insanity

The Seed

in what dark recesses of torture remain

exists a dreaded seed for us to obtain

to keep us sane and deliver us from evil

so goes the creed of an everlasting people

 

unending doubt resonates to be

impermanance rooted in an everlasting dream

scarcity of hope glimmering in dusk

prevention of fortune in a world of luck

 

forever told from stories past

eerily reminiscent of perpetual task

systems of new destroyed wisdom once known

for all apart of a world unsown

 

grimmace and malice plagued once more

in dire times that conjured vile scorn

but it was hope that was given once last chance

now grows a tree from the seed of our past

Azathoth - Mighty Flutist God

Folder: 
Poetry

At the center of the Universe,

Is Azathoth, in all His might.

Corpulent mass of swirling,

Chaotic forms and more.

 

Piping an odd sound,

Which is muted at its bone.

Without melody or rhythm,

A sound lonely through His madness.

 

Like a Sultan on His throne,

They dance around the dome.

The 12 Dancing Gods so blind,

Of which Nyarlathotep did depart in His might.

 

Azathoth, the insane and formless God

The mad mass of Chaos

Piping the world to an end...

 

Insanity is what He is about!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Cthulhu Mythos poem.

spiraling

Folder: 
Poetry

I'm spiraling out of control

With no where to go

 

My mind is losing it's grip

Reality is begining to slip

 

There's no where left to turn

My desire starts to burn  

 

I can't seem to find my feet

My heart is ceasing to beat  

 

Sanity is but a shallow dream

Spinning too fast, I begin to scream  

 

I'm losing my balance, starting to fall

The world's gone black, you can't hear my call  

 

It's dizzying how fast I'm going

There's an odd feeling of knowing  

 

The end is near, it's closing in

My patience is wearing thin  

 

Goodbye to my sanity

It's spiraling out from beneath me  

 

I'm no longer who I was before

There's no one here anymore!

Truth of me

I'm not in control, I'm not your only heart beat. I'm scared of what the future may hold. Will I be there when you have the other in your arms, or will I fade away in to the shadows. I love with all my heart, I fear with all my soul. When will I have control over my fears and my tears.

 

It scares me to think of a life without you, a life of no sun and a red moon. With you gone there would be no rhime, no reason, no time of season's. Just darkness over my mind and pleags of death on my soul. I will never lose you, that's what you say, well tell the voice that you will stay. They will not lessen, they will not stop, there's nothing I can do but bottle up. You want me open, it causing more harm then good, just let me die slowly, I really wish you would.

 

I know you won't my gallant knight, I know you'll fight for me so deep in my night. But this demons have no shape no form, they with cut you open with out a knife and leave you in a storm. I don't know how to fix what the voices and I have broken, the trust gone it was stolen and undone. I want to turn back time to when we first meet, so you can feel the passion you once felt. Wish I was enuff to make the passion new, wish I was stronger then I am. A life time of pain and broken hearts is what I carry, the scares are to deep for the words "I won't" to carry. 

 

They are why people leave me, they are why I was alone, they are why I bottle, they hurt the ones I love though me.

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Insane

Folder: 
letters to Anna

Dear Anna,

How could some one love anyone who doesn't exist
Turning their non existence into in-existence.
to be in a world of delusion, a dream land
some may call this insane
But i reckon we are all sane and insane
By our own ways,But i sure am mad
A mad man estranged and straying
Looking for the cause of his delusion
I am not insane by a cause but my own choice
Sure as crazed this may sound today
But tomorrow when you will find me
And when we are in love
Then you will know, My love
Today's insanity is tomorrow's sanity


Your's and always Your's
Kamal

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The Worst of A Savage

I feel like I'm getting cut off the chord

Another guy's cheating on his girlfriend while he's bored

Lies to his good friend and runs off again anew

Leaves his friend to the wolves and what is true

 

To lie and kiss when you belonged to another
To take away a poor soul's virginity and have a 10th lover

All of this and more at once

Consecutively deceiving and ongoing months

 

I wonder just what is your problem?

To steal so many hearts and trap a robin

And feed the sickness to the sea of insanity

Starting another storm and change the skies to calamity

 

To taint another's love

and slit the throat of a peaceful dove

You set a storm in the deepest of hearts

and set wounds inside the most delicate parts

When will you ever seem to care or learn

Until the harsh fire inside of you ceases to burn

 

To turn yet another to stone

and eat the flesh and leave bare bone

Laying in the shadows waiting for the next poor soul to ravage

Clearly you fit the name, the worst of a savage

 

 

 

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Burderned

Spent most of my life, trapped in the dark

Chasing some sort of light, mindset so stark

I go deep into the darkness, all consumed

But somehow I emerge, hope renewed

It happens every time, like it's a game

Every day wondering, is this my last play

Focused mindset, clouded by negativity

Hoping, praying, for a moment of serendipity

This light that I'm chasing, it seems to fade

The edges of my sanity, they seem so frayed..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I don't remember writing this. I was looking through a notepad I sometimes write in, saw this and thought I'd upload it. This is the first poem I've uploaded. The art of English is not a great subject for me. All comments welcome, negative and positive.

Dies Leben bringt mich um / This life will kill me

Folder: 
Songs

This is a song I wrote in German. I've given my translation in English because I assume this is a website used mainly by English speakers, but I've put it second this time, unlike other bilingual posts I've made, because I don't think it as accurately represents the original. I had a bit of a Tom Waits thing going in my head.

 

Nichts bleibt jetzt zu töten doch die Zeit und der Schmerz
Als ich Schutz vom Regen suche, dem Regen im Herz
Ich male hellen Bilder an den Fenstern und der Wand

Damit ich nicht die dunkle Welt draußen sehen kann

 

Es bringt mich schon zum Lachen, es bringt mich sicher um
Während ich die Freiheit überlegen, bewegen sich die Wände enger mich herum.

 

Wie 'ne Kanonenkugel schweb' ich aufs Bedauernmeer

Ich schwimm' der Wirklichkeit vorbei, den Wahnsinn hinterher
Man findet mich am Meeresboden, nach dem Weg fragen
Hier bin ich vor nicht gewesen seit mindestens zwei Monaten

 

Es bringt mich schon zum Lachen, es bringt mich sicher um

Während ich die Freiheit überlegen, bewegen sich die Wände enger mich herum

 

Wir sehen uns halbjährlich, doch dir sehe ich jade Nacht

Den Morgen grüßt der Hahn, er weint den Tod meiner Vernunft nach

Der Bauer hackt den Kopf ihm ab; der Hund gefüttert werden muss
Auge um Auge, wie man hier sagt, das Leben schmeckt gut mit 'nem Bösenschuss

 

Es bringt mich schon zum Lachen, es bringt mich sicher um
Während ich die Freiheit überlegen, bewegen sich die Wände enger mich herum

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nothing left now to kill but the time and the pain
As I seek cover from the rain, the rain in my heart
I paint bright pictures on the windows and the wall
So that I can't see the dark world outside

 

It really makes me laugh, but it will surely kill me
While I contemplate freedom, the walls move closer in around me

 

Like a canonball I float on the sea of regret
I swim past reality, after insanity

I can be found on the bottom of the sea asking for directions
I haven't been here before, for at least two months

 

It really makes me laugh, but it will surely kill me
While I contemplate freedom, the walls move closer in around me

 

We see each other twice a year, but I see you every night
The rooster greets the morning, he mourns for my sanity
The farmer cuts its head off; the dog must be fed
An eye for an eye, or say they say, life goes well with a slice of evil

 

It really makes me laugh, but it will surely kill me
While I contemplate freedom, the walls move closer in around me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Overall this is a bit tongue in cheek and explores my emotions when falling in love with someone who may well also like you, but either way it just isn't going to work.
If you are a native German speaker, please let me know about mistakes I've made and anything that just doesn't sound right. For the most part I've simply translated without trying to force rhyme or making it sounds better in English, but one or two times I did.
Otherwise, please leave a quick comment :)

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Schizo

walking through a smokey fume.. in this sealed up dark room..
I saw your eyes bleeding blue.

 

going up, going down. spin spin around & around
falling to my knees, calling out to God, please
save me from this crucifixion
cut the ties to lifes addictions
spit up the lies you fed, on which I choked
climbing up these ropes
running away from the hoax
insanity, the only word she knows.

 

deep in the dungeon, I go plunging
searching for the meaning
intervening, I come between two scales..
a lions head with three flaming tails.

 

i'm not like this.. you're leading me to be crazy..
one day i'll run, forever away from you, maybe...
like the speed of light, in a flash, little hazy.
there's more for me then this demonic plague..
there's more to life then constant conviction.

 

wrists are shaking & those screams begin to take a toll..
driving round this winding road..
i'm done with your pitiful smold of an existence..
don't act like you know what i'm missing.
so here I plant my feet in the ground, not bending for you now
never again will I twist or turn
because bitch, you've got so much to learn.