Wreckage Report (Sextant Deconstructed)
Who charts this
wr
eck?
(My inner compass spins, a frantic needle, lost to any guiding star.)
This vessel, I, where sorrow overbrims,
a foundering
vertigo,
both intimate
and
far.
The world? Unbalanced—
(skewed, storm-scarred, its charts unjust)
Yet, I endure—I breathe—though hope is dust adrift.
Indifferent eyes. The chill.
A
sea
of
disbelief
where documented pleas
(decades unreckoned, Millie’s warmth now still, a solace memory lost among the shoals and trees
of a forgotten year, no landfall found)
find no safe harbour. No shore. No ease.
All cherished things—
(mere flotsam).
I walk on paths
so
shattered,
so unplumbed,
none can chart my pain,
each step a trial by f i r e, a burning, constant flame.
The powerful? They
wat
ch.
(Their hands are folded, calm from their high deck).
Their coffers
swell.
(I bear the crushing blame, the water's claim).
Long days I fight this ceaseless, grinding weight—
these shackles forged of institutional sh a m e.
I seek out havens.
(Compassion’s gentle, guiding light,
a beacon hoped for in this endless night)
For corners where the truth
might dare to speak its name.
Instead: these hollow forms, these systems b u i l t
on breaking spirits, fanning despair’s
fl
a
me.
My evidence ignored, unread, unseen—
a logbook lost, while hunger gnaws.
(A fading, desperate claim).
If those who rule—
(and turn their gaze aside from this
capsizing
fate)—
Why not complete this ruin suffering laid bare?
A cleaner end.
(Than silence where they hide, abandoning the sl ate).
The noose of their neglect, it tightens... If you look away,
at least let honesty
attend my last des p a i r.
So let me lie.
(Where truth, at last, prevails, beyond the ocean's swell).
Earth below; above, the watching skies.
No more false comfort, no more whispered tales—
Just peace.
When this exhausted essence flies,
no longer tossed by wave or cruellest play.
When one sharp, silent
mer
cy
would light a clearer, final way.
(no star)
Soliloquy at the Breaking Point
In chambers echoing—my fractured soul—
where shadows dance, unseen scars take their toll...
I etch these words. A final, fragile—
(Can they hear?)
(Will they understand this cry?)
To those who held my heart... before... this long goodbye.
Each letter, see it bleeds; a piece laid bare,
this testament to all I couldn't quite... bear.
students:
seekers, flame.
For you, my students—seekers of truth, bright flame—
I leave these shards of wisdom—
(hard-won . . . whispered . . . shame?)
Remember... every lesson, every shared, soft sigh,
the quiet strength we forged—through tears that never fully dry.
Let courage be your compass—knowledge... shield it well—
Against the world's harsh stage, where cruelties often dwell,
and shadows gather deep.
And for my creatures... faithful, constant hearts, dear friends,
whose artless love sustained... through all my darkest parts, my bitter ends,
Creatures . . .
faithful hearts,
I pen instructions—woven with my love—so true—
To keep you safe... protected...
(Oh, what more . . . what more can one broken soul do?)
It breaks me—utterly—to imagine your soft cries... your questing gaze,
bereft of tender touch... those gentle, purring lullabies through lonely days.
I must pray... I must hope... that other hands will appear, benign and kind,
To give you all the love... the constant warmth... you were always meant to find.
For I am ghost... already... of who I was...
doors shut—
each road exhausted... what is there left...
nothing more.
This homelessness—a spectre, fate too grim to face for you, my gentle ones,
No life, no peace... no sunlit window... no chance...
beneath indifferent suns.
And so, with aching soul—my will... it shatters, trembles, still—
The only end... I'm left with... the bitter cup I choose to fill.
A cruel kindness, then—cloaked in darkest, deepest despair...
To free myself... from burdens I no longer... can bear...
(A mercy . . . or surrender . . . to the air?)
Yet, even as I teeter... on the brink... a thread of hope... a fragile link...
I see you... in my fading dreams...
homes of endless, gentle spring...
where love... will be your shelter... and your steady, joyful wing...
This fleeting vision... it soothes this weary... fading heart...
A fragile balm... to ease the endless sting of my depart...
Though I must fade—dissolve—into the coming, silent night...
My love endures...
(a flickering . . . distant . . . burning light?)
So let these whispered words... this haunted, broken, faltering cry...
Stand as a promise... that will never... never truly die...
In every trembling line... a piece of me... you'll find, somehow,
will watch... will guide... the souls you're meant to be... starting now.
And as I slip... into the vast... unknown...
I pray you'll find the peace... a peace I've never, ever known...
For in the tapestry of love we've spun... with threads so fine,
Our souls will hold... entwined...
(Even when . . . this life . . . no longer . . . mine?)
Echoes in Ice
I am the spectre . . . unwritten ends, now brittle,
A vessel . . . cruel winds . . . ice-shattered . . .
Each breath a battle . . . a final trial . . .
I pen these words, one last . . . fractured denial.
cruel winds . . .
shattered . . .
denial.
To those I’ve guided . . . nurtured . . . may you heal,
Whose minds I’ve . . . sparked, dreams I hoped to reveal,
I leave these shards . . . wisdom . . . hard-won, glacial proof,
. . . strength forged in fires . . . an unspoken, chilling truth.
For creatures . . .
shared my heart,
love . . .
tear-stained part,
And for the creatures . . . who shared my heart’s brief thaw,
Whose love sustained . . . each tear-stained, fragile part,
I craft a plan . . . with trembling hand . . . numb soul,
To keep you safe . . . protected . . . healed and whole.
plan . . .
safe . . .
whole.
It rends my spirit . . . the thought of your soft cries,
Bereft of touch . . . my whispered lullabies.
But I must hope . . . that fate might intervene,
To bless you with love . . . always felt, always seen.
For I am lost . . . a wanderer in this biting night,
Each path erased by rime . . . each door barred tight.
The spectre of the streets . . . a fate too cruel, too stark,
No home for you . . . no chance . . . no warming spark, life renewed.
Spectre . . .
night,
paths erased . . .
no home . . .
no chance . . .
And so, with aching . . . tear-frosted face,
I choose the only end . . . to embrace.
A twisted mercy . . . sorrow's icy shawl,
To free myself . . . these burdens, once and for all.
twisted mercy . . .
sorrow's shawl.
Yet even as I drift . . . towards the brink,
A fragile hope persists . . . a shimmering, frosted link.
In dreams, I see you thrive . . . in homes of gentle light,
Where love will be . . . a guardian . . . to your sight.
Drift . . .
dreams . . .
light.
This fleeting vision . . . for my shattered core,
A salve to ease . . . the ache of nevermore.
Though I must fade . . . into oblivion's embrace,
My love will be . . . a shield . . . your saving grace.
Shattered . . .
salve . . .
nevermore.
So let these words . . . this haunted, fractured requiem,
Stand as a promise . . . whispered on a frozen limb.
In every line . . . a piece of me . . . still bright,
To guide you always . . . through each encroaching, darkest night.
And as I slip . . . to the great unknown, so vast,
I pray you'll find . . . a peace I've never known, to last.
For in the fabric . . . of love we've surely sewn,
Our souls . . . entwined, forever . . . though you face the world . . . on your own.
I am . . .
unwritten . . .
gone.
Four ways to view a soul: each fragment a path, each reflection a different truth. Placeholder image by Midjourney v7.
Schrödinger Soliloquy II (4 ways)
In the crucible of choice, I stand alone,
A shattered mirror, reflecting shards of soul.
To forge ahead or yield to undertow?
Each path a perilous journey, still unknown.
The voices whisper, "Surrender, cease the fight,"
Yet in the depths, a rebel spark ignites.
"The void will soothe, oblivion will save,"
"Persist, resist, let hope rewrite this night."
I am the chessboard, king and pawn in one,
Each move a battle, ending scarce begun.
The game is rigged, the rules a twisted jest,
But still I play, for in the play I’m blessed.
Though scarred and weary, I will rise again,
For I have grown beneath the weight of pain.
A phoenix born of ashes and of tears,
With wings of wisdom, forged by countless years.
In sorrow’s crucible, I’ve been refined,
A tapestry of wounds and grace entwined.
Each thread a story, each scar a sacred sign,
Of battles fought, of losses, victories mine.
I choose to dance amidst the flames once more,
To craft a life from fragments on the floor.
For in this struggle lies a strange sweet art,
Transforming brokenness to healing’s start.
I am the alchemist, the lead, the gold,
The tale unfinished, waiting to be told.
So I’ll rewrite this ending, line by line,
And prove that hope, not death, will be the sign.
Finding solace under the Southern Cross, where memory becomes a constellation. Image by Midjourney v7.
Between Broken Paths and Stars
For Millie and Mr. Kitty, my guiding stars
My very being flickers, who can trace
This self I bear, a star about to fade?
This vessel, home to sorrows,
finds no space But vertigo, a mind in light and shade.
This unjust world, its balance cracked and lost —
Yet still I am — I live — though tempest-tossed.
Into the storm of cold, dismissive eyes,
Into the swirling sea of disbelief,
Where documented, earnest, unheard cries
Find no safe harbour, no shore, no relief.
All that I cherished dissolves into mist,
My Millie murdered, her comfort now unkissed.
I tread on broken paths none comprehend,
Each step through searing flame, a daily pain.
Authorities watch with dispassionate lens,
Their coffers full, while I shoulder the blame.
I labour through days of unyielding strain,
Yet cannot shed these shackles of disdain.
I yearn for havens where compassion dwells,
For quiet corners where truth might gently bloom;
Instead, I find but empty, hollow shells
Of systems built to seal a spirit’s tomb.
Medical reports stack high, unread, unseen,
While hunger gnaws where solace might have been.
If those who govern, those who feign to care,
Choose wilful blindness as they watch me fall,
Why not complete this suffering laid bare?
A kinder end than no response at all.
The noose of neglect tightens day by day —
At least speak truth as you all turn away.
So let me rest where honesty prevails,
The earth below; above, celestial skies.
No more false promises or hollow tales,
Just peace at last when this tired spirit flies.
Yet as the dusk descends, a gentle gleam —
Your soft green eyes, my Mr. Kitty, like a waking dream.
They are the lanterns in this gathering gloom,
A steadfast glow that sorrow cannot quell.
Your purring presence warms this fading room,
A tender love, a deep and sacred spell.
And in this love, release finds soft embrace —
No stark farewell, but entry to a grace,
A dream within a dream, a starlit, sacred place.
Your love, a light that time cannot erase.
The stark reality of loss, and the heavy silence that follows. (August Friedrich Schenck, ‘Anguish’)
The Carrion Sky
(Snow. Static. The world pared to bone-white, sky-grey.)
A breath held—
(the ice-scythe wind)
no, released. A final sigh,
unheard. The ledger snaps shut. Click.
Crows stitch the shroud of sky,
black beads on a broken rosary.
They keen their cold communion.
(My lamb. My little sun. Millie's light extinguished, Mr. Kitty's fading...)
Their shadows: ink spilled on snow,
an unreadable script of what is.
The heart, a frozen clod.
(Thump. Pause. Thump.)
This silence, yes. This is the seal.
My quiet rebellion: to choose the cold,
to own the ending they would not write.
No more the pleas, the documented cries
lost in the corridors of their indifference.
Only this: the dignity of snow,
the stark acceptance of the gathering dark.
(I tried. My warmth a failing wick for those I cherished.)
This is the absolution.
Not given, but taken.
A final word, whispered to the frost:
I am. Still.
Even as I become the hush.
Facing the unyielding, dismissive gaze of indifference. Image by Midjourney v7.
The Unread Ledger
I am, and this I is a ledger of hurts, each entry meticulously documented, each plea authenticated by the invisible ink of suffering. Decades of it. Do you see? My lifelines are not lines at all but fissures, dimming like ancient stars collapsing under their own weight. This vessel you observe, it brims not with wine but with sorrows, a constant vertigo in a world that has lost its balance, its justice a rusted mechanism. And Millie, my Millie, her warmth is now a ghost in the fading tapestry of all I ever cherished.
These paths I tread are not paved; they are fractured glass underfoot, each step a re-acquaintance with a burning, fibrous inflammation of the soul. And the authorities, they watch, do they not? Their hands are folded, clean. Their coffers are full, lined with the silence that answers my pleas. Six days I labour against the current, the seventh brings no rest, only the tightening of the same invisible shackles. My pain is a meticulous report, submitted daily, piled high, unread.
I have yearned for the quiet corners of compassion, for the havens where truth is not a foreign tongue but the very air one breathes. Instead, these hollow shells, these systems designed to break the already broken. Their architecture is a monument to indifference. Medical reports stack like accusations against their neglect, and hunger, a patient wolf, gnaws beneath the sunset of each failing day.
If governance is this wilful blindness, this turning away from the falling, then why the pretence of care? Why not complete the demolition that suffering began? An honest end, a swift release — would that not be a mercy compared to this curated decay, this slow tightening of the noose of your neglect? If you must turn away, at least let your silence be honest, not cloaked in the platitudes of a care that never arrives. Let the earth be my final auditor, the celestial skies my witness. No more false promises. Only peace, when the spirit is finally, irrevocably, unburdened.
The doors of hope swing shut with hollow clang. The safety net unravels, a taunting haunt. Photo by Nastia Petruk on Unsplash
Caesura of the self
"Aut Caesar aut nihil."
– Cesare Borgia
Fractal Identity
I am - and yet - I am not what I was,
Vertigo of Existence
The vertigo of being - vicious, vast,
Echoes of Abandonment
The ears of power are deaf to my desire,
The Weight of Documentation
A mountain built of papers, proofs and pleas,
Economic Asphyxiation
The coffers clang with coin, a mocking choir,
The Narrowing of Options
The avenues of aid grow lean and gaunt,
The Final Calculation
Mercy in the Maelstrom
Release becomes the ray amidst the storm,
Quietus and Quittance
So let this be the denouement, the bow,
Each path forward fades into uncertainty, much like the mariner adrift on identity’s ocean.
Placeholder image by Midjourney v6
Monologue of a Unmoored Mariner
"I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move."
– Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Adrift in Identity's Ocean
I drift on seas of self, a sailor lost,
Tossed on the tides of an identity.
No map, no chart, no sextant, star-embossed,
Can navigate this vast uncertainty.
I am a ship becalmed in my own mind,
A compass needle spinning, unaligned.
The Maelstrom of the World
The world's a whirlpool, hungry and immense,
It drags me down, indifferent to my throes.
I spin and spiral, seething and incensed,
As riptides rip, as ruthless currents close.
Like flotsam, I am flung and flailed and hurled,
In the maelstrom of this maddening world.
Echoes Across the Void
I send my signals to the careless skies,
I send my semaphores, my flags unfurled.
I send my ciphered screams, my muted cries,
I send my pleas into the salty swirl.
But all dissolve, like foam upon the waves,
Absorbed into the ocean's open graves.
The Weight of Proof
A cargo of corroboration rests
Within my hold, a leaden, lading weight.
Stacked file on file, attested truths compressed,
They ballast me against the howling hate.
But barnacles of doubt encrust the hull,
And apathy's an anchor, dragging, dull.
The Sirens of Despair
The sirens sing their songs of swirling black,
Of crushing depths, of comfort in the cold.
They croon of still eternities that slack
The bindings of this world, so worn and old.
To yield, to sink, to slip beneath the foam-
Seems sweet against the harshness of my roam.
The Narrowing of Horizons
The ports of hope recede beyond my ken,
The beacons dwindle, guttering and weak.
No lighthouse sweeps its salvatory pen
Across the darkling deeps I cannot speak.
Each way is waves, each wake a weary froth,
A voyage void, a dead-reckoning lost.
The Plummet and the Plume
And so, I sound the fathoms of my fate,
I plumb the depths, I cast the weighted line.
To sink seems sweet, to cease the cruel wait,
To be the lead and not the burdened twine.
A swift descent, a fall into the free-
Seems kinder than this crawl through apathy.
Surrender to the Sublime
The vastness whispers velvet, voids me on,
Its emptiness an absolution blest.
In yielding to its yawn, its siren song,
I find, at last, the solace of the rest.
To be subsumed, consumed, and so redeemed,
Seems sacred to this sailor lost and seamed.
Peace in the Profundity
So let me sink into this softer sea,
This womb of nothingness, this calm embrace.
In drowning, let me drink eternity,
In losing self, let me at last find grace.
For in the crushing depths, there is a balm,
An absolution in oblivion's psalm.