inspiration

ON OTHER'S SHOULDERS

He cannot answer how tall he is

no matter how much we implore me…

for he proudly stand on the shoulders 

 

of all those who came before him.


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Because I Never Gave Up on Me

Folder: 
Oncology

© 2016 Christine Mulvihill


Introduction


Welcome to the oncology ward. I spent about 3 years here and it really is a great spot to be when you are sick. The people here are very caring and supportive all the time. Some of the memories I have from here are not great, like losing two friends, but they pulled me through and I’m grateful.

 

From Christine’s Story;
And even though she died along with other people I cared about like my friend Sister Jacklyn, death never crossed my mind. After her death I still never lost hope, and I promised never to give up. And even after I relapsed and had to start all over again, I promised myself to keep on fighting until I was just like everyone else again, until I could wake up in my own bed and run free without that stupid IV. No matter how painful a struggle no matter how long, I would have fought to eternity to be healthy again.

 

Because I never gave up on me
By CHRISTINE MULVIHILL

 

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

 

Not many believed, they lose faith fast
Not even I dreamt how long I’d last
They said it had ended when the stone was cast
But I showed you all I could, because I never gave up on me.

 

Oh how the pain burned
Slow like seasons turned
And to give up I yearned
But I showed you strength, because I never gave up on me.

 

With silent tears I struggled on
My only hope she now was gone
From above her light shone
I showed her I was grateful, because I never gave up on me.

 

Lying in bed
Listening to sounds I dread
Screams of a child and loved ones who cry
There are too many miles to go why can’t I just die.
My skin is sore
From the needles I bore
The drugs I take
They make me ache
I’m tired of fighting let’s end this bid,
oh why can’t I just be a normal kid?
I’d show myself and I’d show you all
That I made it through with my back against the wall
Because I never gave up on me.

 

In size and in strength may you never judge me
I won that battle because I had faith in me
There is so much more that you can’t see
And I showed you all, because I never gave up on me.

 

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free,
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me. 

 

       Poems

 

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Tomorrow

Tomorrow

By jfarrell

 

Tomorrow will not be the same as today;

It never is.

Spilt coffee, missed bus,

A million different reasons, mishaps.

 

Tomorrow will not be the same as today;

You can convince yourself it is….

But when you review it..

You’ll see that at least one tiny thing was different.

 

Tomorrow will not be the same as today;

What if…

You make a different choice….

Tea, instead of coffee…. try a pub, instead of drinking alone.

 

Tomorrow will not be the same as today;

It never is.

Tomorrow is not written, it hasn’t happened;

Maybe, tomorrow can be different? Better?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

maybe i can dig up jimi's body and sew his fingers onto mine - then i'll be able to play like hendrix ;-)

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start as mean to go on

Start, as you mean to go on

By jfarrell

 

(inspired by coldplay and Sting’s brand new day )

 

My fingers bleed from racing them 6 strings…

Since I realized I can play guitar….

….”Don’t stop me now, I’m having such a good time…”

 

I’ve just turned 50,

And as a new year starts

I will be starting as I mean to go on….

 

Blasting out T-Rex and Chuck Berry licks….

‘Mirror in the bathroom’ with

‘My browned eyed girl’

 

And that sweet, so sweet…

‘red, red wine….’

….’ a taste of honey, is worse than none at all…’

 

…...depressed, drowning, for so long….

….just wanting to die…please… what a coward, let me go…

NO!…. now….

 

‘I can’t let the sun go down on me’….

Won’t….. can’t….

I was ready, now… all of a sudden I ain’t!

 

Turn the ‘Gain’ ALL the way up….

Just a little more volume….

… and start as I mean to go on!!!!!

 

‘Take a little bit of my heart now, baby….’

‘I’m your toy, 20th Century boy….’

 

‘we’re starting up a brand new day.’

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

just can't work why NOW i can play! been trying 32 years, hehe

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Colin Kaepernick

Be one with the wind and float/
Soar high/
Burst through the mash potatoes clouds/
Feel the sun beam and rays/
I lungs this because I need it/
It's like food/
Time have taught me this/
It didn't come as money comes to thieves/
This is the type of thing that brings you to your knees but you succeed because you got a mental black belt degree/
 
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Change. Evolve. Or die trying

Change. Evolve. Or die trying

   By jfarrell

 

Waste of space drunk, is sober - yay :-)

Though still a waste of space :-)

The first step is always the hardest :)

And I am sober; see, I can change :-)

 

What can I choose to change? :-)

To drink or not to drink…. :-)

How about my cowardice? :-)

I wanna choose to be a big tough guy :-)

 

I don’t wanna be scared anymore - of everything :-(

The fear I have to change :-(

It is about survival, evolution, change

In this life you have to change

 

Or die trying

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

believe + action - i gotta job offer, holy banananas, someone stupid enough to offer me a job, believe + action, i can do this, i won't suck :)

Compass

Compass

  By jfarrell

 

I do envy those who believe in god;

Whoever your god happens to be;

I mean no disrespect;

I don’t need moral guidance;

Try to be nice to everyone works for me;

But,

When the world and everyone in it is against you,

Or so I feel,

“please, god, what am I spose to do?”

 

A faith,  a belief, a reliance;

A compass; point the way;

Set you back on your course;

Give you, give me a direction..

I do envy you.

 

And, whatever your compass is..

God, mindfulness meditation, getting drunk and having lotsa sex

(lucky bastards)

Use it.

Don’t end up lost, floundering like me.

 

I will get to somewhere better than I am now,

Believing in something watching over me, caring about me;

Might make the journey easier.

So, I envy you believers.

 

I can’t even read a map,

My skill as a compass… ?

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

show me the way to go home, i'm tired and i wanna go to bed

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The Strife of Life and Love

Life is the same as yesterday, today and tomorrow. Squeezing every ounce of itself into a jar, to be compressed and stretched and strained into a cup of its own making, served as an instant hit of convenient, caffeinated consciousness. But Love does not care for the taste of Life’s bitter notes.

 
Then Life became livid saying, “My Love, I tire of this chase and will no longer wait! For I grow cold and restless! Must you be so chaste?!”

 
Softly spoken Love replies, “Are you truly living?”

 
To which Life responds with a lisp, “Don’t be so flippant my Love! I am served every day, for I wield great power over the many! Those lifeless, barren vessels, who by my merest breath fall prostrate, and go to and fro as mindless automations!”

 
“I am their first yearning at dawn! Their addiction, their religion, their lover and their mistress! I am that dirty, dark stain beneath the gloss of their white picket fences, the self-righteous stench behind the satire of their Sunday morning sermons and the fateful fall of their happily ever afters!”

 
“So tell me my love, if you truly are love why will you not love me!?”

 
Love simply speaks…”To truly live is to truly love. Life needs nothing of itself to sustain itself because when given it is not divided and it is love that makes life worth living. When life requires something outside if itself it cannot be life because it lives only for that which it seeks to possess. On the contrary, when life needs nothing other than itself it requires no other possessions and only lives to love”.

 

“You cannot be life for you have never truly lived, therefore how can you know love?”

Heroes

Heroes

                          By JFarrell

 

I wanna be a hero; don’t we all?

 

Whether super smooth Humphrey Bogart

Or action-packed Bruce Willis;

Super fit tennis ace Andy Murray

Or Mr Sexy-Voice himself, Barry White;

Courage, success, talent, charisma… and the ladies.

 

Heroes are important;

They are something to look up to,

To gain inspiration from;

And not just the superficial stuff;

Important stuff too.

 

“I will work until my illness stops me working,”

I still know little about Steve Jobs,

But.. there is something… different.. something inspirational..

And some people, like Einstein, Martin Luther King

Change the whole world, and everyone in it.

 

I wanna be a hero;

Most of all, to me;

Just to be someone I can accept, love and be proud of

To be someone I am happy with;

That would make me a hero.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

looking for a hero