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The walls are screaming, "Hit me!"

My arms are aching, "Throw something!"

That little voice says, "Do it!"

It makes me believe I will feel better if I do.

So I am here instead.

I find myself overwhelmed,

Because of my frustration.

One deep breath in,

And then I let it out.

I feel trapped within my anger.

I have much to say,

But my heart is racing.

I ask myself, "What did I do?"

But I find no answer.

Everything would've been fine,

Had you taken a step back,

Had you given me a moment.

A moment, that is all I needed.

A moment to formulate my words,

A moment to release them.

But a moment is not what I was given.

So the words rushed to the surface,

And simultaneously they all came out.

They came out, in a jumble.

They came out twisted by my tongue.

They came out not how I intended them to,

All because you didn't give me a moment.

Vivlaldi’s Four Seasons

By jfarrell

“Hello, you are through to…” whoever you called;

“You are in a queue.”

Why is it always Vivaldi’s four seasons,

And I don’t know which.

I don’t know much about classical music,

I’m more a Queen, Marillion, Metallica,

Kinda dude…

Why are we being forced to hate Vivaldi?

And I know it’s the Kafkaesque part,

I should ask about…

I phone number ‘A’, am told to phone number ‘B’

And round and round till I get told I’m spose to be

Speaking to number ‘A’

But, why Vivaldi?

If it was Abba,

I reckon more people would be less pissed off.

I don’t even like classical music;

Why am I spose to hate Vivaldi?

Dear Slumber,

Why do you play hard to get? Are you coy and shy? Or are you power-tripping on your ability to stay just beyond my grasp? The more I pursue you, the more elusive you become. You're such a flirtatious tease--flaunting and dangling your seductive wares with no intention of paying up. Just empty promises. A yawn here, a nod of the head there, but no real payoff. It's cruel--false advertisement is criminal. You've got me grinding my teeth in frustration--giving me just enough to make me realize there's something bigger just out of my reach--guaranteeing I'll keep coming back until I attain that nebulous "more". My eyes are burning. Tears streaming down my cheeks. The tension is unbearable. And yet, I can't be angry because I need you. You have unfair advanage because the entire world needs and wants you--and those who say they don't are lying to themselves. What's it like to be desired by 7 Billion people? However, for the moment, let's not worry about the other 6,999,999,999. I know I have to share you. I accept that. But tonight--it's just about you and me, and in this moment, all I know is that I can't see straight without you. Can't think straight without you. Don't wanna hafta go another day--not another minute--without you. It seems impossible to get enough of you. I'm dangerous and in pain from the lack of you. I don't wanna play games with you. I know some fight you--but that's not me. I'll take you whenever and wherever and however I can get you: be it day or night--bed, floor, car, in a roomful of people. I. DON'T. CARE. Can't you see that I'm desperate? I'm shamelessly begging. Praying. Please don't toy with me anymore. I'm too old for this. Is this payback for my youthful ignorance and indiscretion and immaturity when I thought I could get along without you? If so, then I swear, I'll never take you for granted again. I've learned my lesson. I'm waving the white flag. I'm not going anywhere. There's no substitute for you. I love you, and when you're ready, you know where to find me. Until then, I'll be. . .

Compromised

Culprits

Clueless

Cunts in Clogs

Queer, and Canned--

Cluck, cluck, cluck

Come on Computers

Control-less.

Feeling like a little girl

Comforted by her cries

Every minute the big hand clicks

A little more she dies.

Fumbling around in darkness

Not knowing what to do or say

Trying to fix what’s wrong

But only gets turned away.

Swallowed up by her fears

Feeling tired and alone

The blanket that covers her now

Barely warms the bone.

Her head is pounding intensely

The beat grows harder still

Wondering if an ease will transcend

She just wants something real

July 29 2007

Have you ever come to the end of the day,

and can run the clock back play by play,

and can add it up that supposedly

it was the day it was suppose to be,

but somehow it seems that no time has gone

like a broken record playing on and on,

and you think back through all the things you’ve don

every day every deed bleeding into one,

and you can’t help but feel just a little fear

and hopelessness, cause it isn’t clear

what it’s all about, why you rise each day

fight the fights you fight, play the games you play

do the things you do, “Just what the hell for”

for you’ve done it all a thousand times before,

and could keep on going til the bitter end,

and you suppose you will but what purpose then

does it serve, and so your left with not

but to sigh and deal with what you’ve got,

and keep moving on, for you know what they say…

Tomorrow will be a whole new day

1. you take your anger out on others, and I get that maybe you're having a bad day, but before you lash out at someone, try punching a brick wall or step on a rusty nail, because that's the amount of pain you will cause to someone with low self-esteem

2. your arrogance astounds me, do you think the world revolves around you just because you're mad? No, it doesn't, grow a pair, suck it up, and deal with it!

3. you need to learn how to love again, maybe what she did to you was detrimental or what he did to you was devastating, but it doesn't matter! You both are going to find someone right for you and forget about the other... Now SHUT UP!

4. Offensive things are only how you percieve them, and quite frankly, the only things you should be offended by is something said about someone related to you or your significant other

5. Fuck You

6. You are the reason kids grow up to be cynical, cold, and not be able to trust others

7. Fuck you, again

8. If you're getting mad at this, think about what I said about taking offense to things

9. Hey, guess what? Fuck you!

10. Just remember, if you weren't such an asshole in the first place, I wouldn't have had to write this

Dust and ash, or sorrow and pain
Choose one path and don't explain
It's a catch 22 reguardless of choice
Trying to scream while robbed of a voice

The path never opens the way I want it to
It all comes to me while I run toward you
You run away and I'm suddenly alone
A kingdom of ash and a dust covered throne

I am a shadow, long gone
I am forgotten, disappointments spawn
I am the weeping, in nights silent hour
From society, who savors the sour
I am the dark, stuck within my fears
I am denied, to them and all who hears
I was a dreamer, now hiding within my sleep
From the all of the promises that I can not keep
I am a shadow, long gone

I loved, and I loved you well.
Even after you challenge me hell
I remember, she parted us, you and I
She kissed your cracks, promising you lies
She left you broken, by the dead
But me, I wanted you by my side, to cherish instead