Hate

THE PHOENIX.

 

 
If I was an animal , I would d be a broken phoenix,

Reaching the top, dancing with the fuzzy clouds,

To show you, the pain fuelling my weak breathings,

Broken wings, anyone would be able to follow the trail,

Of ashes burning under the sun and crossing oceans,

Because the child in me never say stop,

Water or fire, are my elements,

The disguise of my pleasure ,

And if he has to listen a lies,

I forgot my address, my mobile and my emails,

I would rather take the blame,

And leave ashes , amnesia over the Atlantic,

I can see the titanic but your name never show,

I guess, you must have been in third classes,

Never stop me to reach for the stars,

I would be the filth and whisky,

Woman delirious to the prospect of freedom,

Dress lifting in the salty air,

Mans stumbling through big ideology of a new land,

And even the sea, would not crash my feeble wings,

Because in life you have to battle to win,

The rain will my mistress and the sun my prince,

My failure so to speak but this is the kid,

The phoenix died long ago,

On a summer day when dreams was allowed,

So please let me dreams a little while,

But if you stay and reach for the stars,

And talk to the tree and your little fluffy friend,

He would tell you the same thing, jumping from one tree,

To the next one, running away, to hollow space,

The shadow on the morning dew grass,

While you sip your coffee,

When I spend the night to cook a feast,

Because I never accept what could be the true,

And your words rest silence,

The trail of his ashes have already disintegrating,

Over the cold water, do you realise you pay the price,

When the sequin shall stop shine,

And glitter on your eyes melting,

is not so bad,

Because I know in my next life,

I be an animal, I shall be a squirrel,

Jumping from dead branches and defecated trees,

But under the rain or tornado,

I would never stop to dream, cos this is all we have…

You can claim the opposite in your throbbing,

When the phoenix reborn from his ashes,

And I see your regrets behind the windows,

I would take all my strength and head straight to the glass,’

Like a silly child I am! Cos in disguise, I am a Bengal tiger,

The ones who keep turning in circle in India,

And the shatter of the glass would be your jewel’s?

The tears rolling please “did you realised it too late?”

But I knew your gentle hands would pick me up,

And burn your flesh, as I would turn again to vestiges,

There is so much time a phoenix can reborn…

But it does means it does not hurt,

When you’re burning dreamless fingers,

Crawls outside the world to let the wind steals my glory tune,

Flew upon the dust I become for you.

And don’t feel so sorry for me,

Just pick the phone by the end of the day,

When the shadow falls I guess all shall have vanish,

Broken glasses, a single feather left on the kitchen table,

Don’t give up the sweet whisper, barely listening,

Will mourn to your ears but I guess it is more easy,

Seating and watch the squirrel,

Ageing but still appealing do circus acts,

Because the dust might have by then disappear crossing the ocean,

To rest and stardust, maybe the omen

Staining your folly nights,

Kid has no shame to show their last remaining moan,

Falling upon the sea,

The morning shall rise with his gospel,

To whisper, “sweet angel your lost!”

Dreams are so rare but I can see your faith hidden,

The same old lullaby holding hands with the same hopelessness,

the pill, hard to swallow to shoot me, while I was flying to you,

Because crazy peoples do crazy things,

And next time, if you see a bird surfing the ocean,

Remember, this is the gosth of your future….

COPYRIGHT@H.NAUDET.2014.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

how many time i have been reborn?

in broad daylight

score one for my narcissist
passive aggressive anarchist 
a bloody hole dark red 
in the back of his head
his constant petty torts
cloud my minds thoughts

hate controls me

in broad daylight
under a bed 
under a bed 
in broad daylight

in broad daylight
under a bed 
under a bed 
in broad daylight

i call on my muse to bless
her name is sensual goddess 
my super hero will decompress
she will drone out my nemesis
rewire the circuits in my brain
give me the colors of the rain

she signs our love infinity

in broad daylight
under a bed 
under a bed 
in broad daylight

in broad daylight
under a bed 
under a bed 
in broad daylight

play that loop again
play that loop again
and again

 

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To Become

Society's filled so dark
A sickness fit to last
A hasty hungry shark
A one that bites the glass

The air turns a poison mist
and the grass turns to a distant waste
A glare becomes a fist
and then a flower becomes erased











The Poison In You

What if I wasn't like you?

And I was just me, and Myself was true?

 

And if you did bad would it mean I would too? 

Would it mean if I did it, I'm exactly like you?

 

Would I be subject to your evil?

Would I be subject to your internal upheaval?

 

What if I am good in spirit,

And you might just rather not hear it

 

And if I did bad, does it mean I'm just like you?

Looking for an excuse for the culprit that causes blue?

 

Decisions left to baseless comparison

Myself gone from me, and origin

She tells me so, I'm just like him and her

Do you see my other qualities as just a blur?

 

Bring my poison, she admits me to it

Determines me as someone else and then she sits

 

Then, who am I?

A continuation of your deranged views, someone elses cry?

Agleam

No room to breathe-

All our times been wasted,

Two love feens.

No escaping thee-

Fetal position,

And my mind-

Casting shadows of envy.

But eating me-

Thoughts grow like vines,

Impossible to scream.

You're regretting me-

So hard,

I can taste it.

And it haunts me.

 

Why can't I sleep?

When I have these dreams-
They turn to nightmares.

You're leaving me,

All of my hidden schemes-

Burst into gold flares.

 

All of the lights.

Soon you'll see why-

I put up a fight.

Your love never lied-

With it,

My eyes swell up with pride.

I sit and plead-

My heart would sing.

Oh,

Dulling this agleam.

Ambition

They told her she could be anything.
 
But never did she anticipate a women loving woman,
with trembling innards spewed on a cold street right next to
her charred pulsing muscle. 
 
They didn't mention the ache of fraying sinews.
Or of rose water weeping wounds to be bandaged
while the world sleeps. 
 
She didn't know about the store of sludge in the pit of her gut
that would make her gurgle as she choked;
futile attempts not to swallow herself. 
 
They told her to follow her dreams. 
 
But all she dreams of is sleep. 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I am not entirely sure of what this is meant to mean, I could just feel the words urging me to put them to paper.

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Lost one

Faith is all you know.

You bestow it on me, so.

Inside, your knows-

Ten feet tall.
Slip towards the ledge.

You and I.

Push me below.

Wind took my breath.

Left me-

Laying on the floor.

 

Everything.

Is white and black-

And pain,

Keep my hands shaking.

When you talk to me.

Your faith changed and,

You're never close to me.

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Smothered in blue

On a whim, I lean over to kiss you. Senseless, confused, I kiss you. Fear of rejection consumes me, but I do not want our lips to part. Don't move. Just kiss me. Just kiss me, hold me. You don't even need to love me. Just kiss me. 
 
"Oi fatty. What are you day dreaming about?"
 
Ah. Fatty. A name amongst names.
 
"I said. Fatty, what the hell are you day dreaming about?!"
 
He was getting a little more aggressive now. Prodding me in the shoulder leaving a piercing pin-point dot of pain. He continued to jeer, gaining the attention of his hoodlum friends, all of them grouping together. Surrounded, I close my eyes, each breath - inhale, exhale - rotating in the orchestra my mind. 
 
I twitch in my seat, as I feel a thud. Then another. And another. Then several thuds. Each coming at me from different directions, each varying in strength. Each filled with the same malicious hate. 
 
Fatty. Shithead. Bastard. Fag. 
 
Baby. Honey. Sugar. My love. 
 
I lull away from reality; run to my dreams with you. The flow of hate-filled insults reform to a stream of endearment. Each punch a wandering touch. Each beating to a heated embrace. Like this. If I dream of you like this, I can withstand it. If you love me, then I can withstand it.  
 
A kick in the stomach tugs me from my dream world. And on the floor, on that cold floor, I lay. The blood surges upward, forcing up any food, pulling any sense I have left with it. I can no longer differentiate between tears and blood as my body lurches forward, then is pulled back. My face throbs. Like a bludgeoned blueberry, I sway back and forth, only catching a breath between each bat. I close my eyes - cannot open them rather - and take deep breaths. Each one bubbling, stirring for air, as I feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness.  
 
I - try to - open my eyes, but find them sealed shut. The congealed blood has formed blackberry clusters on my eyelashes. The crevices of my lips and nostrils are layered with a dry bloody crust,  crackling at each movement I attempt to make. Morning has come, uninvited, once again.
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Irrepressible Sadness

I wake up and think about when I had you next to me

I drive and think of when you wanted to come with.

 

I try to work, and remember the fun we had painting together.

I try to shed tears yet my eyes have no moisture left

So I choke from my tear ducts taking moisture from my throat.

 

I go through each day hoping to see you, wanting to hold you

Just wanting to talk, and longing for your touch again.

I need you in my life more than blood to flow through my heart.

 

You promised never to leave

Although from the start I knew you would.

 

I tried to part then, to avoid this pain again.

You stopped me and held me, and said you’d never go.

 

I said that I couldn’t believe that, since I had been so heartbroken before

You promised again, blocking the door

…and I believed you.

 

Swore up and down that you were there to Stay

Even signed it in blood, you would not go away

…and I believed you.

 

Yet where are you now, in my time of need?

Where are you now, as I sit here and bleed?

 

Have you ever really cared?...Will anyone, Can anyone truly care?

For another human being, as the way I have and still do.

 

I dined you and fed you the best that I could,

And wanted to buy you the life of your dreams.

But you wanted more than my life could give.

So you chose to leave me in search of one finer.

 

And now we don’t speak, nor even write words

Because of the choices to remain unheard.

 

Yet try as I might to show you my love,

I have no other option but accepting you leave.

 

You came to my life as an Angel to save.

Yet left me with a dagger still burning in my heart.