Dangerous Territory

I’ve been swimming in the deep end lately.

My head is spinning in circles.

My heart had never been so hollow on the inside.

I need to catch my breath before I do anything else stupid.


My work of art is an escape from uniformity.

I felt safe with you for the time being.

At the end of the week, you cuddled me

When the sergeant had an off day at work and took it out on me.


I let you in like I did when I meet new people.

You were happy for me when I told you I finally found love.

I wanted nothing more than a friend’s reassurance that everything will be okay.

But you in particular were a land mine waiting to explode.


It’s dangerous territory where you’re from as a queer.

It’s dangerous territory where I lurk on the web.

It’s dangerous territory to build a world without receiving adequate training.

It’s dangerous territory to make friends with volatile people like you.


I can barely read script in Delphi without misinterpreting some if not most of its passages.

My art isn’t like what you’d expect to see in other do-it-yourself or high-profile projects.

The way I write, the way I archive, and the way I distribute information is my strongest suit.

There is no way I can fulfill my goal in life alone without the help of a team that knows its stuff.


You didn’t have to sugarcoat your advice to fix my problems

But you didn’t have to pull more than my teeth either.

You spoke to me as if I had to know every damn trick in the book.

You pointed out where I went wrong as if I didn’t already understand it.


I would have welcomed your advice if you watched your language.

I would have been more considerate if we joined forces as planned.

But being friendly with you in light of this is just out of question.

You can say that I’m high all you want, but it goes to show that you’re smaller than you think.


It’s dangerous territory where you’re from as a queer.

It’s dangerous territory where I lurk on the web.

It’s dangerous territory to build a world without receiving adequate training.

It’s dangerous territory to make friends with volatile people like you.


A vagabond told me this morning that I don’t learn much from success

And boy, I sure did learn a lot about your character more than what it takes to be top dog.

I might also let it slip that you exploded in my face because your little rant was all over the place.

In that case, riddle me this, who among the two of us really needs room for improvement?

I went

I woke up today, and I put on my clothes and brushed my teeth 

I went to school, and they were waiting there for me 

I went to the bathroom, to get away from their killing knives and daggers of deception 

I went to my next class, and they tortured me while the teacher just laughed 

I went to lunch today, and they made me feel unwanted and I was feeling quite brash 

I went to the corner, and ate as if it were an art to eat uncomfortably alone 

I went, well, I went away and continued through this rutted blur that I'm trapped in 

It's the end of the day, and I finally force a smile because I get to go home 

I went home, and dad left, again, mom said he's not coming back 

I went to my room, I cried and closed my eyes, hopefully for good 

I went to sleep, my stomach was empty and my dread was full, I hope that I don't wake up 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Middle School

School scraps

School scraps

By jfarrell


“My dad’s bigger than your dad!”

…... remember that, from school?

When I got home from school,

With cuts and bruises,

I’d get 7-8 slaps and hits, before

…. “Did you hit back?”



I hit back.

Can’t remember what the fight was about.

Jason was a year younger than me,

A neighbour, a friend, on my estate,

On my block.


I beat him up;

His two teenage brothers beat me up.


Should’ve ended there.


After the customary 7-8 punches,

To get me talking,

to get me to ‘share’…

He stops hitting me…

Squares his shoulders…

And storms out! “No-one gangs up on my kid, like that!”


I watched a hero, my hero,

Storm off down the balcony

And start hammering on Jason’s door…



…. the door opened….


…..I’d never noticed Jason’s dad before…..

….He was short, nose to chest, with my father…

And my father was not tall…


One punch…

My ‘hero’, my dad, out cold.


I saw it all there, don’t know how;

7-8 years old;

Dad gets drunk hits wife and kids….

He’ll only hit… stand up to…

People smaller than him….

Coward… but I still feared him.


In 3 days I will be 50….

You know what….

I think I should stop fearing him…

After all…

He died over 25 years ago

And I’d seen him only once since I was 14.


3 days before 50 I, finally, realise…

I’m better than you…

And always have been!

I may not be the ‘man’ you think of….

Beating up littler kids to make me feel better….

I am MORE…. greater… then you ever were.






Author's Notes/Comments: 

my dragon's bigger than your dragon ;-)




By jfarrell


It starts early, that’s all I really understand,

Before I started school I was ‘outside’;

Left to feel ‘not a part’;

Left to feel unwanted.


When I started school, I was already the perfect victim;

‘No-one cares, no-one’s gonna stop us’;

Everyone knew it,

And so, they didn’t stop.


Bullied from the day I started school

Until the day I left;

I hoped it would stop there;

We’re all adults, now, right?


What a fool I was back then.


I hurt, but wasn’t going to school and stabbing someone

Because of it.


But, three months short of my 50th birthday, maybe…

I’ve never trusted anyone enough to have friends;

I don’t know how to feel comfortable around people

And I probably never will


I don’t know how many billions people on this planet, it doesn’t matter;

I see and hear you, but you are as out of reach

As the people I see on TV screens

And… if I did reach out… and touch one of you… you’d scream


Here, outside of everyone, looking in;

I don’t feel lonely; I don’t feel rejected;

I feel hated.

My parents ostracised me back then and this where I sit today.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

there must be a way back in, right?

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Bullying is dreadful in any shape,

It is like a fatal virus,

That does destroy the source,

And the victims thus.


At times jealousy is the reason,

At times extreme greed for power,

At times insensibility is the prime cause,

At times fickleness is the raison d'être.


Insecurity and inferiority complex are also responsible,


For the rise of the bullying-mindset in certain people.

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I didn't do anything

Not a sound nor a word

Yet I find your cruel remarks

Rather disturbed

It's not I who is the monster

But he who points the finger

You are the lesser fiend

Your tounge kills the innocent.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Think about all the people who killed themselves because everyone around them laughed at the way they looked...Imagine not even saying a single word, and someone just busting out laughing in your face... It's not just one person though, it continues on and on throughout your life.. So that person starts reflecting on it, and the only conclusion they can come up with is to commit suicide to end the pain and torment... I mean seriously where is the kindness in peoples hearts? The sad thing in society it's acceptable to make fun of the way a person looks, sure some may say it's shallow or "it's only a joke". But what about when that person takes their OWN life!! I can't understand why we can't accept people for who they are and not judge them for the way they look!!! I mean you can't help the way you look, just like you can't help the color of your skin... I don't understand why can't we all be kind?? It just doesn't make sense.

Her Perspective

I found a girl, and saw her perspective
Silent, yet surprisingly reflective
They claimed she was away, entirely defective

But I knew otherwise just from the look in her eyes
I saw through the silent, and closed off disguise

And from there, I saw the immediate connection
Completely dissected, but still searches for true affection


Her warm, yet crooked emotion
A calmed, yet broken devotion


Silent, but struggling for her sound
and yet, still not a face found


Her skin torn, gone and rotten.
Her mouth stolen, words lost, ignored and forgotten.


She was exposed to all of the morbid things
Corrupted lies, and uneven broken wings


All she wanted to know if happiness was true
This is what I saw, this was the girl I knew


And she left sudden, without a word,
Her existence she seen was too blurred


Before I could realize, she was gone and done
Did you ever wonder what life can become?


All she wanted to know if happiness was true
This is what I saw, this was the girl I knew..



You know you could do something

You could at least try to stop it

That kid never did anything

Nothing to be treated like this


You know you could stand up, be his defense

Rescue him when he’s surrounded and scared

Yet you stand by, do nothing, it doesn’t make sense

With the people around you, these actions are shared


You see him pushed in the halls, alone everyday

Would it hurt to pick up his books, become his friend?

You could be nice to him because anything you say

Would help him, with the friendliness you send


You know you could speak out

You could tell a teacher, a parent, anyone

One word and they would stop what’s wrong

Yet your mouth stays shut, thinking it’ll soon be done

But it goes on, and your “soon” becomes quite long


You could have done anything to help the guy

You could’ve stopped him from touching the knife

But just like everyone else, you stood by

And suddenly he chose to end his life


You could have stopped it, anyone could

He needed a friend, a spot anyone could fill

You knew you could do it, knew you should

But you stood by, thinking someone else will


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No matter how hard the boy tried

The other children didn’t seem to accept Tim

After school, he went home and cried

Because the other children made fun of him

As he grew up, it all became worse

Fists to his face, tape on his glasses

He prayed for the end of his curse

Prayed for his safety between classes

But they didn’t stop, he kept on crying

Pushes in the halls, books to the ground

They crowded around him, their fists flying

Beat until he didn’t make a sound

He came to and went home

Said he couldn’t take it anymore

Why did he deserve to be all alone?

He opened the bottle and began to pour

The white pills that would help him die

First in his hand, then down his throat

No hope, no regret, he didn’t even cry

After all, who did he have to keep him afloat?

One person is all he needed, one friend

But no one spoke up; they just stood to the side

One person could have prevented his end

A person who could have at least tried



Author's Notes/Comments: 

If only people would just speak out.

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