Into the void

I hear the agony of your joy

Echoing in the vast silence of my heart


Passionate cry’s

Filled with hatred

For wanting my love starved soul.


Your aching pleasures

Sooth my pain

And lift the desires

Of my deep but inevitable regret


Pulling and pushing

The limits of our realities,

Obscuring the vision of our desperate journey

That leads us into the infinite abyss

Of our mortal lives

Your Father's Mess!

Consistently calling me disrupting my work day just to tell me your father was really ill was a terrible mistake!

He was your father in action but a stranger to me; my well being he would always forsake!

How dare you expect me to stop what I was doing to bend over backwards for a man who always showed he didn't care about me?!?

My response mirrored his lack of concern for my life; and I don't give a fuck if you disagree!

He chose to be present in your life while absent in my life so don't act surprised that I am not really impacted by his departure!

He is gone now so you don't have any reason to  contact me any further!

You had the nerves to contact me and suggest that I was responsible for trying to establish a relationship with your child neglecting dad!

The fact that you even think like that validates our lack of sibling relationship should continue to make me glad!

You disgust me and I am done with any involvement I was previously entertaining with you!

You have shown your true colors now your limited chapter in my life is also through!

You attempted to clean up your father's mess instead of staying in your lane!

For you to ever try to re-unite with me would substantiate  that you're




Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on a true story involving the interactions preceding and after the death of my birth father Tuesday  August 14, 2018.

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In contrasts to your darkness and light is your will to live



From the coals of sacred texts, brought fouth from ancient whispers of a circle of unbroken time, dipping and acendinding its change state, as the one constant in unending continuity. Therein lies a simple truth, corrupted with gentle persuasion. 


The state of being, the being of state and status of beings. 

There are three main laws for us to purview and avail here and now, or in past and future possibility. There is one rule that seperates, yet, reconsiles and is master of all truth; ugly or beautiful it renders life in death, death  into life and life into death. 


to live evil live to  - live.d.evil

to Evo L ovE to 


The cycle that never alters its identity making Its mood known in all forms and states; the All as in the We collective; and as the I; AGAPI, the known mystery of presiding over both and the first of the third.


Go.d  and evil.


Live with the hidden truth in plain sight. Felt  with intense realness,  hidden in semantics of languages  long lost and forgotten,  but none is needed to unless seeking to corrupt the incorruptible what is known and fails in explanation.


For  this very reason,  the logic of AGAPI (love) in all its moods, colours, ugliness and beauty fail to be described. And still, the poets' pride tries in vain to capture the whole.  Ever so often though, glimpses resonate and we can see a temporal portal with the promise of the indescribable known.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

For the few temporal and literal scholars here who might find something of interest here. Blessings and Hugss 

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dear pro se plaintiff

What is clear to me
is that your
intention is not
the attainment of justice
but a soapbox
from which you can
unleash the vitriol
that's been skulking
about the dark hollows
of that conundrum
between your ears



By jfarrell


Happy birthday; happy christmas;

Poppy day; Anne Frank’s birthday;

Anniversaries are things to remember,

Sometimes, like birthdays, things to celebrate.


A little over 20 years ago Princess Diana died;

Where was I? waking up in a mental hospital

After my first suicide attempt;

Happy anniversary.


My dying before she does

Maybe the only way I can make my mum feel something,

Anything, about me;

To be fair, it’s not like she could if she wanted to.


Last time I saw her, 25 years ago, I told I’m never coming back

“Don’t I get a kiss. I am your mother,” she said

No, I said;

You may have given birth to me, but you’re not my mother.


Her spite towards me and my anger towards her;

Both need to hurt the other in self defence;

It is a vicious cycle that will continue

Long after her, or my, death.


Happy anniversary.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

yes, i have 'mommy' issues, don't we all, luckily I don't have anything to do with mine - i am the one eyed man in the land of the blind, honest, loook at this face, would it lie to you?

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But, I am, so it comes out that way

But, I am, so it comes out that way

By jfarrell


(Bill Hicks was a legend, sorely missed)


I don’t mean to be full of hate and bitterness,

Spiteful, wanting to hurt back,

But, I am, so it comes out that way.


I don’t mean to treat you with disrespect,

And nonchalantly dismiss your views;

But, that’s the way it comes out.


I used to work with nursery children,

I was full of care, understanding and empathy;

And it came out that way.


I wanted to be loved;


And I couldn’t let that show at all.


After all these years….


I don’t mean to want everyone who ever hurt me to hurt, horribly;

To die slowly, and in as much agony, as my imagination can conjure;

But, I do, so it comes out that way.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

"I don't mean to sound cold and heartless, but I am, so it comes out that way" or something like that. Bill Hicks was a genius

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News for You

News for You

By jfarrell


People of Britain,

I’ve got news for you;

It ain’t about left or right;

It’s about right and wrong.


“If we don’t get brexit, there’ll be riots…” WRONG!

When you make threats, you devalue democracy;

“we have low wages because of immigrants…” WRONG!

You have low wages because your boss can get away with it.


The World watches as we try to welch on our commitments;

And the World wants to do business with Britain?

“Have cake and eat it.”

How arrogant.


This once great nation, a refuge, a home to all,

Has become a cesspit of lies and hate;

I’ve got news for you, Britain,

The World is watching,

Or are you too stupid to see that?


Author's Notes/Comments: 

i just don't understand the hate

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Impotent Rage

Impotent Rage

By jfarrell


What am I going to do?

This thug, twice my height, twice my width;

Says “One more word, and I gonna knock your teeth out!”

And I haven’t said anything.


When they stopped my ESA and housing benefit,

I jumped through all the hoops they told me to;

Went to college, quickly got paid employment

I know I still need more hours.


When they stopped my benefit I was £30 in rent arrears;

Now they say it’s all sorted out anew, I’m £777 in arrears;

Yes, I had a breakdown,

Yes, I was on benefits.


I didn’t actually let a kid break his ankles, when I was last working;

Because it nearly happened, coz I was ill;

I got the hell out.

I left my job, lost my home, was ill!


What am I going to do?

Shafted, how else would you see it?

Torn between murderous rage and cut my own wrists depression;

I hate impotent rage - and they tell me, that’s a choice too.


The doing nothing about it part;

Give in to your rage and righteous anger.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

yep, slightly peed off

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Dragon’s Scales

Dragon’s Scales

   By jfarrell


Yeah, my honey-boy,

Take the sweets, take the comics;

Cut my rapist’s throat.


I’m glad you ain’t my kid,

I’d be ashamed of you, you little poof;

Cut my dad’s throat.


Jo…Jo…Joey Deacon..

Stuttering fuck, shut up!

Cut all their fucking throats.


Why should I make a nice dragon?

For all the ‘nice’ I am, 20% works

The rest is just folks taking me for a fool.


I want my dragon stronger, more beautiful, than I;

Hate and scum is all this world wants;

Thus my dragon will be built with what it wants.


All the hate I have, the anger;

The bitterness; darkness; cruelty;

My dragon has very, very black scales.




And, sorry for the swearing, I don’t mean to be a potty-mouth, but felt it was warranted.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

why should my draagon be a good guy or girl?

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