In Love and I Hate It


Im in love and I hate it,

It hurts so much,

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

You are like poison in my veins,

Im totally addicted to your games,

You are beautiful,

That beauty is tained,

I cant take it any more,

What am I supposed to do?

I want to be with you,

I want to run away from you,

I feel like Im spiralling down a hole,

I make the same mistakes,

Over and over again,

I cant walk away,

Like a moth drawn to a flame,

My heart overrules my head,

Its agony,

Its ecstasy,

I cant decide what I want more,

The pleasure or the pain,

Its magic the way you hypnotise,

I dont know what to believe any more,

My head is so messed up,

I love you,

I hate you,

I hate myself,

I look up to the stars and the planets for guidance,

I feel like Im falling through space,

I dont have the strength inside,

My head hangs low,

My heart pulled in different directions,

The tears flow freely,

I need to be strong,

I need to move on,

You make me feel bad and its not fair,

I feel so lost.


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What is the purpose of beauty without creatures to charm?

How can the moon awake passions without the black sky of the night?

Where would swallows be going without a winter making them fly?

Why are you afraid of the darkness if you experienced the light?


We are born in pain, because it is pain what proves us alive.

We must master the fall before we learn how to walk.

We can only accomplish success if we experienced the fail.

You are worried, I see, use this friend’s ear, let’s talk.


I hope you believe me, my friend, your worries will pass.

You will endure the pain, you will soon understand.

It can’t be always the same, it can’t be back as it was.

But your night will be over, making place to a brighter dawn.


The phoenix has risen from ashes infinite times.

The flood of punishment passed for resurgence of life.

Our ancestors strove struggles to bequeath us  some peace.

You can make the future brighter. Stand up! Do not abdicate!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Transformations can be painful, pain makes us grow, growth has a purpose. If you ever asked yourself: Why is this happening to me? Hopefully you'll get some relief understanding the metamorphosis of the caterpillars. I used a metaphoric title to describe in one word what all of us go through at some point of our lives.

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Waiting for a friend!

Waiting for a friend!  

Here I am alone again laying on my tear soaked pillow

Feeling just like I do not matter like the weeping willow

All I wanted was a BFF so true one who would never offend

So here I am alone again waiting for that special friend

To have a BFF in my life even one would be a dream come true

One to share my secrets with that won’t leave out of the blue

To find a friend like that for me would be a true godsend

Oh the joy that I’d feel inside my heart waiting for a friend

So here I am alone again praying to the lord up in heaven above

For one that suits me to a T and fits me just like a glove

It’s so hard to hang on when your all alone with no one on which to depend

So if you have a friend don’t let go or you’ll always be waiting for a friend…



Author's Notes/Comments: 

i wrote this one because i lost a really good friend, she didnt die but we had a falling out and while she will remain in my heart i cant have her in my life she was too toxic for me!!!

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oh my friend


if only i can sing 

i would say

oh my friend

still remember when we 

smiled and went our way

still remember the time 

when we started calling each other's names

and as the new journey began

added a chapter in our life

though fewer the pages 

but those imprint memories,

never leaving the sign

(which rule my mind)


if I could sing

I would say

oh! my friend

scared of having a new person in life 

you proved it was alright 

sometimes gotta trust the time 

as I don't have many memories

with you, it is written beautifully


oh my friend

with this feeling for eternity 

i will tolerate you lovingly :)

(here is your friend)





Author's Notes/Comments: 

poem for my friend (golgappa)

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Lights and Sounds

Band Lyrics


Verse 1:

All the lights and sounds

That I’ve been chasing

A blue sky appears in the distance.

Remembering our times then:

We crashed, joked, and smiled



As long as we’re faithful,

We can turn today

Into another memory.

We can find our way back to paradise.


Verse 2:

Have you forgotten how to cry?

You’re my piano star?

That guiding light:

Will you enter?



Yet, the memory’s not enough.

I still cannot get you out.

Get you out of my mind.

Yeah, those were good times.



Live without doubts

Our hearts are

Eternally set in the afterglow.

Let it shine

Shine a light towards us.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For an out of touch friend

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Let me see you again

Pretty face

Affable and sweet

Accept my invitation

Take the adjacent seat


Talk to me about your art and studies 

The music you love 

All that you find funny


And in our limited time together, consider my regret

I never told you about your eyes

Your beautiful hair

Or your apparent intellect


That when you left me that day, you never left my memory

That I dreamed about you since the day that you met me


That I suppressed my feelings, for fear of rejection

And I pushed them so far down, I forgot where I had left them


I will remain fond of you, far from when I leave

And in my absence I hope that you still think about me

I hope that you think about the laughs we shared and the connection I seeked


I hope that you turn my way, when you're looking for a friend

I hope that you still trust me

And let me see you again

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When you lose a friend

When you lose a friend, your heart aches terribly 

When you lose a friend, time stops moving continuously 

When you lose a friend, you have to act like strangers 

When you lose a friend, eye contact becomes a danger. 


I lost a friend today, and my heart is broken into pieces 

I lost a friend today, and the pain is still crippling 

I lost a friend today, and now I'm completely alone 

I lost a friend today, and I'm lost with absolutely no direction 


I lost a friend a month ago, and the pain hasn't stopped 

I lost a friend a month ago, and he moved on leaving me alone 

I lost a friend a month ago, and I'm crying, still not believing that it's real 

I lost a friend a month ago, and I feel like I'm dying 


I lost who I am, since you left 

I lost who I am, and I don't want to go back 

I lost who I am, because you stabbed me in the back 

I'm lost, thank you 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Something with repetition that I came up with

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I thought I understood him

I thought that I understood what he was going through, but we all handle it differently. I mean, I understand that he's hurting, but I only just realized that he's giving up more and more of himself every day... And I'm scared, I'm scared that one day, he'll be gone for good, and I don't know where he's going after that. He did exactly what I did... He blamed God, and I've been praying and praying for God to show himself to him, even just a glimpse, so that I won't have to see him hurting anymore... He's starting to realize how the world works... It's problems, it's judgement, it's hurt and pain... All I want is for him to be happy again, and that'll be enough for me, then I can be happy again, but until then, I'll fight off the demons with my sword and my shield, and my prayer... He would be able to pray with me in the mornings, he could actually start a fire in my soul and build my weak faith, because the Lord knows that I need the help, "Woe to you, with little faith". God knows that I'm alone right now, and that I need another candle to reignite me, because even he knows that we need to be together in two's, why else would he ask for that when he gathered the twelve and sent them two by two? But right now, he's trapped in the grave with his grandfather, and he doesn't care that there's no oxygen, he doesn't care how uncomfortable he is, and he doesn't know how much it's killing me to watch him kill himself like that, to watch the boy who is like- no, IS a brother to me, act like he's happily resting in the grave, when I know that he's chained to his grandfather by an emotional chain that is his embrace that's harder to cut than Hercules string of life and it shoots through his heart right into mine... He loves him and doesn't want to let him go, and I want him to know that me and God love them both, and we wish that he would just understand the depths of our love, that's all I ask, is that he would let go of the hurt, and embrace the light that I want to give him. If God can bring Lazarus back in perfect condition, then he can bring my friend back too... I hear God say it every time I talk to him every morning at the pole and every night before bed, "let him come to me, bring him to me, for he is weary and needs rest, and I know that you and I miss him" as he wipes the tears that I cry for him nightly off my chin and cheek when I rest at my Fathers feet.

Please, come back to us. I miss you, we all miss you... With God's love, God bless.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For that friend... Brother from before

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For the B-Day boy

Happy birthday, December third. My birthday wishes for you, is that even though these are the cold months, you remain a warm light, a candle for the lost. I wish that you'd make your sixteenth year on this earth your best one for yourself and others thus-far. I wish that you don't forget who you were, and that you keep striving for who you are and who you want to be. I wish that time will soften its blow, so we can keep watching you grow up, getting wiser as we wean from our childish pasts. I wish that that smirk, that little smile, would never leave you, and that you will always put the mask down and laugh and play as yourself, and never put that mask back on. I wish that you will always hold on, hold on to the memories and feelings that you had, memories of the late-night drives with your grandfather, memories of your mom's birthday when we took her to McNaldos, memories of playing as children at the park with the other kids, memories of when we first went out to the civic theater, memories of going to skate mania, memories of... Just not having a care in the world, "Super-Granny!!!", and there are so many more, the good and the bad, that describe who you are. I wish that you will do whatever it takes to be happy, that you'd try new things, and that you always hope for the best. I wish that you will be ok, and that if I have to leave, that you will be peacefully living on without me. I wish that if anything painful were to happen to us, any of us, that you will be ok, and keep smiling. I promise you now, that whatever happens in the years ahead, that I will never forget you and all that you have done for me, I will always hear your voice guiding me and telling me what I should do, and I wish that you'll never forget about me, because I love you. I love you, you're the best brother that I could ever ask for. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to an important person in my life, he's still my brother to me

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