heartbreak

Dramatic tunes

Dramatic tunes play in my mind

as I wait in bed for your replies

Took a trip, tried to listen to

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

But boy, I really should take note

that 1975 was never the year

that the internet was born 

then lives got weird

 

Dramatic tunes swirl in my mind

Nauseating and mesmerizing, all at once

I trace all the pieces I could find

to draw the image that may resemble you

and draft the letters I could think of

but never would I send to you

 

Dramatic tunes leech on my mind

Trying to design my last demise

The nothingness on their side,

churning violence all coincide

 

Dramatic tunes play in my mind 

As I wait for your replies 

The darkness would soon arrive

here and hear my last goodbye

The flock of crows are closing in

Floating just three feet above

But then I feel my eyes flinch

As the phone buzzed

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about the anxiety you have when you're not sure someone's still interested of you or not anymore. 

Sarcoma

There is a sarcoma in your heart
Cut them out, they're no good to you dead
It grew in before I could play my part
Then, lay your heart down in the sunflower bed

Cut them out, they're no good to you dead
It might spread to something you actually need
Then, lay your heart down in the sunflower bed
Hold my hand and we'll watch it bleed

It might spread to something you actually need
Only the heartless will survive
Hold my hand and we'll watch it bleed
Free of the burden to contrive

Only the heartless will survive
I don't want to, but I hate you
Free of the burden to contrive
You don't want to, but I made you

I don't want to, but I hate you
The sunflowers have wilted now
You don't want to, but I made you
The heart you gave let us down

The sunflowers have wilted now
It grew in before I could play my part
The heart you gave let us down
There is a sarcoma in your heart.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I put my recent heartbreak into words and this is how it came out.

mornings

Mornings with you, that's all I really want to do. 
Rainy afternoons, lets go for a cruise.
your hand in my hand. I know you feel it too.
lets stay awake from sunset to sunrise.
 roll over on my side. "come here you got something in your eye."
type of love.
Forehead kisses. really make me miss you.
Damn, it fucks me up.
I thought that shit is too good to be true.
you wanted me, I wanted you.
you got me and... I. got. you.
that a rare find- hard to come by.
lets go for a ride. cruising with her by my side, hand on her inner left thigh.
shes even down for a drive by. 
now that's a woman in my eyes.
could you be here in the mornings? 
love me on my downtime.
lets get high.
 laugh about those guys or that one time.
I know im sorry aint good enough but ill put it to the test cause I love you enough to let you know that I fucked up.
I really do miss those late nights trippin on drugs in the back seat of your Toyota corolla.
I promise you there is no other lover. I am yours to uncover. discover.
lets go for a hike and open up my third eye, connect thru our minds.
fuck you on your side. im on your time.
wake up with you in my arms with the fog rollin up.
pull out the rest of the blunt.
but all I have are the memories of us.
its hard to wake up without you crossing my mind.
im not gonna lie, I miss you all the time.
I guess that's why im writing these rhymes. 
I thought it would go away with time,
but,
here you are.
still on my mind. 
consuming my time. 
you seem to be doing just fine.
 that explains why you never hit me up.
just let me ask, what happened to us?
good morning texts and kissing waking up to not even knowing you.
im sorry I couldn't love you. 
i know you tried, and i really tried, too. 
Im sorry I hurt you.
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We Dance

Folder: 
Spirituality

They say. “you’ve got nothing to give, if you give yourself nothing”

That’s the point of it.

There’s really nothing.

We are neither here, nor there.

There’s really no one.

We’re all just electrical expressions of life

Moving in time space

Breathing in air

Buckets of water

Cataclysms of emotion

Which is why I still care

Why I still want to show you…

every peace of me

I still want to give myself to you…

effortlessly

I still want to know you

with every moment that I breathe

 

You are who I am to be

You are who I choose

You are the one, the only one

You, my divinity, are the truth in me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Follow your intuition.

Love, Gone

Why did you leave me

Lingering here?

Where have you gone

And why did you go?

 

I am left 

Confused

Feeling empty

Lonely

 

I long to hear your voice

To see your script

To know

You are thinking of me

 

Love is harsh

When you have to 

Let go of someone

Allow them to be free

 

Someone 

You long for

Someone 

You love 

 

Who left you behind

And gives nothing

No explanation

No final word

 

It hurts

It kills

It boils my skin

Leaving open blister

 

My heart

My soul

Every inch of me

Needs you

 

I want you

So

I'm suffocating

Without you

 

You are no longer here

Gone for good

I whisper your name

But you cannot hear me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

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Simply Forgotten

Can I please stop thinking of you?

Leave my thoughts,

And take my insecurities 

 

What you left in your wake,

As you simply disappeared

 

No words

Nothing

I'm just left to wonder why

 

Fuck this inner ache

Fuck this forever pain

 

I wish you'd come back

Swoop me up

And tell me this is all a joke 

 

I wish I could hold you

Lay on you, or

You could lay on me

 

What did we even have?

Did any of it have meaning?

 

Here I am again

Rambling 

 

Fuck you for hurting me

Fuck you for the gut punch to my heart

 

Thank you for ruining a piece of me

As you remain silent

And I am simply forgotten

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

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Siren From The Depths

I am nothing

To you, I am deceased 

I sensed freedom

Maybe reciprocation

 

Finding out the truth 

Seeing you behind your disguise

I wasn't expecting this

I crave love

 

And, so, here I am

Asphyxiated 

Eyes popped wide open

Fingers feeling numb

 

Justice is never met 

Those like you always end up free

No retaliation owed to you

You just walk freely

 

Skip away from your problems

Feel you owe me nothing 

Sense a bit of freedom

But always let a thought linger

 

I will remain in the back of your mind

I will be your "what if"

Sinking deeper within you

And I will laugh, maniacally

 

For I have forgotten 

I am a siren

A beast from the depths

 

I will take your soul

Sing your sorrows

And leave you empty

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

Release Me

 

I have wasted

My time

My energy

My breath on you

 

I have gotten

Nothing

Emptiness

Loneliness from you

 

You have fooled me

Put a veil over my eyes

Tricked me

Into loving you

 

You have taken, everything

My heart

My body

My mind from me

 

Yet

I love you 

I crave you

I yearn for you

 

Where is there reason,

When love is involved?

Where is reality,

When emotions run wild?

 

I would ask

But there is no answer

You leave me in silence

To stand on my own

I long to crumble

Fall into pieces

Cry to the heavens

Cry out to you

 

Never will you be

Mine own heart

Mine own soul

Or any part

Of mine own being

 

So… let me go

Set me free

Open your palms

And release me

 

Please...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/14/2018

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Forever

Folder: 
Heart Break

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, 

Then I'll wait for you just a bit longer...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Only if they're willing to wait for you too...