The Poison In You

What if I wasn't like you?

And I was just me, and Myself was true?


And if you did bad would it mean I would too? 

Would it mean if I did it, I'm exactly like you?


Would I be subject to your evil?

Would I be subject to your internal upheaval?


What if I am good in spirit,

And you might just rather not hear it


And if I did bad, does it mean I'm just like you?

Looking for an excuse for the culprit that causes blue?


Decisions left to baseless comparison

Myself gone from me, and origin

She tells me so, I'm just like him and her

Do you see my other qualities as just a blur?


Bring my poison, she admits me to it

Determines me as someone else and then she sits


Then, who am I?

A continuation of your deranged views, someone elses cry?


No room to breathe-

All our times been wasted,

Two love feens.

No escaping thee-

Fetal position,

And my mind-

Casting shadows of envy.

But eating me-

Thoughts grow like vines,

Impossible to scream.

You're regretting me-

So hard,

I can taste it.

And it haunts me.


Why can't I sleep?

When I have these dreams-
They turn to nightmares.

You're leaving me,

All of my hidden schemes-

Burst into gold flares.


All of the lights.

Soon you'll see why-

I put up a fight.

Your love never lied-

With it,

My eyes swell up with pride.

I sit and plead-

My heart would sing.


Dulling this agleam.


They told her she could be anything.
But never did she anticipate a women loving woman,
with trembling innards spewed on a cold street right next to
her charred pulsing muscle. 
They didn't mention the ache of fraying sinews.
Or of rose water weeping wounds to be bandaged
while the world sleeps. 
She didn't know about the store of sludge in the pit of her gut
that would make her gurgle as she choked;
futile attempts not to swallow herself. 
They told her to follow her dreams. 
But all she dreams of is sleep. 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I am not entirely sure of what this is meant to mean, I could just feel the words urging me to put them to paper.

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Lost one

Faith is all you know.

You bestow it on me, so.

Inside, your knows-

Ten feet tall.
Slip towards the ledge.

You and I.

Push me below.

Wind took my breath.

Left me-

Laying on the floor.



Is white and black-

And pain,

Keep my hands shaking.

When you talk to me.

Your faith changed and,

You're never close to me.

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Smothered in blue

On a whim, I lean over to kiss you. Senseless, confused, I kiss you. Fear of rejection consumes me, but I do not want our lips to part. Don't move. Just kiss me. Just kiss me, hold me. You don't even need to love me. Just kiss me. 
"Oi fatty. What are you day dreaming about?"
Ah. Fatty. A name amongst names.
"I said. Fatty, what the hell are you day dreaming about?!"
He was getting a little more aggressive now. Prodding me in the shoulder leaving a piercing pin-point dot of pain. He continued to jeer, gaining the attention of his hoodlum friends, all of them grouping together. Surrounded, I close my eyes, each breath - inhale, exhale - rotating in the orchestra my mind. 
I twitch in my seat, as I feel a thud. Then another. And another. Then several thuds. Each coming at me from different directions, each varying in strength. Each filled with the same malicious hate. 
Fatty. Shithead. Bastard. Fag. 
Baby. Honey. Sugar. My love. 
I lull away from reality; run to my dreams with you. The flow of hate-filled insults reform to a stream of endearment. Each punch a wandering touch. Each beating to a heated embrace. Like this. If I dream of you like this, I can withstand it. If you love me, then I can withstand it.  
A kick in the stomach tugs me from my dream world. And on the floor, on that cold floor, I lay. The blood surges upward, forcing up any food, pulling any sense I have left with it. I can no longer differentiate between tears and blood as my body lurches forward, then is pulled back. My face throbs. Like a bludgeoned blueberry, I sway back and forth, only catching a breath between each bat. I close my eyes - cannot open them rather - and take deep breaths. Each one bubbling, stirring for air, as I feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness.  
I - try to - open my eyes, but find them sealed shut. The congealed blood has formed blackberry clusters on my eyelashes. The crevices of my lips and nostrils are layered with a dry bloody crust,  crackling at each movement I attempt to make. Morning has come, uninvited, once again.
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Irrepressible Sadness

I wake up and think about when I had you next to me

I drive and think of when you wanted to come with.


I try to work, and remember the fun we had painting together.

I try to shed tears yet my eyes have no moisture left

So I choke from my tear ducts taking moisture from my throat.


I go through each day hoping to see you, wanting to hold you

Just wanting to talk, and longing for your touch again.

I need you in my life more than blood to flow through my heart.


You promised never to leave

Although from the start I knew you would.


I tried to part then, to avoid this pain again.

You stopped me and held me, and said you’d never go.


I said that I couldn’t believe that, since I had been so heartbroken before

You promised again, blocking the door

…and I believed you.


Swore up and down that you were there to Stay

Even signed it in blood, you would not go away

…and I believed you.


Yet where are you now, in my time of need?

Where are you now, as I sit here and bleed?


Have you ever really cared?...Will anyone, Can anyone truly care?

For another human being, as the way I have and still do.


I dined you and fed you the best that I could,

And wanted to buy you the life of your dreams.

But you wanted more than my life could give.

So you chose to leave me in search of one finer.


And now we don’t speak, nor even write words

Because of the choices to remain unheard.


Yet try as I might to show you my love,

I have no other option but accepting you leave.


You came to my life as an Angel to save.

Yet left me with a dagger still burning in my heart.

She Said She Hates

I certainly can empathize with the weight of passion expressed in this poem. It is not an easy thing to place your feelings aside when we see horrific crimes such as are acted out daily in our society. I was raped several times as a minor child, and eventually had to come to grips with this truth about our society. I went through the rigorous process of exposure therapy, and found it to be a very lengthy, arduous, but extremely fullfilling path towards getting in touch with the core reasons about why I personally, felt the ways I did about being raped. Our society sees rape as a lesser crime than it does murder. It makes no sense until you realize the many different ways in which one can be 'raped'. Physical rape is one thing, then there is date rape, and then there is coersion, (which becomes debateable as to whether it is actual 'rape' or not), and then there is psychological rape, which is done with or without physical contact. Many of us experience psychological rape on a daily basis without thinking twice about it. It stems from a lack of personal boundaries, and/or enforcing those boundaries in our lives with all we meet. If we are to live in the world peacefully and content, we all need to learn the value of personal boundaries. 


Thank you for writing such an exquisite and intricate piece (for lack of a word that would fit better), and allowing an opportunity for 'rape' to be looked at rationally, as we accomplish nothing through hate....but for poetry's sake...awesome awesome. You put things in clear and concise words, and on subjects that carry as much volume as this one, it can be very cathartic for those trying to work things out within themselves, so that they can be in touch with their true essence of love and forgiveness, and not allow hate to consume them...(it was for me...I remember way back when).


I wouldn't change a thing about my past....because if I did, I would not have all I have today, and I am sure I would not be the the person I have grown into. I am not saying that it does not deserve to be corrected in whatever way brings the core of the issue to transform into a better world for us all, but I am saying hating doesn't help it, and I do not believe it to be part of a solution.






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Life Of Love And Hate

The earth shakes,

my walls begin to break.

That barrier I built up,

comes crashing down without warning.

I don’t know what to do,

I can’t think,

all these thoughts and feelings come crashing through. 

So overwhelmed, I fight to break free.

All these emotions overpower me.

I feel so powerless,
 my sanity put to the test. 

It’s slipping, failing.

I’m no longer different from the rest.

All those lies, the hard times
they make us who we are.

We fight we try, not giving up don’t want to die.

We’re strong, we live, survive each day.

We fight through the pain and all the feelings we’re put through.

It works for us, we eventually find love.

A passion for disaster, a love for the pain.

Just a life of both love and hate.

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I slip, falling hopelessly.

I hold my breathe relentlessly.

I stumble, trying to get back up.

Only to be pushed back down.

They yell at me, throw things at me.

All these obstacles keep popping up.

I dodge, I fight, just trying to do what’s right.

I don’t give up, I won’t back down.

I barely make it through each day,

I’m oppressed by this world of pain.

Then I finally hit the cold hard ground;

I lay there and stare up at the cold dark sky.

I curse, I cry, I beg to die. 

I try holding my breath to stop my cries. 

This pain is endless,

my body is now a canvas to the scars that cover me.

I try hiding in the dark so they stay hidden,

then my inner demon breaks free.

Then all that anger that was built up inside of me,

is released I’ve been set free.

I glow red with anger,

It’s like an inner flame has taken over I now show no shame.

I will seek out revenge on this hateful life. 

No longer dying I feel alive.

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