Anxiety

who am i?

 

when all confidence has left you,

and you feel bereft of love,

forsaken by those who claimed they cared,

that's when i'll fit you like a glove.

 

i'll wait behind your neediness,

and use arrogance, he's my friend,

i'll have you projecting all of me 

onto children, women, and men.

 

that's when i do my finest work,

and all of me i'll bring,

when others up and leave you,

i'll infect you, and do my thing.

 

my presence will be cunning,

my manipulation sly,

i'll have you wrapped around me,

you won't even ask yourself why.

 

the more of you i can consume,

the larger we become,

to contaminate all is what i want,

'cause YOUR pain, to me, is FUN!

 

a fiendish scowling wimp, you see,

a psychopath, my dear,

enjoying all your suffering,

your kidnapper...i'm fear.

 

 

 

 

10:07 AM 6/22/2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the only thing to ever fear, is fear itself. ~franklin d. roosevelt~

 

and that's the truth.

 

.

Fear's House Of Mirrors

fear is the king 

 

of a coward's delight,

 

fear rules illusions

 

that cloud all fools' sight,

 

fear wants compliance

 

adoration and praise,

 

fear becomes arrogance

 

when you challenge his gaze,

 

turning the tables around 

 

can be bliss,

 

when I make friends with fear

 

his intentions I twist,

 

fear uses everyone

 

and makes them his slaves,

 

fear turns the souls 

 

of some dead in their graves,

 

fear teases weaknesses 

 

of youth and of old,

 

fear changes hearts of warmth

 

into stone cold,

 

fear is the god 

 

that brings glory to killing,

 

fear is the god 

 

that makes the spineless willing,

 

motivation of many is controlled by fear,

 

due to principles twisted,

 

and virtues unclear,

 

many will use fear,

 

unwilling to see,

 

their fears are controlling them

 

clear as can be,

 

if ever you see one who 

 

worries too much,

 

believe it is fear that is

 

gaining their trust,

 

 

fear is a mirror


when we've lost our way,

 

that tells us "forget love, honey...


I'm your hero...please stay?"

 

misguided people fall into fear's rut,

 

they slip and fall in,


losing touch with their gut,

 

banish your worries


and live in the now,

 

To strongarm your fears,


honeybun, this is how!!

 

 

6:57 PM 6/19/2013 ©

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Part of a Collaberation

Away

It draws out my breath before I breathe out.

Turning me on myself,

Filling each unoccupied moment with doubt and pain.

Each sentence over-analysed,

Each pause I communication agonised over.

Every possibility,

The more unlikey; the more real.

 

I dreamt when I came back you'd gone,

Still occupying the same space but no longer mine.

No hate. No Argument. No reason.

Only indifference.

We stretched it too far and you let go,

It didn't snap.

One word answers.

I love you, I love you,

Say it back,

You used to.

 

Absence made the heart grown colder.

Soulmates?

I wake,

But it's stuck in my throat. Barbed.

I try to pull it out but it sinks in deeper.

View jd88's Full Portfolio

Fight or Flight

My inhibition prevoking fight or flight,

Only sponteneouty and ignorance can resolve my plight.

To weave the advice of others into song,

Impossible my friends, you are terribly wrong.

Only one can understand my state of mind,
and I left him there way back far behind.

If time is now the issue, I will buy what I can,

For my life is now told by a sharp ticking man. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Getting a little personal, but I guess that is the power of the poem.
Help me improve, would love some advice/feedback :) 

View biffy's Full Portfolio

Overwritten Despondency

every breath I take is another mistake, each exhalation, lingering in this lonely space..
i'd love to just break down & cry.. but puff, pass, i'll let out another deep sigh.. 
the taste of your skin is like... pale sin.
& your smile as dead as the love that's spiraling downward into the drains of past content..
it filters out all the shit.
your eyes feel like daggers, when they're on me..
maybe that's why you can't truly see.. why do you even bother to criticize me.. why hasn't God set me free..?
 
like a fish, starving.. going in circles, de-sha-vu, I don't remember you..
but my intuition tells me otherwise.
an insect, hearing it's last words...
crushed, beneath the foot of mankind.. what sort of man is really all that kind..?
a bird, rattled in a cage.. shaken up.. absorbing rage..
being fed the scum that's left, to hold you sustained..
 
it's like not being able to turn to the next page..
& everyone keeps writing over the page i'm on, & telling me to read it once again.. & again.
until it's all scribbles, on top of one another.. it makes no sense..
you might as well be spitting on me... this is an overwritten despondency...

I'm Afraid

I’m Afraid

I’m afraid of people
I’m afraid to die
I’m afraid of cars
And planes in the sky

I’m afraid of cancer
Im afraid of death
I’m afraid to choose the wrong direction
Both right and left

I’m afraid of elevators
I’m afraid of heights
I’m afraid to go fast in cars
I’m even afraid of strobe lights

I’m afraid to talk
Or to hear the sound of my own voice
I’m afraid of everything
Of everything that is choice

MD

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The Sleepless Nights- Anxiety

It is in the late hours of a sleepless night.
At first the night was sleepless due to an over-abundance of this yearned for sleep from just last night. It is not over-abundance which has kept me from my desire to rest this hour. That over-abundance simply set the start of a journey, a journey deep into my mind. I have found that in the late hours of night a man finds his soul, or lack there of. It is only in these tired hours he can find who he really is, what he believes, what he wishes he believed, and what he loses faith in. In these hours he loses himself in thought, more often worry than otherwise. Worry, so it seems is the death of man. It is the eighth deadly sin. Worry is what holds mankind back, its what harnesses the reigns of life. A man can only be measured by his accomplishments, but what accomplishments can be found if blocked by impossibility? Man finds late at night his largest worries. Worries he didn't know or chose not to think of in the day, they become inescapable at night. They choke the sleep from the dreamer who dreams of but to dream. This worry will seize you without warning. It cannot be dispelled but by the greatest of efforts. Worry and faith aren't all found in these hours though, their near cousin is as well; Strength. Strength is found. It may be found to combat worry, it may be found because of faith, but strength is what will lull the restless to sleep. Strength in oneself is a beautiful thing. But as so it seems, most men's strength leaves them in their time of most need. Strength of the average man seems to all too easily evaporate with the first rays of morning. No matter what feelings or thoughts are aroused or provoked, in the morning we are all the man we laid down as, none the wiser until the next moments of restless fit.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Wrote this one the night before a very difficult day in which I would have to face one of my greatest fears. Wrote it around 3:30 am

My Heart Stops

Folder: 
Sad/emotional

I have had a dark past,
With so many things I never told you,
I couldn't tell you...
I told you many things though,
I was afraid,
I wanted to cry.
Every time I told you something,
I didn't know what you were thinking,
Tears  began to fall,
My heart rate seemed to pick up,
Anxiety seemed to take control,
Its foot on the gas,
And I just couldn't stop,
I worried,
I cried,
I wanted to scream,
I wanted to hear someone say,
"It'll be ok",
No one did,
You understand now?
I can't trust,
Not yet at least,
You said I could for you,
I promise to try,
I can feel anxiety still pushing,
Pushing me forward,
But what happens when I run out of fuel,
Out of energy,
Is it true?
My heart will stop?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written for a special someone who I hope will read this... ✋

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IF I Depend Upon You

If you attach yourself to me
I no longer exist
If I depend upon you
You dissolve
If I expect you to provide for me
I diminish your capacity for liberty
If you hold an idea of what I should be
I am drowned in a sea of make-believe
If you desire anything from me
I cease to be
If I call upon you to relieve my anxiety
I fail not only you but me
If I cannot stand apart from you
I can in no way stand beside you
If we acknowledge sacred unity
Without sin of embroiled restriction
We are free to embrace love
Unencumbered and unrefined
Sensually uninhibited as it is meant to be

Paula Andrea Pyle, MA 2011(c)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Ineffable Beauty and Unspeakable Grace come from the same source: the glorious power of inexpressible love. We, as humans, are allowed to view glimpses of it, brush by hints of it, hear melodic molecules dancing in the wind, but never are we submerged in its effervescent sacred omnipotence. We somehow delude ourselves to the point of believing we enmesh ourselves in it. Nothing could be further from the raw truth. We only scrape the surface,breathe a mere wisp, scantily touch the hem of the garment by imagining a human depiction of its true magnificence. The moment we reach out to grasp hold of it, it dissipates.