sad

Job

 

Lord, I'm on my knees again

Because the worst has happened

The death of a loved one

The loss of a job

I can't pay the bills

My wife no longer loves me

 

So I'm here today

Before the Lord of creation

The First and Last

And perhaps the best I can say

Is a hollow hallelujah

From an empty heart

“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away

Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

 

For who knows

Perhaps by my suffering

Someone else may be blessed

Someone else might have hope

Someone else might see You through me

 

I can't see the future

I don't know the greater plan

But I believe, but I Know

That even in the hardest of times

I can rely on You to carry me

When I fall, let me fall into Your arms

Please take this broken life

This shattered jar of clay

And shape it into the man

That You need me to be

 

I trust You

I love You

And because of these

 

I know that I'll be ok

 

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Ego sum paenitet me dilexit vos

Folder: 
Dark Love

Did you ever care?

Did you ever feel the same way?

How much of it was real?

How much f it was lies?

You must of known I cared,

You must of known how I really felt,

I wanted to make you happy,

I wanted to show you I understood,

How could you be so cruel?

How could you not see it was hurting me?

I took a chance and trusted you,

I took a chance and let you in,

You never let me in,

You never seemed to care,

How much pain does pleasure bring?

How much pleasure does pain bring?

Why didnt you stop it?

Why did you carry on?

You hurt me in ways I never knew,

You hurt me permanently,

I have scars from you,

I have scars because of you,

I gave you a second chance,

I gave you a third chance,

You chose to burn those bridges,

You chose to burn me.

 

I know I need to walk away,

Tell me its over even though it never began,

Remove the spell Im under,

Let me live in peace,

My heart aches at the thought of you,

Why did I fall for you?

I let you in and you shut me out,

Only there when it was convenient for you.

 

I told you I wont chase you forever,

One day I will give up and walk away,

No matter how great the pain,

How much I miss your touch,

The taste of you on my lips,

Your skin against mine,

Intoxicating scent of pheremones,

The adrenaline rush,

Hearts pounding and pulses thumping,

Im going to miss it all,

But most of all,

Im going to miss you.

 

Ego sum paenitet me dilexit vos.

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Where I am

Folder: 
Cute (G)

You see me here, yet I am not

For I’m in your smiles, your hearts, your thoughts

Your laughs, your tears, your oldest fears

Your past, your now, your future years

Your children’s face, your elders’ grace

I live in there, that ‘always’ place

And if you took a single look

At any page within this book

Start to finish, through and through

You’d find yourself, and you, and you

For each of you has touched my life

In times of plenty, quiet, and strife

I live there still as you can see

So, all of you… is all of me

And when it’s time to leave this place

To fill this warmth with empty space

Remember, dear loved ones here

In all your hearts I’m always near

 

El Lugar Donde Vivo

 

Me ves aquí, pero no soy

Porque estoy en tus sonrisas, tus corazones, tus pensamientos

Tus risas, tus lágrimas, tus miedos más antiguos

Tu pasado, tu ahora, tus años futuros

La cara de tus hijos, la gracia de tus mayores

Vivo allí, ese lugar "siempre"

Y si echas un solo vistazo

En cualquier página de este libro

De principio a fin, y en cada palabra

Te encontrarás a ti mismo, y a ti, y a ti

Por cada uno de ustedes ha tocado mi vida

En tiempos de abundancia, tranquilidad y lucha

Vivo allí todavía como puedes ver

Entonces, todos ustedes ... son todos de mi

Y cuando es hora de dejar este lugar

Para llenar esta calidez con un espacio vacío

Recuerden, seres queridos aquí

En todos tus corazones siempre estoy cerca

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Via con Dios, Angelita.

Gracias por la mano de su hija, y gracias por permitirme unirme a tu familia.

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Twofold Times

Folder: 
Cute (G)

What a strange and twofold time

This hour of smiles and tears

When loved ones now and then all pluck

Mere moments from the years

 

When all recall not merely joy

But rancor, loss and pain

And somehow feel a common strength

When relived all again

 

The words that fill the whispers

That slip from trembling lips

May be all happiness and ire

All anger, fear and quips

 

Only now, this twofold time

This hour of smiles and tears

Do all the memories that we share

Come through the well-plucked years

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Lo que no se cuenta

Folder: 
Life

 

Un aplauso a
Todo eso que vive
Entre, tu mente y tu boca, y 
Que nunca llega a salir
Esos momentos tuyos
Que tuyos se han de quedar
Hasta dejar de existir


Eso que habita la mente en forma de recuerdo,
De furtivos momentos escondidos en la normalidad
Detrás de un "nada" hay toda una vida en un instante
Un instante de vida oculta y presa
Entre tu memoria y tu boca

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

There will be a full translation of this poem, just be patient plis :) ly

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La forêt

Au dessus d'un cimetière aux tombes grises

Tombent les feuilles aux couleurs mortes 

Tandis que dégringolent au gré de la brise 

Des lambeaux de vie et d'espoir que l'on avorté

 

Le vent chante se sinistre mélodie, 

Soufflant les flammes de bougies heureuses 

Pendant que pleurent doucement à l'agonie

Les branches frêles de la sylve silencieuse 

 

Ne craint follement les feuilles qui tombent

Celui dont les pensées

Résonnent la nuit durant dans les catacombes 

 

Les plaintes de la forêt qui se meurt,

Seuls l'entendent ceux qui de la vie ont peur 

Et qui cherchent le sens à toute heure 

 

Du ballet de la chute des ombres brunes 

De la pâle froideur de la lune 

 

Alors sous le lierre et les ronces

On peut entendre un murmure, une sinistre réponse;

 

"Les morts ne parlent pas"

 

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D'en haut

Un petit garçon regarde la Terre

De son nuage paisible d'argent.

Il aperçoit, tout en bas, la mer

immense et douce comme sa maman

 

Il regarde les arbres, les forêts

Les montagnes ensoleillées, les bergers

les villages, les enfants, les vergers

et voit doucement passer les années

 

Parfois il entend pleurer une fillette

Et tend l'oreille, d'un air alerte

L'enfant n'aime pas entendre la tristesse

 

Il préfère regarder les amoureux sur la plaga, 

observer les poissons sur le rivage

et regarder les petits chats qui naissent

 

Mais il est tard sur le nuage

Alors doucement l'enfant s'en va

Et retourne au pays d'où l'on ne revient pas.

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Abandoned Child

Folder: 
Poetry

My brother died,

And in his place;

I was born,

But I was repelled.


My mother threw me from the table,

Abused me, both mind and body.

My father never present,

And if so, he ignored me.


They left each other fast,

'Cause mother was a lesbian.

But my father needed a woman,

For his children and as a housewife.


The second was quite alright,

Even if she made me eat axis.

Only my sister I couldn't see,

That became off limits.


After years they had their divorce,

And then came the third, the most terrible.

My wicked stepmother,

The greatest dictator.


She tried to strangle my brother,

Then father did interfere.

She put me in the sanitarium,

With false motives, my fear.


Firstly in a crisis-centra,

'Cause I ran away from home.

Then in the sanitarium,

Where I for six months did roam.


In the sanitarium,

Provided with medication.

By which I lost my memory,

Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...


Regularly I suffered blackouts,

By which I saw nothing.

Not knowing what I did,

Much like sleep-walking;

And strange vistas occurred.


I wasn't suffering delirium,

Is what the doctors told.

So all this time,

I was in the asylum for no reason.


Then I had to go to boarding-school,

Where I developed something bad: anger.

I wanted to kill another, a female;

And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;

Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,

But I had to from Satan...


What happened was unforeseen,

'Cause my room was now aflame.

The building completely in axis,

The police came to arrest me.


A year and a half in prison,

Locked away in a cell, in Hell.

A year and a half terror,

The bondage of society.


When I got out, there was another project,

Named room-training.

I had to work in a factory,

But that didn't end well...

I started to mutilate myself,

Which I learned in the sanitarium.

They send me to the hospital,

To the psychiatric division.


Then again to the crisis-centra,

Which I didn't liked at all.

As if I had to start over,

I couldn't take it anymore.


Through the open door I escaped,

And from my last money;

I buyed a train-ticket,

Which brought me to Ramses.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The first part of my biography.

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Angelus Canticum

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Every single note was a song in itself

And every little breath was a melody

And I, a painful ripping squeal

That bellowed from inside of me

 

Her crimson lips had softly smiled

As she sang angelically 

But no more than a dissonant chord

Was the best that I could be

 

Oh, angel of the nightly song!

How wrapped in you I have become!

How can I go, and sing alone

Shouting like a falling drum

 

I can't forget your heavenly voice

That pierced the ever-present noise

Through sky and the pervasive smog

To me, whom naught but death employs. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost the will to keep working on it. It's sat on my desktop for weeks now and it's just time to post what there is.

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