confusion

Goodbye for now

Can it be real

or am I just fooling myself?  

To believe that your love for me

Has not been put on a shelf

 

Packed away and discarded

Like an old photo or toy

Your pure and unconditional love

Like when you were a boy  

 

Innocent and sweet

You held me in your heart

But now the years and life’s challenges

Have torn us apart

 

You have chosen a path

That is rocky and tough

And my guidance and attempts to divert you

 Have not been enough

 

You ran from youth fast

Confused and unsure

Towards the deceitful blinding light

Of adulthoods allure

 

As I stand here and watch you stumble

Like when you took your first steps

But now unable to help or reach out to you

Now that you’ve fallen into the depts

 

But my hand will always be within reach for you

And my heart open wide

To take hold of either

If you should ever decide

 

I wish you only happiness

And pray you will find

All the things you’ll need in your life

To replace what you’ve left behind

 

I will say goodbye to you

But only for now

Because I know you will find your way back to me

Someday or somehow

Author's Notes/Comments: 

written for my son during turmoil in his teens.

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Why? Must I?

I don't understand

Myself

I don't understand

Others

I don't understand

The world

I don't understand

The universe


Why?  Must I perservere

With myself

Why?  Must i perservere

With others

Why?  Must I perservere

with the world

Why?  Must i persevere

With the universe


I believe, i donk know.....  


In mine owned reality

As real as the folks i see

Struggling to find answers

Confusion in me dances.

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Hopeless Idiot takes Philadelphia

Confused,

Is how I came to you,

as an 18 year old,

and I imagine it's how I'll leave,

 

I,

hold no grudge,

Because you have taught me,

All there is to teach,

a young man,

 

You,

stood by me,

As choas,

buried my curly head beneath currents,

no one could see,

 

At,

depths noone,

could ever hope to reach,

 

You,

stood agast,

As I stumbled,

ass backward,

Into the stupidest things,

 

I've,

Ever said,

 

to the kindest women,

I'd ever meet,

 

You,

laugh with me, astonished,

As my dull gaze,

tries to make sense of a world,

That is honestly not that fucking complicated,

 

You,

watch my shoulders ache,

my checks flare,

As I internalized the latest,

grave injustice placed upon me (sad),

 

You watch me miss that doctors appointment again.

 

And,

You.

Like everyone else,

Wonder,

Why the hell do I tolerate this idiot?

 

But you do,

And it shatters me with warmth.

 

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Letting The Bird Out

Folder: 
Poems.

Willing at the start

We believed we were ready

But the insecurities came flooding in

 

Like a bird let out of it's cage

Flying high, soaring low

Damage was being done and I didn't know

 

Feelings were felt

Confused and without direction

Unrewarding activities occurred

 

Awkward the days became

Further pushed away

All intuition was lost at sea

 

When it was new

It was exciting

But there wasn't worth to be found

 

Freedom was dangerous

When abused,

You could lose all

 

The unexplored will remain a mystery

Acceptance of that is the key

It hurts to try

I tried, you know, I tried to be happy, I tried to help you, even after I tried to help myself and failed. I tried, and let me show you exactly how hard it is to try anymore... I'm like the East and you're like the West, I want to rise, and you want to set, I took you in, you left me be, I did this because without you, I can't be me. Right now, life is dismal, and your mood spins in your head like a spindle. I've told you that I love you, but all you did was shrug your shoulders, so I'll go away, I'll leave you be, because that's obviously what you need. I mean, you made it quite clear to me, so for now, I wish that you'd fare well, all alone in the cold that's oh so bitter... You know, it's better this way, frigid in place, alone in that rut with your hands covering your face. Streams of salty warmth stain it, and the only thing that you manage to say is "I'm fine", and "I can take it"... My brother, I just hope that you'll come back to me one day, broken and all alone, just the way that you are, perfect in my eyes, crawling up to me asking for some type of hope or hero, so that I can give you what's left of me, leaving me with just a smile and this loving, lucid, leprotic disease. All that I ask in return is that you embrace me, so that you could truly feel me. I understand that you can "take it", but it hurts me and I can't even comprehend or understand it... So, if you need me, let me know, but until then, you're all alone, standing frozen, in the cold.

Thank you, and God bless

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For a brother of mine

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test#00

I saw a beheading today

 

As I sat caressing my new shoes

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A Moment Is All I Needed

Folder: 
Poems.

The walls are screaming, "Hit me!"

My arms are aching, "Throw something!"

That little voice says, "Do it!"

It makes me believe I will feel better if I do.

So I am here instead.

I find myself overwhelmed,

Because of my frustration.

One deep breath in,

And then I let it out.

I feel trapped within my anger.

I have much to say,

But my heart is racing.

I ask myself, "What did I do?"

But I find no answer.

Everything would've been fine,

Had you taken a step back,

Had you given me a moment.

A moment, that is all I needed.

A moment to formulate my words,

A moment to release them.

But a moment is not what I was given.

So the words rushed to the surface,

And simultaneously they all came out.

They came out, in a jumble.

They came out twisted by my tongue.

They came out not how I intended them to,

All because you didn't give me a moment.

Trapped

Folder: 
Trapped

I am trapped in white,
Swallowed by confusions,
Blinded by beauty,
Darkened by mist of my own thoughts,
Clouded by unforseen words,
Words I had lost,
Those flapping the ears wide open,
Those heard but unknownly hurt,
Regardless to what we've encounted.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspired by Love 

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tags:

Deprivation

Folder: 
Haiku

I can't figure out,

My emotions are a mess.

Laugh, cry, scream or die?

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