If Tomorrow I Dont See! 02/23/20
one day while i was sitting around and thinking about you all
The thought had crossed my mind when my number God would call
When memories of your childhood flashed thru my mind to me
and i was thinking i didnt say enough if tomorrow i dont see
then i thought about the day you was born and smiled from ear to ear
i watched you sleep those first few days afraid you'd disappear
thru the rough times i spent on my knees praying for God to set us free
once again that thought had crossed my mind if tomorrow i dont see
did i help you accomplish all your dreams and keep you safe till i depart
have i said enough thru out your life so you'll know whats in my heart
then my fathers words came back to me and they have set me free
he simply said remember i will always love you if tomorrow i dont see!
zoeycup
Can it be real
or am I just fooling myself?
To believe that your love for me
Has not been put on a shelf
Packed away and discarded
Like an old photo or toy
Your pure and unconditional love
Like when you were a boy
Innocent and sweet
You held me in your heart
But now the years and life’s challenges
Have torn us apart
You have chosen a path
That is rocky and tough
And my guidance and attempts to divert you
Have not been enough
You ran from youth fast
Confused and unsure
Towards the deceitful blinding light
Of adulthoods allure
As I stand here and watch you stumble
Like when you took your first steps
But now unable to help or reach out to you
Now that you’ve fallen into the depts
But my hand will always be within reach for you
And my heart open wide
To take hold of either
If you should ever decide
I wish you only happiness
And pray you will find
All the things you’ll need in your life
To replace what you’ve left behind
I will say goodbye to you
But only for now
Because I know you will find your way back to me
Someday or somehow
as silence leave its place
hatred took guarantee
leaving all memories behind
thou couldn't see anything
tears roll down from everybody's eyes
without noise at various intensity
heart filled so high
hatred took guarantee
still, she wanted to stop this race
caring was always there
love or war
whichever in the way
as heart poured out
calling your name
hatred in ones heart
took its place
the whole night was so big, so scary
seems like darkness worked its part
took light from our soul
put darkness in our heart
tears roll down
without any noise
how come thou couldn't hear anything
All alone with the voices inside of my head. ill put my pride to the side and write it out the rest.
I hate how cancer kills the one you love and not the one you hate instead.
it puts you through so much pain, id rather see hell, face my demons and be better off dead then to see another loved one go through that again.
Your body is eating you from the inside out and theres nothing you can do cry and take pain meds.
losing hair and weight at a fast scaling rate. worry and confusion, i swear this all feels like an illuision.
sitting alone in my room every night thinking why didnt they take you. (maryanne)
they didnt take the right one, and now its fucking me up in the head.
trying to sort this shit out like why god?
why take not her instead..
take the crackhead.
not someones mother, a family friend.
but you cant pick and choose
so let me cry and lay in my bed. Wishing i can see you again and tell you all the things i never said.
see your face and tell you that i love you, and thank you again.
youre in a better place, with danny. so atleast youre happy.
im sorry for the pain this shit has put you thru. its a cold world, but atleast i got to know you.
I cry for you Argentina
hectic planet’s southern corner
land of passion, crazy arena
aforetime our bonds were stronger.
No longer yours, you never mine
our lives belonged together once
I used to taste your scarlet wine,
your gorgeous girls, your charming dance.
The friends from ages, forgotten stories
so much privation, my heart is sore
my aging parents, the elder brothers
your call is clear I shall wait no more.
Exultant hugs, reunion is great
my parent’s sanctuary regaining life
but there is an end, a settled date
cruel farewell that sticks its knife.
I’ve seen those humid agates before
I've heard how silence can drown the wail
hair-raising feeling on every pore
they'll stand upright, I will be frail.
Oh, childhood playground! my old-time shelter
long time impeded of children laughing
no words no tears, this way is better
my love, my kids, my home are waiting.
That face is never getting old with time.
It still bring me close and you not afar
From time present. Small morning here dreams alone
And love-gate open, for memory to come home.
All things that make you who you are
Gifts and robs the soul at once:
Those blessings giving, and curses retaining
As they were with you,
They are with me here now.
Even death dust cannot touch the evergreen
Of grandchildren their days not yet seen.
I sense myself in a state of unawareness.
Memories are put away in a book
We used to stand hand in hand, nothing could break us.
The gloomy weather is just a reminder that things will never be the same.
My hair looks like a mess, but I don’t care.
I look out the window as I see the driver get to my destination, moon not even out yet.
The wind blows across my face as I make my way in.
I see his rough shape, His eyes dead and lifeless.
You could see everyone’s worried concerns.
Looking out the window the sky is gloomy.
Sleep is something everyone in the room needs.
Paper after paper is not good news
His illness is like a tower waiting to fall but once it falls and it hits the ground it means its over.
Maybe once it’s over he’ll be swimming in the ocean
But for now, he is still here, and I just look at him eat out the bowl
His illness is like fire waiting to burst out in flames, on the border between getting better or getting worse.
We stand here looking like ants supporting one another
I just wish him, and I were back at the park playing on the green grass.
Even though things will never be the same he will never forget his roots of who he is.
I wish this was a dream and I could wake up and
everything will be normal, but this is not a dream this is reality and I have to face it and live through it.
Unsure how to process,
I am living on the edge of forgotteness,
While today, taking out the trash,
Nearly gave me whiplash,
To the past I found myself agazed,
Upon the rough, unforgettable haze,
Containing the choices you have made,
And how I just try my best to wade,
Through the pain,
That left a permanent stain,
And through the disappointment,
That took my enjoyment,
The person that lived in that room,
The one that lacked a broom,
That person was not you,
At least not the one I ever knew,
Having kept that aspect of you separate from my mind,
It was easier to have your role clearly be defined,
But now there's another person that's been along for the ride,
And it takes strength to learn to coincide.
When I was a child
I remember you carrying me in your arms
the grey pseudo membrane covers my pharynx
making it difficult to breathe
Diphtheria was common in those days
You were turned away
from the footsteps of Holy family hospital
I saw despair
Flow down your cheeks
Where to now
You murmured
As I slipped into unconsciousness
The haveli in Shimla
Amidst blue pines
You, your young family
My father, his brothers and sisters
Settled, content and happy
Forest was your business
Himalayan cedar, silver fir, white oak
Your touch turned them to gold
You took to the road in ‘47
Independence from British Raj and idolaters
carnage ensued
innocents, vulnerable
those who had no say, paid
The Punjabi sky above endured,
said no word but it poured
you spoke little about exodus of your own choice
and loss of everything
the hardship years, the eldest his fits of psychosis
chained, there was no PTSD in those days
people took things in their stride
his young siblings, their silent cries of pain
for the valley, the green trees
the wind that rustled between
the paths that led to nowhere
your hands never spoke of the stories
but you rebuilt the nest
and one by one they flew
some near
others to faraway lands
I want to know more about you grandpa
I am not small anymore but your legacy is so much bigger
One thing I am certain
giving up was never in our blood