felix

HOW YOU DOING?

How am I doing? I'm in this world soul searching, redefining my purpose. In search of an inspiration of this life. The heart of my breath has taken its course. I am doing what many don't and many do. I am trying to live this battle of love. For love has its twist and turns but it forever burns into my soul for I have been forsaken. I gave my pure innocence and it was taken and abused and ripped into pieces. I am torn from the echoes of words that hurt so much. I am doing what I think should be done. I am stepping forward but looking back to the selfish people and their demeaning ways for I once lived in their shoes. I walked the path of that dishonest journey. But I am doing ok. For I have cried many nights wondering how I am doing, really. How this question is easily answered with a 'good or ok' but this time I answer in straight forward thoughts and feelings that vibrates my veins for its the only thing I have left. My feelings. My memories. The ones I wish were able to be expressed but cut off the love I thought existed in my spirit. But I will live. I will survive. I may be knocked down. But with the gods I will get up and try harder each time. For the question remains 'How are you doing? ' I am doing much more than I ever done and that in itself is worth saying: I am doing, doing. Thank you for asking!

I want to be your Ex-Man

Folder: 
Love

I want to be your ex-man because he had an opportunity to be with you. 

To spend time with you.  

To kiss you. 

To hug you. 

To look into those beautiful brown eyes to tell you he loves you. 

I want to be your ex-man because there was lonely nights you were home waiting for him and when he walked through that door your eyes lit up so bright. 

I want to be your ex-man because those times I wish were mine. 

I want to be your ex-man because he had an opportunity. 

Something you’re not willing to give me. 

Something you did not see in front of you as I stand. 

I want to be your ex-man because he was able to express his love to you.  

To hold you tight. 

To call you his forever in life. 

I want to be your ex-man because I want to know what it feels like to wake up and have you by my side. 

I want to be your ex-man because I know all the things he has done wrong.

I could do perfectly right. 

I want to be your ex-man because I want to hear you say “I love you. Baby without you I’m nothing. Baby together we can make it through.” 

I want to be your ex-man because for all the things you have gone through 

I know there was times you wished he would have hugged you and kissed you and said the right words. 

I wish I were your ex-man because if I was I would say the words you should hear. 

I would kiss you when the time is right. 

I would look at you and tell you I love you baby and that everything is going to be alright. 

I want to be your ex-man because you said yes to him the first time he asked you out. 

First time I asked you out I never was given a chance. 

So, baby let me be your man. 

Let me be your ex-man. 

Let me have just one dance. 

If She Only Knew

If only she knew how I think often where she rests. Hoping she's always in great health and protected through this troublesome world.
If only she knew how I go from a frown to a smile with the sound of your voice. How I am always happy to hear her talk about anything that comes to mind.
If only she knew how I often have these uncontrollable feelings inside.
If only she knew how much I have developed to care for her because she accepted my request online. How I gotten to know more about her little each time we connect. How I wish I could see her one day in life.
If only she knew that I care for her because she's a life that is special. She has a spirit that makes her glow.
If only she knew how often I am sadden whenever we talk and she must go. How I speak of her beauty and courageous ways. How one woman could have this type of effect on a man a great distance away.
If only she knew that there are still good people in the world.
If only she knew that I would give up my world to live and learn from hers.
If only she knew I felt much better in life since I first gotten to know her.

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A PLACE

Folder: 
Love

'Lately, I've been in deep thought. Like the drifting away when someone tells you a story that really doesn't make any sense at all. I've been thinking of all the different ways to express how my thoughts has me numb for I don't feel anything anymore, because what's the use of having any feelings if you can't use them at all?

I spent many nig...hts outside looking up upon the starry nights. Freezing tremendously yet feel that warmth heart-felt feeling inside. I often wondered how I could match many incidents I came across that it played a picture of you in my mind. How such a feeling I continue to have ever since our first conversation that time. How I could feel thoughts just looking deeper in your eyes. How one person could have such a deep emotion yet has to live life as if everything is alright. We kissed one night yet it was only a game. Little did I know that feeling would continue after that night and flow through my veins.

For the nights are my only friends. The time I use to think. The time I use to pray. The time I use to drift my mind off to another place. A place where I imagine things between us. A place where there's no room for tears but layers of love. The comfort of finding that true love. The sense of security of a commitment so strong. The moment we all wish to be part of. I held you tight in my arms I whisper nothing but true affection. But I also feared an upcoming rejection. You see in my deep thoughts I could placed the missing puzzle. I could make it through any maze. I could win any race. I could give you the world and see your beautiful face every day.

In this place of deep thought there is no wrong just comfort of two individuals in love. I fall deeper each time I drift off into this world but it's the only place I could call you my world. But as reality sets in. Like someone waking you up in the middle of having that real good dream. I look around and know that as much as I want you. I know that possibility of having you will exist within only a dream and live as a painful feeling in reality. So when I say let me take you out some place. I don't mean that fancy restaurant or to see a romantic movie. Let me take you to that place where ecstasy is more than an expression it's an environment where people could truly be themselves and not fear any rejections or be ashamed of their reflection.

It's a place where I always drift off. When the world could be so cruel I go there to ease my thoughts and think of life. Feel happier more than any paradise. A place like within your heart. Where only pure innocents exists. Where only unconditional love lives. A place where I wish you and I could live.'

TO BE CONTINUED.....

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Shadows of the Past

Folder: 
Inspiration

Part of me died.
The love that existed within my spiritual heart
has particles of disappointments that renders me numb for I feel not anymore
but tear the moments that kept my other parts alive.
I fear the last breath I take would be filled with such pain.
For I am blind because life that I knew is covered by such darkness.
I hear sounds through the dark.
Whispers of opportunities. Shadows of the past.
Yet I'm scared of what might unfold.
I only wish I had a true home.
I roam this earth for years and yet to find that light.
Every night I pray for another day of chance.
Something different.
Something more.
Before I lay to rest.

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Love Palette

Folder: 
Love

The colors are drying out on my palette.
I tried to paint a beautiful picture yet I never found the right color pattern.
I'm sadden that I can't reach you through words and this painting is getting harder to complete.
My tears has caused this painting to have running streams.
The more I look at the colors it reveals it means more than what it seems.
Why must this distance between us keep me suffering?
I snapped a paintbrush trying to color in your heart.
Was this a sign?
Why did it come out so dark?
Even with mistakes would it still be considered art?

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We Never Met

Folder: 
Love

We never met but I Believe we met in another Life.
Your image gives me Hope and Light in my Darkness Nights.
The sound of your Voice makes me feel that Everything will be alright.
I think of you often and how Life would be.
You and I Together for Eternity.
The Touch of your Hands and your Lips against mine.
How this thought alone makes me Tremble inside.
If we Ever Meet I must admit.
My Heartbeat would Increase seeing you near.
I will mumble my words for I will be Nervous to even Speak clear.
Please know my words of Passion will always be Sincere.
Fear is not to Fear but take a leap of Faith.
We are Destine to meet and therefore I ask of you to Believe.
While we are in Different Countries and a Huge Body of Water apart.
It Won’t be Easy to Reach you but this Poem is a Start.
Life can be Difficult and Even more when Someone has your Heart.
I only ask you to take part on what could become of us.
There is no promised tomorrow so live each moment as it comes.
Let me take your Hand and Lift you Above your Dreams.
While it seems like this all could be a Dream.
Some Dreams do become a Reality.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to: Marina S.

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