loss

Missing Him

You continue to fight the system,
I know that you miss him,
I don't know why,
You refuse to let go,

Of the dream that faded away,
You continue to cause pain,
When it can go away,
No matter how hard,
You scream at the sky,
He ain't ever comming back,
He died for his cause,
What he believed,
Just because you won't agree,
Won't cause him to be beamed back,
From the past battles he fought,
And the one he did return,
But in a box and uniform,
To his last place,
Where he shall forever stand guard,
Oneday he will stand guard next to you,

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Cold Embrace

Folder: 
Love
Filled with despair
“I'll meet you there”
Said to the phone
My heartbeat drones
To meet your love
And all thereof
To act, to show
So that they'll know
That we've moved on
(Our shared con)
All eyes assume
Within the room
But I just can't face
Your cold embrace
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Timber Merchant

 When I was a child

I remember you carrying me in your arms

the grey pseudo membrane covers my pharynx

making it difficult to breathe

Diphtheria was common in those days

You were turned away

from the footsteps of Holy family hospital

I saw despair

Flow down your cheeks

Where to now

You murmured

As I slipped into unconsciousness 

 

The haveli in Shimla

Amidst blue pines

You, your young family

My father, his brothers and sisters

Settled, content and happy

Forest was your business

Himalayan cedar, silver fir, white oak

Your touch turned them to gold

You took to the road in ‘47

Independence from British Raj and idolaters

carnage ensued

innocents, vulnerable

those who had no say, paid

The Punjabi sky above endured,

said no word but it poured

you spoke little about exodus of your own choice

and loss of everything

the hardship years, the eldest his fits of psychosis

chained, there was no PTSD in those days

people took things in their stride

his young siblings, their silent cries of pain

for the valley, the green trees

the wind that rustled between

the paths that led to nowhere

your hands never spoke of the stories

but you rebuilt the nest

and one by one they flew

some near

others to faraway lands

 

I want to know more about you grandpa

I am not small anymore but your legacy is so much bigger

One thing I am certain

giving up was never in our blood

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Today is my grandfathers 36th Death Anniversary, I usually pay a triibute in the form of a poem or a reflection. This year I thought of writing this one, a history of sorts, do leave your comments, thank you

View shazi's Full Portfolio

Release Me

 

I have wasted

My time

My energy

My breath on you

 

I have gotten

Nothing

Emptiness

Loneliness from you

 

You have fooled me

Put a veil over my eyes

Tricked me

Into loving you

 

You have taken, everything

My heart

My body

My mind from me

 

Yet

I love you 

I crave you

I yearn for you

 

Where is there reason,

When love is involved?

Where is reality,

When emotions run wild?

 

I would ask

But there is no answer

You leave me in silence

To stand on my own

I long to crumble

Fall into pieces

Cry to the heavens

Cry out to you

 

Never will you be

Mine own heart

Mine own soul

Or any part

Of mine own being

 

So… let me go

Set me free

Open your palms

And release me

 

Please...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/14/2018

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Distance

Folder: 
To My Wife

I would say I miss you

But you no longer care

You left long before your body

And left me alone with yourself

 

I'm always thinking of you

Everyone says you aren't worth it

Maybe they're right...

But I thought you were

 

I wish we could be “us” again

But do I truly miss you

Or simply the relationship we had?

I guess I'll never know

 

You've kept me at a distance

So far I'd never reach you

Now I suppose I've finally decided

To stop trying

I went

I woke up today, and I put on my clothes and brushed my teeth 

I went to school, and they were waiting there for me 

I went to the bathroom, to get away from their killing knives and daggers of deception 

I went to my next class, and they tortured me while the teacher just laughed 

I went to lunch today, and they made me feel unwanted and I was feeling quite brash 

I went to the corner, and ate as if it were an art to eat uncomfortably alone 

I went, well, I went away and continued through this rutted blur that I'm trapped in 

It's the end of the day, and I finally force a smile because I get to go home 

I went home, and dad left, again, mom said he's not coming back 

I went to my room, I cried and closed my eyes, hopefully for good 

I went to sleep, my stomach was empty and my dread was full, I hope that I don't wake up 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Middle School

Alone

You wonder why you're alone, even when you push people away 

You ask the question of "why don't you love me", then you scream and cry "stay away!" 

All you ask is that somebody holds you and never gives up on you, you've never said that, but it's not that easy 

You stand alone wondering why you're alone, being isolated alone with your lonely thoughts, utterly alone 

Being alone you yearn for a lone friend who was alone like you, and you want to be alone, together 

Being alone with a lone friend brings feelings of love or forlorn, 

You go everywhere together, promising that you'll be their best man, and that you'll never part from each other's side 

You plan college and future, you plan and plan and plan together, getting more and more excited as you grow together, groaning and moaning through the struggles and allowing yourself to be seen prone with them 

And you see each other all the time and you get, well, you get that feeling where you trust them, believing that they'll never hurt you, you open yourself up and develop together as people. 

Attached, that was the word. When you, when you love someone you get attached to them, you give them the gun fully loaded and let them aim it at your heart because you don't want to hold on to that weighty weapon which held you down, and they said that they'd love to carry some of your burden for you 

And you forget that they took that from you, and you go on getting happier and happier, learning to love again, leaping and feeling light without a lingering worry leaving you heavy since that burden left you 

They call you their brother and best friend, that their life could never be this grand, you become their advisor and shoulder to cry on and for you too, and life is great, and you're happy, and you can finally smile, saying truthfully that "somebody loves me" 

Then you say something, and they shoot you, and you realize that friend ends with end. You said something that you would never mean but you weren’t thinking and you curse yourself every day because you're just a freak, a monster that holds only malice with many wounds that aren't mendable, you blame yourself even though they're the one that shot you 

And you can't function and you miss them and then you wish that you never met them, but it will always hurt, and it still hurts, and if I had one thing left that I had to say it's I love you, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I hurt you the way that they hurt me. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When you finally get that friend, things are never the same

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When you lose a friend

When you lose a friend, your heart aches terribly 

When you lose a friend, time stops moving continuously 

When you lose a friend, you have to act like strangers 

When you lose a friend, eye contact becomes a danger. 

 

I lost a friend today, and my heart is broken into pieces 

I lost a friend today, and the pain is still crippling 

I lost a friend today, and now I'm completely alone 

I lost a friend today, and I'm lost with absolutely no direction 

 

I lost a friend a month ago, and the pain hasn't stopped 

I lost a friend a month ago, and he moved on leaving me alone 

I lost a friend a month ago, and I'm crying, still not believing that it's real 

I lost a friend a month ago, and I feel like I'm dying 

 

I lost who I am, since you left 

I lost who I am, and I don't want to go back 

I lost who I am, because you stabbed me in the back 

I'm lost, thank you 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Something with repetition that I came up with

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Tell Me a Story

Tell me a story

I've never heard before

Of faraway lands

And long-distant shores

Of knights and their honor

Of sweet maidens fair

Exercise your eloquence

To transport me there

 

Tell me a story

Of love won and lost

Of heroes unwavering

No matter the cost

Sing me a lullaby

Of joy and regret

And maybe, just maybe

I'll learn to forget

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