Is Discrimination in the Kink Community Inherently Bad?

DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO


Kink "play" is much different than applying for a job or riding in a certain part of a bus. INDIVIDUALS make very personal choices as to who they play with, and those choices are often determined by very complex issues.


"I won't play with so and so, they are too old"


Yes I have heard this many many times. This is perfectly okay coming from the individual I may be wanting to play with, but it is biased discrimination when coming from someone who says "DaddyO shouldn't be playing with so and so because he is too old" (providing everyone involved is of legal age of course).


Yes, it is an opinion, and I believe people have the right to their opinions. Opinions often influence discrimination. Facts are better measures, especially when coming from a consensus or "mob-rule" opinion.


"Sorry you're not the type I normally photograph."


I personally love to photograph all body sizes, but will opt to prioritize body types I personally find more attractive to my tastes. This is because photography is my hobby and my kink. For some photographers, it is ONLY their kink. For others it is only their hobby.


"They are new and can't know anything, so why bother?"


In this case, as a Top, I love playing with new people. From my experience, newbies appear to get more excitement from the experience, and I have found they are not as jaded and able to let go much easier in scene. From a bottom's perspective, I could see playing with an inexperienced Top might be scary and more difficult to trust.


"I don't play with big people."


Once again, this is a personal decision and almost every person finds a certain body size more to their liking. It is very difficult to change what parts of another individual we feel attracted to.


I mean we all have preferences with gender and that is never seen as discrimination. Sometimes breast size and penis size can be seen as discrimination, but here is where my point is made: it is okay!


It is okay to only like 8" or longer penises or size 36 and up breasts!


Whether a person dresses as a bunny rabbit, in spandex or leather, sucks on a binky or wears thigh high boots, are all things we fetishize, so why is it somehow wrong to fetishize body size?


Is it really discrimination or simply a person's preference?


In most cases, as long as it is kept personal and private and relegated to "my opinion" or "my preference" rather than an edict on the community at large, all of this behavior and judgment is warranted and acceptable.


But isn't stating a preference a way of being discriminating?


Discrimination, if done wisely, is not wrong. Just like judging someone isn't wrong, if you use correct judgment!


Like I've said before, "I don't mind being judged, what I hate is being misjudged."

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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Discrimination is rampant,

Cornered like a frog is talent,

Favouritism has become,

A blessing for some.


Appreciated are the dull ones,

Flattery in whose veins ever runs,

I wonder at times gravely,

How mean they can be!


By adopting unfair means,

Before and behind the scenes,

For certain positions,

They defeat those with true ambitions.


Even patience does not work,

As the honest ones grope in the dark,

For the change,

For freedom from this situation strange.


Who will bring order?

None knows whatsoever,

Who will save us all?

Before we absolutely fall!


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When To Get Out

They said I was too friendly

and too mean

and both were unprofessional

They said I didn't wear enough clothes

and I wore too much

and neither was the right look for the job

They said I was too worried about being first

and then I wasn't fast enough

and there was no middle

They hired me to communicate

and told me I talked too much

yet I wasn't given a chance to state my side, my opinion, my view

They said I needed to mature, needed more experience

But they said they expected more from me than ones that had been there for 25 years because of my background

so I did everything I could

They said I wasn't the right fit

and this time I knew why

they'd called it "the piping" in the past

He said he'd never managed a woman before

And I knew the translation

He wasn't going to manage a woman anymore

Because he'd made the distinction

The discrimination

I was a female

in a man's world

and they'd say anything

to get me out.

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The Abused


He was born in a rodent-infested hut, amid the broken screams of an abused woman and the furious shouts of a drunken man; those sounds never faded.

He had been there all his life.

He watched the generations pass by; he lived his life in each stage, under the watchful eyes of the same spirits that have always lurked there.



He is unwelcome-he interferes in the dull monotony of their lives

But he doesn’t, really-he never ventures into their existence-

Never shatters their perfect routine,

He merely peeps in from a distance, like a tourist at a zoo.



As the house burned, bright orange and red flames licking the night sky,

A boy of eight watched, a gash running down the side of his head.

That is a scar he will forever have to bear.

Holding that candle to the drapes and then quietly walking out, he wouldn’t regret

He was a murderer.


He walked out of what they called the kids’ dungeon, his gash now a pink scar,

Jagged and crooked, adorning the side of his face.

As other boys threw insults at him, he stole a brown hat with a large brim.



His painfully ordinary hat hides his cold eyes, as they observe and calculate

He is tall, but he slouches; his trusty cane always clenched tight between his white knuckles;

Some people make us instantly warm up to them, some make us shiver uncomfortably.

He is the latter.


He watched with pained eyes as his wife walked away.

The little boy on her shoulder reached back for him, crying too much to be coherent.

The people glared at him cruelly, telling him he was his own father.

He learned to shut his eyes and ears.



He is there, seemingly everywhere at once, as soon as the smiling sun makes his way up the sky;

He watches carefully as the village crawls to life,

The small shacks opening their worn down, unpolished doors, as curious, wary heads peek out at him,

Each of them turning away as he turns in their direction.



He watched in the mirror as his once youthful face grew old, like creases on thin paper;

He looked out of his window. An old lady smiled at him with sympathy.

She was the only one who had done that in a long time.



They talk about him-the women gossip during knitting sessions,

And the men make crude jokes about him as they labour in the fields.

Happy new parents warn their children fearfully, to steer clear of his mysterious figure.

That is why they scuttle away when he watches them-the same way he does everyone else.



He stared at the official document.

The old lady had died.

She left him her life’s savings.



They do not know how he survives-how he makes his living,

How he gets his food and drink,

Or is he some strange entity that does not require any mortal means of survival?

They do not know, yet, or maybe “thus”, he is the story young boys tell around the campfire,

As they shine torchlight in their faces, making sound effects to ensure their friends will wake up screaming in the still, quiet dead of night.



He signed at the bottom of the page;

He hoped someone would find it.

He gave his house and property to his son.



When his spirit fades away like morning stars, in the middle of December, his bed as cold as his eyes once were,

No one knows.

His body rots, as the family of rats, who call his house their home, 

Eagerly feast on the pale carcass.


Things come full circle.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's been years since I've penned a poem, but here it is anyway..

Wake up Everybody

Outside Looking In

Come along with me on a journey,
where you can see the judgment,
discrimination and illusion,
about pharmaceutical drugs
and the money they are racking in
at the expense of you and me,
there is no economic problem,
what is occurring is oppression,
deceit blindfolding you penniless,
causing people to commit murder,
diseasing the body and bringing on old age,
not be ignorant and wake up everybody!

by Pamela Murawski

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