, I wanted to die

I regret not saying a few things to you

I regret doing things I should've never done

All those nerdy voices I promised I would never do

I regret most of it, but mostly letting my heart be strung


You were so young and so hopeless

I was older, I knew how to cope with this

I wrote so many songs for you, and you didn't appreciate 

Now you'll never know I still write you songs, but songs of hate


If I ever see you again, I can't say what I'll do

But it can't be anything nice or evil, but I will go talk to you

I will let you see me smile and even though deep down I'll be still broken

And maybe for a second you'll want me back, just for a moment 


But I won't be foolish this time around

For a while I was lost, but tonight I've been found

And I will never be sure of where I belong

But the next time I say those three words, I won't be wrong


Do you ever wonder "What if?"

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

We were all entirely free

No obligations, no rules, no laws

We could just do whatever the hell we want

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

One day you woke up to be the last person on earth

Would you be happy at first and then go crazy

Just imagine, to be yourself all the time

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

People obeyed your every command

They would do whatever you wanted

Your personal army of slaves

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

You found out your whole life was a show

You aren’t actually living in the real world

Cameras everywhere, but you never knew

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

Your every wish came true

No more obstacles in your path

But the bad wishes would also come true

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

You could have any super power you wanted

Would you actually help people?

Would you use them for good or evil?

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

Everything in your life never existed

Everything was a figment of your imagination

You whole life was lived in your head

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

All of us are really the aliens

We’re all being observed by a smarter species

We’re just their guinea pigs

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

We all have actually died before

This might not be our first life

We just don’t remember the last ones

Do you ever wonder “What if?”

We’re all actually just dead

We might be the spirits stuck on earth

We just never got a chance to leave

Do you ever wonder “What if?”


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Yes, I'm crazy. This poem just proves it.

What If...

What if it wasn't the way it is?

What if I didn't have these fears?

What if I could figure out my mind?

And I could leave these memories behind.

What if I had so many friends?

And I wasn't just a clown for them?

What if I could make them proud?

And I wasn't alone in this crowd?

What if I could sing it loud?

On a huge stage, could take a bow?

What if I wasn't in that school?

Where every year I was being a fool.

What if talking to her I never felt coy?

What if I was a good looking boy?

What if I could prove them wrong?

And they would believe that I'm strong

What if I didn't have stammering problem?

When I speak the words they could easily got 'em.

What if being mechanic wasn't my first job?

Never treated like a dog, and never forced to lob?

What if I could change the things from beginning?

I wasn't a crying baby, always used to grinning?

What if I never met that guy,?

Who introduced me to linkin park

And i never ever heard 'em, never felt that spark?

What if I could go back, and take it all back on track

It's just an old rhyme, from a previous poem..

What if I could say these things more clearly?

And they could understand me,,but they will barely

What if this whole life was just a bitter sweet dream?

And I could wake up, and build my self to win.>

All I wanna say is I never excepted these things

But face me, tell me, is being honest a sin?

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