Camping By jfarrell


By jfarrell


“Toast. A nice golden brown colour, please.”

A blue jet of flame incinerates my bread on it’s skewer.

I brush away my singed eyebrows

And look at Karla.

“Can we try that again please, without the cremation?”


Karla bathes the second slice

Within a warm orange flame.


I run over, hug Karla

And give her a big kiss on the cheek.


Karla burps in embarrassment

And a blue jet of flame incinerates my tent.

“Hmmmm… Okay, maybe we won’t go camping this easter…

“How about finding some bridges….

“to redesign in your unique fashion.”



Author's Notes/Comments: 

james stewart never had to put up with his rabbit burning everything, hehe

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Mini-Beast of the East

Mini-Beast of the East

By jfarrell


Solemnly we announce

That we have conclusive evidence

That the recent cold weather

Is a Russian attack!


We have known, for years,

Putin’s research into using

Satellites to manipulate the weather



We have evidence;

Here we present the video….

Putin, barechested and looking so manly,

Standing atop a mountain and blowing the clouds at us


Britain demands an explanation!

…or we’ll take away your gym membership!

We call on friends around the world (both of you)

To stand united with us.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

you've had the star wars programme, this is the ice wars programme

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The JellyBaby Uprising By jfarrell It started at the Merrow Street corner shop. I was just walking past, when it exploded And, out of the debris, emerged A 20ft tall, multicoloured JellyBaby. It outstretched its arms, Leaned back his head And gave a cr

The JellyBaby Uprising

By jfarrell


It started at the Merrow Street corner shop.

I was just walking past, when it exploded

And, out of the debris, emerged

A 20ft tall, multicoloured JellyBaby.


It outstretched its arms,

Leaned back his head

And gave a cry of fury

A chorus, as if a thousand voices, crying simultaneously;


“No more cruelty! No more eating us feet first!”

And with giant strides, several buses long,

Off it went, marching down the street,

Towards the Aylesbury Estate.


Choruses from miles around,

Hundreds? Thousands?

Arose and blew in on the breeze

“Feet first! No More!”


I saw 4 of them tear the Aylesbury Estate apart;

It didn’t take long;

I and some several dozen survivors

Are hiding in the Kiln, in Burgess Park.


Safe, for now.

Before the internet and the TV went silent…

It seemed to be worlwide…

The JellyBabies revolted.


They are in control.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

a bit fun

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Echo of a shadow

Echo of a shadow

By jfarrell


I am just the echo of a shadow;

Out of the night I jump at you,

Translucent, ghostly faces,

The mist caught by the moonlight.

The body that wore this face,

Long dead.


As the breeze moves amongst the leaves,

You hear my cries of joy,

Howls of frustration,

Cries of torment and agony.

The voice that sang my words,

Long silent.


Condemned a witch and sentenced to burn,

Here, where you stand,

I am long turned to dust

Part of the very ground beneath you.

My soul, that burns for revenge,

Still burns.


I am the echo of the shadow;

The shadow that dwells within your soul.

You are here because I call to you,

Blood of my blood, through the ages.

I surrender to you my witchcraft, my magic,

Now, go forth and unleash my vengeance.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

loved NIN's "copy of a copy"

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A New World


Ca, born from the darkness, a lonely place, which through time bored Ca badly.              Tired from being alone, he decided to create seven dragons to help him give shape to the                 darkness. Tem, the dragon of Time, who created the layer of time.Men,the dragon of the                 Mind, who created the ability to think. Fa, the dragon of Physics, created the laws of                things. Bo, the dragon of Morality, who created a way to judge things.Num,the dragon of                 Feelings, who gave beigns the ability to feel. Sah, the dragon of Knowledge and Wisdom,               for thoughts and and feelings would not be in vain.
 It was the turn for Ca, the only dragon named after his master, this dragon wanted                to show off and so he created planets to amuse his creator. He gained his attention, but                 just for a short while. The dragon felt moved by this, so it decided to go further, creating                  three gods: Bizck, Caferino and Razen. Ca commanded his three creations to work on a               planet until they did a satisfying work. Bizck created the nature in the world, water, trees,                plants… Caferino created humans, animals and microorganisms. Razen in the other hand,            felt pressured by his creator, so instead of pleasing its’ whims, he decided to create chaos.
The three gods, draining energy from their master who is now referred as             Alcarodia, created a beautiful and perfect world that they called Earth. Humans, animals             and nature would live in peace, everyone was immortal and would be there to enjoy life.                Unfortunately, Razen began to implement evil systems upon the world, he taught the             beings how to kill and hunt, but no one saw the need to, so he also implemented the                  necessity of eating to stay with energy. Then he created pride, then jealousy, then avarice,               then reproduction and so on. Predators arise, humans started wars, chaos was born             everywhere, raging for centuries. Earth, once a perfect world, was forever scarred.
The humans, knowing the existence of greater godly powers, decided to damage            the gods, and they killed Bizck in the process. Caferino, displeased by this, punished              everyone by removing their immortality and separating the Gods from the world, he also              punished Razen by forcing him to live in the shadows and the darkness of the night.                Alcarodia had to go rest in the center of Earth from all the drained energy it suffered.                 Animals and humans had to behave differently to survive, but they would forever be              corrupted by Razen’s curses. Far away in the galaxy, Ca’s attention centered on Earth,              finally appreciating the work of Alcarodia, the dragon of Souls. Ca sat next to it, and with a                  wide excited smile, watched what would happen next.

On a hot, lazy day

On a hot, lazy day

By jfarrell


The ant said to the bee

“Hey man, come check my weed”

But, up jumped the duck

“Honey bear, don’t touch that drug”

The duck and the bee, in love, hugged,

“Well, more for me” said the ant and shrugged.


Too hot to do anything…

Just lay there and sweat…

And watch the sweat…

Focussing in on individual beads…


The acorn said to the tree

“Mummy time to feed, feed me, feed”

“Now just hold on my Little Flower,

“We gotta wait for a rain shower.”

On queue, the rain poured down

Enough to feed, not to drown.


The sizzling summer heat makes me dopey,

Sleepy, just don’t wanna move…

Stay right here

And watch….


The boat, battered by the river, is hit by another wave,

All aboard pray “Please, let us all be safe.”

But, the clouds part and the sun shines through

Bringing hope to all of the crew

All aboard are in the navy, but… wait…

It’s just a bead of sweat disappearing into my naval.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

a bit of fun

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Breaking News!!!! By jfarrell We interrupt your viewing with breaking news…. JellyBabies have risen up and rebelled against us. Sweet shops, up and down the country have been destroyed As JellyBabies, by the packet, spring into life And start their camp

Breaking News!!!!

By jfarrell


We interrupt your viewing with breaking news….


JellyBabies have risen up and rebelled against us.

Sweet shops, up and down the country have been destroyed

As JellyBabies, by the packet, spring into life

And start their campaign of terror across Britain….


The world’s most prolific serial killer, Black Widow,

Was sentenced to an eye-watering 500 years in jail;

She waggled her backside at the judge and gave him the finger;

All eight of them….


A startling astral event is underway, right now

In the skies above us.

All the recognised constellations have moved

And resolved themselves into Stephen Hawkings.


As he soars through the heavens,

You can hear him singing,

In his famous metallic voice

“Always look on the bright side of life.”


From the Big Bang to Black Holes,

From the farthest reaches of space to Quantum Physics

One of humankind’s brightest stars has passed on

And the stars have come out to pay tribute.


Rest in peace Stephen Hawkings



Author's Notes/Comments: 

hmmmm, not quite how i imagined my tribute to the great man would start

Joyride to madness

Joyride to madness

By jfarrell


You’re tired, you know you wanna go to bed;

Do you really wanna open another can now?

Yep!!!! don’t mind if I do.



I was fading, almost gone,

But, like Popeye, I crush that can, glug, glug, glug;

See that shirt rip…. see them biceps grow.



Hang about…. it’s about now….



Dragon arrives right on time, better than Uber.



Racing through a burning forest,

Sorry, my bad, my dragon set it a ablaze…

She sneezed, so sorry my bad.



Racing through a completely burnt forest….

Mist, smoke, nothing but smell of burning everywhere;

Again, I apologize, my bad, Karla got flu…



How the hell can an invisible dragon (who, technically, doesn’t exist)

Get flu????????????



Do I look like a vet to you?

I’m an idiot,

How I know if dragons get flu?



But, my invisible (non-existant) dragon has flu….

Bugger…. she sneezed and the Aylesbury Estate nothing

But ashes.



I sit in the smouldering remains of my home,

Cataloguing my loss;

Karla, redfaced and offering me a can of beer, snuggles beside me.



You’re tired, you know you wanna go to bed;

Do you really wanna open another can now?

Yep!!!! don’t mind if I do.




Author's Notes/Comments: 

drunks and the habit

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Mr Ben

Mr Ben



(inspired by old children’s cartoon series)


I’m down my local Marks&Sparks;

Trying out new clothes, need a new look;

Take my selection of trousers and shirts

Into the changing cubicle.


In khaki shorts and shirt,

I emerge onto a beach being heavily bombed;

Deafening thunder all around;

Actual people, with legs missing, dying in front of me.


I run like hell; dodge here, jump and roll there….

Screaming like a girl all the way;

And land in a hole;

With a soldier handing me a rocket launcher.



No time to ask questions,

I lean over the side

And hope this thing works like it does in the films.


Yay! It does.

As my little group duck and run across the street;

I see a Marks&Sparks

And dive into the first changing cubicle I see…


I pull the curtain slightly aside, and take a peek;

All is trees, birdsong and bright, warm sunshine;

What the hell……?

And I emerge, dressed in a grass skirt, and nothing else.


I look behind me for my curtained cubicle,

To see a big bloody dinosaur headed my way;

Scary looking giant thing with sharp claws and big teeth

Can run faster than Lewis Hamilton can drive.


I run,

Still screaming like a girl;

And run, smack into a tree.

Lights out. Night, night.


I awoke with a very bright blue moon shining down on me

And some furry slimy thing, with very bad breath,

Licking my face,



I sit up in disgust, it runs away in fear;

And I see a shadow flickering in the the light breeze

With a bright neon Marks&Sparks sign behind it;

It’s there… it disappears… it’s there….


I stand

And immediately fall to my hands and knees,

In blinding, nauseous pain;

I crawl to the shadow.



Back in my changing cubicle;

Nylon, plastic smell; plastic coldness;

No monsters, with big teeth.


I lay there I don’t know how long;

Everywhere hurt;

I’m covered in disgusting gunk;

And I still haven’t tried the trousers on.


It’s been a really weird day,

But, at 30 quid, I gotta make sure them trousers fit;

Wearily I remove my grass skirt

And get into something more manly.


They fit so snugly, the perfect length…

But an inner lining of web

Envelopes me

And some irresistible force draws from the safety of my cubicle.


To float in space.

Blackness… distant stars all around me….

And this big 2,000 metre tall baby beside me…

Sorry, embryo… wasn’t this in a film?


I float helplessly,

Looking at my pre-born self;

“Trust me, dude, it’s not worth the effort” I say

And the embryo explodes into a million shards of light.


And I find myself back in my cubicle;

In Marks&Sparks, on Walworth Road;

Still dressed in dirty jeans and sweatshirt;

I don’t know what they put in their coffee…


But it’s got some kick!



Author's Notes/Comments: 

definitely one of the best cartoons i saw as a kid

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