Leaving

Packing Day

The air is dry and easy,

Not the kind of cold that scares me back into my dorm,

Finally, we've had a week where the sun is feeling sociable,

It twinkles off of paintjobs and our tall glass windows,

I'm packing my things to stay with a friend this Thanksgiving,

Each belonging I pack feels a bit heavier than the first,

There's a suspicious feeling in my stomach that says,

"Life is hectic, but you're going to be okay.. one day"

I've accepted that this isn't my time to celebrate,

I'm not in the prime of my life,

It's my time to rebuild,

Let these bruises recover,

As I stuff the laundry I forgot to wash into my luggage,

I think about all the horrible things I'll get myself into,

All the nights on my own,

All the bills left unpaid,

"Stupid boy" I hear my sister echo in my mind,

I wonder how she must think of me,

What everyone must think of me,

All of this insanity has made it impossible to keep track of myself,

Right and wrong have become so relative,

My world becoming blurred,

But I will figure this out,

This life will be difficult,

But nothing worth doing is easy,

Besides,

I'm 20 years old,

So what if I make a few mistakes?

How else will I learn who I am?

How else does one write a poem?

 

I have had the urge to grab people,

shake them,

and say,

"You idiot!"(for some this is all I say)

"Just be who you are. Even if you are broken and worthless. Even if you'll never fit in this society, it doesn't matter, start your own! Just be yourself and love it because no one can take that away but you."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is poem #50! Thank you to everyone who has been a reader of my work! I know the last few lines in this one are a bit incoherrent but I just felt that I shouldn't take this poems too seriously and I just said what I wanted to say.

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You are Going to Leave

You are going to leave,


Now I can hardly heave,


My burning soul,


Everything seems tedious and foul.


 

Please don’t go,


What my heart tells you,


How can you expect me to reside,


Without you by my side?  


 

I can even live without food and water,


But I cannot live without you ever.

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tags:

No longer is this house a home for me

No longer do the lights brighten my day.

No longer do these wall make me feel safe inside.

No longer will this roof shelter my head.

No longer will this place hold me in.

No longer are these bed sheets calling my name.

No longer are these pillows dragging me to sleep.

No longer does this fridge hold food I desire.

No longer does this kitchen have me over for dinner.

No longer is the room owned by me.

No longer is this house a home for me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

tell me what other lines you could come up with for this poem.

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tags:

The Gypsy Side Of Me

Folder: 
Soul Poetry

 

I have a nomad, vagabond spirit,

And a silver strewn gypsy soul.

I'm finally ready to finally flee,

Finally ready, to finally go.

 

Caged overly, much too long,

Behind tainted and shattered glass,

I've gotten strong and broken out,

Away from that hurtful, painful past.

 

Now I'll just wander all around,

Without even much of a care,

But never, ever, ever in time,

Will I ever, go back to there.

 

I'll find my own beautiful path,

Then even blaze a few dozen more,

I'll tie purple silks, all up in my hair,

As on gauzy wings, I now shall soar.

 

See, its not that I'm such a rebel,

Just seeking all, he'd never let me be.

I'm on a journey of new life and living,

With this yearning, gypsy side of me.

 

 

 

 

 

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What It Is

I feel like every single thing is like a mind game,  played and laid out for me

I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see

 

What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?

Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?

 

I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon

What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong

 

and now there is blood all over my hand

But I have no idea why, I just don't understand

 

This is a complication called the human mind

Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind

 

To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame

For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame

 

Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose

It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.

 

So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor

I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door

 

And you can echo your goodbyes

as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..

Leaving

Please just don’t leave me alone

In the dark, with my dreams

Alone, forgotten, lost

Dying with a broken smile on the mask

That covers my face

With a lying mirror

Showing a picture that isn’t me

That isn’t how I feel

Laugh to yourself

All the while thinking that I’m fine

 

While I die inside

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A Dream... A Wonderful, Terrible Dream (in progress) Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I dreamnt of you last night, beautiful and free you were.
I had you in my sight last night, for a moment i did stirr
Wondering if you were really there or if you were to go away
Hoping your existence was reality in my present as there I lay
I thought maybe I had finally woken up from my nightmere
Only to find that it was all a dream and too much to bare.

I pray for you to come to me at night in any form
Then you do and my emotions roll in like a storm
At moments I struggle to hear your voice in my head
To visualize your movement or lying next to me in bed
Bitter sweet it is, to hear your voice and see you move
Knowing that when my eyes open wide, I yet again will lose

YOU is where where I want to be and where I've always been
YOU were my partner, my lover and my friend

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Family Portraits Only Capture Lies.

Folder: 
Depressed.

Lately Mom's been drinking

while laid up in her bed.

And dad looks overwhelmed

Like this is all over his head.

My brother keeps on stealing

and the little one is starting to follow.

Am I the only sane one?

With the chance of reaching tomorrow.

 

Sometimes I want to abandon them,

even though I know thats wrong.

But I can't keep dealing with this,

Its already been too long.

It doesn't even seem like we love each other

More like a resentful toleration.

And now I'm dipping into Momma's liqour supply

but only in moderation.

 

We used to seem pretty happy and normal

as we posed for a family photo.

Taken back before we started hitting rock bottom

that's back where I want to go.

Now Daddy's talking about he's leaving

and momma doesn't seem to care.

I wish I knew were he was going and so does he,

he'll figure it out when he gets there.

 

Sometimes I feel as though I can't hold them together

as if they're slipping between my fingertips.

Not caring that they are making us all cry

and ignoring the pleas from my lips.

Sometimes I wish I was so much stronger

So I could force them to stay.

But even I'm starting to realize that

This isn't where they want to be at the end of the day.

 

They're always fight about money

Constantly saying that we never have enough.

But even then family should stick together

When the road and life get tough.

People are always complimenting how we look happy

in pictures, imagine my surprise.

But I guess that they don't know

That Family Portraits Only Capture Lies.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another Poem Inspired by a song.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvpQsPKEwbw

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"Tower to the Sun"

I built you a tower, a tower to the sun,

Come away, we'll go, together, we'll run.

Made of mirrors and reflecting glass,

We leave behind a dismal past.

 

The cities becoming specks, atomic,

The suns soft whisper is a goddess, iconic.

As we rise above the stars,

I feel divine, void of scars.

 

I touch the sun, it's warmth embracing,

I feel your heart, it's savage, racing.

A world below, so madly writhed,

We become one with this light, saying goodbye.

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