Anxiety

Fear

Sitting with my thoughts all alone,

Doing bad things when I am home.

I did try to do more than just hurt myself yesterday,

I'm at the moment not really doing okay.

Knowing I'll feel like a burden if I ask for a helping hand,

Also knowing if I do I'll perhaps have a better option as to where to land.

Mind spinning in racing circles like a tornado,

I do still have some hope that someday I will get better though.

I have been trying real hard,

But my racing thoughts keep running around in my mind, in the yard.

At home I try to act alright,

When I am isolating in my room it's a fight.

Will I ever win this battle I'm in?

Will I ever think I'm no longer a victim?

What a complete mess I've been.

At this moment I feel I'll never get better,

At least I have started writing others a goodbye letter.

The emotions I am feeling,

They are keeping me from healing.

I am full of fears,

Will those fears continue for the rest of my days and maybe years?

Nervous Wreck

I feel my hands start to tense

I try

To resist the shaking

The best I can but it's

Useless

I wonder what she must

Think of me

This beautiful woman

Who birds sing their

Most delightful songs to

Next to

This short shaking man

In some sort of mania

How can every word

Wind the fibers

Of my muscles

Like the chain of a bicycle

Sickening

That underneath

The disguise of discomfort

Lying deep in a reservoir

Of rejection

Devoured trust

And hungry hearts,

Of episodes

That repeat

While most

Logically could defeat

Them before they

Completed High School

Lies my troubled thoughts

No hotline

Or drug can hide

This horrible soul

The way I can

 

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Black Cactus

In the desert for a week straight

dealing with the dead

a cemetary of lead filled strangers

horizantally dirt deep

 

That's when the water ran out

and the mind is fickle, friend

No oasis in this crisis

just a pale faced lot of fools

 

The others soon realized the end

was going to come sooner than later

and made peace with a peacemaker

or cat called the revolver's howl

 

I simply took to walking and weaving

in and out of cacti and tumble weed's disguise

I skipped past a mountain of lizards congregating

in top hat attire debating Tolstoy

 

Wolves came to collect me by dusk

but I walked with them for a spell

to quell the ambition and rumbling of

furry stomachs that whisper

 

I asked if they've lived here long

and what the neighborhood was like,

Much Crime? Land Value? Good Schools?

The smarter of the pack pursued me

 

Equippng a monacle he went into linguistics

going on to point out my tresspass

and the meanderings here were unsettling,

I raced on all fours in that case

 

"Try by the moon", the armadillo spat

"Try by the moon to be in tune with direction

less we now all forget that nature can detect you"

I raced still in nightfall guided by his words

 

I spy the soul of the desert in the nightsky

drowning stagnant feelings in adventure,

leading cowards to a cold grave

and embossing me in stasis

 

I'll run this race forever

 

 

 

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Lost to Sea

light a fire just to watch it burn
Sit across the street with empty hands
Behind a tree unnoticed, so it's not my turn 
I have infinite thoughts, but empty plans

Ending up only to be pretty hollow
Ideas only stay for portion of a second
Echoing through the empty walls. and then comes nothing
Diffusing into the air, to become a forgotten particle
and nothing comes to follow


To set the ominous breeze,
Over the most vibrant sea, that suddenly lost color
and the skies are now gone and dull
They paint the picture to not excite, but simply appease


To be trapped inside this now and empty void
With nothing but everything destroyed
To say that we are fine, and simply avoid
Now we sail, swift onto the large sea of contradictions
Too lost within, that we forget our own convictions
Letting loose the anchor of anxiety, and thus become the restrictions

 

But this is not the end,
A man aboard throws over his only friend
And a storm rolls in, and then our destination is not known
As realization becomes the new sun, and hearts are turned to stone
A daughter now deserted by her parents is overwhelmed in strife
She whimpers, but can not help wonder what makes up this sickly life
A world where people phase in, and phase out
and thoughts become ideas, and ideas become a shout
and how long does a day go on to stay out and last,
Before awesome expectations become invisible, straight into the past?

 

Will the ship find it's way to land, or sink in despair?
Great ideas no match for the roaring waves of Negativity and ignorance?
Those striving so long for a real sun, to only be in vain, deprived?
And those hopelessly waiting for relief, to be cruelly concealed, unaware?

 

The masterpiece of a book now weathered to nothing but scribbles
A great idea now hidden and destroyed by life's cruel riddles
Will the hands be strong at ease to create another inspiration?

Or will it fail to swim over the simplest waves and forget it's own foundation?






Zoloft

Folder: 
Confliction

 Substance in need to be controlled indeed 

Though not fully granted to me due to addictive tendencies

Why if it was once received before?

Don't continue again what sent me out the door

Though anger though sad though shaking still

Please do not put me on that horrifying pill

Though I run blank on day to day basis

There's still fond memory of those places 

Arrived for one thing not for two

Arrived to say what to do

One request lead to passive set

Though they have not forced me yet

Shall I return with promise unfulfilled 

To return at all would be no more if given that forsaken pill

 

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And 10,000 Miles Left in Question

Gone and running in an irreversible tension
And 10,000 miles left in question
Of ideas we just forget to mention

And the thoughts are left in the dark and disappear
and in comes walking, the unavoidable fear
A unknown direction, a road we somehow got sucked in to steer

Trying to take calm within the unpredictable shadows
Take control of your senses and dodge your arrows
and forget all of the anxiousness that somehow follows





Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was on the bus and the beginning part just clicked in my head,

The rest I came up within a few minutes.

Enter My Fear

All of the welcoming emotion suddenly dies.
and the darkness shrouds the land in only misery's cries.

 

Enter grief!
A timeless ocean. 
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room

The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before

The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?

Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak

The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost



 

Anxiety

Night has fallen,

Alone I sit,

It's all the same.

 

Today like tomorrow,

Tomorrow like yesterday,

Last month like a year from now,

It's going to stay the same.

 

Growing up I was told,

I could be anything,

I could go anywhere,

but I never thought I would be held back,

And pushed down by the worries of my own mind.

 

They're not real,

But boy to they hit hard,

Ripping me apart,

Shredding my skin.

 

I don't know how it happened,

And I don't really know when,

Just one day I woke up and realized,

I was over my head in tar,

And no one was pulling me out.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

What a shame, I could have been great.

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tags:

The wind howls red

 

 

 

Fingers frozen, jacket tight, the merlot leaves taking flight

Foot steps long ,quick in pace, better hurry home, you are not alone

The wind howls red, the chill runs deep, you should be in bed, to Grandmas keep

The bramble cottage comes in sight, everyones sleeping, there is no light

You skip closer, just a little more, oblivious to the danger lurking beyond the door.

 
C.Grainger