Hopeless

Hopeless and Denial

Folder: 
Short Essays

Hopeless and Denial

3/17/2019

 

Afraid,

Hopeless,

Fear.

 

Afraid to accept being single,

Scared of growing old alone,

Scared of getting screwed,

Hopeless that I am alone.

 

Who am I?

Why am I here?

 

I still ponder these words and phrases each day.

 

Sometimes I want to start again,

Other days I just want to be crazy stupid,

While the rest I want to get drunk.

 

Again, I ask myself,

Who am I?

Why am I here?

 

I see all my friends having loved ones, marriage, pregnant, etc… and then I see myself sitting here and not living my life to the fullest.

I try to update my online profiles or at least have a gal to notice me;

But then I re-read myself and I am sure every woman has heard all of the cheesy pick up lines all the men have told them… and I simply give up.

There have been days I simply have wanted to give my number to a coworker (or as theirs) or even more to a customer… But I feel stupid in doing so and become shy about my approach.  Because I am too afraid of denial.

 

As I always mention…

Who am I?

What do I want?

Why am I here?

 

I know try too much… I always have and I know women “sense” that… but do they also sense of how hopeless I truly am?  I do not want pity from them or sympathy; but I do pity myself all too much into denying on who I am.

 

I always tell my friends and coworkers… that they are always Number 1 just below my Family and that I am Number Two; but in reality, I am Number Five in my book… always last and never first.

 

Almost each night I cry myself to sleep… where sometimes I just want to spin myself in drinks and get drunk who knows where.

 

They always say that the “quiet” ones are the ones one should fear most; but sometimes the most talkative ones can be just as bad because they are afraid of being judge.

 

A long time ago, I accept that I am constantly talked about behind my back.  Especially at my age since of the job I currently do.. But that hasn’t stopped me on who I am nor will it ever!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a compile between a poem & a short essay

View moscadini's Full Portfolio

Further

Verse 1:
I watch you slip

Further away from me

As you make your dreams a reality.

Don't you dare forget about me.

 

Chorus:
I won't forget about

The promises we made together.

Those were the days

I felt alive with anyone.

 

Verse 2:
If it were me,

I'd melt your cold heart once again.

Just take me by the hand.

I'll guide you through hell and back.

 

Bridge:
If only you could see me now,

Home wouldn't seem so far away.

Now that you're further away,

Our memories flood back to me.

 

Last-Chorus:
Now that I'm no longer your's,

I feel dissonant.

Bring me to life.

Won't you take me home? 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

While listening to the Spotify playlist: "K-Acoustic(s)", I was inspired to write a song Cat Clark. Here is the bridge lyrics to it: "If only you could see me now/home wouldn't seem so far away/now that you're further away/Our memories flood back to me" (Song title: "Further"). It's a playlist of Korean songs sung in acoustic style (stripped down version). It's mainly love songs so I wrote another "love" song. You should try to write some songs Cat to get your feelings out there and express yourself better. It might help you. That's just a suggestion. Grab any notebook or piece of paper and write.

Refrain from Memory

Verse 1: 

Recall from memories

Refrain our thoughts

Do you remember,

Do you remember the times of our lives?

 

Chorus:
Won't you take me home tonight?

'Cause I'm always there for you.

Just take me home (take me home).

Take me on, babe.

 

Verse 2:
I still remember the drive home

When you told me

That I was a friend to keep for life.

It made life shine brigther.

 

Bridge:
After alll these years,

I never forgot our times togetgher.

It still brings a smile to my face.

Oh, at the things we do out of love.

 

Last-Chorus:
I cannot wait, cannot sleep, cannot eat

While you're gone and faraway.

Until you take me on, babe.

Take a chance on us, babe. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Song I wrote back in 2014 about a friendship turning into a love

View 1rockerchic89's Full Portfolio

Shelter

Verse 1:
For the first time,

Since I've last saw you,
I can feel again.
Melt my soul and spirit.

 

Chorus:
I'll be your everything

And I'll be so much more.

As long as we're together,

We'll never falter.

 

Verse 2:
Bring me to life.

Wake me up inside.

It's as if

You've cardioverted me.

 

Bridge:
My dead heart:
Our love has

Turned electric

In the air tonight.

 

Last Chorus:
Never Falter with the wind.

We're each other's shelter

From the storm.

We'll wait it out

Once the storms have passed. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

one of many songs I wrote back in 2014. It's about finding love unexpectedly and never feeling this way about anyone before.

Your's To Keep Part 1

Verse 1:
Anywhere, wherever you will go,
I'm never far behind.

'Cause I'll run home

To find you.

 

Chorus:

But, here am, I now,

Admiring the view.

I hope you think of me.

Neve ever, cut me loose.

 

Verse 2:
But I'm scared of

Mixing up the truth

When the best I've got

Is a falling domino.

 

Bridge:

A little push caused

A chain reaction.
I never thought that

You'd be my distraction.

 

Last-Chorus:
'Cause you're my poison, babe.

Things shouldn't have ended

The way they did.

If only you had believed in us.

 

Verse 3:
 If only you'd believe in our love.

I cannot bear to walk 

Further away from this love.

Our shelter from the rain
Were the leaves on a tree

We sought refuge in.

Come on, babe,

Make a move.

Take a chance on us.

'Cause tonight, I'm

Eternally your's to keep. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of the 50+ songs I wrote back in 2014. Enjoy? It's obviously a "love" song.

View 1rockerchic89's Full Portfolio

A simple end to a complicated story.

Oh love where are you hiding?

I need you so much right now..

The world is cold and cruel

i seek the warm edge of your knife against my heart 

A diabolical pain id rather suffer

than a thousand degrees of separation

The darkness calls

Cloaked in light drawing me in

like a moth to its flaming end

A trival matter forcing a grave persuit 

Is that all? 

The end never is much.

It is simply the end.

I close my heart

The beats die

Alone in consciousness i reside

It seems so dire 

I sit 

Waiting

for the rest of me

to expire...

 

 

 

View ssmoothie's Full Portfolio

Drift

" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon   May 2015


Drift


The part of me under stress
drenched in urban , post traumatic duress.
Family`s death
wife left
life diminishes with every breath
now the cracked foundation
of the interstate holds less.


I am in search of a hearse ,
of death I am not averse.
Point the barrel at my brain ,
watch the temple topple
burst in pain .
In vain I search for a way out
of the dreams
of ashen
and polluted
rain ,
where others fall
as I climb
denying my gain .


The whole of me under stress
as I contemplate the terminal duress.
The hopeless drifter
highway litter
feet blistered
body shivers
I am a stranger
amid a twister

quiet as a whisper .

View sinisterbeast72's Full Portfolio

Drift

" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon   May 2015


Drift


The part of me under stress
drenched in urban , post traumatic duress.
Family`s death
wife left
life diminishes with every breath
now the cracked foundation
of the interstate holds less.


I am in search of a hearse ,
of death I am not averse.
Point the barrel at my brain ,
watch the temple topple
burst in pain .
In vain I search for a way out
of the dreams
of ashen
and polluted
rain ,
where others fall
as I climb
denying my gain .


The whole of me under stress
as I contemplate the terminal duress.
The hopeless drifter
highway litter
feet blistered
body shivers
I am a stranger
amid a twister

quiet as a whisper .

View sinisterbeast72's Full Portfolio

Drift

" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon   May 2015


Drift


The part of me under stress
drenched in urban , post traumatic duress.
Family`s death
wife left
life diminishes with every breath
now the cracked foundation
of the interstate holds less.


I am in search of a hearse ,
of death I am not averse.
Point the barrel at my brain ,
watch the temple topple
burst in pain .
In vain I search for a way out
of the dreams
of ashen
and polluted
rain ,
where others fall
as I climb
denying my gain .


The whole of me under stress
as I contemplate the terminal duress.
The hopeless drifter
highway litter
feet blistered
body shivers
I am a stranger
amid a twister

quiet as a whisper .

View sinisterbeast72's Full Portfolio