Hopeless and Denial
3/17/2019
Afraid,
Hopeless,
Fear.
Afraid to accept being single,
Scared of growing old alone,
Scared of getting screwed,
Hopeless that I am alone.
Who am I?
Why am I here?
I still ponder these words and phrases each day.
Sometimes I want to start again,
Other days I just want to be crazy stupid,
While the rest I want to get drunk.
Again, I ask myself,
Who am I?
Why am I here?
I see all my friends having loved ones, marriage, pregnant, etc… and then I see myself sitting here and not living my life to the fullest.
I try to update my online profiles or at least have a gal to notice me;
But then I re-read myself and I am sure every woman has heard all of the cheesy pick up lines all the men have told them… and I simply give up.
There have been days I simply have wanted to give my number to a coworker (or as theirs) or even more to a customer… But I feel stupid in doing so and become shy about my approach. Because I am too afraid of denial.
As I always mention…
Who am I?
What do I want?
Why am I here?
I know try too much… I always have and I know women “sense” that… but do they also sense of how hopeless I truly am? I do not want pity from them or sympathy; but I do pity myself all too much into denying on who I am.
I always tell my friends and coworkers… that they are always Number 1 just below my Family and that I am Number Two; but in reality, I am Number Five in my book… always last and never first.
Almost each night I cry myself to sleep… where sometimes I just want to spin myself in drinks and get drunk who knows where.
They always say that the “quiet” ones are the ones one should fear most; but sometimes the most talkative ones can be just as bad because they are afraid of being judge.
A long time ago, I accept that I am constantly talked about behind my back. Especially at my age since of the job I currently do.. But that hasn’t stopped me on who I am nor will it ever!
Verse 1:
I watch you slip
Further away from me
As you make your dreams a reality.
Don't you dare forget about me.
Chorus:
I won't forget about
The promises we made together.
Those were the days
I felt alive with anyone.
Verse 2:
If it were me,
I'd melt your cold heart once again.
Just take me by the hand.
I'll guide you through hell and back.
Bridge:
If only you could see me now,
Home wouldn't seem so far away.
Now that you're further away,
Our memories flood back to me.
Last-Chorus:
Now that I'm no longer your's,
I feel dissonant.
Bring me to life.
Won't you take me home?
Verse 1:
Recall from memories
Refrain our thoughts
Do you remember,
Do you remember the times of our lives?
Chorus:
Won't you take me home tonight?
'Cause I'm always there for you.
Just take me home (take me home).
Take me on, babe.
Verse 2:
I still remember the drive home
When you told me
That I was a friend to keep for life.
It made life shine brigther.
Bridge:
After alll these years,
I never forgot our times togetgher.
It still brings a smile to my face.
Oh, at the things we do out of love.
Last-Chorus:
I cannot wait, cannot sleep, cannot eat
While you're gone and faraway.
Until you take me on, babe.
Take a chance on us, babe.
Verse 1:
For the first time,
Since I've last saw you,
I can feel again.
Melt my soul and spirit.
Chorus:
I'll be your everything
And I'll be so much more.
As long as we're together,
We'll never falter.
Verse 2:
Bring me to life.
Wake me up inside.
It's as if
You've cardioverted me.
Bridge:
My dead heart:
Our love has
Turned electric
In the air tonight.
Last Chorus:
Never Falter with the wind.
We're each other's shelter
From the storm.
We'll wait it out
Once the storms have passed.
Verse 1:
Anywhere, wherever you will go,
I'm never far behind.
'Cause I'll run home
To find you.
Chorus:
But, here am, I now,
Admiring the view.
I hope you think of me.
Neve ever, cut me loose.
Verse 2:
But I'm scared of
Mixing up the truth
When the best I've got
Is a falling domino.
Bridge:
A little push caused
A chain reaction.
I never thought that
You'd be my distraction.
Last-Chorus:
'Cause you're my poison, babe.
Things shouldn't have ended
The way they did.
If only you had believed in us.
Verse 3:
If only you'd believe in our love.
I cannot bear to walk
Further away from this love.
Our shelter from the rain
Were the leaves on a tree
We sought refuge in.
Come on, babe,
Make a move.
Take a chance on us.
'Cause tonight, I'm
Eternally your's to keep.
Oh love where are you hiding?
I need you so much right now..
The world is cold and cruel
i seek the warm edge of your knife against my heart
A diabolical pain id rather suffer
than a thousand degrees of separation
The darkness calls
Cloaked in light drawing me in
like a moth to its flaming end
A trival matter forcing a grave persuit
Is that all?
The end never is much.
It is simply the end.
I close my heart
The beats die
Alone in consciousness i reside
It seems so dire
I sit
Waiting
for the rest of me
to expire...
" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon May 2015
quiet as a whisper .
" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon May 2015
quiet as a whisper .
" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon May 2015
quiet as a whisper .