SICK

cancer kills

All alone with the voices inside of my head. ill put my pride to the side and write it out the rest. 

I hate how cancer kills the one you love and not the one you hate instead. 

it puts you through so much pain, id rather see hell, face my demons and be better off dead then to see another loved one go through that again. 

Your body is eating you from the inside out and theres nothing you can do cry and take pain meds. 

losing hair and weight at a fast scaling rate. worry and confusion, i swear this all feels like an illuision. 

sitting alone in my room every night thinking why didnt they take you. (maryanne)

they didnt take the right one, and now its fucking me up in the head.

trying to sort this shit out like why god?

why take not her instead.. 

take the crackhead.

not someones mother, a family friend.

but you cant pick and choose

so let me cry and lay in my bed. Wishing i can see you again and tell you all the things i never said. 

see your face and tell you that i love you, and thank you again.

youre in a better place, with danny. so atleast youre happy. 

im sorry for the pain this shit has put you thru. its a cold world, but atleast i got to know you.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

for Elaine Mousie 

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Fevered visions

Fevered visions

By jfarrell

 

6 or 7 years old;

I wake in the night, desperate for the toilet

Rush out to bathroom

To see a bright, glowing light emerge

From the bottom of the stairs.

 

Fled in terror back to my bed;

Don’t know what I saw,

But by the time I was under the covers, hiding

It was a glowing skeleton wrapped in chains;

Aglow.

 

Another, flu, bug blurred night;

Awaking again;

This time, the walls and floor go;

As I look, everything recedes, at high speed,

Into an unreachable distance;

There is no floor, just me, the bed

And a dark, bottomless chasm.

 

And the ones I really hate…

I awake to find my bedding is somehow alive,

An intelligent, thinking, malevolent entity

Hell-bent on suffocating me, tying me down;

Holding me responsible for horrid crimes

I can’t remember.

 

Maybe we can’t cure flu,

Because it’s really tiny aliens

Hell-bent

On messing with our heads.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

fever - the strongest hallucinagen known to science

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Feeding off of the sickness itself

CRACKED, SHATTERED, FUCKING BATTERED.

your cold eyes are like a knife coiling through my heart, & from the very start I knew you were ill intentioned.

manifesting hate & digging it into others like it's their own fault...

& your compliment was a penalty..

then you proclaim, that i'm not how you'd like me to be.

i'll rip this knife from my chest & show you I know myself best.

 

melancholy self destruction, the world around me spiraling into more corruption..

when will Jesus come & be my abduction..?

to free me from this ever-traveling fog..

saliva like venom.. taste just like a bleeding throat infection..

if my feelings were in a needle, i'd give you the injection.

the effects would prove to be quite unexpected.

your vision may experience some clarification..

your body will crave detoxification.

maybe you would stop harming yourself, & run towards perfection..

instead of feeding off of the sickness itself.. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was really feeling this when I wrote it a couple--few months back.. sometimes I wish it could of been longer.

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Hello Mr. Sick

Hello Mr. Sick

You remembered me.

You've come back again

To revisit thee.

 

The first time you came

It was really bad.

Worst time in my life

That I have ever had.

 

Now you're back

To attack me again

It seems to me

I just can't win.

 

Have you come this time

For a very short stay

Or have you come this time

To take me away?

 

Whichever one

You decide to do

Make it quick

I'm tired of you.

 

So will you leave

Or just hang around

Till I feel better

Or a cure is found?

 

I'm in a lot of pain

Every night, every day

I pray to God

You go away.

 

But Cancer, this is what you do.

You hit, hide and then come back.

Compassion for people

You surely lack.

 

If you decide to stay this time

It might just be the end of me.

If not, go and don't come back

You, I really don't want to see.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was told I had Stage 4 Cancer two years ago. Recent events with my illness have gaven me cause to write this poem.

View gordon's Full Portfolio

chameleon of the heart

tonight i'm not sleeping
i'm making impulsive plans
looking through binoculars
trying to understand

and all of the people who
tried to pull me down
break from their capsules
and melt into the ground

dying season of the mindful
to be vacant of the thought
the hunters are eschew
darling, you're as fragile as fawn

tonight I am flying
on someone else's back
disguised as a friend
though they maniacally laugh

and all of the steps i've taken
with my wonder and belief
deteriorate into sequences
of unsteady newly born feet

dying season of the leery
to be a chameleon of the heart
the world will still find you
darling, not as strong as you are smart

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transparent

like nothing
like everything

i feel it
I'm sinking
I'm spinning
I'm leaving

a rush
a high
a non-sense

an escape
your nothing
I'm everything

see it
feel it
smell it

inside, deeper, higher, harder

nothing, everything, anything

everywhere, anywhere

tease me
bend me
break me
make me

a rush
a high
a non-sense

lost, alone, confused,

found, tight, crystal

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tags:

Sick Words dO_~b

Folder: 
Raps

Yea my words are so sick I got that influenza flow // laying down in bed as I influence the flow // got the only headache in this eye ~__• so u can call this moment beast mode // shooting words to the mic like i got no chance to reload // cuz ima rap god & you just a hip-hop criminal // your name don't even matter it's just dumb ass syllable // its when I'm on the mic that I perform miracles // hits so big that they become biblical // dam.. just listen to my words as I begin to let them free // store them in ur mind as they start to manifest & feed // collaborate ur thoughts as they will help u to exceed // yea some hip hop medicare will help u to ur feet // but try to diss me & I'll get u begging on ur knees // a gemini at birth with sides like isosceles // man y'all must be getting sick all I hear is god dam weeze // but my words became that asthma pump that made that niqqa leave // & I'm done with this rap cuz I'm finna take a nap // just a quick freestyle I had to get off my back // dueces v__v

.

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Crash Poisoning

Folder: 
Wulfman Adventures

An throbbing ache echoes through the body.

The mind is tree sap goo draining out of the ears.

I feeling the systems breaking down within the Spirit.

All that is poisoning me is bringing my own destruction.

 

Crash it all together in one ugly wreck.

A hurricane of intoxication and self abuse.

Tears of frustration, feeling of defeat.

Crash it all together into one ugly wreck.

 

I crawl out one last time.

Beaten, scarred, and busted but sober.

All the poisoning drained out.

The being of I, regathering to be my self again.

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Came to

Folder: 
Wulfman Adventures

I came home after being absent
Sought for nothing

I came to find misery
All the love is pain

 

I came to find the Highway
For I am the Highway Phantom

I came to be whole
Through the mud I walk

 

I came for nothing
Sought a false front home

I came to find my own
All I have is pain and sorrow

 

I came to sandy shores
Only to allow the sea to take

I came sailing from home
The sun burns the cold bones

 

I came back with scars
They are my pride

I came to accept me
I am the Highway Phantom

 

I came, I stayed, I left
My heart is not here
I sought, found but sorrow
My home is the Highway

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